When I woke up on Tuesday morning, it took me a ridiculous amount of time to drag myself out of bed.
I was in so much pain that all I wanted to do was bury my head under the duvet and stay there.
Knowing that staying home from school meant spending all day in the same house as my father was a big enough incentive to go to school.
But the thought of having to face Johnny again meant it was a close call.
I didn’t feel right.
My mind was reeling and my body was in agony.
By the time I climbed off the bus at Tommen, my body felt like it was trying to hack itself apart from the inside out and it was starting with my stomach.
I had Johnny’s jacket washed, dried, and wrapped up in a plastic carrier bag in the front pocket of my schoolbag, ready to return to him, like Claire and I discussed.
I intended to give it back to him and bolt.
Better still, if I saw Gibsie, I could give it to him and be done with it.
All morning, I watched out for him in the hallways, but we never crossed paths.
A million and one ridiculous thoughts and worries filled my mind.
Was he hurt?
I already knew he was hurt.
But was it worse?
Was it his adductor?
Was he in the hospital?
Was he sick?
God, I was pathetic.
I would have dwelled even more on his absence if it wasn’t for the god-awful pain in my stomach demanding all of my attention.
My stomach was cramping, with every one of my abdominal muscles agonizingly contracting like an attack of blades cutting me from the inside out.
This wasn’t anxiety induced.
No, this was definitely something else.
The pain was so bad I could hardly focus on my school work, and I didn’t have the girls to distract me from it because Claire was at that away game with the girl’s hockey team, and Lizzie hadn’t shown up for school today.
Knowing my luck, Lizzie was out sick with a vomiting bug and I was brewing the same.
Going through the motions, I went to all my classes, sat by myself, tried to blend in with the wallpaper, and prayed not to pass out.
By the time big break rolled around, I’d had quite enough of school for one day, and was prepared to do some morally questionable things for a couple of paracetamol and a glass of water.
However, my day took a predominant turn for the worst when a girl from sixth year pulled me aside in the hallway and uttered the words every teenage girl on the face of the planet dreaded hearing at school. “Excuse me, Hun, but I think you’re leaking.”
Because I was me, it took my brain several seconds to comprehend what she was saying, and several more before I gathered her meaning.
The minute I did, I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole.
Scratch that; I wanted to burst into flames and disintegrate into thin air because having a sixth-year girl point out the fact that you were leaking in the middle of a school hallway had that effect on a girl.
Mortified, I dashed into the girls’ bathroom to investigate.
Thankfully the bathroom was empty when I barreled inside.
Ditching my schoolbag on the floor, I stood with my back to the mirror and craned my head around.
“Oh, god, no!” I sob/gasped when my gaze landed on the blood stain on the back of my grey school skirt.
It wasn’t a small patch either.
Of course it wasn’t.
This was me we were talking about, and I never did embarrassment and shame by halves.
So, this was it.
Today was the day mother nature decided to pay me a visit.
Nine days after my sixteenth birthday.
Better late than never.
In the middle of school.
Oh, dear Jesus.
Well, at least the excruciating stomach cramps made sense now.
In my defense, how the hell was I supposed to know?
Never in my life had I encountered such gut-wrenching pelvic stabbing.
Because this was my first proper period.
Grabbing my schoolbag and a handful of paper towels, I bolted into one of the stalls and locked the door behind me.
Shimmying out of my skirt, I yanked off my tights and knickers, crying when blood smeared my legs.
Oh, god.
Don’t panic, Shannon.
Don’t freak out.
Inhaling a steadying breath, I quickly set to work on cleaning myself up with only one thought in my mind.
Running away.
As soon as I was reasonably respectable looking, I was going straight home to bury my head under my blankets and die of shame in peace.
Pulling out my phone, I sent a freebie call me to Joey because, like usual, I didn’t have any damn credit, and also like usual, I needed him to come save me.
He didn’t respond.
Digging inside of my bag, I hunted for the tampon I knew I wouldn’t find because why the hell would I find one?
It was like mother nature had decided to grace me with three years’ worth of period pains and shame in this very moment.
God.
Grunting out a harsh breath, I clutched my stomach and held still, hoping I would find some relief.
I didn’t.
I also rooted for the money I didn’t have so I could buy sanitary towels I couldn’t afford in the machine in the bathroom.
Two euro.
