If there’s anything you shouldn’t do while tired, it’s play Battleship. Literally nothing knocks you out faster. I stared at the red and white markers, seeing double of everything as my eyesight went unfocused.
“I think you sank my last ship, but honestly I can’t make out the rows anymore so I’m not sure.”
“That’s just another way of saying you suck at this game.”
I arched an eyebrow, peering at Jamie over the top of the game. “Respect your mother, I suck at nothing.”
He giggled.
“Trust me, bud, if there’s anything your mom isn’t, it’s a sucker.”
I blinked, turning my head with horror-film slowness to my best friend, currently curled up with the dogs on the couch, strumming her guitar.
Picking up a carrot stick from our snack bowl, I threw it at her face—missing completely. “You do enough of that for the both of us.”
“And it is glorious!” She threw her arms in the air, terrifying both dogs awake.
Jamie looked up from his board. “Why would sucking at something be glorious? I hate being bad at stuff.”
I burst out laughing, absorbing the moment of joy so I could bask in it later. “Never grow up, bud. You’re perfect just like this.”
“O-kay.”
“Perfect!” I slammed my game board shut, or as shut as it could be with pieces still in place. “Now let’s play Twister or something.”
He folded his arms across his chest, frowning. “You squished me to death last time.”
“But did you die?” Stretching my limbs and groaning, I rolled onto my back to sit up, but ended up lying there like a chalk silhouette of a dead body.
“Mom. Come on. One more game.”
“I’m exhausted. Plus, I went through the effort to sign you up for soccer today, so I’ve done my parental duties for the day. I’m calling in sick now.” I flopped to my side, slowly pushing up into a sitting position like a half-dead mermaid.
He rolled his eyes, turning to the love of his life. “Layla, do you want to play a game of Battleship?”
“Depends, do you want to cry?” She gave him a grin I could only describe as predatory as she got up and moved to take my place.
It was Thursday, my last free evening before a weekend of hell, and I didn’t feel the least bit ashamed about grabbing a blanket and sneaking outside. Not only did I have my usual doubles this weekend, but I had my first guard shift Saturday, and I was officially overwhelmed.
I was considering calling out of the restaurant since I knew a few girls who’d been wanting extra shifts. With Layla paying a portion of the rent and utilities, I was getting ahead with bills and could afford to cut back for at least one weekend.
Climbing onto one of the porch chairs, I ignored the fact that it needed to be wiped off and laid my head back, staring out into the night. I loved how quiet it was here. Not as quiet as my childhood home where we lived miles down a dirt road, but it was so much quieter than any of the places Jamie and I had lived before. Especially the military base.
There was barely any breeze, the warmest night it’d been in a while. Fall could never be considered warm here, but at least it wasn’t freezing.
Deciding to take that as a positive sign, I yanked up my blanket and dragged it out onto the small section of yard next to the driveway.
Spreading it out like a giant rectangular cloud floating on the grass, I kicked off my damp socks and dropped down. It was a little chillier off the porch without the blanket wrapped around me, but I’d come this far so I was determined to follow through.
I stretched my limbs starfish style, and gazed up at the clear, night sky to search for constellations. When I was younger, I used to sneak out at night sometimes, just to look at the stars and see if I could find the Big Dipper.
The sky was one of the things I missed the most about living in the Midwest. The landscape where I’d lived was flatter than a pancake, so the stars reached as far as you could see. Anyone who called the Midwest ugly had never seen a Kansas sunrise.
A familiar smell pulled me out of the fog I’d been lazing in, drifting in my nose, and shooting tingles all the way to my toes. I turned toward it, curling up and wishing I could climb inside and rub it all over me. I loved that man’s damn smell.
Wait.
My eyes snapped open, blinking a few times to clear the spots, only to discover a limb next to me. A limb I’d just been snuggling my face into. I jolted up, upsetting a fleece throw blanket that’d been tucked over me.
“Hey.”
I rubbed at my eyes, trying to figure out what I was seeing. Garrett. Garrett was next to me, lying on his back, with one arm—my cuddle buddy—straight at his side, and the other tucked underneath his head. His legs imitated his arms, with one stretched out while the other was bent at the knee. He looked comfy as hell.
“Hey,” I greeted back.
He laughed, a deep sound straight from his chest that left a weird, warm sensation in my gut. “You should see your face right now.”
I ran my hands across my eyes and down my cheeks, sitting up fully. “I’m a little confused.”
“So was I when I stepped outside and noticed your unconscious form sprawled out in the yard. I about had a heart attack before I noticed the premeditated, perfectly laid-out blanket underneath you.”
