“So, you’re cooking for her and repairing her house, but you’re not getting laid?”
I shoot Phil a look from the driver’s seat. “It’s not like that.”
“Then what is it like? Come on, man. Tell me.” He crumbles his sandwich wrapper and tosses it onto the floor of the car. “Because I can’t figure out why you’re doing all this shit for her, and she’s not giving you anything in return.”
“First of all, you don’t do things for people just to get something in return. Second, she’s helping with Leo. He’s been clean for a couple of weeks now, and I think she’s part of that reason.”
“You sure she’s not into him?”
I shake my head. “She’s not.”
“Are you sure she’s into you?”
“I don’t know.”
“Dude, you know when a girl is into you. It’s not that hard to read the signs.”
“I caught her checking out my ass the other day. Does that count?”
Phil laughs. “Can’t say I blame the girl. Your ass is top notch.”
“Fuck off.” I shove his shoulder, but I’m laughing with him.
“Look at you, Russo. I’ve known you for a long time. You haven’t smiled this much in all the years we’ve been riding together. You like her. She makes you happy. Why not tell her?”
I let my head fall back against the headrest. Why not?
A call comes in on the radio: Kids at the skate park.
“Goddamnit.” I hit the steering wheel before radioing back to dispatch that we’re on the way.
Phil shakes his head. “I told you they’d be back.”
“Maybe it’s not them.”
“Yeah, sure. You keep telling yourself that.”
We pull up to the skate park without our lights on and spy the usual group of boys.
Cory is there.
“That your little buddy, Cory?” Phil asks, gesturing to the blond-haired boy snorting a line off the picnic table.
I heave a long sigh. “Yup. That’s him.”
“Can we bring them in now?”
“Yes, we can bring them in.”
“Do you want to tell me I’m right before we go, or wait until after?”
“You’re right. I’m wrong. You feel better now, or do you need me to stroke your dick too?”
Phil throws his head back and laughs. “I always knew you wanted my dick.”
“Shut the fuck up, and let’s go.”
We walk up on them from the other side of the skate ramp. Phil goes one way, and I go the other, giving them nowhere to run. We won’t be able to catch them all, but two out of five is all we need.
Phil strides over to the table as he rubs his palms together. “What are we doing, boys?”
All five of them jump up, stuffing whatever they can into their pockets as if we haven’t already seen what they’re doing.
I shake my head as I enter the area from the opposite side. “Cory, I gotta say, I’m disappointed in you. I thought we had a good chat last time we met.”
One of the boys spits on the ground between us. “Fuck you, pig.”
Phil unclips his cuffs. “Oh, I’m not the one who’s fucked.”
Three of the boys take off running, but Phil and I remain with the other two who are too close to run.
“Such a shame.” I shake my head at Cory. “I thought you were better than this. I gave you a second chance, but you blew it.”
The spitter edges closer to Cory, and his eyes bounce between us as if he’s giving his friend a silent message.
Adrenaline spikes in my gut.
Something’s wrong.
“James,” Phil warns.
I hold up my palm, my signal that I need more time. “Empty your pockets. Let’s see what we’re dealing with here.”
Cory pulls out a bag of weed and a small packet filled with white powder.
Phil leans in. “A gram and an eighth. Who’s your dealer?”
Cory looks to his friend, who shakes his head.
“Ah, come on. This will go a lot easier if you just tell us who you’re getting this shit from.” Phil crosses his arms over his chest. “You help us, we’ll help you.”
Cory’s eyebrows shoot up. “You’ll let us go if we tell you who—”
“No way, man. He’s lying. They’ll take us in regardless.” Cory’s friend curls his top lip. “We won’t snitch, so you can forget it.”
“You think your dealer would take the fall for you? Think about this,” I say. “This is your life. Your future.”
“You don’t know shit about my future.”
“Maybe not, but I know Cory could have a successful one if he stops hanging around people like you.”
Cory shifts his weight from one leg to the other. “Maybe we should listen to him, Damon.”
“Fuck that, Cory. You know what happens to snitches, don’t you?”
“No one has to know who gave up your dealer,” Phil says. “It’ll be an anonymous tip.”
“I’ll do it,” Cory says. “Let Damon go, and I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”
Damon sucks his teeth. “You know what? I’ll handle this.” He reaches behind his back and pulls out a small black pistol.
Fuck.
Phil and I aim our guns, fingers poised on the triggers.
“Put down the gun!” Phil yells.
Damon shakes his head. “Let us leave, and we can all walk away from this.”
“Slide the gun over to me, and we will let you guys go.” I try to keep my voice low and calm. Yelling at him will only heighten the situation. Once we have the gun, we can get him safely into custody.
“Put the gun down, Damon,” Cory whispers.
“No. It’s a trick. Now let us walk, or I’m going to shoot.”
Phil clenches his jaw. “We don’t take orders from a punk-ass kid.”
“Damon, don’t do this,” I say. “Give us your gun, and no one gets hurt.”
