The room spun, circling around me like a kaleidoscope of images. I couldn’t help but wonder if this was what it felt like when people said their lives passed before their eyes.
Did it spin around them in quick bursts, or did time slow down in those moments and allow you to enjoy it?
I closed my eyes, shoving off again. I could do without seeing my life flash before my eyes. Besides Jamie, there wasn’t a single thing I’d want to re-experience before death. I’d die depressed and stressed out.
Sighing, I gave myself one more round before putting my foot out and stopping the chair’s movement.
I stared at the time on my desktop, wanting nothing more than to grumble and crawl under the desk. You know it’s going to be a long night when you’re daydreaming at work about life and death. I was so over this work schedule. When I was thirty-five and successful, I sure as hell better look back and be proud of this shit.
I finished filling out my timesheet and put the monitor to sleep. “I’m about to clock out for the day, Evaline. You need anything before I go?”
“No, honey, you enjoy your weekend.”
I scrunched my nose, that was highly unlikely given my schedule, Jamie’s game, and midterms to study for, but it was a sweet sentiment, nonetheless. I pushed back my chair and grabbed my purse and change of clothes, making my way through the office.
I saw a few people as I passed, but most only offered a quick smile or a half-wave. Things had become different after the fiasco with Rob. He hadn’t been well-liked, so no one seemed to hate me over him being fired, but they also didn’t strike up conversations with me anymore. No one was necessarily rude; they just didn’t know how to act around me.
It was as if the sexual harassment I’d experienced had affected them. Seeing me only reminded them of something they’d prefer to forget. I was no longer just a person. I was that person, and they didn’t know what to say to me.
I stepped into the bathroom, efficiently switching out of my office clothes for my waitressing uniform before slipping back out and making my way through the lobby and to my vehicle.
I’d only recently started changing clothes here so I could drop Jamie at home without going inside. I’d felt weird about it at first, but it saved me time so I’d gotten over it pretty quick.
The restaurant had no problem with me clocking in a few minutes early, and with the holidays coming up, I needed every extra tip I could get.
Honestly, I was tempted to take a few extra guard shifts as well. Jim had already asked me if I’d be available and willing to cover more Saturdays as the holidays approached so some of the other guards could have full weekends off with their families.
The irony wasn’t lost on me, and I’d kind of just stared at him before making some off-hand comment saying I’d think about it. I still hadn’t decided.
The restaurant was quiet when I walked in, only a few straggling customers spread around. I waved to one of the new girls who was lazing about the host stand and made my way to the back to clock-in and store my things.
The quiet didn’t last long. By five o’clock we had a full house. It wasn’t Super Bowl slammed, but it kept me busy enough that the time whirred by. Five quickly turned to six and six to seven. These were my favorite kind of shifts, the fast-moving ones.
I smiled at a toddler strapped into a highchair at one of my tables, playing a game of peekaboo with my order pad while waiting for her father to dig through his wallet for his credit card.
She squealed, clapping her hands and showing me two rows of tiny teeth. Her chubby cheeks were covered in ketchup, but it was nothing compared to the globs of it I could see on her lap. I chuckled, grabbing an extra stack of napkins from the neighboring table and handing it to her mother, who gave me an appreciative smile.
All my other tables had received their meals and would be set for a few minutes before I’d need to check on them, so once I finished cashing out the small family, I headed into the back to get a head start on my side duties.
Tonight, I was in charge of re-filling ranch bottles, and I hated it. The sad truth about restaurants—this one included—was they never replaced condiment containers unless they broke. They just had us top off the bottles using bulk containers night after night. No rinsing, no washing, no emptying out the old stuff first. Just refilled and reused over and over again.
Cringe.
I was on my fifth one when Nate popped his head through the swinging door. “Hey, Curly, you got a two top at seventeen.”
I tipped my head, indicating I’d heard.
“I went ahead and took their drink orders since they wanted beer, so swing by and grab ’em on your way.”
“All right, thanks, Nate.”
“And maybe clean up your face a little as well.”
I looked up sharply, spilling ranch down my fingers. “Why? What’s on my face?” I asked, wiping the back of my wrist across my forehead.
“Nothing, you spaz. I just meant one of them is sizzling hot. Like, the kind of hot I’d happily spread my cheeks for while screaming thank you.”
