Bring Me Back: Chapter 22

“Do you smell that?”

James smiles. “Books?”

“It’s my favorite smell in the world.” I stop and turn to face him in the aisle. “Aside from your cooking, of course.”

“I used to go to the library as a kid, and the first thing I would do is smell the book before I checked it out.”

I wrap my hands around his arm. “I love that you love reading as much as I do.”

“I can’t wait until I’m reading your book one day.” He gestures to the romance section in front of us. “On one of these shelves.”

“I don’t know if I’ll get that far. Maybe a couple of people will download it on Amazon.”

“Don’t sell yourself short. You were born to do great things, Phoenix Bridges.”

I laugh it off, but deep down, James’s words nestle deep into my bones. Maybe I was born to do great things. Maybe that’s why I survived my suicide. Maybe I’m going to help someone somewhere someday.

“I can see why you loved this place growing up.” James glances around the old bookstore in my hometown in New York. “It has history.”

“And it’s super cozy. My dad brought me here every Sunday, and we’d sit by the fireplace and read side by side.” The memory brings a smile to my lips. “It was my favorite thing we did together. Then when his cancer got bad toward the end, he wanted to be at the shore house. So, I’d bring books to him, and read at his bedside.”

James pulls me to his chest and holds me for a moment. “I’m sure he loved you very much. I wish I could’ve known him.”

“Me too. He would’ve loved you.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.” I stretch up onto my toes and kiss his lips. “It’s impossible not to love you.”

“Did you think you’d be saying that when you launched a baseball bat at my head?”

I grin. “No, but I did take note of how strikingly handsome you are.”

His eyebrows lift. “You did?”

I nod. “I thought you were a hot criminal. Those gray sweatpants get me every time.”

He tilts his head back and laughs. “Good to know.”

We spend the afternoon reading in the same nook my father and I used to read in. I was reluctant at first to come back to New York, but James said it would be fun to see where I grew up. I have a lot of good memories here, so there’s no reason not to visit.

When we finish at the bookstore, we head down the block to my favorite diner.

We’re halfway through an early dinner when my gaze lands on a familiar pair of blue eyes staring back at me, and my fork falls to the plate with a loud clank.

James leans in. “What’s wrong?”

I wipe my lips with the edge of my napkin, unable to look away from the woman across from me. Her mouth doesn’t give way to a smile. Love doesn’t emanate from her gaze. Her hand doesn’t motion for me to come over, nor do her legs stand to come over to me. Nothing about her body language would even hint at the fact that she’s my mother. She breaks our stare first and continues eating as if she never saw me.

“My mom’s here.”

James twists around and follows my line of sight before turning back to me. “Why don’t you go over there and ask if she received your letter?”

A lead ball sinks into my stomach. “I’m sure she got it.”

“This is your chance to confront her.” James covers my hand with his. “Give yourself closure, once and for all. I’ll go with you.”

I shake my head. “I think I need to do this by myself.”

“Then I’ll be right here if you need me.”

I slide out of the booth and push one foot in front of the other until I’m standing at my mother’s table.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Hello.” She doesn’t look up.

“Did you get the package I sent you?”

She nods once and takes a sip of her tea. “Thank you for the album.”

“I was hoping to hear from you after you read my letter.” I wring my hands. “You did read it, didn’t you?”

She sits back against her chair and lifts her eyes to mine. “I didn’t really have anything to say.”

My mouth drops open, yet I don’t know why I’m surprised. “So, I guess nothing has changed then.”

She shakes her head. “Why would anything have changed? I told you how I felt the day you woke up in the hospital.”

And there it is. The honest and painful truth.

“I’ve done a lot of changing and growing in the last two years, Mom. I realize now that what I did wasn’t the answer to my problems. I’ve built a really great life for myself. I’m healthy. I’m renovating Dad’s house. I fell in love. I’m even working on a book I plan on publishing one day. I’m truly happy.”

She scoffs. “Your depression is cured, just like that?”

“No, depression can’t be cured. It still creeps in sometimes, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t also laugh, and have fun, and love my life.” I pause. “I guess I just hoped that my mother would want to be a part of it.”

“What’s the point?” She rummages through her purse and sets her wallet on the table. “Your life is great, and so is mine. We don’t need each other.”

And just like that, our conversation is over.

“You know what? You’re right. I don’t need you.” I shake my head with a bitter laugh. “I can’t believe I let myself think you would’ve been capable of change.”

Mom’s eyes dart around the restaurant as the volume of my voice goes up. “Phoenix, don’t make a scene.”

Of course that’s what she’s worried about.

I try to bite my tongue, but one last comment slips out, and it’s the sharpest dagger I can find. “Dad was too good for you. I’m glad he’s not here to see what you’ve done to your children.”

I spin around and walk back to James. “Let’s go.” I toss several twenties onto the table and grab my coat. “I can’t stand to be here with her for one second longer.”

“Just give me a minute.”

I stand as I swing my jacket around and slip my arms into the sleeves.

