“All right, there’s Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deut—Deuter—”
“Deuteronomy?”
“Right, Deuteronomy, Joshua, Judges, Ruth, first and second Samuel…”
I clicked on my blinker, listening to Jamie rattle off the rest of the books, trying not to chuckle at his pronunciation of Ecclesiastes. He’d been stressed out all morning about a math test he had, so to distract him, I’d challenged him to see if he could remember all of books of the Old Testament in chronological order.
His school had made him learn them back when he was in kindergarten, and I was honestly impressed that he still knew them. Although, truth be told, I didn’t know them so if he messed up, I wouldn’t know.
“See, told you I knew ’em.”
I darted a look over my shoulder. “Yeah, yeah. You know, the amount of random information you have stored in your brain is honestly alarming.” I barely remembered the details on a court case an hour after reading it, and here he was remembering useless names he’d memorized years ago.
Jamie was a student at a private Christian academy a few minutes across town, but not because we attended the church. We weren’t not religious; we just weren’t devout either. I’d been raised Catholic my entire childhood, but I hadn’t set foot in a church since graduating high school. The only reason he was enrolled there was because it was the best school in the area, bar none.
I remembered being ecstatic when Jamie had turned five and was finally old enough to start public school. I was beyond ready to save the hundreds I’d been spending on daycare each month, but the school district we’d lived in was in a shady part of town. And I don’t mean a little shady, I mean, at one point I’d received a phone call informing me a man with a gun had led police on a wild chase through the play yard.
No, thank you.
So, I’d registered him at the academy, paid the non-refundable enrollment fee, considered selling my left boob to afford it, and plopped his butt in private school. It was actually the main reason I worked the hours I did. The monthly tuition alone cost more than half my rent. But I couldn’t regret my choice.
I pulled into the lot, circling around to the front, mentally cheering when there wasn’t a long line in the car rider lane. “Good luck on your test, bud. I know you can do it, and no matter what, you’re awesome!”
“Thanks, Mom. Bye.” He snatched his bag and jumped out of our old, white Jeep, slamming the door behind him.
I immediately rolled down my passenger side window. “I love you!”
His shoulders scrunched around his ears, and he spun slowly to look at me, eyes wide, like I didn’t do this to him regularly. Muttering a quick, “Love you too,” he took off in a power walk that rivaled grandmas doing rounds at the mall.
I chuckled, not feeling at all guilty for the things I made my kid put up with. He wasn’t scared to throw it back at me. I switched off the orchestra music he’d been listening to and clicked aimlessly through stations before turning it off. I wasn’t a fan of morning shows, and it was nearly impossible to find a station playing only music this early in the day.
Luckily, it didn’t take me long to get to my weekday job. Living in a town of around 21,000 people had its perks. I didn’t desire the congestion and traffic of a larger city at all.
I parked next to my boss, taking a deep breath and holding it in for as long as I could before exhaling. I actually enjoyed this job a lot, and I loved Evaline, my boss, but desk jobs were difficult when you didn’t sleep much.
I grabbed my heels from behind the middle console, swapping out the flats I’d been wearing. Hopping out of the Jeep, I adjusted my black pencil skirt, pulling it down and making sure everything was covered and in place.
My white button-up blouse was a little wrinkled, but I could look worse. It was nearly impossible to keep my clothes from wrinkling when I had to travel to do laundry and didn’t own an iron. Evaline was used to it.
I worked for the security side of a sister company business. One side handled security, private investigations, and running background checks, while the other side handled home and business alarms. Our side happened to be in the middle of renovations, so I’d been having to use the alarm side’s door. And I hated it.
“Good morning, Madison dear, how are you today?”
Swallowing down the anxiety I always felt walking through their side, I smiled down at the seventy-year-old, white-haired woman who loved red lipstick and handled the front desk. “Good morning, Ruth.”
Ruth had worked for the company for the past thirty years but had recently dropped to part time. She hadn’t officially announced it yet, but she’d hinted she was ready to retire. I’d almost cried, knowing their side would make me take over her job rather than hire someone new.
