It was a sweltering summer’s day, and under any other circumstances, I would have been stripped down to my jocks someplace close to a beach or a river, but my girlfriend had just buried both of her parents, so I sucked it up and settled for removing my tie and undoing the top three buttons of my dress shirt instead.
Eight of us were sprawled out in the back field of my house, still clad in our funeral clothes, watching as Tadhg, Ollie, and Sean played in the treehouse. All of the grown-ups were back at the house, serving food and chatting general shite. It was too much for Shannon – I’d known it the moment we stepped through the door and she had been confronted with a fresh horde of sympathizers – so we had escaped outside with our friends and a mountain of food tucked under our arms.
Stretched out on the flat of my back in the grass, I curled a strand of her hair around my finger and inhaled deeply, breathing her scent into my chest and then sighing in contentment.
‘I could stay here forever,’ she whispered, voicing my thoughts aloud, from where she was nestled in the crook of my arm, baking in the summer sunshine. Tangling her fingers with mine, she nuzzled her cheek against my chest. ‘Just right here in this moment.’
‘Hmm.’ Nodding in agreement, I gave her fingers a reassuring squeeze. ‘Me, too.’
‘Well, I can’t take it anymore,’ Gibsie announced with a huff. ‘I’m really sorry, Little Shannon,’ he added as he sat up and started ripping at the buttons of his shirt. ‘I know I’m supposed to be respectful and considerate of your feelings and shit – and I really am trying to be good here – but if I don’t get out of these clothes soon, you’re all going to be burying me!’ Yanking off his shirt, he tossed it on top of Claire, who was sprawled out beside him, before moving for the buckle of his belt. ‘My balls are sweating so bad, I’m going to chafe my gooch!’
I opened my mouth to give him a lecture about discussing his bollocks around my girlfriend, but the sound of her laughter had me holding my tongue. ‘What’s a gooch?’
‘Oh my god, you did not just ask him that, Shan,’ Lizzie grumbled from where she was making a daisy chain.
‘Ew,’ Katie groaned, joining her daisy chain to Lizzie’s one. ‘I hate that word.’
‘Me, too,’ Lizzie agreed. ‘It’s beyond disturbing.’
‘What?’ Shannon shrugged. ‘I don’t know what that is.’
‘Me either,’ Claire offered, holding her hand up.
‘Well then,’ Gibsie chuckled, rising to his feet. ‘It’s about time I gave you girls an education on the male form, isn’t it?’
‘If you take your jocks off in front of my sister and my girlfriend, you won’t have a gooch left,’ Hughie snarled, glaring at Gibsie who had his suit pants and shoes kicked off and was reaching for the waistband of his white boxers.
‘Or a heartbeat,’ I warned, pulling myself up on my elbows to glare at him. ‘Don’t even think about it, fucker.’
‘Put your pants back on,’ Feely said calmly. ‘There are kids up that tree.’
‘I’m not putting my pants back on,’ Gibsie shot back, looking outraged. ‘For the benefit of innocent eyes, I’ll agree to leave my jocks on, but that’s my best offer. It’s too damn hot.’
‘Look at his boobies,’ Ollie laughed from the treehouse. Pointing a finger at Gibsie, he said, ‘He’s got earrings on them.’
‘Stop earwigging, Ollie,’ Shannon called back.
‘And look! He’s got a tattoo on his –’
‘Ollie,’ Shannon snapped. ‘Go and play.’
‘Fine,’ Ollie huffed before disappearing back into the treehouse.
‘Boobies,’ Hughie snickered. ‘I love that kid.’
‘Hey, Katie,’ Gibsie purred in retaliation, waggling his brows at Hughie’s girlfriend. Flexing his pecs, he asked, ‘What do you think of my boobies?’
‘I prefer Hughie’s boobies,’ Katie shot back with a smirk. ‘They’re so much perkier.’
‘Nice try, fucker,’ Hughie snickered, pulling himself up from his lying position to smack a kiss to his girlfriend’s cheek.
Huffing out a breath, Gibsie turned to Claire and grinned devilishly. ‘The gooch is the area of skin between a man’s balls and his a–’
‘Shut the fuck up, lad,’ I hissed, tossing a bottle of water at him.