All I needed was a pathetic two-euro coin and I didn’t even have that.
Thankfully, I did find a spare pair of underwear so I made a makeshift sanitary pad out of paper towels while tears streamed down my cheeks.
I was well aware that I didn’t need to be crying over this.
It was perfectly normal.
But I was upset, embarrassed, and unprepared.
For once in my life, I wished things could go smoothly for me.
I was so tired of my life railroading.
I needed a reprieve.
I cleaned my skirt as best I could before slipping it back on.
Then I yanked my jumper off and tied it around my waist to conceal the stain of shame.
My legs were bare, my arms sleeveless, and I looked entirely out of place for March weather.
Sniffling, I rummaged around in my bag aimlessly, my fingers hovering over the plastic bag that contained Johnny’s jacket.
Pulling the jacket out of the plastic bag, I quickly stuffed my tights and underwear inside the bag and buried them at the bottom of my schoolbag.
Letting myself out of the stall, I shuffled over to the sink, dropped my schoolbag and the jacket on the floor, and scrubbed my hands raw with a profligate amount of soap, unable to stop the stupid tears dripping down my cheeks.
“Are you okay?” a female voice asked, startling me.
Sniffling, I turned to see a girl in a matching uniform step out of the toilet cubicle at the end of the bathroom – the one with the out of order sign.
A thick cloud of smoke wafted around her, undetected by the unassembled smoke alarm on the ceiling.
I had been so caught up in my personal breakdown that I didn’t realize there was anyone else in here.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “I didn’t know anyone else was in here.”
“It’s still pelting down outside,” she announced, shaking a cigarette box in front of her. “I didn’t fancy standing outside in the rain for a smoke.”
My uniform was the only thing I had in common with the girl standing in front of me.
She was much older than me – and much more beautiful.
Her black hair was cut up in one of those classy bob style haircuts that all the celebrities were currently sporting and her face was flawless.
She was tall and had a killer hourglass figure with huge boobs bulging against the fabric of her navy jumper.
She walked over to where I was standing and leaned against the sink next to mine.
“Why were you crying?”
“Oh, I’m okay,” I quickly deflected. “It was nothing.”
“It didn’t sound like nothing,” she mused, light blue eyes locked on mine. “You were bawling like a baby in there.”
I shrugged, feeling my face flame with embarrassment.
“Bad day?”
More like bad life…
I exhaled heavily. “You could say that.”
“I’ve had a few of those,” she replied.
I doubted it.
She looked too perfect to have seen a bad day in her life.
She tilted her head to one side, studying my face. “You’re the new girl.”
I nodded.
“From the public school?”
My heart sank.
Fear prickled across my skin.
But I managed to nod and remain impassive.
“What’s your name again?”
“Um, it’s Shannon,” I replied, voice small. “Shannon Lynch.”
“Shannon.” Recognition flashed in her eyes, and I wasn’t sure I liked it.
Feeling uncomfortable, I stepped around her and moved for the heater and gave my hands a three second dry off before reaching for my stuff.
“I’m Bella,” she announced, pushing off the sink. “And that –” she s
My heart dropped into my ass.
“How did you get this?” she asked. Her tone was still light but her expression was thunderous. “Did Johnny give it to you?”
“Oh, no, I’m sorry,” I replied lamely, adjusting my schoolbag onto my shoulders. “I must have grabbed it off the coat rack by mistake.”
“Don’t lie,” she warned. “How did you get his jacket?”
“He gave it to me,” I whispered as a slight tremor racked through my body.
She arched a finely tweezed brow. “Johnny just gave you his jacket?”
I nodded and swallowed deeply.
“When?” she demanded.
“Yesterday.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Why?”
“It was raining.”
“So? It’s Ireland.” She placed a hand on her hip and glared down at me. “It’s always raining.”
I shifted uncomfortably. “He was just being nice.”
“Johnny isn’t nice and especially not to random strangers,” she spat.
Shrugging, I moved to slip past her but she held out a hand, blocking my path.
I shrunk away.
“Wait,” she commanded, gaze flickering from the jacket in her hand to my face. “I’m not done talking to you.”
If she hits you, then hit her back, Shannon, I mentally chanted my brother’s advice in my head over and over. You are nobody’s punching bag. Don’t let anyone push you around.
“A little bird told me that you’ve been spinning around in his car with him.”
