Jackson cracked an egg into the frying pan. The sausage was cooked and the bread was ready to go in the toaster. With any luck, he’d have breakfast ready by the time River woke up.
He’d barely slept last night. Not after how close River had come to danger. And not after everything he’d learned. Particularly about Ryker’s death not being an accident.
He scrubbed a hand over his face. River had barely talked last night, then skipped dinner and went straight to bed.
He needed to find out what the hell Ryker had become involved in, and then he needed to murder every asshole responsible, Elijah being the first.
He moved to the fridge, grabbed out the OJ, and set it on the table. If there was anything he remembered about River, it was that she loved her breakfast. And he was counting on that still being the case after last night.
He was just starting on the coffee when his cell vibrated from the island. “Declan,” he said, answering the call.
“Cole took first shift, and I took second. No sign of anyone else in Angel’s apartment, police included.”
Not surprising. It would probably take a few days for friends or family to report her missing. “Thanks. I’m guessing it will be a while before the police discover she’s dead.”
“Yeah, well, her workplace isn’t going to report anything. How’s River doing?”
“Still asleep. I’m hoping she’s doing a bit better this morning.” He leaned against the counter. “I need to look inside those kegs this Friday night.”
“I’ve got a feeling they’ll be watching you. Hell, I’m waiting for you to receive the call from Mickey to say he doesn’t want you back.”
“It sounds like letting me in was his way of sticking it to this Elijah guy.” Jackson just about sneered the guy’s name. “I’d like one of you guys to stay home with River Friday night. I don’t want her returning to the club.”
In fact, he wanted her as far from the place as possible.
“Was planning on it.”
If he’d told River that decision yesterday, he knew she would have fought him tooth and nail to remain involved. After last night, though, he had no idea how she’d react.
“Thanks, Dec.”
Jackson hung up and got to work putting breakfast on the table. Then he shot a look at the clock. It was almost nine a.m. That was late, wasn’t it? He hadn’t heard a sound from the bedroom or bathroom.
Slowly, he moved down the hall, pausing at the bedroom door to find River still in bed but not asleep. She lay on her side, phone in hand.
For a moment, he was silent as he watched her, just taking her in. So many emotions flickered over her expressive face. Love. Hope. Fear.
And worry, so much worry that it had his heart tugging and shredding.
River smiled as she flicked through the photos of her and Ryker. She had a separate folder on her phone of just the two of them. Even before he’d been declared dead, it was her most-viewed folder. Anytime she needed to smile, this is what she did.
I miss you, Ryker, she whispered in her head, wishing there was a way she could get them to him.
Every day, something tried to knock her faith in her brother being alive. Last night was the worst it had ever been. Last night, seeing the lengths Elijah’s guys would go just to protect whatever was going on at that club, hearing them admit they’d hired a man to kill her brother…she almost caved.
Her breath shuddered from her chest at the memory of everything that had happened. Angel was dead. A woman who meant nothing to her but possibly something to her brother. A woman who had only lost her life because River had said the wrong thing at the wrong time.
But the one thing that still gave her hope? The man they’d hired to kill Ryker had disappeared. That meant they couldn’t receive confirmation from the source that he was dead, right?
When she flicked to the next photo, the watery smile returned to her lips. It was her and Ryker at the Grand Canyon. They’d made the trip two years ago. It held so many of her favorite memories. Memories were made in the small moments as much as they were the big. The moments of pause. The ones you think are forgettable but are often the ones held the longest.
Would they have those moments again? Even if he was alive, where was he? Why wasn’t he here? Why hadn’t he reassured her or her parents or Jackson that he was okay?
“We’ll get the assholes who did this.”
Jackson’s hard words had her head shooting up. He stood in the doorway, taking up all the space. And his face, it almost looked soft in the morning light. But even a soft Jackson looked like he could tear down anyone who stood in the way of him getting what he wanted.
“How long have you been standing there?” she asked quietly.
“Not long.” He walked into the room slowly, his familiar scent permeating her air, hitting her full force. He lowered to the bed beside her, hand going around her shoulder.
Immediately, she leaned into him. “I miss him.”
His thumb stroked across her bare skin, leaving a trail of goose bumps. “I know. I’m sorry, Rae.”
She stared into her brother’s eyes through the phone. “This was our last trip before your final mission as Deltas.”
“I know that too. Ryker told us all about it. It was a damn effort to get him to shut up, actually.”
She chuckled. “I did the same. It was amazing.” Even if she hadn’t been a lover of nature, it would have been impossible not to be awestruck by the sheer magnificence of the canyon. And getting to share that with Ryker… “I remember standing at the edge and feeling so small and insignificant.”
What she wouldn’t give to be standing there with him again.
Jackson gave her shoulder a small squeeze. “You’ll have to take me sometime.”
“Oh, I would go back in a heartbeat.” In fact, she’d build a little tent and spend the rest of her days there if she could. She shot a quick glance up at Jackson. “Will you tell me about that final mission you went on? The one that caused you all to leave the military?”