‘His asshole,’ Gibsie finished, completely unaffected by the bottle that had just smacked off the side of his head. ‘Or anus, if you want to get technical.’
‘Shut the front door!’ Claire gasped, clambering into a sitting position. Her eyes were wide in wonder and glued to the front of Gibsie’s jocks. ‘And you never told me that before?’
‘I can show you,’ he offered in a flirtatious tone. ‘Come behind that tree with me and I’ll give you a thorough lesson in the male anatomy –’
‘Wait a damn minute!’ Hughie growled, attention riveted to the same place his sister was staring. Springing straight up, he pointed to Gibsie’s jocks and hissed, ‘When did you get that?’
‘I have no idea what you’re talking about,’ Gibsie whistled, feigning innocence.
Looking mildly horrified, Hughie tilted his head to one side, clearly inspecting his junk. ‘Show us.’
‘You said I’m not allowed take my jocks off,’ Gibsie sniffed, folding his arms across his chest. ‘You threatened my gooch.’
‘Holy shit,’ Feely choked out a laugh. ‘You didn’t!’
‘He fucking did,’ Hughie muttered, paling a little.
‘Ah, lad,’ Feely groaned, rolling onto his side. ‘You are troubled.’
‘You don’t seem surprised, Cap,’ Hughie noted, eyeing me suspiciously. ‘Why are you not surprised?’
‘What did he do?’ Shannon asked me.
‘Uh…’ Sitting up, I resisted the urge to tuck her face into my chest and cover her ears. ‘You don’t want to know.’
‘The genius pierced his penis,’ Lizzie deadpanned. ‘Look at it – I can see it popping out through his jocks. It’s practically waving hello.’
‘Don’t look at it,’ I barked. ‘None of you look at it.’ Turning to Gibsie, I hissed, ‘You put it away.’
‘I can’t believe you got a Prince Albert piercing,’ Lizzie said, rolling her eyes. ‘That’s so tacky.’
‘He didn’t,’ Claire was quick to defend. ‘He got a Jacob’s Ladder, and it’s not tacky. It’s very nice.’
‘And how the hell would you know?’ Hughie demanded, glaring at his sister. ‘What have you been up to? Hmm?’ He narrowed his eyes. ‘Were you looking at his ladder?’ Claire’s cheeks reddened and Hughie turned his glare on Gibsie. ‘Did you corrupt my sister?’
‘No…’ Claire replied, cheeks burning red now. ‘I…uh, just spotted it.’
‘You spotted it,’ Hughie repeated, tone laced with disbelief. ‘And where did you happen to spot his pierced dick, Claire?’
‘Johnny got the call up!’ Gibsie blurted out, throwing me right under the bus. ‘Johnny got the call up. Johnny got the call up. Focus on that!’
‘What?’ Hughie’s eyes widened and his head snapped towards me. ‘You got the call up?’
‘You did?’ Feely demanded, eyes wide in astonishment. ‘When?’
Shannon stiffened beside me and I mentally envisioned myself standing up and beating the ever-living shite out of my best friend. ‘Thanks, friend,’ I bit out, glowering at Gibsie.
‘Yes!’ Claire squealed, nodding eagerly. ‘Please god, focus on that.’
‘And not what I did to your sister,’ Gibsie agreed.
‘What the fuck did you do to my sister?’ Hughie demanded. ‘If you put that metal rod near her, I’m going cut it off –’
‘Johnny got called up for the senior team, too,’ Gibsie blurted, driving over me with his double decker bus once again in his pathetic attempt to cover his tracks. ‘U20’s and senior.’ Keep fucking mowing me down, why don’t you… ‘He got two call-ups!’
‘Holy Jesus, you did it, Cap!’ Stumbling to his feet, Hughie clutched his chest and gaped in wonder. ‘You actually fucking did it!’
‘The senior team? Oh Christ, I’m going to throw up,’ Feely announced, breathing hard through his nose. ‘I’m so proud and so scared for you right now that I can’t feel my feet.’
‘I’m only a reserve for the senior team,’ I said, feeling incredibly uncomfortable.
