‘Be at The Academy training grounds Saturday morning at 7a.m. sharp,’ the head coach of the U20’s said down the line on Monday morning. ‘I’ve cleared a session with your coaches, and secured a pitch for the morning, so we’ll see how it goes.’
‘I will.’ Nodding like a deranged lunatic, I paced the floor of the gym, clutching my phone tighter than necessary, excitement and panic flooring me. ‘I’ll be there.’
‘Bring your gear, Johnny,’ he added. ‘But don’t get your hopes up. I don’t care what your doctors have said, you won’t be stepping foot on the pitch for me without my own team doctor’s go ahead. Dr. Malachy will be giving you a full examination, so bring any notes you have with you.’
‘Understood.’ I nodded again, heart hammering wildly in my chest. ‘I have everything from Dr. Quirke – Dr. O Leary, too. I have all the reports from my physiotherapist and trainers.’
‘Good,’ he replied briskly. ‘Bring everything with you.’
‘I’m ready, Coach.’ I’ve been ready for weeks. ‘I’m good to go.’
‘I hope you are, kid,’ my coach replied. ‘I sincerely do.’
‘If I am –’ Pausing, I grimaced, trying to find the right words to phrase my next question, ‘If Dr. Malachy gives me the go ahead, do you think I’ll –’
‘Let’s just get you through this next round of medicals, and we’ll talk about the squad then,’ he cut me off by saying. ‘You have a lot of conditioning to catch up on. But I will say that Ó Donnell and Gilbert will be traveling down with me. They’re interested in you, Johnny. They want to make their own assessments –’ He paused for a long moment before adding, ‘I don’t have to explain what an opportunity this is. It’s not every day the senior management travel down for a U20 player. With Daly and Johnson both out on long-term injury, they’re down two centers for the summer tour next month in South Africa. If they’re coming to watch you, I need you to take it seriously. If you’re not fit, then you need to tell me now, kid. Wasting their time isn’t going to bode well in your favor – or mine.’
Shite.
Jesus Christ.
It’s happening.
It’s fucking happening, Johnny.
Keep the head!
‘I understand,’ I replied, batting Gibsie away as he bounced in front me, mouthing ‘what’s he saying‘. ‘Back off,’ I mouthed at my best friend before turning my back on him and giving the man who held the key to my future my full attention. ‘And I am fit – one hundred percent. I know what this means, Coach, and I promise, I’m all in.’
‘Never doubted your commitment for a second, Johnny,’ Coach replied. ‘I’ll see you on Saturday.’
‘Yeah, I’ll see you then,’ I breathed. ‘Thank you again.’
‘Good luck, kid.’
The call ended and I stood there for several moments, both reeling and reveling from the phone call I had been waiting my whole life to receive.
‘Well?’ Gibsie demanded. ‘Are you back?’
‘I’m back,’ I confirmed, blowing out a shaky breath. Swinging around to face him, I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face. ‘I’m fucking back, Gibs!’
‘Damn fucking straight, you are.’ A huge smile spread across his face. ‘You fucking did it, Cap!’ Enveloping me in a hug, Gibsie laughed. ‘Looks like I need to buy a ticket to France this summer because my best friend is going to the fucking U20s!’
‘Nothing’s confirmed yet,’ I replied, trying to keep a steady head and not lose the run of myself. ‘I’ve got a lot of work to do and only two weeks to do it.’
‘Pssh,’ Gibsie countered, waving me off. ‘You’re going to France with the U20’s next month and I’m going on the piss in celebration! Vive la France.’
‘Ó Donnell is coming to see me on Saturday, Gibs,’ I whispered, feeling my heart race at a hundred miles an hour. ‘Gilbert, too. They’re down a couple of centers for the senior campaign in South Africa.’
Gibsie’s eyes widened. ‘Holy shit, Johnny!’
I nodded, feeling a huge wave of emotion wash through me. ‘I know.’
‘Does that mean –’
‘Don’t say it,’ I strangled out, holding out a hand. ‘Don’t jinx me.’
‘But that’s what it means, right?’ Gibsie pushed, eyes alight with pride. ‘You’ll be in France with the U20’s for the first half of June and then onto South Africa for the second half –’ his voice rose with excitement – ‘with the senior fucking team, Johnny!’
‘I might not make it onto either team,’ I muttered, trying to keep my feet firmly on the ground. It wasn’t working, though. My heart rate was spiking and panic was setting in. ‘They might pass me over.’
‘For who? Cormac Ryan?’ Gibsie scoffed. ‘You’re the fucking best, lad.’
‘I don’t know,’ I hissed, feeling a little weak. ‘Jesus Christ, I think I’m having chest pains.’
‘Sit down.’ Catching ahold of my arm, he led me over to the bench press and pushed me down. ‘Just put your head down and breathe.’
‘Jesus, I’m dying,’ I groaned, pressing my hand to my chest. ‘Gibs, I think I’m having a heart attack.’ Shaking my head, I tried to breathe, but my lungs wouldn’t fill. ‘I’m suffocating!’