It didn’t sound like a question, so I didn’t answer.
I had enough altercations with girls just like Bella under my belt to know that whatever I said could and would be used against me.
It was safer to remain silent.
“Do you know who I am?” she finally asked.
I nodded.
“Do you know who he is?”
I nodded.
“Now, do you know what you are?”
I shrugged.
“A nobody,” Bella said softly. “You are nothing, little girl. Not to him. Not to me.” She stepped closer and I had to force myself not to flinch. “So whatever game you’re playing, you need to back the fuck up because –” She paused to brush a hair off my shoulder, smiling sweetly down at me, “whatever little drama you were having in that bathroom cubicle will pale in comparison to the hell I will reign down on you if you even think about going after him.”
“I don’t want him,” I choked out, feeling close to fainting.
And he doesn’t want me.
Bella threw her head back and laughed.
“Everyone wants him,” she finally replied, still laughing humorlessly. “And here’s a heads-up: you are nothing special. Johnny’s only being nice to you because you were a stupid, little bitch who got herself tangled up in one of their training sessions and caused him a ton of hassle.”
My heart sank.
“You thought I didn’t know about your little display on the pitch that day?” She arched a brow. “I know everything that happens around here.”
“It was an accident,” I whispered, feeling my eyes well up with tears.
“As if,” she sneered. “You were looking for his attention and you got it.”
“No,” I mumbled. “I wasn’t.”
“Oh, please,” she hissed. “Ever since you showed up here, you’ve caused him nothing but problems. Fighting with Ronan McGarry?” She arched a brow. “I bet you loved that, didn’t you?”
I shook my head, mortified.
“I hope you know that he’s being nice to you because he has no choice,” she added, glaring at me. “Because your mommy tried to have him suspended and he needs to keep his nose squeaky clean for The Academy.”
My mouth fell open.
“You thought I didn’t know that, either?” She laughed softly. “I know all about you. All your little secrets. All the skeletons in your closet.”
“I don’t…I haven’t…It’s not–”
“Save it,” Bella snapped. “Your little poor-me victim act won’t work on me. I’m letting you know that what those girls in that shitty school you came from did to you will feel like a walk in the park in comparison to what I do if you don’t back off.” She gave me a hard look before adding, “This is me being friendly, Shannon. I won’t be so nice if I have to tell you again.”
“You won’t have to,” I strangled out.
Not giving her a chance to respond, I slipped around her and bolted out of the bathroom.
I needed to get the hell out of here and fast.
Because it was lunchtime and raining outside, the corridors were filled with other students taking shelter from the weather.
With my heart hammering rapidly in my chest, I maneuvered through the crowd with my head down and my mind set on the exit.
I only made it five feet from the bathroom door when I crashed into a wall of hard muscle.
The impact caused me to bounce backwards and land in a heap on the floor.
“Whoa, shit,” a familiar voice grunted. “Sorry about that.”
Two large hands wrapped around my arms and pulled me up.
“I didn’t see you there, Little Shannon,” Gibsie chuckled as he set me on my feet. “Are you okay?”
I had done enough stalking to know that wherever Gerard Gibson was, Johnny Kavanagh was never far behind, and vice versa.
That was a worrying concept considering the war that had been just declared on me.
I nodded once and tried to side-step him.
Problem was, Gibsie intercepted my move and blocked my path.
“Hey,” he coaxed, tone suddenly serious. “Are you okay – did I hurt you or something?”
“I’m f-fine,” I sniffled, desperately trying to keep my sobs at bay.
It didn’t work.
The minute he crouched down and made eye contact with me, a huge sob racked through my body.
“Shit,” he muttered, looking around nervously. “I did hurt you.”
“N-no, you d-didn’t. I just n-need to g-go h-home,” I spluttered, crying like a baby right in front of him. “Right n-now.”
It was all too much for me.
The blood.
The threats.
The panic.
It was too much and I was freaking out.
“Should I hug you?”
I shook my head.
“Should I take you home?”
I shrugged helplessly.
“Right now?”
I sniffled in response.
“Yeah, uh, okay,” Gibsie replied, tone laced with confusion. “I’ll take you home now.”
“Shannon?”
The sound of my name being called out, followed a few moments later by Johnny coming to stand beside Gibsie, only confirmed my theory about the pair traveling in a pack.