I enjoyed working for Evaline, but she was a close family friend of the man heading the alarm side. So she had no qualms with sharing me and still expecting me to keep up with my current responsibilities. Her trust in my abilities was forty percent comforting, sixty percent frustrating.
“How’s the little one?”
I smiled, loving how Ruth still referred to my son as little. It was nice to know someone else didn’t like him growing up. “He’s good, thank you.”
I passed through the lobby, inwardly cringing at the prospect of walking by a certain desk that faced the hall. The one and only hall leading to my side of the building.
I turned the corner and didn’t even try to hide my heavy sigh when the desk sat unoccupied. My relief was staggering. But I made sure to speed up anyway, taking advantage of his absence. He never took a day off, so he was hiding around here somewhere. I had no intention of running into him if I could help it.
Tossing my purse under my desk, I signed into my computer, spinning my chair in circles aimlessly while I waited for it to log me in.
“Madison, is that you?” A soft voice laced with a hint of a southern accent called out.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Can you come help me with something real quick?”
“Give me a second to log my time and then I’ll be right in!” I stuck my leg out to stop my chair’s motion and sat up straight, pulling up my timecard form. Double clicking on my email icon next, I cringed at the number of unread notifications.
“How was your evening?” I asked, making my way toward her office. “Want me to start coffee first?”
“Yes, please! Will you grab my prints while you’re in there?”
“Sure.” It was just Evaline and me down here, but there were three offices, so we’d spent a day transforming the office in-between us into our official break room. I’d brought in a mini fridge I’d owned since high school, and she brought in a fancy coffee machine.
She couldn’t offer me more than thirty hours a week or pay more than minimum wage, but I still considered myself lucky. Sometimes when we were slow, she even looked the other way and let me study.
Inhaling the aroma of the brewing coffee, I grabbed an orange off the table, snatched the papers off the printer, and marched into her office.
“Oh, honey, that skirt looks good on you.”
“Thanks! I found it at the thrift shop downtown last week. I snagged my hose when I climbed into my vehicle this morning, but I didn’t feel like going back in to change into pants.”
“If anyone ever figures out how to make a cheap pantyhose that doesn’t get runs every time I sneeze, I’ll die a happy woman.”
I laughed, sinking into a chair and handing her the printed documents. Evaline was crazy, but I adored her. As blond as could be and coming in at barely five foot tall, she was a petite woman all the way around. If I looked up “delicate” in the dictionary, I was pretty sure Evaline Grayson would be a synonym.
“What can I help you with this morning?”
“I need help figuring out how to set up an account on a website, but we’ll get to that in a second. I actually wanted to tell you, Jim and I were talking this morning, and he has a few new jobs he’d like you to do.”
I’d been in the process of peeling my orange but paused at the name. Jim was Evaline’s husband, and he happened to head the security side of the company. “What does he need me to do?”
“Do you remember the big case we took last week?”
“The one about all the credit card fraud claims at the fast-food place?”
“That’s the one. Jim and Tony finally finished all the interviews yesterday, and he’d like you to transcribe them.” She pushed her glasses higher up her nose, worry lines appearing on her forehead like she truly thought I might say no.
“I don’t know how great I’ll be at it, but I can do it. Was that all?” I tossed the peel in the garbage and pulled off a few chunks of fruit, shoving them into my face.
“He wants you to apply for an Unarmed Guard license this week so you can take over a few shifts at the community college.”
I choked, burning citrus juice shooting straight up my nose. I gasped, patting my chest and blinking away tears. “What?”
“We’re picking up companies faster than people are applying. We’re understaffed, and he’s hoping you can pick up an occasional weekend shift.”
“Me though? Like…seriously, me? He wants me to take a guard shift at the college?” I was not an intimidating woman. I ran from spiders and peed myself when I saw snakes. I was not, in any way, cut out to be a guard.