“Jesus, stop. I’ll never be able to wash that image out. Clench your butt and go make my drinks,” I said, waving him off with my non-ranch-covered hand. He winked at me but did as I bid.
Typically, I enjoyed when I had an attractive, single man as a customer. I was only human and enjoyed casual flirting as much as the next lonely person, but I found myself not even remotely interested tonight. In fact, I was kind of dreading walking out there.
If I wanted a decent tip, I’d give him a couple extra smiles and stop by to chat a few times, but the idea tasted bitter in my mouth. There was certainly a hot single man I’d like to do that with, but he wasn’t a random stranger.
Grabbing a paper towel, I wiped my hand free of ranch and pepped myself up before marching back onto the floor with a smile on my face.
A smile that froze almost instantly.
Oh.
Well, Nate hadn’t been wrong, the man was absolutely cheek-spreading worthy. Before the table noticed me, I retreated through the swinging door, circling around the back to the other side of the restaurant, and dashed straight into the bathroom.
After cleaning up my messy bun—the bad messy, not the cute kind—and smacking my cheeks a few times, I took a deep, steadying breath. I could do this.
“Hi, guys, I’m Madison, and I’ll be your server this evening.” I set the two beers I was holding on the table and then placed both hands on my hips.
“Your name tag says Curly.”
I pursed my lips. “They like nicknames here. You can call me either. Are you ready to order or do you need a few more minutes?”
“I don’t know about him, but I’m just here to enjoy some drinks and the impeccable view.” He lifted the bottle to his mouth, his tongue darting out slightly before his lips made contact, and he took a swig, eyes pinned on me.
“Oh, um. Perfect. Okay. How about you?”
The older gentleman across from him sat there trying to hide his shit-eating grin behind a menu, and for some reason it made me laugh. I had a feeling these two were going to be a handful tonight.
“Nah, but I’m sure I’ll crave some fries or something later,” he finally got out.
“You got it.” I turned to leave but paused when fingers brushed my wrist. I looked over my shoulder, holding a knife to my heart and threatening it to calm the fuck down.
“I’ll admit, Curly’s cute, but I think I like Maddie better.”
Licking my lips, I swallowed, meeting his gaze. “You know, you’re the only one who calls me that.”
Garrett’s eyes flared, and his knuckles whitened as he gripped the bottle in his hand. “Then I definitely like it better.”
My mouth opened, but realizing I had nothing to say that wouldn’t give away the butterflies taking flight inside of me, I snapped it shut, nodding to Harry and high-tailing it out of there.
I checked on the rest of my tables and then promptly staked out a hiding spot on the far side of the bar.
Nate whistled. “That man was looking at you like you were a snack he wants to partake in three times a day. I could feel the angst from here.”
I groaned, lowering my head to my arms. Of course, Garrett would not only show up when I wasn’t prepared, but also turn up the heat less than a full week after my self-revelation about being in love with him.
Tipping my head to the side and gazing up at my friend, I asked, “You really don’t recognize him?”
He raised his brows, grabbing a frosted mug and filling it with the perfect amount of beer to foam ratio. “No, why? Who is he?”
I groaned again, cursing Nate and his playboy habit of never remembering a single face or name. “Do you remember that night when I downed a guy’s beer over his lap?”
“No. Shut up. That’s the same guy?”
I nodded pathetically, knowing I needed to pick my head up and go check on my customers, but not having the courage to do it yet.
“And you still haven’t put him out of his misery? Curly, that man wants you.”
“I know,” I said, flicking pretzel crumbs off the bar that’d probably fallen from someone’s mouth. “He’s already asked me to play the benefit game.”
“And you haven’t—okay, you’re officially, certifiably insane, but we’ll circle back to that. I meant that man wants you, as in, wants you forever and ever.”
I shoved off the bar, steadying myself from the sudden change in equilibrium. “No, he doesn’t, Nate. He already told me to my face it would be a ‘no feelings’ deal.”
Nate flipped a few shakers, making some random concoction that was sure to be delicious. “Even better then. You always whine about not having the time to date anyway. So, what’s holding you back?”
The fact I was in love with him, and touching him would kill what was left of my beaten-down heart? Was that a good reason?