Cory’s eyes are wide as they bounce between me and his friend.
Damon points his gun at me and glances at Phil. His hands shake as he sways. God only knows what combination of drugs are coursing through his veins, making him unsteady and unpredictable.
“Come on, Damon. It doesn’t have to be like this.”
Without warning, Cory rushes Damon, and they both fall to the ground. Damon’s gun fires and the bullet ricochets off the nearby picnic table.
I aim for Damon, but just before I shoot, another gunshot goes off. Searing pain shoots through my right hip, causing me to miss my mark. Damon’s gun clatters beside him, and Phil hurries to grab it.
Damon stays on his back, blinking up at the night sky.
“He’s hurt.” Cory spears me with his crystal-blue eyes. “You shot him.”
I glance down at the blood pouring from my abdomen.
And then everything goes dark.
A soft, fluttery sound has my eyes blinking open.
Phoenix sits beside Leo at the window, both of their heads tilted together as they whisper behind the book they’re looking at. I can’t hear what Leo is saying, but it’s funny enough that Phoenix squeezes her eyes closed and scrunches her nose as she tries not to laugh too loud. Leo looks at her like she hung the moon herself, beaming with pride that he could make her smile.
My heart swells, affection warming my chest. She’s so beautiful. How can such beauty exist amid a world as depraved as this one?
Tonight went so wrong but seeing Phoenix waiting here by my side makes something shift into place. Something I’ve been missing.
I watch them for a while, not wanting to alert them of my presence, until Phoenix glances up from the book.
She gasps and rushes to my side. “You’re awake. How do you feel?”
“Like I’ve been shot.”
The corners of her mouth pull down. “Are the painkillers not working? Do you need more? Do you want some water? Tell me what you need.”
I lift my hand to her cheek. “I just need you to stop frowning like that.”
She closes her eyes and leans into my touch. “And I need you to not get shot.”
Leo walks around to the other side of my bed and pats my leg. “Want me to get the nurse? She can have you flying high with the push of a button.”
I shake my head. “Where’s Dad?”
“He’s down at the station. He said he’ll handle everything while you recover.”
“Handle what, exactly?”
Phoenix and Leo exchange glances.
Guilt sinks into my stomach like a lead ball, and the room falls silent.
“He didn’t make it, did he?”
Phoenix shakes her head. “He lost too much blood. He was dead before he got to the hospital.”
Fucking Christ.
Leo squeezes my knee. “It wasn’t your fault, brother.”
“I should’ve just arrested them when I had the chance last week. If I would’ve done something differently, then maybe…”
But all the shoulda, coulda, wouldas in the world can’t undo what happened.
I fell short.
Again.
Leo’s eyebrows press together. “Phil said you did everything you could’ve done. You tried to defuse the situation, but the kid pulled a gun on a cop.”
The kid. He was just a kid.
I squeeze my eyes shut and swallow past the lump in my throat as my emotions threaten to spill over. “You know, I’m really tired. You guys can go home.”
The curtain slides open and closed, and I wait for the sound of their shoes shuffling against the tile to disappear. But then the mattress dips on one side.
I open my eyes to find Phoenix climbing onto the hospital bed.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m staying here with you—and don’t tell me not to because I won’t listen, and you can’t make me because you’re injured and there’s nothing you can do about it.” She moves around the wires I’m hooked up to, and lies down beside me, nuzzling her head into the crook of my neck.
Every muscle in my body relaxes, and I wrap my arms as far around her as the wires will let me. Having her here, feeling her next to me, knowing she’s with me settles my restless soul.
“I know you’re not okay, James,” she whispers against my skin. “And you don’t have to be. I’m here. I’ve got you.”
A tear escapes me as everything surges to the surface, and I don’t move to swipe it away. I don’t have the strength to hide it. Not now, not from her.
I bury my face in her hair. “I tried to stop him.”
I fucking tried.
Phoenix tightens her hold on me. “Some of us can’t be saved, no matter how hard you try.”
Memories of my mother cooking, laughing, dancing, flicker by on a reel through my mind.
I tried.
“It’s not your job to rescue everyone.” Phoenix lifts her face to mine and kisses each tear as it falls. “You can’t bear the weight of that responsibility. All you can do is try. You try, and you help, and you make a difference to so many people. But you can’t save them all.”
I drop my forehead to hers, breathing in a lungful of her sweet scent of lavender and mint.
“You’re in control of you,” she whispers. “Your thoughts, and your choices, and your actions. Only you. So, at the end of the day, when you lay your head down on that pillow, you should be proud of the man you are because you’ve done your best and given your all to everyone you meet, no matter the outcome.”
“I only see pain and death whenever I lay my head down.”
“That’s why I’m here.” She runs her fingers through my hair. “I’m going to help keep your demons at bay so you can get some rest.”
I pull back and look into her dark eyes, concern and pain swirling around her irises like a storm. “You hate hospitals. You didn’t have to be here.”
“When Leo told me you’d been hurt, it wasn’t even a thought in my mind. I had to be here with you.”