I flushed. “Oh God, I’m sorry. How long have I been here?” I pinched the fleece blanket, rolling it back and forth between my fingers.
“Not sure how long you were here before I noticed you, but I’ve been here for about twenty minutes. I didn’t want to wake you, but I also didn’t want to leave you alone.” He tilted his head, looking at me under lowered brows. “It’s not safe to be sleeping in the middle of your yard.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
His eyes lowered farther. “I’m not that much older than you.”
I scrunched my lips, fighting a smile, and looked at the night sky. “You’re what, twenty years older?”
“Eleven,” he growled.
I chuckled. “Seriously, thank you for bringing a blanket and making sure I was safe. I hadn’t planned on falling asleep, I just wanted to look at the stars and breathe for a minute.”
“Yeah, you don’t look so hot.”
“Thanks.”
He curled his stomach into a crunch, smoothly sitting up and gestured at my face. “I meant you look tired.”
Normally, my sensitive ass would’ve felt like crap that a hot guy had pointed it out, but I didn’t. I was tired. “Are you always this smooth of a talker?”
Fiddling with the sleeve of his shirt, he shifted uncomfortably, as if he might actually be embarrassed.
“I’m joking. I look like complete shit, it’s okay, you can say it.”
He huffed a laugh under his breath, slanting his eyes in my direction. “I don’t always sleep well either. I spent a lot of years in the Marine Corps, several of them deployed, and it messed with my ability to sleep for eight straight hours. So, I get it.”
His admission piqued my interest, waking me the rest of the way. I felt like I should’ve known, but as much as media tried to portray all military members as stereotypical “jarheads,” that was rarely the case. You couldn’t always tell.
“How long have you been out?”
“Only a couple years, although it feels like longer.”
I nodded, I didn’t have experience with what being enlisted was like, but I’d lived on an Army base. I’d heard people talk about how difficult it was returning to civilian life. “Were you stationed around here, or did you move here after?”
“Most of my enlistment was spent here, but I’m from California.”
I popped my lips, watching my toes wiggle in front of me. “That’s a big change, California to here.” I wanted to ask why he’d chosen to stay here, rather than go back after he’d gotten out, but he looked uncomfortable enough as it was.
He coughed, rubbing at the back of his neck and cringing slightly. “So, what about you. What keeps you up at night, Madison?”
I pressed my legs together, biting my bottom lip to keep my face from displaying the irrational thoughts his voice sent through my head. I swore the way he said my name was like ear porn. I glanced at him in time to catch a small flare of his nostrils.
“School,” I blurted. Slouching over the blanket, I lowered my voice. “I’m taking online courses at the university.”
His eyebrows shot up, the hazel of his eyes appearing more brown in the darkening evening light. “Like administrative courses for your job or something?”
“No, I’m enrolled full time. I have a few associate degrees I transferred with, but I’m focusing on my bachelor’s right now. It’s honestly not awful, I just do it at night because of my work schedule.”
“And you’re a mom.” He shook his head, releasing a heavy sigh. “Jesus fucking Christ, Madison.”
Before thinking better of it, I reached over and patted his knee. “It’s really not as bad as it sounds.”
His eyes darted down, focusing on where I touched him. Feeling like I’d crossed an invisible line, I pulled it back, but his eyes stayed pinned on his knee.
“I get it now, why you told Layla you don’t—”
My phone’s shrill ringtone filled the silence, cutting him off and making me jump. I bundled the blanket up and tossed it in his lap, lifting my legs and searching for the phone hidden somewhere beneath me.
It was probably Layla calling while she watched us from the living room window like a voyeur. I’d answer, and she’d likely greet me with a dirty comment about Garrett. I was already chuckling over the imaginary conversation when I located the device.
Caller ID: Don’t Answer.
My fingers clenched around the screen involuntarily, and my body tensed. How many years would it take for me to stop reacting this way? How many years away from him before the thought of his voice no longer sent me into a downward spiral of self-hatred?
I closed my eyes, willing it away, but when I opened them, the contact name was still across my screen, laughing at me. I’d known his silence wouldn’t last forever. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? Forget me? It wasn’t hard, Jamie’s sperm donor had proved that much.
Angry at myself for my inability to keep from obsessing over past mistakes, I smashed the power button harder than necessary to silence it, and looked up at Garrett. “Sorry about that. What were you saying?”
But he wasn’t looking at me. In fact, I wouldn’t call what he was doing ‘looking’ at all. He was glaring down at the phone in my hand with such vehemence that I legitimately wondered if he might light the device on fire with nothing but the flames of his eyes. He looked furious, and it instantly had me backtracking.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have tried to answer my phone while you were talking, that was rude of me.”
