“I‘m so glad we could find some girl time.” Bella looks at me from over her glass of wine.
Yes, I’m aware she’s only eighteen, but the woman acts as if she were older than me.
With everything she’s been going through—and on top of that, caring for my niece and her twin brothers—I’m definitely not going to tell her she needs to put down that drink.
If anything, I’m liable to pour her another.
“Me too. I know I sure needed the distraction.” I take a generous sip of my favorite rosé before placing the bottle back in the silver ice bucket.
Bella’s brows raise up, “Do tell. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one with a hot mess life.”
I look around the cabana where we’ve run off to for some quiet time, making sure that there aren’t any prying ears. Specifically, those belonging to my brother, William.
Once I’m comfortable that it’s just the two of us, I let it rip. “It’s a really long story. But the gist of it is that the lawyer I was dating, Brad, is a no-good cheater. Worst part of it all is that all of our friends knew he’d been going around my back with his secretary, yet none thought it appropriate to let me know.” I raise my glass, panning the pool in front of me. “Not a single damn one. I get that they were his friends first and I was the newcomer to the friendship, but still, any decent person should have said something. At the very least hinted at it. But nooooo, instead I was walking around at every function like some damn fool. The joke was on me.”
One of Bella’s delicate hands is covering her mouth as she gasps in horror. “My god. They’re all fucking assholes.”
Raising my glass to her, “Cheers to that. They can all take a hike for all I care. They’re all dead to me.” I bring my glass to my lips, letting the coolness soothe the sting. “But you know, part of me thinks it’s my fault. I should have made more friends outside of his circle. Instead, I dedicated myself to one man, thinking that this was what I was supposed to do.”
Bella lifts one finger in the air, “Nope. Stop right there. Do not second guess yourself. You thought you had friends. It’s not your fault they ended up being shit heads. Any good human being would’ve seen that something heinous was going on and that you deserved to know.”
Taking a toothpick, I stab at a grape. “It is what it is at this point. I’m just glad that things didn’t go further with him. Could you imagine if I would’ve been saddled to that man without knowing who he really was?”
“Girl, you know the WRATH men wouldn’t have let that happen. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’d already had a tail on you.” She raises a brow as her lips purse to the side.
“Ugh, don’t even get me started on that.” I groan, throwing my head back onto the lounge.
Bella chortles, “I know you must feel as smothered as me. William is no joke when he’s on a mission. I can’t go to the mailbox without having ten men watching my every move. Poor Cassie, my best friend, had to get used to my entourage every time I paid her a visit back home.”
She’s given me the perfect segway to ask her about my brother, and I’m not about to miss it. “So, how have you liked working and living with William? I know the live-in part wasn’t something we discussed when you first interviewed for the nanny position, but I can see that Harper is extremely fond of you. Having you so close is so good for her.”
My thoughts flash back to Harper’s biological mother, Heather. That woman was the definition of a gold digger if I ever saw one. I think she had Harper just to snag William.
“Um, it’s definitely got its ups and downs.” Looking at her closely, I see she’s looking off into the distance, unable to look me in the eye. “I love working with Harper. She’s such a sweet baby, and the twins have grown so fond of her. They’ve come a long way since pouring salt in the chocolate fondue at her baptism party.” She shakes her head and sighs as I practically spit out my wine.
“Oh my god! I almost forgot about that! I can’t believe that was only a year ago.
Do you remember Heather’s scream? I’m surprised the neighbors didn’t call the cops.”
“Yes! She’s such a drama queen. I wish she’d leave William alone.” Bella’s eyes narrow and her grip tightens around her glass.
“Bella, can I ask you something personal?”
Her eyes dart back to me nervously, “Um, sure.”
I smile. Her response doesn’t sound very assuring, but I really want to know.
“Is there something going on with you and William? And before you answer, know that I’m not judging, nor will I ever. I myself have always had a crush on an older man who, in a way, is off-limits.”
