Just like the last time I showered in Johnny’s glorious bathroom, I took a crazy amount of time.
I couldn’t help myself.
I blamed the jets.
And his body wash.
And the smell of him.
God, I was losing my mind.
When I finally climbed out of the tub, I wrapped myself up in one of the huge, fluffy, white towels hanging on his rack and sighed when the luxurious fabric grazed my skin.
Johnny would never understand how lucky he was to grow up in a home like this, with parents like his, and towels this soft.
For a long time, I just stood there in the middle of his bathroom, listening to absolutely nothing.
No screaming voices.
No stomping footsteps.
No rattling door handles.
No feelings of impending doom.
Just peace.
When the cold finally got the better of me, I dried myself off and slipped my bra back on.
Wearing a bra was a waste of time considering I didn’t have much to conceal and what I did have were perky and stayed up on their own.
They certainly didn’t match up to the breasts those models on his bedroom wall displayed proudly…
However, ten seconds into wearing my bra, I was quickly yanking it back off with a shudder.
It was soaked right through, along with my underwear.
I spent an inordinate amount of time folding my underwear into the tiniest ball I could before wrapping my bra around them.
Embarrassed that I didn’t have my schoolbag to tuck them inside of, I stood like a fool in the middle of his bathroom, panicking.
Logic told me I was being silly, but the thought of Johnny seeing my underwear made me feel a little faintish.
Giving up, I decided to tuck them in my balled-up school tights before wrapping myself in a towel and heading back to his room.
This time, when I stepped out of the bathroom, I was prepared for Sookie and found her snoozing on the bed.
I was not, however, prepared for the sight of Johnny’s naked ass.
He was standing in front of his chest of drawers with his back to me, a towel on the floor at his feet, and was in the process of pulling a pair of boxers up his thighs.
God, he even had muscles on his ass.
How was that even possible?
And then Johnny glanced over his shoulder and caught me red-handed.
“Like what you see?” he teased, arching his brow.
“Oh, god,” I squeaked and then tore my gaze away from his round, tight ass. “I’m so sorry.” Spinning around, I bit down on my lip and forced back a moan. “I didn’t expect anyone to be in here.”
“It’s fine, Shannon,” he laughed. “Don’t worry about it.”
Let me die.
Dear God, open the ground and let me fall through it.
“I, uh…” Shaking my head, I tightened my grip on my towel. “It’s…uh–”
“I had a shower in my parents’ ensuite,” Johnny explained. “I was just coming to grab some clothes.”
“Oh.” I blew out a ragged breath and shifted from foot to foot. “Okay, yeah, that makes sense.”
“It’s okay, Shannon,” Johnny said in a gentle tone. “Everything’s fine.”
“I know that,” I blurted out, panicked.
He chuckled softly. “Then why are you still facing the wall?”
Dammit.
Inhaling a steadying breath, I swung around and faced him.
My gaze automatically swept over him and my heartrate spiked.
For once, Johnny’s face wasn’t the reason for my rapid pulse.
Nope, that was down to the rest of him.
The almost naked rest of him.
He was wearing a pair of tight, white boxer shorts and that was it.
No shirt.
No pants.
No jumper.
No socks.
Just a pair of Calvin Klein’s that hung low on his V indented hips – identical to the pair that I had worn of his last week.
The pair I had been sleeping in for nights.
God, I was pathetic.
Everything I had imagined from the moment I laid eyes on him was right in front of me.
And with this unobstructed view came the realization that both my imagination and my visual memory sucked.
I already knew he had a nice body.
I remembered his chest from that day.
Or at least I thought I had.
Apparently not, because Holy Mary Mother of God, up close, he was something else.
His chest was bare and his pectorals were toned, his stomach was ripped.
I mean, he was seriously ripped.
Not like the six-pack my brother sported or any of the lads I’d seen swapping jerseys after Joey’s matches.
His entire body was a solid mass of hardcore, chiseled muscle.
I held my breath as I allowed my eyes to wander over him, absorbing the sight of rippled abs, sun-kissed, golden skin, the dark trail of hair under his navel, and that amazing way he smelled.
Like soap and grass and Johnny.
It wasn’t fair to give this much beauty to one person.
They could have spread it out across the entire school and he’d still be perfect.
“What happened here?” Johnny asked then, distracting me from my ogling, as he stalked over to where I was standing and stroked his thumb across my cheek.
Confused and frazzled, I let out a shaky breath and looked up at him. “Huh?”
“You have a red mark,” Johnny mumbled, frowning down at me. “I didn’t notice it earlier.”
