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Dr. Brandt: Chapter 14

Jessa

When Warren walked into the conference room, I realized something: I didn’t have time for his games. A few days ago, maybe part of me would’ve been relieved to see him—the man who was supposed to be an anchor during hard times—but today, I wanted to shoo him away like a fly. He was a distraction, and I was very much annoyed by him.

My son was facing a life-changing surgery, and I needed to be on top of my decision-making game. I needed to focus on how to counsel Jacks as we headed into unfamiliar territory, forced to make a decision that no one would ever want to. An impossible choice.

Warren had the nerve to make this all about our relationship when we spoke on the phone, and now he decided to show up like nothing had happened. I could hardly stand to look at him.

“So, what exactly are we looking at here, Doc?” Warren asked Cameron as the rest of us stared at Warren silently, wondering where the hell he’d manifested himself from as he took a seat.

“As I informed Jackson and his mother, the left hemisphere of Jackson’s brain is what is complicating things for him.” Cameron didn’t skip a beat, and I was grateful. “Medication will not prevent this hemisphere from remaining in this state, and his seizures will worsen. Fortunately, this isn’t the first time I have seen this issue; it’s what is known as hemispheric cortical dysplasia. I was able to encourage a trusted neurologist to look for that while we studied the scans I ordered.”

“So, that’s why Jacks’s other pediatric neurologists couldn’t find this?” Warren said, nodding as if he understood perfectly. “This is a bit overwhelming, I must admit.” Warren smiled across the table at Jacks and me. “How are you feeling about it, son?”

Son?

I wanted to roll my eyes into the back of my head.

I looked at Cameron—knowing Jackson was his son—and wondered how that comment made him feel. Maybe I shouldn’t have cared. Jackson is his biological son, and that’s it. Since I last spoke to Cam about Jacks being his, Cameron had been in some distant-doctor mode, which was perfectly fine. The only thing I needed from Cameron was his expertise in epilepsy and for him to help Jacks. That was it.

However hard I pushed that rationale into my mind, it didn’t stop me from staring at the good doctor’s facial expressions and noticing that he’d given no sign that he was bothered by Warren’s statement.

“I’m nervous. I want to meet the patients who’ve had this surgery and hear how they dealt with it.” Jacks reached under the table for my hands, which were clasped into fists on my lap. “And you’re going to speak with the parents, Mom. You’re trying to put on this strong, brave front, and I can see right through it.”

I grinned at him, and all the drama in the room faded. It was just Jacks and me, and that’s all that mattered.

“I will definitely need to do that.” I smiled, released my hands from the death clutch, and held my son’s. “I want you better, living the life you deserve, but the solutions to get you on that path are quite overwhelming.”

“It is all very overwhelming,” Cam said in a soft, non-doctor tone. He exhaled with a casual smile, and I could tell he wanted to say more but didn’t. “All right, I think Warren is up to speed a bit,” he nodded at Warren to confirm before glancing at his smartwatch. “Right now, the rest of my surgical team is arriving. I’d like to have my secretary send them in.” He looked over at Jacks. “These guys are going to make you feel a bit better about your decision to trust your brain in my hands,” He winked and grinned at Jacks, both men sharing the same expression.

“Why don’t we do that,” I smiled at Jacks, gaining back some of my confidence. “Let’s see if it was a good or a bad idea that I hunted down Dr. Brandt.”

“I think it was your amazing motherly instincts. I’m just sorry that I acted like such a jerk after you sought out this help for our son,” Warren said, cutting off whatever Cameron was about to say in response to my comment. “I was wrong to question your instincts.”

Nice try.

“If there’s anything I know in my profession,” Cam’s eyes locked on mine, and something kept my eyes fixed on his, “it’s never to question a mother’s instincts.” He looked over at Warren with a subtle arch of his eyebrow.

Warren nodded, and the two men were locked in a silent standoff for a moment.

“And I’m glad I learned that lesson now rather than when you’re my wife, and I could screw it up worse.” Warren smiled warmly at me.

“Right,” was all I could say in response.

I truly could not believe he was pulling this act. The bullshit spilling out of him couldn’t have been more repulsive. I’d admittedly let too much bad behavior on his part slide throughout our relationship, but Warren had picked the wrong time to put me to the test these last weeks. I’d never been more stressed about my son, nor had I ever been more determined to do whatever it took to help him. I didn’t know what Warren was up to, but one thing I knew for certain was that I’d never been treated more disrespectfully by anyone.

As Warren, Cam, and Jackson spoke, my mind drifted. I’d been apathetic when it came to Warren for longer than I cared to admit, but seeing him walk through the doors as if he hadn’t thrown a bitch-fit because he wasn’t in control made me feel anything but apathetic. Instead, I was pissed that he could march in here as if I were the type of woman who could be manipulated into giving over my power so he could feel like more of a man. The longer I looked at him as he sat there, pretending to be the devoted fiancé and father, the more I didn’t recognize him—the man I first fell for. And sadly for him, I didn’t care.