Her dark brows reach toward her hairline. “Really!? Who?”
“Nope. I asked you first, so you have to spill the beans before I do. Those are the rules.”
“W–” Bella opens her mouth to respond but is cut off by my brother’s booming voice.
“Bella. Harper needs her stuffed rabbit, and I can’t find it anywhere.” William is talking to Bella, but his eyes are staring daggers into me.
Was this prick eavesdropping?
Oh, hell no.
“Yes, of course. Last I saw, it was in her highchair. She was trying to feed it cheerios.” Her eyes light up at the memory and it makes my heart squeeze. You can see she really does care for my niece. “Men. Helpless creatures, aren’t they?” She shakes her head and laughs as she gets up from her seat. “I’ll be right back. Just going to rescue the Jellycat bunny.”
As soon as Bella isn’t within earshot, William lays into me. “What the hell were you doing?”
“What was I doing? Oh, brother. That’s rich. If I’m not mistaken, you were listening in on our private conversation. This,” I wave my hands in front of him, “is going over the line. How do you think she’s going to react to your overbearing ways? You’re going to lose her, and it won’t be because of my questions. I can assure you that.”
William’s eyes narrow as he steps closer, hovering over me. “I’m not being overbearing. And losing her is not my concern. She isn’t mine, so therefore, I can’t lose what I never had.”
I stand up, needing to get from under his hovering. Standing up on my tippy toes I stab at his chest with my finger. “You forget one thing. I know you. We grew up together. You’re falling head over heels for that woman and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.” His eyes go from narrowed to widened pools of concern. Patting him on the chest, I smile. “Don’t worry, brother. She’s falling for you too. But a piece of advice, come clean about our family history. You will lose her if you don’t tell her.”
William steps back as if I’ve scorched him with my words. “Advice? From you? Why would I take relationship advice from you? From what I heard, you couldn’t even figure out your lame boyfriend of over a year had been cheating on you.”
It’s my turn to step back, practically stumbling back into my chair. My chest stings, not because I miss my ex, but because he’s right. I was so dumb I didn’t even see the betrayal happening.
“William,” Titus roars. That’s it, no other words follow. Turning around, I see Titus staring daggers into my brother.
William rubs at the back of his neck as he squeezes his eyes shut. “Ashley, I’m sorry. That was a dick thing to say.”
My eyes flicker back and forth between my brother and Titus. Had he been here the whole time? Was he eavesdropping too? Why did he feel the need to step in, like my knight and shining armor, scolding my brother like some sort of parent figure?
“Ashley?” William calls to me, but I’m so upset I have nothing to say. I just stand there, brows pushed together, shaking my head.
Bella’s voice calls out, breaking us from our staring match. “What’s going on?”
“Ashley and I need to talk about something. Mind letting me break into your girls’ night?” Titus looks to Bella, offering her the closest thing to a smile he has—a smirk.
Bella’s eyes light up as she looks back and forth between Titus and me, her eyes going wide as she bites back a smile. “Of course! We can catch up later. You too have fun! There’s cheese and grapes in the bar fridge in case you need more.”
William ushers her out of the cabana with his hand on the small of her back. “They aren’t having a date night, Bella. It’s just Titus and Ashley.”
My brother’s words have me waking from this daze of anger. How dare he!? Before I know what I’m doing, my legs are carrying me forward, about to demand he take back every word. The date, the thing about my ex, my advice—all of it. He needs to take it all back.
Two strong arms wrap around my waist and hold me back. “Ashley, don’t. You both need time to cool off.” His words are low, whispered into the hollow of my neck.
Normally I’d welcome this closeness, but not now. Not after he’s made his position with me crystal clear.
“Don’t touch me!” I wiggle and kick my way out of his hold. Although, I know that he had to of let me go free, otherwise there’s not a move on this earth that could pull me out of his grasp.