I shake my head. “You might not feel like a phoenix, but I’m starting to think you’re my phoenix.”
She smiles—a real, true, genuine smile. “I told you: I’ve got your six.”
I pull her head down to my chest, and she snuggles her warm body against me.
“And I’ve got yours.”
“James Theodore Russo, get that perfectly round ass back in bed.”
I freeze with one foot on the floor. “Who told you my middle name?”
“Your father.”
“Of course he did.” I shake my head. “It’s been two days. I don’t want to lie in bed anymore.”
Phoenix lifts my leg and tucks it back under the comforter. “I don’t care what you want.”
I grunt. “Some bedside manner. Do you have another nurse on duty today?”
She smirks. “Yeah, his name is Leo. Want me to get him?”
“No, no. That’s okay. I’ll stick with the one I’ve got.”
“Are you hungry?”
“No.”
“Do you need to use the bathroom?”
“No.”
“Do you want Tylenol?”
“No.”
“Then what do you want, besides to get out of bed and tear open your stitches?”
She looks so adorable standing there with her hands on her hips. The bruising on her face has almost completely faded, and the gash on her forehead is scabbing off. She’s been determined to take care of me once I was released from the hospital, and though I don’t need it, I don’t want to tell her to leave.
I like when she’s here.
With me.
I tug her hand until her knees hit the mattress beside me. “I want to read together.”
Her eyes widen. “Really?”
“Yes.” I tap the book on my nightstand. “I’ve got my favorite right here. Go get yours.”
She bolts out of the room, and I chuckle at how excited she is. It makes me wonder how much she’s been missing out on in life if reading a book makes her this happy.
It also makes me realize how much I’ve been missing out on. When all my college friends were out partying and dating, I was mourning the loss of my mother. I exiled myself from everyone. I focused on getting a job and threw myself into work. I cut myself off from love and affection. Being around Phoenix has brought out a side of me I haven’t thought about in years. The way my pulse spikes when she looks at me. The way my stomach clenches when she smiles. The way my skin ignites when we touch. The way I lose all sense when I watch her lips moving as she talks. I was a cold, hollow shell until she moved next door. I want to care for her, protect her. Make her happy.
And fuck do I want to kiss her.
Phoenix blows back into my bedroom. “Okay, it was a difficult decision but I think I have the perfect book for you to read. It’s not cheesy. It’s realistic and emotional, and it has adventure and some mystery. I hope you—” She pauses as her eyes flick to mine. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“Yes, why?”
“You look a little flushed.”
Because I was just thinking about kissing you. “It’s a little warm in here. I’m fine.”
“Do you have a fever? I hope your wound isn’t getting infected.” She climbs onto the bed and presses her wrist against my forehead. Then she pulls up my T-shirt to inspect my hip. “You look okay.”
“Just okay?”
“I was talking about your stitches.” Her smile fades as she traces a slow circle around my wound. “The doctor said you were lucky. Another inch or two, and you might not have made it.”
“But I did. I’m here.” I reach up and tuck a wisp of hair behind her ear, toying with the ends of her silky chestnut strands. “So you don’t need to think about that.”
“I can’t help it. I care about you.”
I move her hand until it’s resting over my racing heart, letting her feel what she does to me. “I care about you too.”
A small smile tugs at the corners of her lips, and I’m tempted to lean forward and kiss her. To pull her onto my lap and feel her thighs on either side of me. To grip her hair and listen to her soft moans as she rocks her hips against mine.
But she clears her throat and pulls back. Handing me her book, she sits back against the headboard beside me. “Ready to read?”
I reach for my book on the nightstand and hand it to her. “Ignore the notes in the margins. I write down my thoughts as I read.”
She flips through the pages, and her eyes widen. “You are full of surprises.”
I take her book. “On the Way to You. You said there’s some mystery in here too?”
She nods. “Kandi Steiner’s writing is so beautiful. It’s such an emotional story. I cry every time I read it.”
“All right, Kandi Steiner. Let’s see if you can make me cry.” I prop my pillows against the headboard and lean back, grunting as a sharp pain shoots through my hip.
“Careful,” she says. “Go easy.” Then she flips to the first page in John Grisham’s The Partner and settles in beside me.
“Come here.” I wrap an arm around her, needing her close. “Get comfy.”
She snuggles in, and my heart swells. I could get used to this, the feeling of her next to me, spending a lazy day reading in bed together.
After a few minutes pass, she glances at me. “You know, most guys think women who read romance have unrealistic expectations of men because of these books.”
“That’s because most guys don’t have enough sense to find out what it is that women actually want.” I lift a shoulder. “I think romance can be very real if you find the right person. If you can listen to what your partner wants and do what you can to make him or her happy, then you can have any romance scene in these books. It might not be a millionaire with a yacht, but I think anything is possible if you set those standards and make it clear what you’re looking for.”
A slow smile spreads across her face. “Officer Russo, are you a hopeless romantic?”
“Keep reading, and you’ll find out.”