There was a beat of silence. “Ryker didn’t tell you anything?”
She shook her head. “I asked but…”
She’d been met with that familiar stony silence. The one that almost always had Ryker walking out of the room, muttering something about needing to be somewhere.
Jackson sighed, his thumb starting to rub her shoulder again. “The mission wasn’t the only reason we left. Our contracts were coming to an end, and we’d all talked about the possibility of leaving.”
“But nothing had been decided.”
“No.” Another pause. “The mission was in the Middle East. We’d done a couple in that particular area before. During our very first trip, Ryker befriended a family. They helped hide him in their home one night when he needed to disappear quickly. Every trip after that, he made an effort to visit them. Bring them gifts from the US. Have a meal with them. Two parents and two young kids.”
A sinking feeling started to grow in her gut because she already knew this story wouldn’t have a happy ending.
“There was also an American aid worker who was friends with the family. The guys and I always thought she was the biggest reason he kept returning. He used to come back and talk about her all the time.”
River straightened, sitting up and looking at Jackson. “Really?” Ryker had never mentioned a woman.
“Her name was Blakely,” Jackson continued.
When he paused, River frowned. “Tell me, Jackson.”
“That last mission, our directive was to kill a high-value target. It was pretty textbook. We took out the target, but before we made it out of the country our location was compromised, and we were attacked by our target’s family. It was a long night. Dec was shot and Cole broke his back.”
River gasped.
“We barely made it to the military base alive.”
River covered her mouth. “Oh my God.”
“When we reached US soil, Ryker made contact with Blakely.” There was a flash of pain on Jackson’s face, and the sinking feeling of dread started to coil in her stomach. “She was really distraught. The guy’s brother bombed not only the home of the family Ryker had befriended, but all the houses around it. The entire family was killed, as well as many others that night.”
River gasped. For a second, she didn’t have words.
The guilt and devastation Ryker must have felt. It would have been gut-wrenching. She knew exactly how big Ryker’s heart was, and she also knew just how much that would have destroyed him.
“Ryker demanded to be sent back to find the brother and kill him, but they wouldn’t give him clearance.”
“It makes sense now,” River said quietly. “His anger. He felt responsible but was also powerless to do anything about it.”
Jackson nodded before running a hand through his hair. “I should have come here to support him. I just…”
River frowned. “What?”
“I knew that my father was here, and I can’t look at the man without wanting to hit him. More than that, though…I knew the second I saw you, I wouldn’t be able to walk away again.”
She frowned. “That can’t be true. That night before you left—”
“I lied.”
River’s heart stilled in her chest.
“I lied because I didn’t want someone like you, someone so beautiful and smart…a woman with so much potential…to be tied to someone like me, who came from nothing and could very easily have ended up as nothing. I didn’t want the ugly of my life to touch you, River.”
She shook her head, the ache in her chest choking her. She shuffled closer, placing her hand over his heart. “You are a good man, Jackson. And your parents…” She shook her head again, not able to comprehend their actions, let alone put them into words. “They lost everything by not treating you the way they should have. That’s on them. Not you.”
He gave a small nod, but it was almost like he didn’t believe her.
“But regardless…you don’t have to say you felt something for me before you left when you didn’t.” Even saying the words hurt. Not nearly as much as they once had, coming from Jackson. But at least now, the pain of unrequited love had dulled. “I heard what you said. I felt every one of your words. And…it’s okay.”
When he stood, her hands fell away, a flash of confusion skittering through her. Was he leaving? Because she didn’t believe him?
Instead of walking out of the room, he moved to his duffel bag, riffled around, and tugged something out. When he sat on the bed, he handed it to her.
A shocked gasp slipped from her lips.
It was the journal. The one she’d made him when she was seventeen years old and in love with a man who was about to leave her.
“You kept it,” she whispered.
She looked back up at him, and he gave a small nod. “I took it out every single day. It got me through some of my toughest moments.”
With trembling fingers, she opened the book. The pages were worn, the photos curling at the corners. She flicked through every page, right up until the last one of her, Ryker, Jackson, and her parents. She traced the photo. The words she’d written at the bottom.
“I can’t believe you kept it.” She spoke the words more to herself than to him.
She’d been so nervous, holding it out to him that night, hoping and praying that he’d like it.
“I’m sorry I lied to you about how I felt. I’m sorry I hurt you. I did it to push you away. Because I didn’t want you to wait for me.”
She looked up, struggling to push down the emotion that clogged her throat. “Are you done pushing me away now?”
A slow smile curved his lips. The book was slipped from her fingers, and then he was leaning forward, pushing her back until she lay on the bed, Jackson hovering over her. “Depends. Do you still want me? I still come from nothing. I anger easily. And I can be a bully to get what I want.”
His breath against her lips had her stomach quivering.
“I do. I want all of that.” She couldn’t even smile while she said it. She had a feeling the day would never come when she wouldn’t want him.
“Then I’m yours.”
His head dipped, and he kissed her, erasing the last sixteen years of longing.
