I was a dirtbag of the highest order. I’d basically abducted an employee with the intent of holding her prisoner until she finally told me what the hell was going on. But I was too full of righteous anger to care about the consequences.
Ally was glued to the passenger side window, as far away from me as possible. I snagged an open parking spot just down the block and shut off the engine. She swung away from the window and glared at me, her jaw set in a tight line.
The fact that she was pissed off at me pissed me off even more.
“Don’t give me that look. I’m the one who’s mad,” I said, stabbing my thumb in my chest. “We don’t get to both be mad.”
“You kidnapped me!”
“You’re an adult. It’s called abduction. And you tried to turn my foot into a kebab with your footwear weaponry,” I snapped, getting out of the car. Stubbornly, she stayed put inside until I yanked her door open. “Out. Now.”
“Where are we?” she asked, still not moving.
I half pulled, half dragged her off the seat and held her steady when she wobbled on those ridiculous heels.
“My neighborhood.”
She swung her head around. “Where are the soulless skyscrapers and creepy dungeons? This is a neighborhood. You know, where actual people live.”
“Very funny.” I took her arm and none too gently propelled her down the sidewalk.
“If you seriously live here, your neighbors are going to think you brought a prostitute home,” she hissed. She looked more concerned about my reputation than hers.
I realized then that I was never going to understand this woman.
She was limping now, and I was torn between parading her around the block a few times so she’d learn her lesson and getting her inside as quickly as possible.
She tripped and yelped and made the decision for me. I scooped her up in my arms and marched toward my townhouse. She went completely rigid against me. “You can’t carry me around like a bride,” she insisted.
“Yeah, well, a few hours ago, I would have said you couldn’t jack me off in a strip club. I guess we’re both wrong.”
I took the steps to my front door and set her down more gently than I felt like doing.
Patting my pockets for my keys, I realized they were in my coat. I shoved my hands in her pockets. “Hey! No touching,” Ally snapped.
“I think it’s a little late for that,” I said dryly.
“Bite me.”
I found the keys and unlocked the door and pulled her into the foyer vestibule room thing that my real estate agent had been so excited about when I bought the place five years ago. “You can leave at any time, but if you try to go before we’re done talking, I’ll just keep bringing you back,” I warned her.
“This is beyond fucked up,” she said, crossing her arms. My coat billowed around her like a cape, enveloping her. She was raining body glitter on the black and white tile. Hell. So was I. The cleaning crew was going to think I’d either hosted a Girl Scouts craft jamboree or an orgy.
“At least we both agree on that.” I took my coat off her and hung it in the closet. I left her coat on, knowing there was very little beneath it.
There was a sad whine coming from behind the main door.
“Is that another exotic dancer you kidnapped?” she snipped.
“I’m starting a harem,” I said and then opened the door.
Sixty pounds of chocolate lab rocketed into my arms. Brownie—hey, he came with the name, okay?—and I were still getting to know each other, and I was still trying to figure out dog discipline.
“Oh my God, you kidnapped a dog too.”
I put Brownie down and gave him a full-body scruffing before smushing his face and kissing the top of his head. This was the best unanticipated part of spontaneously adopting a dog. The greeting after a long day. Brownie didn’t care if I abducted an employee. He still loved me.
“I didn’t kidnap him, idiot. I adopted him.”
My dog trotted over to her, oblivious to the tension. He wagged his tail and gave a happy bark.
“Shut up, Brownie. It’s after one a.m. You’ll wake the neighbors.”
Ally sank down to greet him.
“Who’s the most handsome boy in the world? Did you get adopted? Did you?”
His tail was a blur of happiness.
“Come on,” I said, gesturing toward the main door. “And take off those stupid shoes.”
“Fine. But I’m only doing it because I think I lost a few toenails, not because you told me,” she said. Her groan when she slipped them off was sinful enough that the situation in my pants became a more complicated matter.
I kept my shoes on—in case she tried to make a barefoot run for it—and headed into the house.
Either curiosity or the need to finally hash this all out propelled her in behind me.
“Wow,” she said.
“What?”