“What’s wrong?” Johnny demanded, eyeing me with concern. He turned to Gibsie. “What did you do to her?”
“Nothing lad,” Gibsie quickly replied, holding his hands up. “I swear.”
“She’s fucking crying, Gibs,” Johnny snarled, squaring up to his friend. “You obviously did something.”
Panic roared to life inside of me, urged on by the sight of Bella standing outside the bathroom door, observing our interaction with a dark expression.
I knew that look well.
It came with a promise of pain.
“Shannon,” Johnny growled, turning his gaze back to me. “What happened?”
“Please don’t talk to me,” I choked out before sidestepping around him.
Johnny’s reflexes were much quicker than mine because his hand shot out, fingers wrapping around the curve of my elbow. “Shannon?”
“Don’t touch me!” I hissed, panicked, and yanked my arm free.
Johnny reeled back like I struck him. “What’s your problem?”
“Johnny lad,” Gibsie interjected, trailing after us. “Maybe you should listen to her –”
“Gibsie, maybe you should fuck off and leave us alone,” Johnny shot back heatedly. “This is private.”
“Suit yourself, Bulldozer,” Gibsie chimed before sauntering off.
“Shannon, what’s wrong?” Johnny repeated, his entire focus on my face. “Is it because of wh
“No,” I strangled out, begging the lord to take mercy on me and not have Johnny bring up last night in the middle of the school. “It’s not about last night.”
“Then what’s wrong?” he demanded. “Talk to me!”
“I just need you to leave me alone,” I choked out, moving to step around him again.
“I will –” Johnny caught ahold of my arm once more when I tried to duck around him, and pulled me back before finishing, “Once you tell me what the hell is going on?”
My gaze flickered to where Bella was glaring daggers at me.
I flinched at the sight of her menacing expression and Johnny noticed.
He craned his head around and his whole body visibly tensed.
“Jesus Christ,” he growled, running a hand through his hair in what looked like obvious frustration. “What did she do?”
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
“Shannon, tell me what she said to you.” He turned his hard gaze on me. “I know she said something to you.”
When I didn’t answer him, Johnny shook his head.
“Fine,” he snarled, turning his back to me. “I’ll find out for myself.”
“Wait –” catching ahold of the back the navy hoodie he was wearing over his uniform, I dragged him back to me, “Please don’t say anything.”
“Don’t say anything?” Johnny gaped down at me. “Shannon, if she’s giving you shite then I most definitely am going to say something.” He turned back to glare at Bella. “A lot of fucking somethings.”
“She didn’t!” I lied, desperate to defuse the situation and stop this from exploding. “I swear.”
“Don’t even think about lying to me again,” Johnny shot back, looking furious. “You’re crying and there’s a girl over there with a vendetta against me shooting fucking daggers at us.” Narrowing his eyes, he bit out, “I’m doing the math here, Shannon, and two plus two equals a bad bitch.”
“No, you’re wrong, I just–” My words broke off and I grunted as a sharp pain ricocheted through my belly.
“Shite.” His hand shot out and clasped my elbow, steadying me. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I strangled out, breathing through my nose, as I clutched my side. “I’m fine.”
“Jesus Christ,” Johnny exclaimed, gaping down at me with a horrified expression. “Did she hit you?”
“What – no!” I spluttered, panicked.
His gaze darkened. “Is it her? Has she been giving you shit?” He reached up and touched my neck. “Was that her?”
I shook my head.
“Don’t lie to me, Shannon,” he growled. “I fucking hate liars.”
“I’m not lying to you!”
“Then tell me what’s going on,” he demanded, running a hand through his hair. Exhaling a frustrated growl, he added, “Please tell me before I lose my shit and crack up.”
Oh, god.
Mortified, I waved for Johnny to come closer, and when he did, I leaned up on my tiptoes and whispered into his ear, “I’m after getting my period.”
I closed my eyes when I said this, mentally kicking myself for telling him this.
“It’s my first one,” I quickly rambled on, watching his side profile carefully as I indulged him with my worst nightmare. “And I’m in some serious pain.”
Rocking back down on my heels, I exhaled shakily and peeked up at his face, expecting him to turn and run for the hills.
Johnny certainly looked horrified, and his entire frame had frozen, but he didn’t run, and the hand he had on my elbow didn’t move either.
It tightened.
Rooted to the spot, I stared up at him in terror while he mirrored me.
