My eyes are tiny slits as I walk toward the kitchen and my only savior…
St. Coffee.
The guys and I stayed at the bar, drinking the night away.
Ren storming out was a definitive moment in whatever relationship I had with Titus—Yes, I’m using past tense because after the show Ren and William put on last night, I highly doubt he’ll want to continue our agreement.—Anyway, we all knew it was nothing but shitty days ahead for a while, so we drank.
We drank to forget. We drank to ease the discomfort. We drank to feel a semblance of bliss amidst the tragedy–a definite end to an era.
And now I’m suffering. I feel like a vampire, shrugging away from the light, not wanting its lethal rays of death to pierce my hungover brain.
“Ashley?” Bella’s tiny voice has me fully peeling both eyes open, practically hissing at the windows.
“Hey.” My voice is rough as if I’d just chain smoked an entire pack of cigarettes. “How are you?”
I’m definitely worried about how she’s holding up after Ren chewed William out.
“Me?” Bella squeaks. “You look like you just got mowed down by a Mardi Gras float. All you’re missing is the beads.”
I snort, pulling up my knotted hair into a messy but. “Good one. I’ll have to remember that.” Pulling out a mug from the cabinet, I turn to look her in the eye. “I’ll talk if you talk. I think we both had equally shitty nights, only I wasn’t on kid duty so glug glug for me.” I raise the empty mug to my mouth and mimic throwing back cocktails.
Bella bowls over with laughter, clutching onto her stomach. “Oh my god. Glug glug? Are you still drunk?”
Placing my mug under the espresso maker, I fiddle with the buttons trying to make the damn thing work. “No. I’m just at a point in my life where I could care less about being prim and proper all the time. Sometimes I just don’t give a fuck and I want to be able to act like it. You know?”
Bella looks at me, jaw practically hitting the floor. Stalking toward me she inspects me closer. “Yes, it’s still Ashley Hawthorne I’m talking to.” She shakes her head as she grabs a mug for herself. That’s when I see her swollen eyes. She’d been doing some suffering of her own last night. “I’ll go first since I was supposed to go last time.”
I smile at how sweet she is. She definitely doesn’t have to go first, it’s not like I’d hold her to it. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop her. I’m no fool.
Following her to the breakfast nook, I sit on the bench across from her. “I don’t really know where to start, so I’ll just come out and say it. William and I are together.” She says that last bit really fast while wincing as if I were to hit her for it.
“Bella, seriously. I would never be mad at you for that. I’m not like the men of WRATH. So opposed to family and friends dating.” I roll my eyes as I take a sip of the rich black liquid, the bitterness serving as a much needed wake up call.
Bella sighs, blowing on her drink before looking up at me with her big gunmetal eyes. “Thank god. I don’t know how I’d take it if you were upset with me too.”
“Look, I know Ren. Not for as long as you have—obviously, because he’s your uncle—but I know him well enough. He will come around. He may seem like he’s a million miles away right now, but the big goon loves you both so much. There’s no way he’d stay away for long.” I reach forward, cupping her hands in mine. “Once he sees that you two are serious and that you’re staying together no matter what, he will have no choice but to come around. There’s no way he could stay away.”
Bella finally chuckles, blowing a loose strand from her face. “But what if when he finally comes around, he gets into a fight with William? I can’t stand the idea of either of them getting hurt.”
“That’s something they will have to figure out between themselves. But you’re worth it, and I know my brother thinks so too.”
Bella shoots me a megawatt smile. “You really think so? I mean, I know what he tells me but it’s always good to have a woman’s perspective.”
“Yes, that man is a goner for you.” I raise a brow and smirk. “And you’re a goner for him. I really am happy for the both of you. I’m also jealous that you have that type of love from a man. A man who’s willing to stand up for your love. Values what you two hold and isn’t willing to give it up. Not even for his business or friendships.” My hand slams onto the table, the loud smack of flesh on wood reverberating through the room.
Someone clears their throat to my right. Still dealing with my hangover, I’m not sure if what I’m seeing is a mirage or if it’s real.
Titus in a tight grey Henley, black jeans and black leather steel-toe boots. “Ladies.” He greets the both of us, but has me pinned with his stare.
“Gentleman,” I respond at the same time as Bella squeaks.
I think this whole Ren situation has her anxiety on high because she’s not usually this skittish.
“I’m here to check on William.” Titus’ gaze remains on me even though the statement was directed toward Bella.
Bella breaks into our staring match, “I’ll go get him. He’s in the sh—I mean, sleeping.”
That gets Titus attention. “You don’t have to sugar coat shit around me, Sprout. I’m happy for you and William, a man who’s willing to stand up for your love.” Titus’ words are forced, but not because he doesn’t mean them, but because they are mine.
It’s what I’d just told Bella I was jealous of.
Well, too bad. I’m not taking them back. It is what it is, and I feel what I feel.
Bella smirks, looking between the two of us. “Right, well he’s in the shower then. I’ll go tell him you’re here.” She gets up mumbling to herself, something about how good it is to act normal around friends.
I laugh, burying my face into my hands, barely holding back my delirium. “She’s right.”
Titus’ brows furrow as he looks at me—a hot mess still in last night’s makeup, baggy shirt hanging off one shoulder and a pair of men’s boxers rolled up at the waist. “What’s so funny?”
“Oh, the fact that she and William just went through what we feared and they’re still standing. In fact, she even gets to act normal around friends.” I motion between him and me. “We’re the friends in case you missed it.”
“No, I didn’t miss it.” His eyes darken as soon as they land on my waist. “Whose are those? You didn’t have anyone stay the night, did you?”
My jaw drops at his blatant possessiveness over me. How dare he ask me those questions when he won’t even claim me as his.
“For your information, not that it matters since we aren’t together, these are mine. I buy them in bulk, and they are my go-to lounge-wear when I want to be comfortable.”
His face finally softens, realizing there won’t be some random man popping out from my bedroom.
I’m about to walk away when Titus grabs me by the arm, slamming me against his chest. “It does matter. Regardless of what we are, you will not take another man into your bed. I forbid it.” My head swings back to him, our eyes staring into one another’s.
“I am not yours, Titus. Therefore, you have no say in what I do or who I sleep with.”
Despite my protest, I belong to him: mind, body and soul. My heart aches for him, and the breath in me hangs on his every word—but still, I will not cower.
Life may have trampled me down, just as it has many before me, but I refuse to let it keep me down.
What I had with Titus was fun, and I enjoyed it while it lasted. But it wasn’t meant to be.
Like most things in life, it didn’t last.
“Ash—” Titus calls as I move around him, heading out of the kitchen and escaping my new hell.
“Don’t. You’ve made your boundaries clear. We have reverted to being an acquaintance. We live in a reality where we’re a breath away yet worlds apart.” I close my eyes and smile before turning and walking through the threshold.
I hear him calling my name, but I know I won’t stop. I’m in self-preservation mode.
I can’t stop.
If I stop, I fall, and if I fall, I break, shattering into a million tiny pieces.
Placing one foot in front of the other, I force myself to walk back to the safety of my room before throwing myself onto the bed.
Covering up with a mountain of pillows and blankets, I close my eyes and whisper to no one, “Wake me up when it’s over.”