‘You’re not dying,’ he laughed. ‘This happened when you got accepted into The Academy, remember? You hid in our treehouse crying like a bitch, shouting that you were going into cardiac arrest and begging anyone that looked at you to call an ambulance. Happened when you got the call up for the U18’s too. You took to the bed with stroke symptoms. And you didn’t die then either, lad.’
‘This is worse, Gibs,’ I choked out, clutching my arm. ‘So much worse.’
‘Because this is bigger,’ Gibsie explained calmly. ‘So much bigger.’ Sitting down beside me, he placed a hand on my back and began to rub. ‘It’s your adrenalin spiking, lad. Just remember that this is a good thing. You’ve worked your ass off for this, Johnny – since you were six years old. You did the surgery in March. You’ve done all the rehab and hospital bullshit. You’ve followed every order you’ve been given and built your body back up. This is your time!’
‘What if it’s not my time?’
‘It is,’ he assured me.
‘But what if –’
‘It’s your time,’ he repeated firmly. ‘This is it, lad. Feel it.’
‘I’m scared,’ I strangled out. ‘I’ve only been back on the pitch a few weeks, lad. What if I’m not –’
‘You are ready,’ he cut me off by saying. ‘And you’re better than good enough.’ He squeezed my shoulder. ‘I honestly can’t think of another person who deserves this more than you, Kav.’ Sighing contently, he added, ‘So enjoy this feeling, lad, because this is the start of huge fucking things for you.’
‘Yeah.’ I forced myself to calm down and breathe. ‘Fuck, I need to call Shannon.’
‘Ah, maybe this is a conversation you should have face to face,’ Gibsie offered. ‘Telling your girlfriend that you’re more likely than not leaving for the summer isn’t really text message news, lad.’
‘Fuck,’ I groaned, dropping my head in my hands. ‘Shite.’ Shannon’s face sparked to life inside of my head, bringing on another set of chest pains. ‘Oh, Jesus,’ I choked out, leaning against him for support. ‘What am I going to do about Shannon?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘It’s a month, Gibs,’ I bit out, knees bopping. ‘I’ll be gone for a month – longer if I make the seniors.’
‘I know that,’ he replied. ‘You know that, and she knows that. So you don’t have to do anything except breathe.’
‘I can’t leave her for a month –’
‘Johnny, get a fucking handle on yourself,’ Gibsie ordered. ‘This is the Irish squad. Ireland. As in, our fucking country. It’s one month and the opportunity of a lifetime. Don’t make me bitch slap you back to common sense.’
‘You’re right,’ I muttered, breathing deep and slow.
Of course he was right.
But that didn’t make me feel any better.
Releasing a pained growl, I ran a hand through my hair. ‘Can we just play this down?’ I looked at him. ‘Can you not say anything about this to anyone?’ Not to her. ‘At least until I know for sure?’
‘She’s going to be happy for you, Johnny,’ he replied. ‘Shannon loves you, lad. She’s been in your corner since your surgery, willing you to get this shot.’
‘I know,’ I muttered. ‘But I just…’ I honestly don’t think I can leave her. I shook the crazy thought from my head. ‘Just keep it to yourself until I’m one hundred percent sure about what’s happening.’
‘Fair enough, lad.’ Gibsie sighed. ‘My lips are sealed.’
‘Thanks.’ Shoulders sagging, I rested my elbows on my knees and tapped out a quick text to Shannon, letting her know that I would be leaving the gym soon to pick her up for school.
‘But this is good news,’ Gibsie added before heading off towards the changing rooms. ‘And for what it’s worth; I’m proud of you.’
‘Thanks.’ I exhaled a heavy sigh and trailed after him. ‘I think.’
‘You know,’ he confirmed, whipping off his clothes the minute we stepped inside the changing room. It was empty because we were the only two eejits demented enough to be here since 5am on a Monday morning. ‘This is a good thing, lad. They’re going to select you. Shit, I’m fairly sure you would have made the squad back in March when your guts were spilling down your legs.’
‘I don’t know, Gibs.’ Shaking my head, I walked over to my locker and stripped down. ‘I feel like it’s all coming around too fast.’
‘Because you’re afraid to leave her,’ he mused. ‘And you want more time.’
I shrugged helplessly. ‘How can I leave her?’
‘Because you have to,’ he reminded me. ‘Because you’re seventeen and this is your future and you’re not going to throw it all away.’ Grabbing a towel out of his gear-bag, he headed for the showers. ‘It’s one month, Johnny. Four weeks, lad. That’s nothing in the grand scheme of things.’
‘I know, but it’s just…’ I shook my head again and tapped out another text to Shannon before tossing my phone on the bench and grabbing my towel and shampoo. ‘It’s a bleeding mess.’
‘This is what I’ve been saying all along,’ Gibsie called out from behind one of the shower stalls. ‘Don’t get mixed up in anything serious when you’re still in school. It’s a recipe for disaster, lad. You all think I’m crazy, but I’m telling ya, I’m the smart one.’