“You coming, Kav?” one of his friends called out.
Johnny waved a hand, gesturing that he was busy.
“Johnny?”
“Fuck off, Feely,” he growled. “I’m talking here.”
“Alright, lad, but we’re heading down town for lun–”
“I said I’m fucking talking here!” Johnny snarled. “Piss off.”
“I probably shouldn’t have told you that,” I quickly finished, stepping back, putting some space between us, cheeks burning an unflattering shade of scarlet. “Go on with your friend. I’m fine.”
“That’s what’s wrong?” he asked, ignoring my words, blue eyes searching mine. “That’s why you’re crying?”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
“You’re in pain?”
I bit down on my lip and forced another small nod.
He blew out a breath. “I have some ibuprofen in my gear bag for my adductor.” He looked at me with a hopeful expression. “Would those help?”
“God, yes,” I sighed, feeling a wave of gratitude wash over me at the thought of pain relief.
“My bag’s in the changing room in the P.E hall,” he stated, gesturing towards the entrance. “Come with me.”
I glanced uncertainly to where Bella was still watching me and debated my next move before deciding to go with Johnny.
I needed the medicine and he was throwing me a lifejacket by offering me a temporary escape.
Shame or pain, Shannon, shame or pain?
Shame, I decided, and fell into step with him.
“Slut!” Bella called out, loudly enough to garner everyone’s attention.
I groaned internally.
“That’s right,” she hissed when my step faltered. “I’m talking about you, slut!”
“Don’t,” I begged when I felt him stiffen beside me. “Johnny, please don’t do anythi–”
Johnny didn’t give me a chance to finish before he swung around and stormed over to where Bella was standing. “You’re one to fucking talk!”
Frozen to the mortal spot, I watched their heated interaction, knowing this was my perfect opportunity to bolt, but unable to make my legs run.
I was exhausted from running away, and somewhere deep inside the back of my mind, I wondered if this boy was the one to anchor me.
It certainly seemed that way when I heard him roaring profanities right back at a screeching Bella.
A large crowd was gathering around to watch, and it didn’t seem to faze Johnny one bit.
“Leave her the fuck alone,” he was barking. “She’s not your business.”
“You’re my business,” Bella screamed back at him.
Johnny threw his hands in the air. “You’re delusional.”
“I take it you were lying to me when you said nothing was going on?” she snarled.
“Take it whatever way you want, Bella. I couldn’t give a flying fuck what you think,” he shot back loudly. “Just leave her out of your bullshit scheming.”
He was defending me.
Not my brother.
Not Claire.
Not Lizzie.
Not a teacher.
No, this boy who made my heart jackknife in my chest at regular intervals and my common sense flatline, was standing in the middle of the school hallway, defending my honor.
He had rejected me last night, and today he was taking on my bullies.
My mind was spinning, I felt so confused.
“Her, Johnny?” Bella hissed, casting a scathing look at me. “Seriously?”
“Stay away from her,” he warned in a menacing tone. “Push back on this and you won’t like the results.”
“Are you threatening me?” she hissed. “What do you think your coaches at The Academy will say about that?”
“Why don’t you call them and find out?” he spat before turning on his heels and stalking back to where I was.
His expression was so thunderous that I felt myself shrink away.
“Come on,” Johnny ordered when he reached me. He placed a hand on my lower back and urged me to walk. “We’re leaving.”
Unsure, I let him guide me away from the staring crowd.
“Where are we going?” I whispered, hurrying to keep his pace.
“Away from here,” he bit out, jaw clenching.
“Why?”
“Because if I stay here and she says something to you, I’ll lose my shit. If you stay here and she says something to you, I’ll lose my shit, ” he explained in a tight tone. “Therefore, I need to go –” he paused to pull the glass door open and usher me outside, “and you need to come with me,” he finished, leading me into the rain.
“I, uh, yeah, okay,” I whispered as I hurried along beside him.
My emotions were whishing through me as he led me out through the courtyard.
“You lied to me, Shannon,” Johnny stated quietly as he steered us towards the P.E hall. “She said something to you.”
“I didn’t want to cause any trouble,” I admitted.
“That wasn’t your call to make,” he replied. “Did you lie about her hitting you, too? About why you’re in pain?”
“No,” I croaked out. “That part was true.”
Regrettably.
“And your neck?”
“That wasn’t her,” was all I replied.