My brows rose up. “I do?”
He nodded, blue eyes locked on mine. “Yes, Shannon, you do.”
Slipping around him, I padded into the bathroom to check in the mirror.
Sure enough, my right cheek was red and blotchy where the rest of me was milk bottle pale.
That would be my father’s backhand, I thought to myself.
“Well?” Johnny asked, leaning in the doorway.
I leaned forward, stretching over the sink to get a better look in the mirror.
Johnny walked over to where I was standing.
And then he proceeded to hover behind me, his bare chest rubbing against my back, as he stared at my reflection in the mirror, face set in a deep frown.
I didn’t think he realized he was doing it – brushing his body against mine.
His focus had moved from my cheek to my neck.
His expression was dark, face turning a dark shade of purple.
“What the fuck is this?” he hissed.
I followed his gaze to the faint purplish finger prints lining my neck.
Awareness dawned on me.
My Dad.
Last night.
Oh, god.
“I don’t know,” I replied, feigning confusion, deciding it was safer to stick to the original story.
If I backpedaled now, Johnny would smell a rat.
“You don’t know?” he asked quietly, eyes locked on mine in the mirror.
Shaking my head, I let my shoulders fall. “No idea.”
“Is someone hurting you, Shannon?” he asked in a deathly quiet voice.
“No one is hurting me, Johnny,” I whispered, eyes glued to his in
My heart was racing so hard I feared it might burst.
It was a terrible concoction of fear, uncertainty, and lust all rolled into one complicated ball of emotions in the pit of my stomach.
Reaching up with one hand, Johnny cupped my chin and used his free hand to gently sweep my hair off my neck.
He didn’t ask permission if he could touch me.
He just did it.
Then his fingers were tracing the fingerprints left by my father, his featherlight touch making my entire body tremble.
“Someone touched you,” Johnny whispered in my ear, placing his fingers on the marks. “I want to know who.”
The air escaped my lungs in an audible gasp.
Unable to stop myself, I sagged against his chest, eyes glued to our reflection in the mirror as he stared right back at me, blue eyes scorching holes in my soul, waiting for an explanation I could never give him.
“Tell me who put their hands on you,” he coaxed, as he stood behind me, my face in his hand and his fingers on my throat. “And I’ll make it better.”
Think, Shannon, think…
“Well?”
Hurry the hell up…
“Shannon?”
“I got smashed up in P.E,” was all I came up with.
Johnny didn’t respond.
He just continued to stare at my neck with a dark expression.
Panicking, I hurried to add to my lies, “It was my fault. I got in the way of the boys during soccer and four of them ended up crashing into me.”
Slipping around Johnny, I walked back into his bedroom, putting some space between us.
“I ended up on the bottom of a pile-up. Happened just before you came in.” Shaking my head, I forced a small laugh. “It was total carnage.”
Johnny hovered in the bathroom doorway, expression tight, eyes sharp and intelligent.
“So, one of the lads in your class’s hand just so happened to land on your neck?” he asked, tone laced with disbelief. “His fingers just so happened to squeeze your throat?”
This one’s nobody’s fool, I thought to myself. Lie better, Shannon.
“It didn’t feel like that at the time.” I gave him a weak shrug and sat down on the edge of his bed. “But I guess that’s what happened.”
“You guess?” he repeated, folding his arms across his chest.
The movement caused his huge biceps to bulge.
He was seriously huge.
It was incredibly intimidating.
But I knew he wouldn’t hurt me.
It was one of the few things in my life that I was absolutely certain of.
This boy would never put his hands on me in anger.
Inhaling a steadying breath, I added, “Maybe he caught me when he was trying to stand up.”
“Maybe,” Johnny mused, nodding in agreement.
I sagged in relief.
“Or maybe it was those Legos again.”
My heart sank.
“Was it?” Johnny demanded. “Did you fall over the same Legos getting those fingerprints on your throat that you did when you busted up your face on your birthday?”
“Johnny–”
“And how about the bruise on the back of your neck the time before that? Or the red mark on your face the time before that again? Or the bruises on your thighs? And your arms? And the rest of you?” He glared at me. “Was that those pesky Legos, too?”
“Do you think my uniform’s ready yet?” I changed the subject by asking. “I should probably get home.”
Yeah, I needed to get out of here.
And fast.
“No. No! Don’t do that,” Johnny called me right out on my diversion. “Don’t try and brush me off,” he growled. “I want to know what happened to you, Shannon.”
“I want to go home.” Sniffling, I quickly wiped my face with the back of my hand. “Now, please.”
