About the ebook
Meet Nick. He’s kind of dumb. Meet his wife, Amy. She’s kind of a bitch. One day Amy goes missing. What happened? Find out…in GONE BITCH!
GONE BITCH is the hilarious new parody of Gone Girl which will have you on the edge of your seat, AND rolling on the floor. All your favorite characters from Gone Girl are here…but way funnier!
There’s NICK DUNNE, who looooves lying to the police. For instance, Nick’s alibi for the morning Amy disappeared is that he was shooting a major motion picture with Keanu Reeves. Nick doesn’t seem particularly upset that his wife is missing, or particularly anxious to find her. But he’s perfectly willing to stop by the searches for Amy…because he can try to pick up girls there using lines like, “Looks like MY search is over!”
There’s GO DUNNE, Nick’s sister. Go makes out with Nick a lot, but don’t get the wrong idea: they are NOT having sex. (Although they do hook up once in a while.)
There’s AMY ELLIOTT DUNNE, who’s been married to Nick for five years and been making him miserable for even longer. Amy’s sick and tired of pretending to be the type of girl all guys want but doesn’t actually exist: the Hot And Not Completely Awful Girl.
There’s RAND and MARYBETH ELLIOTT, Amy’s parents, whose “Idiotic Amy” book series chronicles the embarrassing moments of Idiotic Amy, a girl who looks suspiciously like Amy and does embarrassing things suspiciously like things Amy has done. The books have been a huge success, with millions of girls worldwide buying volumes like “Idiotic Amy Wets The Bed” and “Idiotic Amy and the Guy She Had Sex With and Never Called Her Again”.
There’s ANDIE, a student in Nick’s Intro to Greeting Card Writing class who’s secretly hooking up with Nick. She tastes like butterscotch…but that might just be because Nick eats butterscotch sundaes right before he hangs out with her.
There’s DESI COLLINGS, who’s been stuck in the friend zone with Amy since kindergarten. Desi still hopes that one day Amy will come around and want to take things to another level, but tragically, he fails to realize that no guy ever escapes from the friend zone.
And don’t forget BONEY and GILPIN, the detectives investigating Amy’s disappearance. They strongly suspect the crime scene in Nick’s living room was manufactured, because grand pianos don’t turn upside down by themselves.
With every page of GONE BITCH the tension builds:
Will Nick go to jail?
Will Amy ever return?
Will Nick ever get over his diarrhea from eating a search volunteer’s Frito pie?
You’ll want to keep reading to find out what happens, but you might not be able to stop laughing long enough to do so!
You’ve seen the movie. You’ve read the book. Now read the parody that makes fun of both!