‘Well, I’m thoroughly mixed up in something serious,’ I grumbled, stalking into the stall next to his. Slamming my hand on the chrome nozzle, I closed my eyes as a spray of scalding water poured down on me. ‘So, I clearly didn’t get the memo.’
‘That you are, lad,’ he chuckled. ‘That you are – oh, spot me some shampoo, will you?’ His hand came over the wall separating us. ‘Please?’
I squirted a dollop of shampoo into my hand before tossing the bottle over to him. ‘I messed up with Shannon the other night.’ Lathering my hair, I scrubbed myself down and sighed. ‘Really bad, lad.’
‘What did you do?’ he asked from the other side of the wall.
‘Something stupid.’
‘Come on,’ Gibsie coaxed. ‘Tell me all about it, buddy. Get it off your chest.’
‘I can’t say it,’ I muttered, grimacing. ‘I’m too fucking disgusted with myself.’
‘What did you do?’ he laughed. ‘Fuck her in the car or something?’
I hung my head in shame.
‘Your silence is speaking volumes,’ he teased. ‘Come on, lad. Whatever it was, it can’t be that bad.’
‘It was so bad, Gibs,’ I strangled out. ‘I can’t even –’
‘Whoa –’ The shower curtain around me sprang open. ‘Did you get your hole?’ Gibsie stood in front of me, naked and covered in suds. ‘Well? Did you fuck her?’
‘Get out, ya bollox,’ I snapped, dragging the curtain back into place. ‘And I didn’t get my hole – Jesus, don’t say it that way.’
‘Sorry, I forgot you’re a little sensitive about how I word things that involve your little girlfriend.’ Dragging the curtain back, he rolled his eyes and gave me an expectant look. ‘Did you make love to her?’
I grimaced.
‘Holy shit.’ His eyes widened. ‘You made love!’
‘I…’ Snapping my mouth shut, I switched off the water and sighed heavily. ‘We shouldn’t be having this conversation. It’s not right.’
‘Fuck that!’ he shot back, looking affronted. ‘You had sex with your girlfriend and you weren’t going to tell me! When did this happen?’
‘Saturday night,’ I choked out, feeling heat creep up my neck. ‘And don’t look at me like that.’
‘Like what?’ he huffed.
‘Like I betrayed you.’
‘I am betrayed,’ he growled. ‘You don’t get to keep juicy news like that from me. I should have known about this first thing on Sunday morning.’
‘Jesus, Gibs –’ Stepping around him, I grabbed my towel off the floor and stalked back to the changing area. ‘You’re ridiculous.’
‘So, you had sex with her?’ he asked, following after me. ‘Come on, Johnny. Tell me.’
‘It wasn’t like that,’ I snapped, flustered.
‘Did you penetrate her with your penis?’ he demanded. ‘Because if you did, then that’s exactly what it was like.’
‘Fine, we had sex,’ I choked out. ‘Happy now?’
‘Lad!’ He grinned widely. ‘I’m so proud of you.’
‘No –’ I pointed an accusing finger at him. ‘Don’t be proud of me for being a reckless eejit.’
‘I am so proud of you, buddy,’ he countered. ‘This is the proudest I’ve ever been of you.’
Exhaling wearily, I sank down on the bench next to my locker. ‘I don’t know what happened to me.’
‘I do,’ Gibsie snorted as he toweled himself off. ‘You got naked with a fucking fabulous looking girl and banged your brains out.’ Tossing his towel on the bed, he slipped on a pair of jocks and laughed. ‘No wonder you don’t want to go on tour anymore. You got the taste of more off Little Shannon, didn’t ya?’ He waggled his brows. ‘And now you’re starving.’
‘Gibs,’ I hissed, cringing. ‘Don’t say it like that.’
‘Wait –’ He eyed me suspiciously. ‘Did you wrap it up?’
‘Yes,’ I bit out.
‘With the condoms I made you buy?’
I nodded.
He grinned. ‘Did you silently thank me?’
‘Listen to me, fucker, I’m older than you,’ I growled. ‘I was scoring with girls while you were still waiting for your voice to break.’
‘I caught up, though, didn’t I?’ he shot back, unaffected. ‘And you’re welcome.’
‘I bought you your first box of condoms,’ I hissed. ‘So enough of the you’re welcome comments because I’ve had your back plenty of times.’
‘Fair point,’ he chuckled, clearly amused by my misfortune. ‘So, how was it?’
‘A complete disaster,’ I admitted as I toweled myself off and threw on my school uniform. ‘It was her first time, Gibs, and my Ma walked in on us when I was just getting going.’
‘Ah Jesus,’ Gibsie groaned, pressing his hand to his mouth. ‘Tell me you’re joking?’
‘I wish I was, lad,’ I muttered, pulling on my pants.
‘Did she kill you?’ he asked, wincing in sympathy.
‘Worse,’ I grumbled. ‘She took Shannon into the kitchen for the talk.’
‘Oh my fucking god,’ he wailed. ‘This is just…ugh.’ He shook his head and gaped at me. ‘Your dick can’t catch a break.’
‘Nope.’ Pulling on my jumper, I closed my locker and shrugged. ‘It’s cursed.’