He popped the caps off two more bottles and slid them over to me. “Do something crazy, Curly. You’re a mom, and a great one, but don’t forget you’re also a woman. You have needs, and that matters too.”
I plucked them up. “Since when did you get all philosophical and shit?”
He paused mid-shake, sucking on his teeth and clicking his tongue. “Curly, I got all kinds of different sides to me. How else do you think I get all my dates?”
I rolled my eyes. Do something crazy, huh? I didn’t judge anyone who enjoyed one-night stands. Nate made it his second profession, and I loved his face. But could I move Garrett’s and my friendship in that direction and not want more? That’s what I wasn’t sure about.
But as I approached his table, and his eyes flicked up my body, I almost yelled, “Goddammit, yes!” and dragged him by his collar to the bathroom. Somehow, I don’t think getting fired was the level of crazy Nate had in mind.
Garrett watched every step I took like it was foreplay for him, and I suddenly forgot how to speak. Setting the new bottles on the table, I reached to grab his empty one, but he whipped his hand out at the same time, curling his fingers around my own. He yanked the bottle toward him, and it lurched me forward until I almost fell into his lap.
I placed a hand against his shoulder, propping up my weight, and stared down at him, wide-eyed. The position felt oddly similar to the last time I’d held a beer bottle over his lap, and the look he gave me said he was thinking the same thing.
I flushed crimson, scrambling back and wiping my palms on my sides. Turning my body away from the fucking sun, I asked Harry, “You still good?”
Harry was leaned forward, his chin resting in his bear-sized hand, a suspiciously blank expression on his face. “Yeah, I’m good.”
I cleared my throat, refusing to look to the man on my left who was staring a hole into me. “All right then, just flag me down when you’re ready for more.”
“I thought I’d already made it clear I was, but I can tell you as many times as you need to hear it, Maddie.”
My ears were so red, they burned, and I’d never moved from a table faster in my life. The sounds of the brothers’ laughter echoing out behind me.
The remainder of the night went on fairly well, all things considered. It didn’t take long for me to have a full section, including a large party, so I was too busy to over-think Garrett’s presence or his teasing comments.
He seemed to understand that, too, because the minute he saw me hustling from table to table, he toned down his gravitational pull and relaxed into his booth, chatting with his brother.
I was assisting another waitress, and had my arms covered in dishes from my elbows down, when they finally pushed out of their booth.
Garrett met my eyes across the room as he tossed cash and something else onto the table. Then he quietly followed Harry out.
I don’t want to say I sprinted over the minute my arms were free, but it was possible. Tucked under a wad of cash that was way too much for their total, was a folded, wrinkled-looking paper. I snatched it up like a crack addict, reading it, then re-reading it.
I’ll see you after work.
How those five words could be both thrilling and nerve wracking was as confusing as it got. I feel like he was both threatening and teasing me at the same time, and it made me feel like a fire was burning in my belly while ants crawled all over my skin. It was heady.
I stashed the note in my pocket, glancing at the window and half-expecting him to be standing there smirking at me, but he wasn’t.
The fact that I was mildly disappointed should have worried me. The fact that it would have turned me on, should have worried me more.
“You going to change it up tonight, Curly? Or just take your usual?”
I stuck out the tip of my tongue in thought, Garrett’s note burning a hole in my back pocket. Was he really going to wait for me to get home?
“Change it up, but nothing crazy that will hinder me from driving.”
“You got it.”
I left Nate at the bar and stored the broom I’d been using, switching it out for the mop. We’d closed right on time, and this was the last chore on my list.
My manager had long since stopped checking on my closing duties, trusting that I actually did them, so when I was done, I shouted a goodbye toward his office and met Nate on the patio.
“Your poison, my lady.”
I took it, dropping my tired butt into the chair next to him and propping my feet on the bars between the legs of the table. “Oh my God, what is this?”
“Just a lemon drop.”
“Jesus, that’s good.” I took a few more sips, leaning back and closing my eyes, enjoying the sweet and sour flavors mixing with the silence of the night. Sometimes you don’t realize just how loud your surroundings are until the moment you finally have silence.
“Uh-oh.”
Eyes still closed, I mumbled out a lazy, “What?”