‘And starting outside center for the u20’s,’ Gibsie reminded me. ‘I guess the number 13 isn’t so unlucky for you, is it, Cap?’
‘It’s not that big of a deal,’ I said, eyeing my girlfriend warily. Yeah, I was on the cusp of being rewarded for everything I had worked for. I had spent the past twelve years in beast mode, working to achieve the elusive career that was now knocking on my door. All the sacrifices I made in my life; skipping parties, controlling my food intake like a robot, and training until my body hit its breaking point. Being a boring bastard, pumping it out in the gym on Saturday evenings and Sunday mornings instead of hanging out with my friends? It had all been for this exact moment. To get to this point. To be recognized for who I was and what I was capable of achieving. To be taken into the coach’s office last Saturday and be told that I was good enough. That I had made it. And instead of feeling fulfilled, I felt empty. Because somewhere along the way, without my brain or heart’s permission, my dreams and goals for my future had shifted. I didn’t even notice the shift happening. I didn’t feel the full force of my apprehension until this exact moment in time as I was hit with the sudden realization that I didn’t want any of this without her. The contract looming over my head, the one I was guaranteed with my home province in Dublin if I performed during the summer games, meant absolutely nothing if it took me away from her. Because she would be here, and I would be leaving. And how the fuck could I leave her after everything?
Getting onto the U20’s squad had been my plan for so long, and I was starving for my shot. I’d earned it. I wanted it. Jesus, of course I wanted it. More than almost anything in the world. Just not more than her.
I was feeling thoroughly conflicted, and with the prospect of traveling with the senior team for the summer tour, combined with the death of Shannon’s parents and upheaval of her life, I was completely torn apart.
I knew what I needed to do for me, but it wasn’t the same as what I needed to do for us. If I left, it meant walking away from her during a time when she needed me most. She had her junior cert exams coming up, and her brother was in rehab. Her fucking world had fallen down around her and I was contemplating chasing a rugby ball around a pitch half a world away.
For days, I’d wrestled with telling Shannon about the squad, struggling with forming the words to explain it, before deciding to put all talk of rugby on the back burner until after the funeral. Now that the cat was out of the bag, courtesy of my eejit best friend, Shannon was just staring at me with an expression I couldn’t fathom.
Silently raging with Gibsie for opening his mouth, today of all damn days, I quickly hurried on. ‘I’m not even sure if I’m going yet, and it’s another few weeks away, so can we not talk about it? At least until we get school out of the way? We still have this week and next week to go. And final exams –’
‘No,’ both Hughie and Feely shot back in outrage.
‘All of the dreaming and scheming, the early mornings and the countless grind and hustle?’ Hughie shook his head and stared at me like he didn’t recognize my face anymore. ‘You’re finally going to show the world what you’re made of, Cap.’
‘This is a huge deal, Johnny,’ Feely added. ‘Like colossally huge.’
‘It’s really not,’ I muttered, playing it down, as I ran a hand through my hair in sheer exasperation. ‘So, can we all just calm down?’
‘Actually, it’s probably the biggest deal of your life to date,’ Lizzie decided to join the fold by saying. ‘Just saying.’
‘Could you not just say,’ I snapped, flustered. ‘Jesus, today is not the day to talk about this.’
‘Congratulations,’ Shannon choked out, tears trickling down her cheeks. ‘You did it.’
Was she happy? Was she sad? I didn’t know. I had no fucking clue. All I could think of was her heartbroken face as she watched her mother being lowered into the ground only a few short hours ago. I wanted to tell her I wouldn’t go – that I’d stay right here with her. And I truly would if she wanted me too… but a part of me was desperate for this opportunity. I was disgusted with myself for feeling this way, but I couldn’t change it. ‘Shan, don’t cry, baby. It’s not a definite yet. I haven’t made any dec –’
‘You did it!’ she cried and then threw her arms around me. ‘You made it, Johnny!’ Scrambling onto my lap, she wrapped her arms and legs around me and squealed. ‘Oh my god, I’m so proud of you.’
My brows shot up in surprise. ‘You are?’
‘Of course,’ she sniffled, pulling back to smile at me. ‘You fought for this, Johnny.’ Stroking my cheeks, she leaned in and pressed a kiss to my lips. ‘You’ve earned this.’