Johnny was quiet for a long moment.
“Don’t ever lie to me again,” he finally said in a quiet tone, as he cast me a sideways glance. “I can’t take it.”
“I won’t,” I told him, hating the lie as it fell from my lips.
We reached the P.E. hall and hurried inside, both glad to get out of the rain.
I shuffled behind him, this area of the school was more his forte than it was mine.
I kept my eyes trained on his back, walking after him.
I hesitated when he sauntered into the boys changing room, but then he held the door open for me and gestured me inside with an expectant look.
Like a skittish foal, I hurried inside only to jump in surprise when the heavy door slammed closed behind us.
The overpowering smell of teenage boy was the first thing that hit me.
The stench of sweat, deodorant, and bodily fluids was so strong I had to force back the urge to gag.
It wasn’t a smell I was unfamiliar with – Joey anyone? – but this particular stench was eye watering, intensified by the fact that forty or so from the opposite sex used this room at any given time.
Feeling completely out of place, and with my nostrils thoroughly violated, I watched Johnny stroll over to a bench on the right-hand side of the room.
He sank down on the bench, dragged a bag out from beneath his legs and quickly unzipped it.
“Come here,” he ordered as he rummaged around inside of his bag, pulling out socks, cans of deodorant, and empty bottles of Lucozade sport. “Come here, Shannon,” he repeated calmly.
So, I did.
I walked over to where he was.
Johnny elbowed a random schoolbag off the bench and gestured to the space he had made. “Sit down.”
I eyed the bench warily.
Shaking his head, Johnny reached up and snagged my hand.
“Sit down,” he coaxed, pulling me down on the bench bes
Our shoulders brushed and I skittered an inch or two away, before wrapping my arms around my stomach.
He was big and strong and intimidatingly beautiful.
I felt very small around him.
Very young.
Very uncertain.
Very rejected.
I was intimidated, not because he was scary, he wasn’t, or at least I didn’t find him scary. I’m sure he terrified the guys he played, but that’s not what was happening here.
Not for me.
No, I was intimidated because he looked like that and I was infinitely inferior.
Whatever spark of hope I had in my heart quenched out.
He would never look at me when he could have the likes of Bella at his disposal.
They matched.
He was suited with her.
Someone who looked like a page three model.
Someone who looked like a woman worthy of that.
I was a teenage girl with a bad case of lust.
“Fucking finally,” Johnny muttered, dragging out a rectangular box of ibuprofen from the side pocket of his bag.
He popped two small tablets out from the foil encasement then held them out to me.
Clumsily, I tried and failed to take the tablets from his fingers.
Flushed, I tried again and again, failing miserably until I managed to knock them out of his hands altogether.
“Relax,” he encouraged, stooping down to scoop up the pills. I watched him wipe them on the front of his hoodie and then he blew my mind with three words, “Open your mouth.”
I gaped. “I can do it.”
“You obviously can’t,” he shot back, smirking. “Open your mouth.”
I sat there stumped for several long beats before finally opening my mouth.
He dropped the two small pills on my tongue and winked.
Reaching into his bag, he thrust a capped bottle of water into my hands and said, “Drink.”
I did.
Like a well-trained dog, I did exactly what he told me to.
Annoyed with myself for being so compliant, and then annoyed even further for being pissed with a boy who was clearly taking time out of his lunch break to help me, I swallowed the tablets and sighed.
I waited for Johnny to stand up and tell me he needed to go back to his friends, but he didn’t.
He just sat there with me while the pain relief took effect.
He didn’t mock or run.
He didn’t react in the way most boys would.
He took control of the situation.
I knew right there that he was exceptionally special and that it had nothing to do with his sporting capabilities.
He was exceptional on the inside, too.
“Do you need to go back for lunch?” I croaked out. “I’ll be okay in a bit–”
“I’m happy to stay,” Johnny quickly cut me off by saying. He rubbed his neck with his hand and said, “I like the peace and quiet.”
So, we sat.
We sat and said nothing.
Not one single word.
I was feeling a multitude of emotions right now, ranging from shame to mortification to fear, but with every minute that passed, I slowly calmed down.
Several long minutes of unspoken silence passed between us when Johnny finally broke it by clearing his throat. “How’s it now?”
“Not as bad,” I whispered, relieved with the speed in which the medication was working. “I don’t feel like I’m being stabbed by a thousand blunt knives anymore.”