“You have the educational background to qualify for it, and it’d only be when we have no other choice.” She smiled at me, but it was a forced expression, and it was clear she didn’t exactly agree with her husband on the matter.
“Okay, I guess. But I’m only available for a day shift on Saturday.”
“That’s perfectly fine. I’ll let him know your answer and send over the information for the license later this afternoon.”
I knew I was still sporting a grimace as we discussed the rest of the day’s schedule, going over client deadlines and the transcription assignment. My primary responsibility was running background checks, but we were getting in so many new clients I wondered how I’d fit in anything else when I only worked there thirty hours a week.
I’d been starting, stopping, rewinding, and replaying an interview for about an hour, and was diligently concentrating when fingers curled around my shoulder and warm breath tickled the back of my neck. Goosebumps erupted across my skin, and not the good kind. More like the kind you get before an evil spirit appears.
I’d been sitting hunched over my keyboard with my legs crossed in my chair, so when I slammed into the back of my chair, I smashed my knees into the underside of the desk and nearly tipped over. Ironically enough, it was the bear-sized grip still attached to my shoulder that kept me steady.
The feel of his breath stuck to my neck, and I slowly lowered my headphones and looked up at the man standing behind me. A few inches over six feet, Rob Spencer stood above my seated form like a fucking skyscraper on steroids. The guards and security technicians who sometimes came through the office had even nicknamed him after a famous, bald-headed wrestler.
A solid decade out of the military, Rob still maintained a high and tight haircut and always kept his sharp jaw shaved clean. He was thirty-eight and could have been an attractive man, if he wasn’t such a goddamn creep. Just being alone in my office with him was sending all sorts of bad vibes up my spine.
“Something I can help you with, Mr. Spencer?”
“As much as I enjoy hearing you say my name that way, darlin’, I’ve told you a hundred times to call me Rob.” He smiled at me, and he had the nerve to caress his thumb along the top of my arm. I looked down at his hand and back up at him.
“Rob. Something I can help you with?”
“Many things.” He smirked, and I vomited slightly in my mouth. “But today I’m actually here to help you.”
I leaned away from him far enough to send a signal for him to drop his hand. “What?”
“Your unarmed guard license.”
“Oh.” I turned away, pulling random background requests from the stacks on my desk and looking them over even though I’d already finished them. This couldn’t be happening. I didn’t want him here. Did Evaline know he was here? She knew how I felt about him.
He circled me, folding his large body into the cheap, wooden chair in front of my desk and crossing an ankle over a knee. He looked ready to settle in for a while, and my stomach roiled.
I’d never forget my first day of work, how he’d walked up behind me similar to how he’d just done, and I’d smiled up at him, humming with the excitement of starting my first job within the criminal justice field.
I remember my smile twitching as he stepped into my personal space, remember trying to bury my personal issues and stay polite. I’d introduced myself, but instead of shaking my hand, he’d kissed it. And not some brush of the lips. He’d actually left a wet film on my knuckles. And when he’d moved to leave, he purred in my ear. Fucking purred.
Each and every meeting since had only furthered his level of ick. Looking across my desk at him now, I had the sudden desire to throw my stapler at his face. “Are those for me?” I asked, finally noticing the papers he’d been holding in his non-harassing appendage.
He handed them over, and I made sure to keep our fingers as distanced as possible as I took them. It was an application packet for the license. “I offered to train you, but Jim said you can only work Saturdays.” His lip curled on one side.
Rob worked part time at a hardware store on the weekends, thank God. “I appreciate the offer. So, is this all?” I asked, wiggling the application.
“Yeah, darlin’, that’s all you got to do. Send over an email when you’re done, and I’ll figure out who I can schedule you with to shadow.” He pushed up off his knees and stood, leaning over my desk.
I flinched back, but he continued reaching over and gently pulled on one of my curls. “Have a good day.”
The door to the hall had barely shut before I was barging into Evaline’s office.
“I’m sorry, Jim asked you to do what now?”