He ran a hand through his damp hair and sighed. “Christ, Shannon, don’t cry!”
He unfolded his arms and moved towards me but I shook my head and held a hand up to warn him off.
Johnny stopped short and ran a hand through his hair.
“I can help you,” he pleaded. “Let me help you.”
“Then help me by getting my clothes,” I sniffled. “That’s the only help I need from you.
Exhaling a pained groan, Johnny closed the space between us and crouched in front of me.
“I want to help you.” He placed his hands on my outer thighs and looked up at me, blue eyes wide and sincere. He squeezed my thighs gently. “All you have to do is tell me what’s happening, okay?” Reaching up, he tucked a wet strand of hair behind my ear, “Just tell me who’s hurting you and I’ll make it go away.”
You can’t help me.
No one can.
I took that beating for talking to you.
For taking a fucking picture with you.
You are the last person who can help me.
“I’m okay, Johnny,” I croaked out, feeling the tears pooling my eyes. “You don’t need to help me.”
“You’re lying to me,” he growled, looking furious. “You’re fucking lying to me and I can’t stand it.”
“Please take me home,” I strangled out, jerking away from him. “Just take me home and you won’t have to stand me.”
Johnny groaned. “Shannon, come on. Don’t twist my words. You know that’s not what I meant –”
“I want to go home, Johnny,” I choked out. “If you don’t want to take me, then I’ll call Joey to come pick me up.”
“Okay,” Johnny sighed in resignation. “Fine.” Releasing me, he stood up and held his hands up. “I’ll get your clothes and take you home.”
Exhaling a shaky breath, I nodded. “Thank you.”
He watched me for a long moment before shaking his head in resignation. “I’ll be right back, okay?”
Nodding, I watched him walk out of room, waiting until he was gone before slumping down on his bed.
“God,” I cried, furiously batting the traitorous tears away. “Get it together, Shannon.”
Don’t even think about telling him anything.
His father’s a barrister.
You know what those guys are like.
They’ll get involved and you’ll all be split up and put into care.
Like Darren…
Johnny’s dog shifted closer to me, distracting me from my meltdown, and plopped her head on my thigh.
“Hi,” I sobbed, dropping my hand on her head.
Sookie nuzzled my hand with her snout and licked my fingers.
Her affection only made me feel worse.
I didn’t deserve it.
I had just lied to her human.
“I wish I had a dog,” I whispered to her, focusing all of my attention on her, desperate to block out my thoughts. “One just like you,” I told her as I pulled my feet up on the bed and twisted my body to face her. “If I ever get a dog, it’ll be one that that looks just like you – ’cause you’re so pretty. Yes, you are.”
She rewarded my attention by crawling onto my lap – or at least she tried to.
She was a fully-grown Labrador and I probably weighed less than her.
“What do you want?” I whispered, scratching her neck with both hands. “Huh?” Tickling her ears, I pressed a kiss to her nose. “You want me to give you love?”
Her tail wagged like crazy and she smothered me with wet dog kisses all over my face.
It was a welcome distraction and I choked out a laugh at her enthusiasm.
“What a good girl,” I cooed, falling into a playful game of wrestling with her. “That’s right. You’re the best girl. You are.”
Encouraged by my response, Sookie clambered onto me, pushing her whole weight down on my chest and causing me to flop back on the pillows.
“What?” I giggled through my tears as I ruffled her ears. “You like me?”
She groaned deep in her throat, her approval obvious as she stretched out on top of me and nuzzled my face with her wet nose.
“Thank you,” I praised when she slapped her paw on my shoulder. “You’re such a mannerly girl, giving me the paw.”
“Your uniform’s still damp, but I brought it up anyway…”
Startled by Johnny’s voice, I tried to sit up, but I couldn’t because Sookie was still in full force play-mode.
“Sookie, down,” Johnny ordered in a tight tone of voice, eyes glued to mine.
Obedient, Sookie immediately climbed off me and clumsily jumped off the bed, her paws slip-sliding on the wooden floor.
“Out,” Johnny commanded as he held his door open, still watching me.
Sookie padded out of the room and he quickly shut the door, expression thunderous.
God…
“I’m sorry,” I croaked out, pulling myself up on my elbows. “I was just, uh, playing with your dog.”
“Don’t be sorry,” Johnny replied in a tight voice as he walked over to the bed, dropped my uniform down and then sank down on the edge.
Keeping his back to me, Johnny leaned forward, his muscles flexing beneath his golden skin, rested his elbows on his thighs, and inhaled what sounded like several calming breaths.