“Would you say your boy toy is the murdering type?”
I cracked an eye open, wondering where his line of questioning was going, but the sight of his pale face had me shooting up and whipping my head around to see where his gaze was focused.
Garrett stood on the other side of the patio fence, his face partially obscured by the night, and his fists clenched at his sides.
What in the world was he still doing here? I set my drink down, turning my body to face him. “Garrett?”
He blinked, telling me he heard me, but he didn’t tear his eyes from Nate. On the outside, he looked cool and detached, but I knew better.
“She’s not interested.”
Nate’s eyebrows shot right up his forehead. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure even fucking Pluto knows that.”
“Good.”
I put a shaky hand out to stop Nate’s continued rambling and tried not to panic. Why did I feel like I’d just been caught cheating? “What are you doing here?”
The skin around his eyes twitched as he looked at me, and something flashed across his face. It was there and gone in a blink, but I’d seen it. Hurt. “I told you I’d be here.”
Oh god. I’d thought he meant he’d see me back at the duplex, not that he’d literally wait for me to get off work. He’d been sitting around waiting, only to find me meeting up with a different guy as if I’d just disregarded his message. Fuck. My next words tumbled out of me like word vomit.
“Nate’s a friend from work.”
“Good to know. Let’s go.”
I chewed my lip. “My Jeep is here,” I said lamely.
“You’ve been drinking, you’re not driving.”
“I haven’t even finished one drink. And you drank tonight too.”
“Hours ago. You’re not driving. Harry and I will come pick it up later.” He cocked a thumb over his shoulder. “Get in the car, Madison.”
Realizing I didn’t have much of a choice unless I wanted to be thrown over his shoulder, I stood stiffly, scooting past Nate’s chair with a muttered goodbye.
“You good to go with him, Curly?” he asked quietly.
“Yeah, I’ll be okay. Thanks, Nate.”
He shot a sympathetic look my way, but he didn’t say anything else to either of us.
Garrett walked one step behind, reaching past my body to open the door to his Nova for me. I slipped in, eyeing the plastic bag of items sitting at my feet. The man had been working on the baby blanket for me while he waited for me to get off work. God, I was such an asshole.
He climbed behind the wheel, not speaking or looking my way as he buckled in and pulled out of the lot. The silence between us was deafening.
I didn’t know what to say or do. I wanted to apologize for hurting him, but he hated my apologies. The act alone would only succeed in making him angry.
I unbuckled my seatbelt the second we pulled into the driveway, determined to at least be outside when he yelled at me, but the low tenor of his voice stopped me.
“Don’t run off.”
“I’m not running, I’m just getting out. We’re here.”
“You’re unhappy.”
Wait, he was worried that I was unhappy? He was the one in the middle of a glaring contest with his windshield. “I’m not unhappy.”
“Don’t lie to me. You’re panicking because you think I’m mad at you. I can tell by your face.”
“Maybe you don’t know my face as well as you think you do because I’m fine.” Great, another person who could see through me, just what I needed.
He squeezed his hands over the wheel, knocking his head back. “Jesus fucking Christ, why are you so difficult?”
“Look, don’t yell at me, but I’m sorry for making you angry. I wasn’t ditching you for another guy or whatever it looked like. I thought your note meant you’d see me when I got home. Nate works the bar and makes me drinks sometimes to wind down, but that’s it.”
My words rushed out like lifesavers being thrown at a drowning man, sounding exactly as panicked as he’d accused me of being. But I couldn’t help it, I was desperate for him to understand that it wasn’t what it looked like. I wasn’t like that.
But they seemed to have the opposite effect. His features twisted, and he took a deep breath, holding it for several seconds before releasing it heavily. “You know, I keep waiting to have you all to myself, but every time I turn around, he’s always here with us.”
I looked around the car like an idiot. “Who’s always here?”
“Your ex.”
I flinched. “What about him?”
“I’m trying to figure out how I got rid of that son-of-a bitch, literally dunked his whiny ass in a random fucking porta-john, and yet he’s somehow still here, hanging over your shoulder.”
“Wait, you did what?”
“Why is he here?”
“What? You just said—”
“Why is he still in your head, Maddie?”