I couldn’t and wouldn’t waste another moment of stress, concern, or worry on this man. I didn’t have the emotional capacity for it. And with Cameron having the answers we needed, knowing this would be a steep mountain for my son and me to climb, there was no way in hell I would stay in a relationship that would pull me away.

“Jess?” Warren said with some humor in his voice, interrupting my thoughts. “I always wonder what goes on in that beautiful mind of yours when you space out like this.” He crossed his arms as he leaned back in his chair.

I stood, irritated by his stupid comment. “Space out? Hardly,” I leveled him with a stare that quieted the room. I didn’t mean to be so bitchy, but it was involuntary. I couldn’t have been more over the guy if I tried. “I’m focused on the information Cameron has given us to help my son get his life back.” I looked at Cameron, “Thank you for this. Jackson and I will talk more about it,” I shouldered my purse, “and we’ll also talk about him speaking to your patient. That might be a good way to get the confidence he needs to make an informed decision.” I looked at Jackson and smiled, “Let’s head to the beach or something, eh? This is a lot to process.”

“I don’t mean to interfere with the decision-making process,” Cam stopped me. His eyes held me in place, and I felt a sense of calm rush through me. “But I do know—well,” he stammered, glancing back and forth between Jackson and me, “I am very confident about performing this operation, and I hope you consider that when you make your decision.”

“I do understand, Doctor Brandt,” I smiled. “I know you well enough to know that if you didn’t feel confident, you would’ve already referred us to someone else.”

“Okay. Well, I’ll have my office call you with your next appointment with me in a couple of days,” Cam said as I made my way to the door.

“Sounds good.” I was being cold, but this was a lot to process. My son was about to lose an entire brain hemisphere to stop the seizures that no medication could help.

I had to get out of here, and looking back at Warren, I knew I would have to deal with him too.

I just needed my mind to unwind a little, and with Cameron setting up our next appointment in a few days, I had plenty of time to chill out and handle the hurdles in my way. Namely, Warren, because the more I thought about him being here to support Jackson and me, the angrier I became.

“Hey, Jacks,” I said. I spun around to face my son, who was following me out of the doctor’s office.

“Yeah?” Jackson said, his expression showing curiosity and concern.

“I know I said we should head to the beach, but—”

“Already done!” Warren exclaimed with victory.

“What’s already done?” I asked, annoyed by his interruption almost as much as his presence.

“I just reserved a beach house for us for the week.” He shrugged and grinned at me as I stared at him in shock. “I’ll look at extending the stay for however long we need once decisions have been made with Jackson.”

“That’s a pretty bold move, especially for you.” I stood there in disbelief, not wanting to cause a scene by launching into the tirade I’d wanted to unleash on him for weeks.

I just needed to keep my mouth shut until I knew how I wanted to deal with Warren.


The beach house Warren had reserved for us was lovely and welcoming to my frazzled nerves. Jacks loved the place, primarily because of the infinity pool built into the veranda that overlooked the shore.

I tried to see what the neighbors’ terraces were like, and it seemed a popular idea to swim in a big, fat pool while watching the tide roll out and in. Not a bad life at all, if you ask me.

I grinned, feeling the fresh, salty air blow across my face and through my hair, feeling relaxed, even if only for this moment.

“Wine? It’s Malbec,” Warren said, holding two glasses of dark red wine and walking out where I sat on a lounge chair, my knees pulled up into my chest while I absorbed this sudden peace I felt.

“Oh, sure.” I reached up and grabbed the glass from him.

“I understand you’re under pressure, Jessa. I feel that too. Perhaps that’s why I’ve been such a dick. I know that Jackson needs help, and,” he paused and stared into his glass, “well, it just sucks that I can’t be the one to help him.”

“I think we’re at the point where it doesn’t matter who the hero is. What matters is Jacks getting help.”

“I understand, but you see what I’m up against, right?”

I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and returned my gaze to where the sun began to set on the horizon, creating a bright sparkly effect on the rippling water beyond the shoreline.

“It’s not about you, though, is it?” I sipped my wine, irritated at Warren’s words, but I could tell that the man, who had zero sense of humor, was trying to lighten the mood with silliness.

“You know I’m kidding, right?”

“Mm-hmm,” I responded, feeling the Grand Canyon-sized distance between us. “Do you think he’s as nervous as I am about this?” I questioned Warren about Jackson, who’d excused himself earlier to call his girlfriend in New York.

I thought of my son’s bright smile, bringing a smile of my own to my face. This kid was undoubtedly a strong boy, and given everything he’d gone through already, I knew he must have felt stronger than I did.

“He’s nervous,” Warren answered. “He’s going to need his mama’s strength, though, more than I’m sure he’ll ever care to admit.”

“I feel numb.”

He sipped his wine, crossed a leg over the other, and ran a hand through his meticulously combed hair. “I get that. It’s hard to imagine the surgery he’ll have to go through. Do you trust Dr. Brandt enough for this? I guess that’s the pressing question.”