I chewed the inside of my cheek, trying to come up with something to say or do that would ease the sudden tension between us. I wasn’t sure when my mind had decided to consider this man my friend, but it had.
He raised his eyes to mine slowly, reluctantly, like he feared my phone might leap up and stab me in the chest if he removed his gaze from it. He exhaled through his nose, squeezing the fleece blanket between his hands like he wished it was someone’s neck.
I frowned down at the helpless fabric. Was he angry that I’d cut him off to pick up my phone, or because of who’d been calling? It couldn’t have been the latter. Even if he saw the contact, it wasn’t a name. And why would he care anyway?
Feeling confused, I mumbled, “All right, well, I should go back inside. I’m surprised they haven’t come looking for me yet.” I gave him a small smile, the pressure in my chest lessening when his face relaxed minutely.
“Would you…” I hesitated, unsure if it was okay to invite him inside. Besides Nate, whom I’d never seen outside of work, I hadn’t had a male friend since high school. I didn’t have experience with where the lines were in a male-female friendship.
“I feel like it’s all I ever offer you, but I was planning on making my fiftieth cup of coffee for the day. Would you like some?”
He grunted, and I chose to take that as a silent agreement. Slapping my thighs, I said, “Come on, it’s cold out here.”
Getting up, I nudged him with my foot. Whereas I’d had to shove off my knees and heave myself up, he rose in one smooth movement. His gloriously thick thighs doing all the work.
Good Lord, what was wrong with me? Thoughts like that were definitely crossing the line of friendship. I grabbed the blanket and shook it out to distract myself before heading toward the house.
Both dogs instantly went for him, one in excitement, the other in furious outrage. I rolled my eyes, walking toward my little family who’d moved to the table and were now playing a game of Guess Who.
“Child of mine, shouldn’t you be getting ready for bed by now?”
“I was going to go outside and ask you if we could play one more game, but Layla told me not to bother you. She said you were having a mental crisis and would come back in when you were done asking the sky for the answers to life.”
I slid my eyes to the woman behind that statement. I was going to kick her in the ovaries when she least expected it. I opened my mouth but didn’t get the chance to reprimand either of them when Garrett’s rumbling laughter echoed out right behind me, sending shivers up my spine.
I glanced back, but he was standing so close, I only got an eyeful of chest. Tipping my face up, I squinted my eyes, but that only made him laugh harder.
“That sounds about right, J-man.”
I flung my hands up in defeat. “I hope you all get restless leg syndrome the second you try to fall asleep. Which, speaking of sleep, you seriously need to finish up and get ready, bud. It’s past your bedtime, and you have school tomorrow.”
He grumbled, flicking the remaining plastic figures down and loading the game back into its box. I watched him shuffle to his room, Sadie at his heels. She’d taken to sleeping with him lately, and although he wouldn’t admit it, he was eating it up.
“Coffee still okay with you, Garrett? I could also do tea or a glass of water?” He looked down at me, close enough I could feel the heat from his chest, and I fought the urge to press my chilled body against him for warmth.
“Coffee’s fine.”
I gave him a thumbs up, setting to work and chatting with him and Layla about their plans for the weekend. Layla seemed to be the only one with anything exciting happening.
“You sure you don’t need me to stay home to watch Jamie for you Saturday?”
I waved a hand near my head. “Nope, my parents are excited to have some extra time with him. You and Rick go off and have fun. Hike, get some vicious leg cramps, sweat profusely, attract mosquitoes, all that fun outdoorsy stuff.”
She gave me an unimpressed look. She and Rick were not, in any way, the outdoorsy type. They’d probably stay in and write new, amazing music all day.
Garrett had moved to the bar to watch me work. He looked so out of place with his huge mass of a body trying to get comfortable on our cheap barstool. “Which jobs do you do on the weekend?”
Grabbing the finished pot, I poured it into the two mismatched mugs I’d pulled out. “Payroll on Sunday and waitressing each night. Although, I honestly think I might call out from the restaurant. Someone recently told me I look awful so I think maybe I should pull back a bit.”
I winked at him over my shoulder and swore his eyes flared in response. But by the time I turned to slide him his mug and creamer, he was back to his normal, stoic expression.
“I actually start a new position Saturday as well.”
He wrapped his long fingers around the cup, and my gaze was drawn to his full lips as he pursed them to blow across the top. “Another one?”
“Kind of. I’m just a fill-in, nothing permanent.” I leaned back, gesturing to my body with an exaggerated wave. “You’re looking at a newly licensed, unarmed guard. Saturday’s my first solo shift.”