I pressed my back against the door, grasping at it like it could stabilize my heart. The heart he was currently exposing to the air. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about that fucking look on your face. Like you think it’s only a matter of time before I hurt you. Like you really thought I’d scream at you for tonight just because I was hurt.” He sighed. “Every time I think I’m getting you out of your shell, you let him put you right back.”
“I don’t know what you mean.” I slapped my hand around behind me, searching for the door handle and yanking when I found it. I needed out of this enclosed space.
It’d only opened an inch before he lunged toward me, pulling the door shut and leaning down over my face.
“When I can’t be upset without you wondering what I’ll do, you’re inviting him in here,” he jabbed his finger toward my forehead.
“When we can’t sit here and talk like a normal couple without you worrying I’m going to scream at you, you’re letting that motherfucker pull up a chair and stay. You’re seeing my actions and comparing them to his.”
I smacked his hand away. “Stop saying that. I know you’re not like him.”
“Then kick him out.”
“I have.”
“No, you haven’t. Kick. Him. Out.”
“What do you think I’ve been doing for the last five years?” I snapped.
“Stop making excuses and kick him out, Madison. Stop thinking about him, stop comparing people to him, stop giving the bastard the privilege of your time.”
“Goddammit, I’m trying!”
His face hovered only an inch above mine, both of us staring at the other, chests heaving. My eyes stung, and I sucked in a shaky breath.
“I told you I had baggage. It wasn’t some random metaphor. I like you, Garrett, more than I should, but—”
The arm across my body pulled away from the handle to grip the back of my neck, tipping my head up and allowing his eyes to rove over my face. He closed them for a split second before snapping them open, “Fuck it.”
Then he slammed his lips to mine.
There was no soft peck, no hesitation, just two forces colliding. It was as if he couldn’t take another second of not knowing how it felt to have his lips on me. As if his life depended on it.
I was frozen in shock, my hands glued to the door behind me until I felt the graze of his teeth surround my bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth. And I melted, molding to him like candle wax.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him even closer until the entire top half of his body covered my own. I slanted my mouth, opening for his tongue to dive in. I was a flame, pure star fire straight from space, ready to explode and take the earth with me. I dug my nails into the muscles of his shoulders, drowning in the feel of his tongue and full lips.
He pulled away, just far enough to drag his mouth down my jaw, leaving hot, searing kisses in his path before dropping to my neck. He nipped and sucked along one side and then the other until I was a panting, heaving mess. Then he was back at my mouth, opening me up and stealing every last piece of my soul.
It wasn’t enough. I wanted his skin painted against my own, I wanted to hear him groan in my ear and feel his breath ghost across my skin. And I didn’t just want it now. I wanted it every damn day.
It was that thought that had me coming to my senses, dowsing me in cold water. I tried to pull away, but the hand on my neck tightened, keeping me in place.
I sighed against his mouth, “Garrett.”
His lips pressed to mine again, then again, growing softer each time. Once. Twice. Four times. Finally, he retracted his hand from my neck, resting his forehead on mine and brushing his hands over the curve of my shoulders.
“I knew tasting your lips would be amazing, but if I’d have known it’d be fucking life altering, I’d have kissed you a long time ago.”
I dropped my hands to rest on his chest. “This doesn’t change anything, Garrett. It doesn’t change my past or my head or mean I’m suddenly fixed.”
His eyes zeroed in on me. “You don’t need to be fixed. I’m not expecting you to throw out your past like it never happened. I just don’t want it to be forefront in your mind when we’re together. I want you to feel safe to fight with me.”
He shook his head, breaking eye contact and staring at my hands. “You’re a fucking treasure, Maddie. A goddamn crown jewel, and everyone who meets you sees it, including your bar friend. I saw you sitting out there tonight with him, and my jealousy got the best of me. I can’t stand the thought of another man claiming you before I’m able to make you mine.”
Could your heart grow too large for your chest? I raised a hand and let my fingers rest against his cheek, already wanting to bring his lips back to me.
“There’s no other man, Garrett. Not yesterday, not today, and not tomorrow. I just need time.”
He closed his eyes and sighed, kissing my palm. “I can’t promise I’ll survive it, but I’ll back off until you’re ready. Just tell me when, baby, I’ll be here.”