I sighed, knowing full well how this conversation would go. My dad knew Jim Grayson personally. He’d been the one to put me in contact with Jim in the first place.
My dad’s company had been a client and hired out guards from them a few years back. I’d be surprised if Jim didn’t wake up in the morning to a strongly worded email from my father.
“He wants to keep me on the back burner so I can take shifts when they have no one else. Just daytime rounds at the community college on the weekend when no one is there.”
“That makes no damn sense, Madison. What in the hell are you supposed to do if you find a man breaking into one of the buildings? You’re not equipped to handle those kinds of situations.”
“Gee, thanks, Dad. That didn’t sound sexist at all.”
“Don’t get smart with me. You know what I meant. You shouldn’t be putting yourself in that kind of situation.” His stern voice echoed out through the speakers of my Jeep while I headed toward Jamie’s school.
“I won’t be the only female guard under their employ.”
“They’re not my daughter. I don’t care about them. With your history—”
“Please don’t go there,” I interrupted, ten seconds from hanging up. I’d called as soon as I left work to talk to my mother and get her opinion on taking an extra weekend shift, but my dad had been the one to answer.
“I need to go, Dad, I’m almost to Jamie’s school. Just tell Mama I called and have her call me later if she has the time.”
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll tell her, but you and I are going to talk about this more the next time you come over for dinner.”
“Love you! Goodbye!”
“Love you too.”
I turned my music up, trying to drown out the thoughts going through my head and failing. It’s not like I wanted to work yet another shift. Saturday was the only day of the entire week that I didn’t work during the day. I was tired enough as it was.
But the worst part was I’d be sacrificing even more of my time with Jamie. I knew he understood, but I hated it more than I could put into words. And who would be with him while I was gone? I couldn’t keep sending him to my parents. They had lives and full-time jobs too. They deserved a break on the weekends.
I tightened my grip on the steering wheel, breathing out slowly, but the more I thought about it, the more that thick, suffocating feeling slid through my limbs, weighing me down. No matter how hard I swam, I couldn’t ever seem to pull myself out of it enough to not let it suck me back in.
I felt the telltale burn of tears, and I blinked rapidly to contain them. The last thing I needed was for Jamie to see I’d been crying. “Keep it together, Madison.”
But the moment the first tear leaked, I lost complete control over all of them. They poured down my face silently, not caring even the slightest about the mascara they were sure to ruin.
I knew who I needed to call. Who would tell me the truth and could help me get my shit together. The only person who could. Not letting myself second-guess it, I clicked on my Bluetooth and voice dialed.
“Well, hey, baby mama.”
“Hey, I’ll be pulling up to Jamie’s school soon so I can’t talk long, but do you have a second?”
“Who do I need to beat up? I can head out first thing tomorrow.”
I laughed, wiping at my face. Leave it to my best friend to instantly know how to pull me out of my funk. “Put down the shank, Jethro. No murdering today.”
“Why does it sound like you’ve been crying?”
Of course, she’d pick up on it right away. I’d known Layla since we were ten. We’d seen each other through our worst phases, our awkward phases, and our too-drunk-to-function phases.
She’d been the one to hold my hand for fourteen hours while I gave birth. She knew what I sounded like when I screamed, when I laughed, when I cried, and when I took a shit. She knew everything. So I wrapped myself in the comfort of our friendship and let myself fall apart a little.
“Am I a bad mom for being gone so much?” I heaved in a shaky breath, ignoring the car stopped next to me at the light. Lord only knows how deranged I looked.
“What? No. Who told you you’re a bad mom for working?”
“No one.” I sniffled, wiping at my nose. “Evaline asked me to take another position which would make me work a few random Saturdays, and I said yes. Not that I had much choice in the matter.”
“You gave up your only day with Jamie?”
“Yes,” I whispered, hating to admit it out loud.
“Who’s going to hang out with him?”