‘But you’re crying,’ I choked out, voice thick with emotion.
‘Because I’m so happy for you,’ she half-sobbed/half-laughed. ‘You’re being rewarded for all of your hard work.’ Sniffling, she cupped my face in her small hands and pressed her forehead to mine. ‘This is your time.’ With her big, blue eyes locked on mine, she urged, ‘Take this. It’s yours,’ before pressing a hard kiss to my lips. ‘Take it and shine.’
‘I’m scared,’ I whispered in her ear, not giving too damn shites that our friends were lurking around, eavesdropping. I needed to get this off my chest before I exploded. ‘I’m scared to take this and lose you.’
‘I’m yours, too,’ she promised. ‘You can have both.’
‘I’ve been fighting for this my whole life, Shannon,’ I strangled out, feeling my chest constrict so tight that I struggled to breathe. ‘This isn’t a whim to me.’
She nodded. ‘I know.’
‘I have to do it,’ I confessed, begging her with my eyes to forgive me. ‘I have to see it through.’
She smiled. ‘I know.’
‘Then why does it feel all wrong?’ I choked out.
‘It’s not wrong, Johnny,’ she whispered. ‘It’s right and that’s what’s scary.’
‘I won’t do it,’ I blurted out, panicking and backpedaling. ‘If you have doubts, tell me now, and I’ll stay. If you don’t want me to go, then I won’t. Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it –’
‘I want this for you,’ Shannon cut me off by saying. ‘I want you to chase your dreams and show the world how amazing you are.’
‘But I’ll be gone for a month,’ I croaked out, heart hammering violently in my chest. ‘Maybe even a month and a half. Could be more. That’s a long time, Shan.’
‘And I’ll be here when you come home. If it’s in a month, or a month and a half, or two months, or four –’ sniffling, she gave me a bright smile, ‘I’ll be right here waiting for you.’
‘You’re hurting my ladder,’ Gibsie said in a sad tone of voice.
‘What?’ Shannon and I both asked in unison as we turned to look at him.
‘My ladder,’ Gibsie explained with a lonesome sigh. ‘You made it shrink with all this talk of Johnny leaving.’ Sinking down on the grass beside Claire, he huffed out a breath. ‘Now, I’m fucking depressed.’
‘Oh, come on. He’ll come back to you, too.’ Hooking her arm through his, Claire leaned her cheek against Gibsie’s shoulder. ‘And you can’t be too sad, Gerard – we’re having babies together this summer, remember?’
‘Yeah, I know,’ he sighed heavily as he rested his chin on her head. ‘But I’m still not sure we’re ready for that kind of responsibility, babe. I mean, I’m only seventeen.’
‘Well, ready or not, the babies are coming,’ Claire replied, patting his knee. ‘And it’s your fault for letting him in.’
‘What the actual fuck?’ Lizzie and Hughie both demanded at the same time.
‘Brian,’ Gibsie explained in a glum tone. ‘Turns out he had an undescended testicle and wasn’t shooting blanks like we thought.’
‘And that explains why you’re having babies this summer how exactly?’ Katie choked out, eyes-wide.
‘He had sex with Cherub,’ Gibsie wailed. ‘We caught them at it in Claire’s room back during Easter break. And now she’s pregnant.’
‘Our cat Cherub?’ Hughie demanded. ‘Brian got her pregnant?’
‘We’ve had our suspicions for a while, but the vet confirmed it last Wednesday,’ Gibsie groaned. ‘We saw them and everything, didn’t we, babe?’
‘Uh-huh – on an ultrasound monitor,’ Claire agreed. ‘She’s having six kittens.’
‘Did you know a cat’s pregnancy can last anything from 56 to 67 days?’ Gibsie asked.
‘No,’ the rest of us replied.
‘Well, she could give birth anytime from the middle of next month onwards,’ Claire told us. ‘Isn’t that exciting?’
‘It’s going to cost me a small fortune,’ Gibsie sighed. ‘And my Mam says that they’re my responsibility because I brought him into her bedroom, and I should have known better, but I didn’t fucking know better because I was under the assumption that he was walking around with a permanent condom on his cat dick. But no, he lied to me – lied to the vets, too. He had a sperm-filled ball all along!’