And then he did something I knew I would lose countless years of sleep over: he turned back around to face me, grabbed both sides of my towel, and pushed them together.
To cover me, I realized.
Because I had obviously been flashing him.
Because let’s face it, that was exactly the kind of luck I had.
“I’m so sorry,” I choked out, mortified.
“It’s okay,” he told me in a gravelly tone of voice.
“Did I –did you see my…”
He nodded.
Oh god!
“I am so sorry.”
“Stop saying sorry,” he replied, voice strained. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”
“I’m sorry you had to see that,” I strangled out.
Johnny shook his head and turned his back to me again.
“Don’t apologize to me for seeing you,” he groaned, dropping his head in his hands. “Fuck!”
My heart was racing so hard in my chest in this moment that I found myself breathing faster, exhaling in short, puffy breaths.
What was I supposed to do?
Run?
Leave?
Hide?
Throw myself at him?
I didn’t know.
I had no idea what to do.
I only knew that my body was rooted to his mattress, eyes glued to his muscular back.
“I’m going to take you home now,” Johnny finally stated quietly, head still in his hands.
“Yeah, okay,” I whispered as the sound of my pulse
“That’s what I’m going to do,” he added, though I wasn’t sure if he was talking to me or himself. “I’ll take you home,” he repeated but made no move to stand up.
Several seconds passed where he remained completely motionless.
Unable to bear the tension building inside of his bedroom, I reached out and touched his shoulder blade. “Johnny?”
A small tremor rolled through his huge frame.
And then he turned around to face me.
“I can’t be alone with you like this,” he whispered, eyes locked on mine. “I…” He exhaled a ragged breath. “Not here… not when you look like that.”
His eyes were heated and full of uncertainty and roaming wildly over my body.
His chest was rising and falling at a rapid pace, mirroring my own.
I looked into his eyes, feeling my heart squeeze so tight it was hard to breathe.
In one stare, I felt like I had collided with him.
It was instant and shocking.
My feelings exploded inside of me, absorbing the boy and all he was like a sponge that was desperate for water.
I was desperate for him.
All of him.
Every piece and part.
Raging hormones, encouraged by my frazzled emotions, overrode my common sense right then, causing me to do something completely out of character.
Releasing an unsteady breath, I reached up, grabbed Johnny’s neck, and pulled his face down to mine.
And then I kissed him.
I had no clue what to do next, my bravery deserting me in my moment of need, as I knelt on his bed and held his face in my hands.
Johnny’s eyes were wide open and locked on mine, clearly stunned, as I pressed my lips to his.
But he wasn’t kissing me back.
In fact, I was fairly sure he wasn’t breathing.
My actions had turned him to stone in my hands.
My eyes were wide and bulging in my head as I broke the kiss and stared in horror right back at him.
“I’m so sorry,” I blurted out, mortified.
“It’s okay,” he told me, breathing hard.
“No.” I shook my head furiously. “No, it’s not okay.”
“Shannon, it’s okay –”
“Oh my god! What did I do?”
“Shannon,” Johnny coaxed, tone firmer now. “Stop. It’s okay –”
“It’s not okay,” I strangled out as I scrambled off the bed and backed up, hitting his chest of drawers in the process. “I just – oh god!”
Staggering backwards, I shook my head and held a hand out to warn him off when he took a step towards me. “I’m really sorry.”
“Shannon, it’s okay,” Johnny said as he held his hands up. “Just stop moving around for a second and talk to me, will ya?”
I didn’t stop moving.
And I didn’t stop to talk.
Because I couldn’t.
I was in full-force panic mode and for once, my flight instinct had kicked in.
“I need to go,” I announced, mortified.
“No, you don’t,” he replied calmly. “We can talk about this.”
“No!” Shaking my head, I slipped around Johnny and snatched my clothes off the bed. “I need to leave,” I added before bolting into the bathroom and locking myself inside.
“Shannon, come on,” Johnny called out, knocking on the door. “Open the door.”
Speechless, I staggered over to the toilet, pushed the lid down and collapsed on top.
“Oh, god,” I breathed, as I dropped my head in my hands.
What the hell did I just do?
Not only did I flash Johnny Kavanagh, but I went one further and kissed him.
My first kiss.
The first time I ever put my lips on a boy.
And he didn’t reciprocate.
Oh my god…
What the hell was I thinking?
Why was I feeling like my heart was shattering into a million pieces?
And most importantly, how was I going to get out of this bathroom?
Because there was no way I could face Johnny now.
In fact, I was fairly sure I could never face him again.