Phoenix shakes her head. “Don’t, James. It’s not worth it.”

I tip her chin, forcing her to look into my eyes and hear my words. “You are always worth it.”

I stalk over to Phoenix’s mother, my insides twisted into a knot after how she just spoke to her own daughter.

To my girlfriend.

Phoenix’s mother lifts her cold eyes to mine when I pull out the chair at her table and plop down into it.

“I just wanted to have the privilege of looking into your eyes when I tell you this: Your daughter is the most wonderful human I’ve ever met. She’s smart, caring, and loving. She’s so strong and courageous. I’m sorry that I couldn’t meet her father. I know he’s the one who had a hand in how Phoenix turned out, because it sure-as-shit isn’t you.”

Phoenix’s mother places her hand on her chest, acting like I offended her. “Excuse me, I will not—”

“Don’t interrupt me.” I hold up my index finger. “I wasn’t done speaking yet.”

She clamps her mouth shut.

“I convinced your daughter to reach out to you. I told her that a relationship with her mother was worth fighting for, but that was my mistake. I missed out on a relationship with my mother because she passed away too soon, and I was trying to prevent Phoenix from going through the same thing. But I didn’t realize that she wasn’t dealing with the same kind of mother I had.

“A mother is supposed to love her children unconditionally. She’s supposed to support them in the best of times and help them through the worst of times. You abandoned her when she needed you most, and I’ll never be able to fathom what kind of a mother does that. The only good thing you did was call for an ambulance when you found her on the bathroom floor. You are the reason she’s alive today, and for that, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

“But you are missing out on her, on all that she is, because you’re too stubborn and set in your ignorance to see that. And it’s such a goddamn shame to watch you wreck the relationship with the only person who would stand beside your deathbed and hold your hand.” I push back my chair as I stand, scraping the legs along the floor. “You’re going to have a very lonely life, and you’re the only one to blame for that. My girl deserves so much better than you, and I’m going to spend the rest of my life giving her all the love you never did.”

I turn around and return to Phoenix, taking her hand in mine. “Now we can go.”

Phoenix is quiet the whole ride home. She hasn’t cried, and she hasn’t looked at me since we left the diner. I give her time to sit with everything that transpired today, but when we get home, I start to worry that I upset her.

I stop on her porch and turn to face her. “Are you mad at me?”

Her eyebrows press together. “At you? Why would I be mad at you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I crossed a line speaking to your mother that way.”

She shakes her head and wraps her arms around the back of my neck. “No, James. I’m not mad at you. No one has ever stuck up for me like that before. I actually loved what you said to her.”

I lower my lips to hers. “You did?”

“I did. Especially the part where you said you were going to spend the rest of your life giving me all the love she never did.” She swallows. “That part was my favorite.”

“I meant every word.” I lift her into my arms, and she wraps her legs around my waist. “You’ll never question your worth with me.”

She kisses me, urgent and passionate, gripping the back of my head, and sweeping her tongue against mine. “I need you right now, James.”

“I’ve got you, baby.”

And I know what she needs, because I need it too.

I take the stairs by twos with Phoenix in my arms, and when we get to her bedroom, I strip off her clothes and toss them onto the floor behind me.

“Get on the bed and let me look at you.”

She crawls onto the bed and props herself up on her hands and knees, her hips swaying and taunting me as she glances at me over her shoulder. “Like this?”

“Exactly like that.” I smooth my palm over her ass and give it a loud smack before kissing away the sting. Then I lie down underneath her, with her knees on either side of my head. “Now lower yourself and put this pretty pussy in my mouth.”

Phoenix does as I command, and I lap up her arousal, humming in approval. “Lower.”

Her legs widen, and she sits on my face. I grip her ass cheeks in each hand and spread them, trailing my tongue along her seam and circling around her tight hole before trailing back around to her clit.

Her hips rock in rhythm with my tongue as her loud, unrestrained moans fill the room. She reaches back and grips a fistful of my hair to hold me still as she fucks my face.

“That’s my girl,” I murmur against her skin. “Take what you need from me.”

Phoenix rides me until I think she’s ready to come, and then she surprises me by leaning forward and sucking my dick into her mouth. The feeling of her warm tongue wrapped around me while tasting her at the same time is absolute ecstasy.

But just as the pleasure mounts, she releases my dick with a pop. “I need you inside me, James.” She locks her eyes on mine. “And don’t be gentle.”

I roll on a condom as quick as I can and slam into her from behind. I grip her hair in my fist and shove her into the mattress as I drive into her over and over again. She cries out, calling for more, and harder, and deeper. I give her everything I’ve got—everything she needs.

The more I think about the fact that no one has fucked her like this, that no other man has been able to give her the pleasure she deserves, the more of a Neanderthal I become with every thrust.

Mine.

Mine.

Mine.

I will do everything in my power to protect her, to never let her feel an ounce of pain ever again.

She’s mine, and I am hers.

Nothing will change that, and nothing will take her from me—whatever may come.