‘And she’s not the only cat on the street he knocked up, either,’ Claire added. ‘Apparently, Mrs. Lovell’s grey tabby had a litter of snow-white kittens last Tuesday. They had long hair and everything.’
‘What can I say other than he’s a whore?’ Gibsie confirmed with a grim nod. ‘He’s an abusive, one-bollocked bastard on a mission to impregnate every pussy he gets his claws into – but I’m only standing over Cherub,’ he added with a huff. ‘That’s it. I’ll father them. I’ll do the night feeds with you, Claire. I’ll be there at the birth. But that’s it. Yours are the only babies I’m claiming. I know nothing whatsoever about Mrs. Lovell’s tabby or any other woman’s pregnant pussy. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.’
‘You two are made for each other,’ Katie chuckled. ‘It’s so adorable.’
‘Don’t tell them that, babe,’ Hughie growled. ‘You’ll give them ideas.’
‘But they’re having babies together,’ Katie pointed out. ‘They’re already committed.’
‘Okay, topic changer before I throw my lunch up,’ Lizzie interjected, feigning a gag. ‘What are we going to do about transition year?’
‘What do you mean?’ Shannon asked, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand.
‘They spoke about it at school last week,’ Lizzie explained. ‘They’re introducing the leap year option.’
‘Are you fucking serious?’ I demanded, feeling a sudden pang of outrage. ‘I begged them to let me skip fourth year, but Twomey was adamant that they weren’t going to offer the gap year program at Tommen.’
‘Well, he clearly changed his mind because it’s being offered to us,’ Lizzie told me. ‘We have the option to skip fourth year and move straight into fifth year after the summer.’ She looked at Shannon and Claire. ‘And I’m taking it, guys.’
Claire frowned. ‘You are?’
‘And endure one less year of bullshit? Of course I’m taking it,’ Lizzie shot back. ‘I’d leave right now if I had my way.’
‘Good choice,’ Feely interjected quietly, giving her a small nod.
Lizzie blushed. ‘I know.’
‘Well, I don’t know what I’m doing yet,’ Claire announced. ‘I haven’t even thought about it.’
‘You should skip,’ Gibsie encouraged, waggling his brows at her. ‘Then you’re one year closer to me.’
‘And what good would that do me?’ Claire teased.
‘It’ll put us ahead of schedule,’ he replied, not missing a beat. ‘It’s a good omen. I can feel it in my balls.’
Claire rolled her eyes. ‘You and your weirdness.’
‘And his gooch,’ Katie offered with a snicker.
‘Always the gooch,’ Gibsie agreed with laugh.
‘Jesus,’ Hughie groaned. ‘Enough of the gooch already –’
‘Should we even be talking like this?’ Feely asked then, casting a guilty look in Shannon’s direction. ‘You know, given the circumstances –’
‘Please don’t stop,’ Shannon hurried to say. ‘Just keep being normal with me.’ Shrugging shyly, she settled into a sitting position between my legs, facing the others, and whispered, ‘It helps.’
‘You want normal?’ Gibsie asked, giving her a wolfish grin. ‘I can do that.’
‘He can’t,’ Lizzie interjected. ‘It’s physiologically impossible for him to act like a normal human.’
‘Oh, and there she is; the viper,’ Gibsie countered in a sarcastic drawl. ‘Fair play, girl. You kept that poisonous tongue of yours under control for over an hour.’
‘Eat shit,’ Lizzie growled.
‘I’d eat shit before I’d eat you,’ he shot back.
‘I’m devastated,’ Lizzie fake gasped. ‘Watch me wipe my tears,’ she added, using her middle finger to wipe her cheek.
‘Are you two ever going to get along?’ Claire groaned. ‘Even for one day?’
‘Nope,’ they both replied at the same time before glowering at each other.
Shannon leaned against my chest and sighed softly. ‘Tears, rugby, and those two fighting? This is our normal.’
‘Yeah.’ Wrapping my arms around her, I kissed her shoulder. ‘I guess it is.’