His mug hit the counter with an abrupt thunk, causing my head to jolt back. I could practically see the anger seeping from his pores. The man’s moods were going to give me serious whiplash one of these days.
“You’re fucking with me.”
I grimaced, unsure what to do with the unapologetic audacity he was flaunting at me. “No.”
“You have no business being a guard.”
“Excuse me?” He was one-hundred percent correct, because I was a complete scaredy cat. But I sure as hell wasn’t going to agree with him to his face. Not after he’d just laid my pride on a log and slammed a freaking sledgehammer into it.
“You want to explain that one to me?” I tightened my hold on my mug, trying to keep my voice low so Jamie wouldn’t come running out of his room.
Garrett didn’t back down. “You’re what, five foot three? A buck thirty, soaking wet?”
“Five foot five, actually.” As if that tiny detail mattered in the least.
“Where.” The word was wrapped in aggression, and it made the air around us thicken to an almost unbearable level. My shoulders drew up, and in my peripheral, Layla straightened to attention.
Fighting back my body’s conditioned response to livid men, I took a shaky sip of coffee. It was still too hot and burned my tongue, but I ignored the pain, refusing to let him see how much his tone had unsettled me. “The community college.”
“And what exactly will you be doing?”
“Patrolling the campus.”
“Alone.”
It wasn’t a question, but I answered like it was anyway. “Yes.”
“Unarmed.” Another statement.
“I’ll have Mace,” I snapped. He was hitting on every insecurity I already had about the job, and it pissed me off. I didn’t need to be reminded that I was doing something I didn’t feel qualified to be doing.
“Mace,” he scoffed, shoving off the stool and prowling around the counter toward me. I retreated a step, heart rate increasing, but he kept stalking closer until we were chest to stomach, my back pressed against the fridge.
“Go ahead, Madison.” His face loomed inches above my own. “Reach for an imaginary Mace canister at your side. Let’s see if you can do it before I incapacitate you.”
My chest started heaving, my blood pressure building to an unhealthy point, and angry tears stung the corners of my eyes. I raised one arm to the side, holding up a hand to stop Layla, who looked ready to castrate the man in front of me.
Never looking away from him, I moved, but I didn’t go for anything imaginary. I shot my hands straight up, wrapping them around the sides of his head, and pressing my thumbs over his eyelids—not enough to hurt, just to make a point that I could.
His hands clutched my waist, making it impossible to pull away. I rammed my knee up into his thigh, just to the side of his groin, and he grunted.
Slipping my hands farther up, I grabbed two fistfuls of his hair and yanked his head down. Several silent tears had escaped, trailing down my flushed cheeks, but I still looked him straight in the face. His grip on my waist immediately slackened to a gentle hold.
“I feel like we’ve been here before,” I whispered, doing the opposite of him, and tightening my grip, “with you assuming something about me and looking like an asshole.”
I tilted my head, sucking on my teeth. “You’re right, I’m no match against a man of your size who truly wants to do me harm, but I’m not without claws. I may not win, but you better believe I fight back now.”
More tears fell, the angle of my head causing them to drip over my lips, and his eyes flared, fixated on my mouth. “Madison—”
We were suddenly jarred to the side when a body slammed into his, catching us unaware and knocking him to the side. He’d barely centered his footing, holding me upright along with him, when the same small body shoved between us, pushing against Garrett’s chest with all his might.
“You get away from her!”
I darted forward, snatching Jamie’s flailing limbs and wrapping my arms around him from behind. “Stop! Stop, Jamie! He’s not hurting me.”
His arms fell, and I hugged him harder, trying not to sob at the shaking I could feel coursing through his frame. “I’m fine. I promise, I’m fine.”
Unlocking my arms, I twisted him, planting my hands on his cheeks, and making him meet my eyes. “Garrett wasn’t trying to hurt me. I’m safe, okay? You’re safe.”
He nodded, but I could tell he didn’t quite believe me as he wrapped his arms around me in a strangling hug.
Movement over his head caught my eye, and I looked up to see Layla ushering Garrett to the door. His face had shut down, his signature flat expression in place. I locked eyes with him and silently mouthed, “It’s all right.”
I stood there long after they left, hugging my child and staring at the abandoned coffee mugs on the bar, wishing I could remove every bad memory from his head. Every heartache, every fear, every pain. All of it. I wanted to write a book with a perfect, magical world and transport him there where nothing could ever hurt him.
There was nothing crueler than wanting to give someone everything and knowing you couldn’t. Knowing you were already predetermined to fail at it from the very beginning but trying your damnedest to succeed anyway.
