Cecily made it clear that she was done with me.
I made it clear that I wasn’t.
So we’ve been stuck in an empty circle since.
She gives me the cold shoulder, and I continue following her from afar, ensuring she’s safe.
It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t want my protection, I’m providing it anyway.
And yes, that might seem clingy, but I don’t give a fuck.
After exams, she went back to London for the summer. I apologized to my parents in advance because I planned to be wherever Cecily was, and if that meant spending the summer in fucking England, so be it.
My father told me to go for it, and Mom said she’d miss me, but as long as I showed her my face during the summer, she was fine with it.
I don’t think that will be possible.
It’s been almost two months and Cecily isn’t budging.
Kim, my favorite person on earth right now, made sure to invite me over for dinner and outings almost every night. I met Cecily’s grandfathers, played fucking board games with them, and had to endure their questioning. I was also cornered by her uncle, who, like her father, said he’d be keeping an eye on me.
As luck would have it, I landed a girl who’s surrounded by overprotective men who spoiled her rotten but still didn’t manage to transform her into a spoiled princess.
If anything, she makes it a point to volunteer at a gazillion organizations that I can’t keep track of. Instead of using her time to chill like most college students do, she’s more interested in helping others.
Ava and Glyn did fly her to Ava’s family vacation house in the South of France. My disregard for Ava might have lowered because I got to watch Cecily in a bathing suit for a week.
I still had to put up with Kill’s annoying company for it. The difference is that he got to join them when they went swimming and for meals.
Me? I remained in the sun with a grouchy Ilya, who absolutely hates the heat and kept grumbling about his burned skin.
Cecily came over, gave him her sunscreen, then turned around and left.
I was so close to killing him.
I hate the way she smiles and talks to everyone, Ilya included, but when she meets my eyes, her joy disappears, and she looks away.
In fact, she’s been trying to kick me out ever since I landed in London—one day after her arrival. At first, she used her dad’s animosity toward me, but after the first few weeks, Xander got me drunk so I’d spill my secrets.
I told him I wouldn’t leave his daughter even if I died, and he smacked me upside the head.
Ilya, the idiot, told him that I got rid of Zayn and he personally did the cleanup. And while I’d planned to keep that information to myself, I’m thankful for the newfound respect Xander has for me ever since that night.
In fact, he thanked me for protecting Cecily when he wasn’t there. Little does he know that I wish I could revive that motherfucker Zayn and kill him all over again.
When I saw him sitting on her back while she was panting, I didn’t think about it as I pulled my knife and sliced his throat. He only saw me when the blood was exploding from his wound like a fountain.
If I’d been thinking straight, I wouldn’t have dirtied her with his blood. But I wasn’t. The only thing I was thinking about at the time was her safety and the crippling feeling at the possibility of losing her.
I only regret not having the chance to torture the fucker, but I can make up for that with Jonah. For the rest of his miserable life.
Anyway, despite Xander’s gratitude and the absence of an edge to his animosity, he still believes I should leave, per his daughter’s demands.
However, the genius way Kim handles him whenever she feels like he’s gone too far has saved me more times than I can count.
My day starts by waking up early in the penthouse of a building owned by my father, then I fix some breakfast for Ilya and me and we drive to Cecily’s house.
Usually, she has breakfast with her parents, her grandfathers, her uncle, and Ava. Sometimes, her mother’s friends join them. Other times, her father’s friends do. Upon meeting them a few times, I can absolutely see where the kids get their personalities from. Especially Remington. He’s a younger version of his father, Ronan, Xander’s closest and most chill friend.
Then I follow from afar as she goes to whatever organizations she volunteers at. Once, she pushed Ilya and me to give out food and shit because they were short on staff. Or more like, she pushed Ilya and told him to tell me to help instead of being a stalker with no purpose.
That’s what she does. She tells Ilya to tell me things when I’m right there, but she doesn’t speak to me.
I still follow her around anyway and make sure she gets home safe before I leave with the promise of seeing her again the next morning.
Some days, she stays home all day, reading, watching shit, and being Ava’s subject of torment. On other days, Ava convinces her to go out, and that usually ends up with them at the cinema, shopping, and fooling around. In classic Ava style, a documentary of each of their days is posted all over social media. One more thing to appreciate about the social butterfly.
Ilya and I try to remain as out of sight as possible so as not to disturb Cecily, but she sometimes looks at our hideout as if she always knows exactly where we are.
I guess being the subject of my ‘stalking’ for months has given her a pointer or two.
The other day, she was a bit drunk, stumbled to where I hid behind a corner, and said in a slur, “Why can’t you leave?”
“I just can’t,” I replied and held her so she wouldn’t fall.
She looked up at me with her big eyes, so lively and enchanting and fucking mine, pursed her lips, then murmured, “What if I don’t love you anymore?”
“Then I’ll make you love me again.”
“Prick,” she whispered, then fell asleep against my chest.
I stayed like that for far too long, enjoying the feeling of her body against mine until she started shivering from a cold breeze.
That’s when I drove her home and got a whole questionnaire from Xander about if I’d done something to his daughter.
I fucking wish, future father-in-law.