Whirling around, I give him a piece of my mind. “Cool off? You want me to cool off, after what you both just did? Don’t think it’s escaped me that you were listening in on what was supposed to be a private conversation between Bella and me.” My body is vibrating with rage, I can hardly stand still. “No. You do not get to tell me to cool off. and you definitely don’t get to lay one single finger on me. Ever.”
“Is that a challenge?” His eyes darken into that unmistakable shade of indigo.
“Are you deaf? No, that isn’t a challenge. You men think that Bella and I are here at your disposal, your control. Well, newsflash, we’re not. We’re our own people and if you don’t give us the respect we deserve, don’t expect any of it in return. Much less any willing affection.”
Titus prowls over to me, his body lingering a mere breath away. “Min skatt. You can’t mean that.” His tone is deep yet gentle, trying to tame my aching heart. “Above everything, we’re friends.”
I sneer at that. “No. Friend’s don’t eavesdrop on friends.”
“I’m sorry. That was wrong of us.”
My mouth opens and closes, unsure of what to say now. I was used to arguing with Brad, a man who never apologized or acknowledged any wrongdoing.
Hell, it took him cheating on me for him to finally say those two magical words, ‘I’m sorry.’
Titus pulls me by the hands toward the lounge and lowers me onto his lap.
“I couldn’t stop him. He was hell bent on finding out what happened to you in Florida. I hadn’t delivered the information he wanted, so he thought he’d dig it up himself.” Titus chuckles, his chest heaving up and down, rubbing against my arm. Involuntarily, my body leans into him, seeking his warmth. “That still didn’t give him or you the right to listen in on our conversation. That’s all kinds of wrong.”
His firm hand finds its way to my back, rubbing slow circles. “I know. I practically ripped his vocal cords out when he all but blamed you for your ex cheating on you.” His eyes harden and his nostrils flare. “I should’ve stopped him sooner.”
For the first time since the men’s intrusion, I’m actually smiling. Titus is genuinely offended on my behalf.
“Okay, so what does he want to know?” I cock a brow and purse my lips. If I were a betting woman, I’d say Titus is dying to know as well.
“He’s figured out Brad’s infidelity. We have a pretty good team out there and they’ve been able to give him the details as to what went down, but not the why.”
“Why?” I laugh. “Why does any man cheat? Boredom, insecurity, gluttony?”
Titus hands reach up to my face, cupping them with such tenderness. “No, Ashley. Why did it hurt you so much? It was apparent you didn’t love Brad. He didn’t think you two would last much longer, and hell, I had basically blocked him from memory. If either of you had mentioned him, it must have been so casually because the rest of the team wasn’t even aware that you were dating.”
I close my eyes and take in a deep breath, before releasing my truth. “I didn’t want to be alone.”
Shame washes over me and there’s nowhere for me to hide. My body heats and my eyes tingle with the promise of tears, so I do the only thing I can think of. Shut my eyes. Hide the pain and emptiness. Keep it inside.
The pad of Titus’ thumb wipes away a tear. “My little treasure. Only you would feel alone while being overrun with a security team and an overbearing brother.”
My eyes fling open. What the? Here I am, laying out my feelings and all he can do is discredit them? I’m about to tear into Titus for being an insensitive jerk when I see he’s smirking.
“Great. Now that you’ve stopped crying and I have your attention… You are not alone. You have a brother who loves you more than life, you have the team, which is like an extended family, and of course, you will always have me.”
A soft smile tugs at my lips. “Thank you for trying to make me feel better, Titus, but I don’t have you. I never have and I never will.”
I take one last look at this gorgeous man, the sloped angles of his face begging to be kissed and commit them to memory. He was never meant to be mine, and nothing we do or wish for will make it so.
Getting up from his lap, I turn away from him, heading toward the house.
Without a glance back, I wave goodbye.
Goodbye to what was.
Goodbye to what isn’t; and
Goodbye to what could be.