She gestured around the hall, the stairs. Off to the right was a den with a fireplace and wood-paneled walls. “I didn’t expect this. I just assumed you lived in some…”
“Soulless high-rise with a dungeon?”
She shrugged.
“Yeah, well, I assumed you were financially responsible enough to not have to take your clothes off for strangers,” I shot back.
“Why do you even care, Dom? I don’t understand. I mean, talk about mixed messages. You say you don’t want me—”
“Correction. I don’t want to want you.”
“You are such an ass. You don’t want to want me, yet you eavesdrop on a private call, follow me to a strip club, and hire me to do a private dance. And then get so angry you abduct me and take me home with you.”
“Wrong. I was angry before I got to the club,” I shot back.
“I’m not yours to care about, Dom.”
I snapped my fingers for Brownie, and he followed me into the kitchen.
Ally came along at a more leisurely pace. I fished out a treat from the puppy jar Greta got me and made Brownie sit. It was the one command we’d both mastered. “Take it nicely, buddy. Do not take my hand off,” I said, holding the paw-shaped cookie high.
But Brownie had that single-minded gleam in his eye. He nearly swallowed my entire hand. “Okay, we need to work on that.”
Ally sighed like a good little martyr and stomped over to the jar. “Here,” she said. She demonstrated holding the treat in a closed fist with part of it peeking out over her thumb. “Sit,” she told Brownie.
He plopped his ass on the floor, thrilled at the prospect of two cookies.
“Nicely,” Ally warned him. When he made an excited alligator lunge, she pulled back. “Uh-uh. Nice boy.”
This time, she held her hand out, and Brownie carefully extracted the treat from her fist.
“Good boy!” she cheered. Brownie snarfed it down and dissolved into happy wiggles at the praise. She turned back to me smugly. “What? I had dogs growing up. I’d offer to help you with him, but I hate you.”
Yes. There was that.
“Come on,” I said wearily.
“Where?”
“Upstairs so I can get out of these fucking pants.”
“We’re not having sex,” she said, looking appalled.
I brought my hands to my face and shoved them through my hair. “You are driving me in-fucking-sane, Ally. I just want to talk, but I need to get out of these pants.”
“Why do I have to go with you?”
“Because the second I turn my back on you, you’re going to make a run for it. And it’s cold, and I’m tired, and I don’t want to have to chase you down the block in the middle of the night.”
“Fine. Lead the way, boss,” she said. She was trying to be snide and sarcastic, but it was the exhaustion and resignation that came through.
I poured two glasses of water and handed her one. “Come on.”
My bedroom was on the third floor. Brownie raced past us on the stairs only to zoom back down twice to make sure we were still coming as we plodded along.
I noticed Ally peering over the railing at the second floor. “That’s the main living space,” I told her. “TV, fireplace, library.”
We arrived on the third floor, and I led the way into my bedroom at the back of the house.
There was a king-sized four-poster bed in the center of the room facing a fireplace I’d never used. The bed certainly hadn’t seen any creative entertainment in the last year.
“Sit,” I said, gesturing to the bed. Brownie jumped up and arranged himself on the pillows.
It got a smile out of both of us.
Ally perched gingerly on the edge of the mattress, her gaze taking in the room. Something on the nightstand caught her attention, and she leaned over to pick it up. She held up the copy of Pride and Prejudice accusingly.
I shrugged. “It’s for decoration.”
“There’s a receipt for a green tea dated last week being used as a bookmark,” she challenged.
“I’m not the one who owes answers tonight.” I ducked into the dressing room and grabbed two pairs of sweats and two t-shirts.
“Here,” I said, handing her one set.
Her eyes went wide. “I’m not staying here, Dom.”
We’d see about that. “Fine. But wouldn’t you be more comfortable yelling at me in these rather than a thong and pasties?”
“You have a point.”
She took the clothes. I pointed toward the door. “Bathroom’s through there. You can shower if you want.”
She glanced down at the glitter halo she’d shed on my bed, then longingly toward the bathroom. “You don’t mind?”
“As long as you wait around long enough after I shower to have this out.”
“You won’t come in while I’m in there?” she asked softly.