He’d be happy to know that drunken hug was the only time I’ve touched her so intimately in fucking months.
My hand and cock have a vendetta against her and will carry it out in full the moment I have her again.
But I have to put that on hold.
I watch her from my hideout behind the tree opposite the window of Glyndon’s house. I’ve come to know all their houses and their security, which are okay, I guess. They could use some improvement, but then again, they don’t share the lifestyle I have back at home.
Today is apparently Glyndon’s birthday and everyone is there—Killian included. He’s about to be punched by Landon and will eventually punch him back, and I’m here for the show.
Now, if only Kill will get rid of him for good, I’ll die a happy man.
As if knowing I’m outside, Landon leans in to tell Cecily something that she smiles at.
I tighten my grip on the bike’s handles, but I force myself to remain calm.
There’s nothing between them. He’s just getting on my last fucking nerve because of everything I did to ruin his fun right before school ended.
I slashed his tires, too, the other day, just to be a dick. Looks like I’ll have to bust the windows of his car next. While he’s inside it.
Can’t stand the fucking asshole.
I engrave every detail of Cecily to memory. The laughter, the beautiful flowery summer dresses she doesn’t shy away from wearing lately.
She doesn’t go into that paralyzed state either.
My Cecily has learned to move past her trauma and grow into this…ethereal being that I want to hide from the world.
But I can’t. And I won’t.
I just want to have her because I simply can’t imagine life without her.
After one last look at her, I slam down the shield of my helmet and rev my bike before I speed down the road.
Half an hour later, I’m at the airport. One of my father’s guards nods at me, and I nod back. I stare behind me in search of Ilya since he’s supposed to bring the car and follow after.
A few minutes later, the car stops by the plane’s stairwell.
The passenger door flies open, and Cecily nearly throws herself outside. She runs to me, panting, her breath caught, and her face so pale, I can see the veins.
She grabs my hand in hers, tears gathering in her big green eyes. And while I’m over the moon that she’s touching me, I don’t like the tears.
“Why haven’t you told me?” Her voice is brittle and so fucking sad, it cuts me open.
“Told you what?”
“That you’re sick. You’re dying?” She all but bursts out crying, her tiny frame shaking, her choked breathing filling the air.
Ilya steps out of the car next, looking absolutely calm.
“I’m dying?” I mouth.
“I had to do something. It’s boring to watch whatever foreplay this is.” Then he takes the stairs and gets on the plane.
“You could’ve told me.” She wraps her arms around me, her body molding to mine as she cries her eyes out. “I wouldn’t have been so cruel. I would’ve spent as much time with you as possible.”
I wrap my hand around her back, relishing the feeling of her pliant body against me.
It’s been so long that I wish time would stop at this moment.
“Does that mean you forgive me?” I go with Ilya’s stupid plan.
“I think I forgave you a long time ago.” She digs her nails into my back.
“Then why were you giving me the cold shoulder?”
“Because I was scared of getting hurt again, because you’re the only one who’s able to hurt me.”
“I won’t hurt you, Cecily.” I tug her away so that I’m staring at her tear-streaked face. “You’re the fire to my icy heart, and while I loathed that at the beginning, I soon came to the realization that I can’t survive without that fire. My feelings for you are nowhere near conventional. They’re neither proportional nor measurable, and that heart you melted and the emotions you provoked belong to you. I’d rather be smashed and broken to pieces with you than be whole without you. I’d rather remain a beast for you than become a man who has to survive without you.”
“Oh, Jeremy…” Her hand strokes my cheek. “Why haven’t you said any of this before?”
“You never gave me a chance.”
“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I let my fear keep us apart.”
“Does that mean you’ll love me again?”
“I never stopped, idiot.”
“Even if I’m dying?”
She cries harder. “Don’t say that! Medicine is so advanced these days, and there’s surely a solution.”
“You’d love a man with a few months to live?”
“I wouldn’t have any other man.” More tears. More sniffles.
I grab her face and kiss her mouth deeply, and she grabs onto me as she welcomes me home. Her body falls into mine, and everything in her melts.
I kiss her for all the times I couldn’t kiss her. I kiss her until we’re breathing each other in.
When I pull back, I whisper against her mouth, “I’m not dying, Lisichka”
She blinks a few times. “But Ilya said—”
“He lied to make us get back together.”
“What about the plane? Aren’t you going to a private clinic in Switzerland?”
“I’m flying home to visit my parents, then I was planning to come back.”
Her cheeks turn a deep shade of red as she steps back. “Oh.”
Before she can escape, I grab her by an arm around her waist. “Are you taking back everything you said now that I’m not dying?”
She meets my eyes and shakes her head. “I meant every word.”
“Really. I’ve wanted to talk to you for some time, but every time I get close, I get scared and retreat. I’m glad Ilya gave me this push, even if he is a damn liar.”
“Me, too.” I kiss the top of her head. “Want to come home with me? My parents have wanted to meet you for some time.”
She grins and tucks a stray silver strand behind her ear. “I would love to.”
My lips find hers again, and she squeals as I pick her up and carry her in my arms.
Cecily Knight is officially mine.
In the future.
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