He frowned in horror and I shook my head, annoyed at myself for once again disclosing too much information to him.
“I don’t know shite all about what’s going on with your, uh, your body,” he added, cheeks turning pink. “But I hope it fucks off soon.”
His words, so crass and boyish, yet sincere and caring, caused a small laugh to crack through my nervousness.
“I don’t think it works that way,” I replied, forcing myself to look him in the eye. “But thanks for helping me.”
“Have to say, it’s a first for me.” He frowned at the thought before muttering, “Thank fucking god.”
“Oh, god, I’m sorry.” I jumped up to leave, but he caught a hold of my hand, pulling me back down on the bench.
“I don’t want you to be sorry,” he said gruffly. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. I just meant that I don’t have any sisters so this shite is foreign to me.”
“I bet,” I mumbled, embarrassed.
Did he think of me as a sister?
It certainly sounded like he did.
He certainly reacted to my kiss like he did.
Had I been sister-zoned?
“Stop overthinking,” Johnny instructed in a coaxing tone, distracting me from my internal battle. “Everything’s fine.”
I turned to look at him. “What makes you think I’m overthinking?”
He shrugged, smiling this amazing boyish grin at me. “Am I wrong?”
No.
No, of course he wasn’t.
Overthinking was my specialty.
Dammit.
“I can’t help it,” I admitted, feeling my face heat up. “It’s in my nature. I’m a born worrier.”
“Well,” he sighed. “One thing you don’t need to worry about is Bella.”
The minute I heard her name, I automatically began to worry.
Worry and overthink.
What would she say next?
What would she do?
Was I going to get a hiding from her the next time she caught me in the bathrooms?
Should I run now?
“Stop,” Johnny ordered, intercepting my panic. “You don’t need to worry about her.” He leaned back against the wall and hooked his hands together on his lap. “If she even thinks about coming at you again, I’ll know about it and I’ll sort it.”
“She has your jacket,” I blurted out. “I washed it and brought it to school to give it back to you, but she, uh, took it off me.”
“I have plenty more jackets,” he replied. “I’m just sorry she gave you shite over me. That shouldn’t have happened to you. I’d tell you that she’s psychotic, but you’ve probably already figured that out on your own.”
“She’s mad about you, Johnny,” I told him, voice small.
And so am I…
“She’s mad about my lifestyle,” he corrected with a heavy sigh. “She doesn’t even know me, Shannon.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m a prize to her. A shiny trophy,” he muttered under his breath. “That’s all I am to most people.”
“Not to me,” I told him.
Johnny looked at me.
I forced myself not to turn away.
“No?” I could see frustration and hope flashing around in his blue eyes.
“No,” I confirmed quietly.
“Well, that’s good to know,” he replied, blue eyes locked on mine, tone gruff.
“I’m really sorry for what I did last night,” I whispered, forcing myself to address the elephant in the room.
“Shannon.” Johnny leaned forward, rested his elbows on his thighs and sighed heavily. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”
“There is,” I mumbled. “I shouldn’t have done that.” Shaking my head, I resisted the urge to bolt, choosing instead to be a grown up about the situation. Tricky thing to do given my age and rampant emotions around this boy, but I did it. “It won’t happen again.”
“I don’t want you to be sorry, Shannon,” he replied gruffly.
I exhaled shakily. “You don’t?”
He shook his head slowly. “No.”
And just like that, the air changed around us.
“I should probably go,” I whispered, quickly breaking the tension.
I stood up before I did something stupid, like kiss him.
Oh wait, I already did that.
Ugh…
“There’s a bus going my route at 2 o clock with my name on it.”
And if I get home before six, I won’t have to deal with my Dad.
Johnny frowned. “You’re not going back to class?”
I shook my head. “No, I need to go home and uh, sort myself out.”
“Yeah, uh, right,” he muttered. “Of
I opened my mouth to say no, but Johnny got there first.
“I want to take you home,” he told me. “I need to make sure you’re okay.”
“Why?”
“I just do.” Standing up, Johnny reached for my bag and tossed it over his shoulder before turning to look at me. “Let me take you home, Shannon.”
Don’t do it, Shannon.
Don’t put yourself through it again.
And don’t you dare get your hopes up.
I blew out a ragged breath. “Yeah, okay.”