Something twisted in my gut. I hated that she felt like she had to ask me. “I won’t come in,” I said quietly.
“Okay.” She nodded.
“There’s a lock on the door,” I told her.
She nodded again and got up. When she closed the bathroom door, I waited to hear the snick of the lock, but it never came.
At least she didn’t think I was that big of a monster.
I sighed and headed back into the dressing room. I stripped out of my vest and shirt and shucked off the ruined underwear, the pants with the half-frozen jizz explosion in the crotch.
The water in my shower turned on, and I tried not to imagine what was happening in there. But being a gentleman didn’t come naturally to me. And instead of thinking about anything but the naked woman in my shower, I was thinking about how she’d looked as she’d ridden me to climax in the club. Her eyes hooded, lips parted. The stupid, primitive part of me wanted to see just how hard I’d come inside her, raw and bare. Pumping away until…
And now I was fucking hard again.
I needed to see a doctor. This wasn’t normal.
I dragged on my sweat pants, shoved my head and arms through the t-shirt, and returned to the bed where I sprawled out and waited for her.
She came out a few minutes later, fresh-faced, hair damp. My clothes hung on her frame. The urge to pull her to me and hold her was overwhelming and pissed me off all over again.
So I picked a fight instead.
“How did you get into a financial mess bad enough that tonight was your only option?” I asked. “Are you that irresponsible with money?”
“Oh, good. I’d worried you’d turned human on me while I was in there,” she snapped. She climbed onto the mattress and sat cross-legged in the corner farthest from me.
I wanted her closer. I wanted to hold her and run my fingers through those wet curls and promise her that I’d fix everything. And I couldn’t do any of that.
“I saw your face on the roof and on that stage. You didn’t want to be there. You didn’t want to do it, but you did it anyway.”
“I had to.”
“Why?” My frustration was loud and clear.
“Label messed up my paycheck. It didn’t get deposited, and it couldn’t be fixed until Monday. I needed the money now.”
“What’s the money for?”
She gave me a long, stony look. “Bills.”
“What kind of bills?”
Ally said nothing for a long beat. Bored, Brownie belly-crawled over to her on the bed.
“Why does it matter to you?” she asked me finally. She stroked a hand over Brownie’s head and down his back. Long, slow strokes. I wished it was me she was touching.
“I care about you.”
“You’re so lucky I’m exhausted because I would love to tell you how absolutely stupid you’re being right now,” she said.
“Tell me what’s going on,” I insisted.
She shook her head. “You don’t get it, do you?”
“Get what?”
“You say you care about me. You’re obviously attracted to me. And as much as you bitch and moan about me ruining your life, I think you actually like me. But not enough to want to be with me. And because of that, I can’t trust you, Dominic. I’m not going to open up and share my life story with you. You haven’t earned that access.”
I pinched my nose between my finger and thumb. “I’m trying to do the right thing here, Ally.”
“I don’t understand what right thing you’re going for.”
“There are rules,” I said. My frustration was rising again. Why couldn’t she just give me what I wanted?
“I know, Dom,” she said gently. “What I don’t know is why those rules mean so much to you. Because where I sit, you don’t seem like the kind of guy who would let a piece of paper tell you how to live your life.”
“Those rules are there for your protection,” I snapped.
“I don’t need to be protected!”
Brownie lifted his head up and gave her a doofy, confused look.
“Sorry, buddy,” she said gently. Appeased, he flopped back down on a groan.
“I’m saying I can’t take these games anymore, Dom. I don’t want to play. I have too much going on, and it’s not good for me to let you toy with me. It hurts me.”
I closed my eyes. “I don’t mean to hurt you, Ally.”
“You showed up on my date. You showed up at the club. You say you don’t want to want me, yet it was your idea to get to know each other better. You wear vests just to mess with me. Then you tell me to quit the job that I desperately need so you can feel better about wanting to fuck me.”
“I’m an asshole.” There was no other way to cut it. I was a selfish, out-of-control monster.
She scooted closer, and when she took my hand, I felt like the worst human being in the world.
