My hand moves to my lips, running my fingers along the swollen area Liam’s tongue licked and nipped.
Liam acts like the ocean, erasing my carefully drawn line in the sand, similar to a rolling tide flooding my ability to think of reasons to disagree.
There’s no use denying my desires anymore. I drop my excuses, ditch the denial, and nod my head along to his idea. Because, shit, I have to see what happens. His lips, our kisses, the whole thing blows my mind. My brain works double-time to get things up and running.
I mean, friends with benefits seems plausible, right? Obviously, we can’t put our chemistry aside anymore. Not when he kisses me stupid.
Liam paces the hall, his blonde hair no longer slicked back. Did I do that?
“But what about feelings?” Go me for thinking ahead. I don’t want benefits to change anything between us because I enjoy spending time with him.
“Don’t worry about that. We like each other, so we can fuck around without developing anything more than friendship. But you can’t ignore this thing between us anymore. I know I can’t. Nor do I want to.”
Despite the risk of developing more for Liam, I definitely can’t pretend I’m not attracted to him anymore. Kissing him feels like my entire life has been robbed of good kisses. I was able to hide after Canada, but things keep changing between us, developing into more whether we want it or not.
Liam stares at me like he wants to kiss me again. He inches closer while I step back, my butt hitting the back of a wall.
“Okay. But secretly because my dad will kill me if some gossip article posts something about us hooking up. He’s fine with us being friends, but no more defiling me in some poorly lit corner.” My brain catches up to my body. About damn time. “I made late-night plans with Maya, so I better go.”
“Your dad won’t find out. Hell, neither will McCoy.” He closes the gap, his cologne conducting torture on my senses. His hand softly grasps my face before he pulls me in for another kiss. His lips press against mine, leaving behind the faintest peck.
He breaks away, his eyes gazing into mine. “It’s a shame I can’t corrupt you in corners though. I think I’d like it.”
My body buzzes from the mental image. “It would defeat the purpose of appearances around F1 crew. You know, because friends don’t do that.”
Liam steps back and gives me space. “You’ll be so busy moaning my name, you won’t have time to regret this. I’m so beyond fucking ready to reap the rewards of our cat-and-mouse game. Enjoy your last night of freedom because tomorrow you’re all mine.”
He flashes me a mischievous smile before walking away, leaving me panting in a dark hallway.
After collecting myself both physically and mentally, I hop into a waiting town car and head back to my hotel. Maya answers my emergency text and tells me she’ll come after running to the store. I slide out of my dress the minute I get inside my room, desperate to take a shower and get into comfy PJs.
I process the day’s events while I wash my hair, wrapping my head around my agreement to Liam’s plan. Worries dance inside my head while the pros and cons weigh themselves. But unlike times before, I push them away because I don’t want to fight our attraction. It’s a losing battle not worth another day.
Maya comes to my hotel room with reinforcements in hand. We sit on the couch in our PJs and fuzzy socks, the epitome of attractiveness. The only two men we can count on during this lifetime are Ben and Jerry. Before diving into our individual pints, we clink our spoons together in a mock toast.
From the looks of her, Maya has seen better days as well. Her sad eyes burrow into mine as she shares her recent issues with Noah. My beautiful best friend deserves the world, so he needs to wake up and smell the gasoline because time is ticking away, his window of opportunity narrowing.
“I’ll avenge your honor. I can mess around with his radio, making them play annoying pop songs the whole fifty laps. That’ll drive him crazy, I know it.”
She lets out a sad laugh.
I rub my hands together like a villain. “Never fear. I’ve come up with the perfect plan to help you.”
She skeptically checks me out while failing to respond.
“I’ve commissioned Liam and Jax to help this time. We are all going to bond and spend time together, away from Noah and the racetrack.”
Maya shakes her head. “You’re too good to me.” She dives into her ice cream, filling Noah’s void with frozen goodness.
“I have a confession to make.” I take a bite of ice cream for courage.
“I have a priest for you.” Maya looks at me seriously.
I snort. “Speaking from experience?”
“I felt guilty lying to myself for weeks about Noah. Then there was that sunscreen application incident in Monaco that was our personal foreplay. I needed to vent to someone, so a priest seemed like a good idea. My mom still raves about my commitment to the church. We went to mass every week during the summer break.”
I fail to hide my look of horror.
“Anyway, tell me your confession.” Maya gestures for me to continue with her spoon.
“Well, I met Claudia.”
Maya’s inhale of breath says it all. “Tell me all about her. I’m assuming it went terrible based on your frown.”
“Yup. She’s as vile as they describe her. She called me a tart like she’s from the nineteen hundreds or something. And then she tried to give me some womanly advice.”
“Oh, no.” She groans. My feeling exactly, wrapped up in one grunt.
“Oh, yes!” I stab my ice cream with my spoon.
Maya’s eyes twinkle. She finds amusement in the worst things, and although I love that kind of optimism, it does little to ease my growing irritation.
“But that’s not the worst part.”
Maya stops her spoon midway to her mouth, chocolate ice cream dripping onto her pants as she waits. “Okay. Don’t leave me hanging here…”
“Liam kissed me.” I evade her eyes.
“He what?” Maya screeches, making my ears ring.
“I know. And even worse, it wasn’t terrible.” I peek at her from the corner of my eye.
“You’re not stamping his kiss with a glowing recommendation here.”
My cheeks heat at the memory. “No, it was amazing. That’s the problem. And now I can say with certainty that it’s not a fluke because I actually kissed him in Canada.”
“And you didn’t tell me?” Maya pouts.
“I was afraid to admit it while stupidly denying my attraction toward him. It didn’t die down during summer break. Instead, everything feels more intense. How is it possible?”
“You both have this magnetic energy with one another. Everyone sees it except for you two.”
All right, Maya, the ever-observant one. If only she applied these skills to herself.
I sit in silence, unsure how to approach the conversation.
Maya turns her whole body toward me. “Okay, and then what happened after he kissed you tonight?”
“I kissed him back. Duh. And then he asked me to be friends with benefits.”
Maya’s eyebrows draw together, the pinched look adding a couple temporary wrinkles to her forehead. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“What do you mean? Nothing else can happen besides that. And nothing will change between us because we’re adults who can separate feelings from sexy time.”
Maya laughs wholeheartedly. “Oh my God. Please never say that again. Like ever.”
“Is it a bad idea?” Doubt seeps into my head.
“Probably. But you’re committed to the plan and Liam doesn’t look like the type to give up. What’s your aversion to developing something serious with him anyway?”
I spend a minute thinking it over. Maya sits comfortably in the silence and eats her ice cream.
“His past, his future. Because no one, including him, knows what he’ll be doing next year. And I’ll be back in uni finishing up my degree.”
“You can’t predict the future, no matter how hard you try to control everything in your life. Sometimes the best changes aren’t the ones you plan for. And with school, you’ve told me a few times you don’t really love it. Do you really want to keep pursuing something that doesn’t make you happy?”
“I never imagined making my dad happy would cause as much suffering as it has. I don’t know right from wrong, smart from dumb, or pro from con anymore. My brain feels more confused than ever before and I can’t exactly blame a kiss for it.”
Instead of giving me comfort, following my dad’s plan suffocates me and holds me back, providing an illusion of a safety net. In reality, I’ve created a shiny cage, hiding myself in the name of not wanting to disappoint my dad.
I want to live my life to the fullest. Rather than taking risks, I’ve spent my life blaming my dad for locking me up in a tower and setting unrealistic expectations. Part of me wonders if I’ve been just as willing to never test myself and break free from what’s expected of me.
It looks like it’s time to find out.