“I’m not sure yet, I’ll probably have to ask my parents.” As much as I didn’t want to ask, I knew they’d do it. They may not have been happy when I wound up pregnant at sixteen, but they loved him with every piece of their hearts.
“Bitch, I’ve told you I’d move there and help you. You know I will.”
“I know.” The line went silent for a minute, apart from her shuffling the phone around.
“Well, I’m pulling into Jamie’s school, so I have to go. I just needed to verbally process my emotions.”
“You still have a spare room?”
“Yeah.”
“Perfect. Call me later and we’ll talk details, but I’m coming. Don’t even try to argue with me. I have nothing important holding me here right now. It’ll cut both our rent payments in half, and I can help watch our son.”
I huffed through my nose, “Layla Davis, I don’t—”
“What’s that you say? You see Jamie walking to the vehicle and can’t argue? No worries, I’ll call you later, bye!” She yelled it all out in the span of a single breath, and then the bitch hung up on me.
I’d squatted down to grab a new soap dispenser from under the sink when I heard the clink of a dish being set on the counter. I twisted to look over my shoulder. “And just what do you think you’re doing?”
His face puckered like he’d stuck an entire lemon in his mouth, and he threw his head back, groaning. “I don’t want to wash the dishes tonight. Not having a dishwasher sucks.”
“Do you know what you sound like right now?” I asked, narrowing my eyes.
“Ungrateful.”
“Ungrateful.” I agreed. “You have dishes. You have food. You have running water.”
He looked at his feet, shuffling them back and forth. I knew he hadn’t meant it that way, he was just a kid who didn’t want to do a chore, but I also didn’t want him growing up not appreciating everything we had.
“You have two choices, bud, you can wash the dishes, or you can clean your room. I stepped on no less than four building blocks the last time I walked in there.”
“I’ll clean my room,” he said over me, already halfway out of the kitchen. Looking at the pile in the sink, I decided he had the right idea.
I let out a heavy breath, I didn’t want to wash the damn dishes either. Promising myself I’d do them before bed, I decided to take advantage of Jamie being busy and poured myself a glass of wine from the half-empty box in the fridge. Closing the door as quietly as I could, I stepped out onto the porch.
“Leave me the hell alone.”
The words were spat out so harshly, I reared back, plastering my back against my front door. I stood there frozen, hand clenching my cup, eyes darting around the dark to find the source.
“I don’t really fucking care, Courtney.”
It was then I noticed the small red glow of a cigarette out in the neighbor’s driveway and made out the outline of his body, pacing back and forth near his Nova.
“I. Don’t. Care. Have a nice life, or don’t. Preferably the latter.” He ripped the phone away from his ear and took a deep drag of his cigarette.
I wasn’t even the woman he’d been yelling at, but I felt just as small and exposed as if I were. What was it about men that made them believe their size gave them permission to talk to women that way?
As soon as I thought it, I squinted an eye, chastising myself. I didn’t know him or that Courtney woman. For all I knew, she was a nutjob sister or an ax murderer.
He suddenly whipped toward me, and I panicked, eyes widening, scared I’d accidentally spoken my thoughts out loud. He stared at me, smoke billowing out of his nose in a steady cloud.
Taking several large strides toward me, he stepped into the halo of light cast by my porch lantern, and I was able to see he was wearing a dark shirt with a logo on the breast I couldn’t quite make out. I’d thought his arms had looked muscled the other day, but in a t-shirt, the unblemished, defined curves of his biceps and forearms were on full display.
His lips were flattened into a straight line and his brows drawn low over his eyes. He looked pissed. With my free hand, I blindly reached behind me, feeling for the door handle. He’d just opened his mouth to speak when I found it. Not waiting for him to yell at me for eavesdropping, I shoved my door open and ran inside.
I locked the door and spun around, feeling like I was fifteen again, getting caught sneaking out of my house in the middle of the night. Looking up, I spotted Jamie’s head peeking out of his room. “Did you spill your drink all over yourself again?”
Yes. Yes, I did.