“Listen to me before you go into some shame spiral. You didn’t force me onto that stage, and you didn’t force me into that room with you. I wanted to dance for you. I wanted to make you feel the frustration you make me feel. I wanted to make you come and feel bad about it. You didn’t make me do any of that. The only thing you forced me to do was not wait for a bus in freezing temperatures. Okay?”
I squeezed her hand and closed my eyes. “I can’t seem to leave you alone.”
“You’re fighting this mutual attraction really hard without giving me a real reason. And if you can’t trust me with your why, then I can’t trust you with mine.”
I hated that. I hated myself. I wanted to tell her why. To tell her everything. How it was all my fault that my father had free rein to inflict the damage he’d done. But I couldn’t unpack that. Not to her. Not to anyone. Russos didn’t air their dirty laundry.
I could only try to atone for it.
As if sensing my dip into self-loathing, Brownie crawled over to me and rested his head on my stomach. Having a dog was pretty great. However, having Ally in my bed was too much of a temptation. I needed to get her out of here before I broke.
“How much do you need?” I asked briskly, pulling my hand free from hers.
“How much what?” she asked, confused.
“Money. Tell me how much money you need.” I swung my legs over the side of the bed. I had cash in the safe and a checkbook in my desk. I’d make it go away.
“I’m not taking your money,” she said.
“You were willing to take money from strangers. You didn’t know it was me in that room, and you walked in there willingly. You were going to take that money from someone. Why not me?”
She rose up on her knees on the mattress, looking like the goddess of war. I was mildly surprised when flames didn’t shoot out of her eyes to incinerate me.
“Because I’m not going to owe you a damn thing. Not now. And not ever.”
“Yeah, well, I owe you for the dance. You earned it.” Offense was my default defense.
“Consider it a parting gift from me,” she said, getting off the bed.
I stood up, and we met halfway to the door. “What do you want from me, Ally?” I asked coldly.
“The truth,” she spat out.
“The truth? Fine. I’ve never not wanted you. I only want you. I’m no better than that dickhead you went out with. I don’t want a relationship with you. I want a quick, dirty fuck to get you out of my system. But we both know it won’t be enough. You’ll get your hooks into my soul and—”
“Oh, shut up! I’m not some magical siren, you jackass! I’m not casting a spell and seducing you.”
I grabbed her by the arms and squeezed. “Yes, you fucking are,” I said through clenched teeth. “You dry-humped me in a strip club until I fucking came in my goddamn pants. I have no control around you, and you think it would be nice to have a fun little off-the-books fling? Then what?”
“How the hell should I know?”
I was grateful for the soundproofing in the walls.
“What does it matter now? I’m not on the table anymore,” she said, quieter now.
“You mean the pole,” I said bitterly.
Her brown eyes filled with fire.
“What in the hell possessed you to do that? If you need an advance on your paycheck, just ask. I’ll give you whatever you want. Don’t get up on stage and take your clothes off. Have some goddamn self-respect.”
Oh, shit.
I’d said something so irresponsibly stupid I wanted to punch myself in the face. For a moment, Ally looked like she’d do it for me. But I still had her arms, so the best she’d be able to manage is a gut shot, which I deserved.
“I have nothing but self-respect,” she said, her voice low and shaking. “Nothing.”
“Why is that? Why don’t you have anything? Why were you so desperate for money that you’d dance for strangers?”
With shaking hands, she peeled my fingers away from her skin. “Just like everything else regarding me from now on, that’s none of your business,” she said coldly.
“Ally—”
“Here’s what happens now. I don’t want you to ever speak to me again. I don’t want my name to ever pass your lips again. If you need something from the admin pool, you call every other person in that room. Because we’re done. No more flirting. No more getting to know you. No more ‘I want you, but I can’t have you’ games. It’s finished. When you see me in the hall, you will avert your eyes and walk in the opposite direction.”
“And if I don’t?” Cold licks of dread settled in my gut.
“I’ll tell Malina that you had a sex dream about her. Now I’m going home. So if you have anything to say to me, this is your last chance.”
All the things I should say, the whys she deserved to know, the feelings I had for her, the way I thought about her at night when I was alone… it all hovered on the tip of my tongue.
“I’ll call you a car,” I said.