“Cameron is a lighthearted jokester. That’s how I knew him, anyway. But he always had this air about him when it came to school and his future career, and when that kicked in, the humor faded, and he got shit done. He’s precise. Always has been.”

“You didn’t answer the question,” Warren stated.

“I didn’t answer the question how you wanted me to,” I snapped, feeling my nerves on edge. I gulped my wine, hoping it would chill me out. I didn’t have the energy for a fight.

He sat up, dropping his legs over the side of his chair, and turned to face me. “Do you or don’t you trust this man to perform this surgery?”

“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully. “This is huge, you know? It’s not something I ever expected to face, even after accepting that my son had epilepsy. It’s just too much right now.”

“I understand that, but if you have no faith in the surgeon, what is the point of any of it?”

“The point is to get my son his life back, Warren. Whether or not I trust Cameron, I just don’t know.”

“I’ll help you out a little.” He pulled out his phone. “I took the liberty of researching this man.”

Oh? Because I wasn’t responsible enough to? How condescending can this fucker be? Someone give Warren a medal. He Googled. He’s so responsible.

“Go on,” I said, knowing Warren was waiting for me to give him my undivided attention. God, he could be so full of himself sometimes.

“Well, I think you already know the history of the college and universities he attended.”

I was so goddamn annoyed with this conversation.

“Of course, I know this. I also know that he’s made global news with spinal and brain surgeries, Warren. The man’s a genius in this profession. And he knows this too, or he wouldn’t recommend we meet with his patient. I just need to accept this is Jackson’s journey. I’m just not sure I’m there yet.”

“Hold on,” Warren rolled his eyes as his phone started buzzing. “Got a call.”

I welcomed his business intrusion because I wanted to stop talking more than anything, which was contrary to how I’d previously felt when his work interrupted a serious moment. Ordinarily, I would’ve been upset by something like this, but as I told him earlier, I was numb, especially regarding him. I honestly couldn’t muster any feeling about him or what he had to say.

I placed my wine glass on the end table and picked up my phone. I opened a search to find testimonials about Cameron, curious about what I might find.

I clicked on a link that brought me to Cameron’s bio, ignoring the black hair, blue-eyed, gorgeous man’s ridiculously hot picture, and found the testimonials section.

“Dr. Brandt has remarkable skill and talent. His bedside manner was impeccable, and his love for children was apparent in every interaction with our son. We couldn’t be more thankful for Dr. Cameron and his help.”

I smiled, imagining how Cameron was with his patients and enjoying this little peek into what previous patients thought about him.

“We were faced with no other option but to have spinal surgery for our daughter. Dr. Brandt was a positive, guiding light throughout the process. He went out of his way to treat us like dear friends, taking time out of his day (or day off, in our case) to make sure we were okay to move forward with the surgery. He listens and is considerate of his patients and their family’s needs. If it weren’t for his constant reassurances (and trust me, we needed the reassurance), we would’ve had difficulty deciding whether to go through with the surgery.”

Another one…

“Dr. Cameron Brandt is an angel on this earth. We couldn’t be more grateful for him, being there every step of the way since our lives changed with our daughter’s unexpected diagnosis. He had a way of connecting to her that put all of us effortlessly at ease. He treats his patients as if they were family. We will forever appreciate you, Dr. Brandt. God Bless you!”

All the testimonies read like this, and by the time I finished reading them, I had a larger-than-life smile. I was so proud of Cameron for pursuing his dreams. Reading success stories of the lives he’d changed filled my heart with happiness.

Now, all I needed to do was to allow him to help my son.


That night, I lay flat on my back in bed, Warren sound asleep on the other side after his head hit the pillow. When he climbed into bed, the look on my face must’ve been a clear signal that I was not in the mood for him to try anything sexy. Of course, I couldn’t have been colder all day if I were an iceberg, so I wasn’t surprised when he lay on his side, snoring almost immediately.

I lay there, thinking about Jackson, knowing that with these significant changes came fresh starts. Jacks would inevitably have a lot of work to do if he decided to have surgery—a ton of recovery and different therapies—and, more than anything, I wanted to be in a good place mentally for him when he did. I wanted to be in a good mental place no matter what. Jacks deserved that with or without surgery.

I looked over at Warren, realizing that, as much as I loved him as a person, I was not in love with him anymore. I loved the safety and security that he provided, being the anchor to keep me grounded or the partner to reassure me that things would be okay, but were those things enough to overcome the other feelings—the jealousy, the condescension, overall sense of going through the motions, or being prioritized beneath work? Could I be my happiest self while feeling those things? Because Jacks deserved the best of me, and I hadn’t been my best in a long time.

Maybe I’d wake up tomorrow and feel differently, but I didn’t think so. It had been over for Warren and me for quite some time. I just don’t think he and I could admit that. It was undoubtedly the logical explanation for how he ditched us in California. People who love each other don’t do shit like that.

Strange as it may seem, I wasn’t upset about it. It was time to put my attention where it was necessary. I didn’t want to lose Warren’s support at this crucial time, but I couldn’t be my best with him. Jacks deserved the best of me, and I deserved it too.


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