There was something very wrong with me.
Running around in the rain for twenty minutes in the pouring rain for a shoe was a good indication that this girl was making me lose my mind.
The minute I saw Shannon darting around the P.E hall, a monstrous swell of protectiveness surged up inside of my body at the sight of her trying to protect herself from being trampled on, and I knew that my problem was bigger than I had realized.
I’d had the craziest urge to stalk onto the court and tell her classmates to back the fuck off from her.
All last week, I had been behaving like deranged stalker, watching out for her in the halls, and growing increasingly agitated when she didn’t show.
I put out feelers in the hopes of squashing any shite that might be going down without my knowledge, making it clear that anyone who fucked with her, fucked with me.
Thank Christ she came back to school today, because I had plans on driving over there this evening if she hadn’t.
Every minute of every day since the day her brother took her away from me had been plagued with concern.
I didn’t know why I was behaving this way.
I only knew that something inside of me demanded I protect her.
I had no goddamn clue what that something was or why I was feeling it, but it was so strong I could practically taste it.
I had no idea how to handle her mother’s miscarriage.
No goddamn clue of how to comfort her without coming on too strong.
I seemed to have habit of doing that when it came to this girl.
I knew I needed to step the fuck back.
But I couldn’t.
My reaction to her only intensified when I watched her walking away in the rain, all small and uncertain, and I jumped right in and bulldozed.
She clearly didn’t want me to drop her home and I insisted anyway.
I did more than insist; I physically put her into the back of my mother’s Range Rover, too aggravated and flustered by my feelings to take a step back and listen.
Yeah, that was a stupid move.
I shouldn’t have put my hands on her.
Helpful or not, it wasn’t the right way to go with this girl.
The worst part was knowing that if my mother hadn’t shown up when she had, there was a very big chance I would’ve kissed her.
I wanted to.
Badly.
And that was beyond terrifying.
Worse again was the fact my meddling mother had fucked me over and brought Shannon to the house.
Left her purse at home, my arse.
The woman had a credit card in her back pocket at all times.
She did this on purpose.
I knew it.
Mam knew it.
The only one that didn’t know it – thank god – was Shannon.
Now she was here, standing in my house, looking up at me with those big, lonesome eyes, waiting for me to do something, and I was completely fucking thrown off kilter.
“Do you want to come up to my room?” I asked, because, quite frankly, what the fuck else was I supposed to do with her?
Take her into the kitchen and let Mam fire fifty questions at her?
Hell no.
If she was here, then she was here with me.
She was mine and I didn’t want to share.
“Uh, okay?” she replied nervously, though it sounded more like a question. “If you want me to?”
Jesus, she needed to stop asking me what I wanted her to do.
If she kept it up, I might be stupid enough to tell her the truth.
And then we were both screwed.
Deciding it was safer to not answer that, I simply gestured to the staircase and began to walk, only making it to the third step when I realized she wasn’t following me.
When I turned back, I found Shannon standing exactly where I left her, watching me with a nervous expression.
She had her arms wrapped protectively around herself, with her long, brown hair drenched from the rain and sticking in wet clumps to her face, and in my whole life, I’d never seen anything so beautiful.
Jesus.
How was I supposed to handle this?
How was I supposed to handle her?
“Johnny!” I heard Mam call from down the hall. “Did you get Shannon something to change into? The poor girl’s like a drowned rat from the rain.”
“I’m okay, Johnny,” Shannon hurried to tell me. “Honestly, I am.”
I eyed her with unease.
She was shivering like crazy and there was a small puddle forming around her from the water dripping from her clothes.
Christ…
“Come on, it’s okay,” I coaxed, retracing my steps. “I’ll look after you.”
And then I took her hand in mine and led her up the staircase, knowing this was a terrible fucking idea, but resigned to doing it anyway.
I was so completely fucked.
