After a long-ass month of allowing Alex to pull back and pretty much determine I was out of the picture, I’d had enough of this dysfunctional relationship. If his response to what happened at that asinine funeral was to push away the one person who he claimed to love, well, I had a problem with that. I wasn’t raised to be treated like shit or brushed off by anyone, especially a man who believed it was okay to string me along with excuses.
Now, here I was with his cat—which I gladly adopted because Alex seemed like he was in a pretty dark place, and no animal deserved to be around someone who was spun out and behaving like the biggest dick I’d ever met. Even at the office, Alex Grayson was a bonified shithead in a suit all over again, and I dealt with the fallout of him going off on everyone who made even the slightest error. It was all bullshit.
Throughout the month of him blowing me off, I only saw him in passing at work. The honeymoon was officially over, and so were we, I guess. He never smiled. He never showed any emotion at all unless it was some menacing way of making people look incompetent, and I seemed to be constantly disgusted by his newfound persona.
Now, I’d learned this morning that the prick was heading to London. The whispers that continually buzzed in our firm these days were always about Alex. This time, everyone’s general feeling was overwhelming relief that he was leaving for an entire month.
“Can we talk?” I asked, opening the door to the angry miser’s office.
“Talk,” Alex returned flatly, his eyes dark and studying me as if I were about to go down as his next victim. A shiver ran up my spine, and instead of being attracted to this look like I used to be, it reminded me of him being called a murderer by his family. That, of course, was something he refused to speak about with me. A minor issue, he called it. His last words to me on the topic were these: “I’m sure you’ll judge me either way…” I had no idea what to think about it anymore, but as I stood in this office, I couldn’t help but wonder what was in this mystery man’s past.
“I hear you’ll be giving us all a break from your shitty mood and spending some time with my former VP in London?”
“Theo is still our vice president, Breanne.” Alex rolled his eyes, then looked back at his computer monitors. “Anything else?”
“I’d like to go,” I simply stated. “I’m uncertain about him being my vice president at all since I’m not on my way as co-owner to see whatever it is you need to see in person at our London offices.”
Alex’s expression tightened. “I’ll send him your regards.” He looked at me. “You’re needed here to finalize Saint John’s. I’m not sure why you’d be willing to walk away from a project that you’re heading up.”
“Are you questioning my way of running the business?”
“I shouldn’t have to be, but I guess I am. Why would you go to London to deal with something I already have under my control? I believe the Saint John’s project finalization would be more important. The three other projects you’re spearheading should be too. It sounds like this is an excuse for a reunion with a friend.”
“Sounds like you’re a complete asshole, and I have no idea what makes you feel like you can talk to me like this.”
I was fuming, but this had just broken the record for the most extended conversation he and I had since getting home from his mother’s funeral.
“I’m not trying to be an asshole. I just need to handle this trip on my own.” His expression seemed tortured. “Fuck. I warned you I could hurt you, and I see that shit written all over your face. I’ve seen it since we got back, and I can’t do this anymore. I need a break.”
“A break from seeing that you’ve been fucking with my mind since your mother’s funeral? You have given me your cat for some reason—a consolation prize, maybe? I don’t know. What I do know is that you seem to be blowing everyone off these days. I’m so fucking confused by everything that you have me right where you want me.”
“And where’s that?” He hardened up again.
“Not giving a damn about us or wanting to question why you flipped some switch and turned into the evil bastard you…” I stopped when I watched his expression turn ominous. “I’m sorry,” I said, flustered. “So, we’re done, then?”
“With this conversation? Yes.”
“No, with us, Alex,” I snapped, feeling tears trying to bubble up and forcing them away. “We’re done. You know, the two people who were talking about marriage after a month of dating?”
He exhaled. “I think it’s better for you if you moved on, yes.” He rose and turned his back to me, staring out of his office windows. “I think it’s obvious I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing when I spouted off words of love, relationships, and fucking marriage proposals. Jesus Christ, unless you were desperate, most women would call me out on that and would have smartly ditched my ass a long time ago.”
I felt my blood burning in my veins with each thundering beat of my heart. This man was colder than I’d ever seen in a human being, and it all happened after that godforsaken funeral.
“You may say all of that shit, but I felt love from you,” I called him out for the truth of what I knew between Alex and me. “It was fast, completely crazy, and fun, but you proved you loved me.”
“How so?” Alex scoffed.
He asked the question as if he didn’t believe me, but he was curious. This was the most bizarre conversation in the world, aside from the conversations I’d had with myself about whether or not I fell in love with a murderer. Alex, a murderer? I highly doubted that. I knew there was more to his story, and I wasn’t foolish enough to fall for the lines that came out of two disgruntled drunken family members at a funeral. There was no way in hell I would fall for that.
“I knew you truly loved me the night I saw the difficulty in your eyes when you had to tell me about my dad. That night, when I felt so alone, you held me. I don’t know how to explain it, but something deepened between us. I felt it, and I know you felt it.”
“I’m glad I could be there for you during a hard time, but it’s over, Bree. Accept it and move on. I’m going to London. I need to address issues there, and if you want to meet up with Theo again, do it when I’m not there.”
“What the fuck happened, Alex? Jesus Christ, please fucking tell me. You mentally checked out after that funeral.”
“Goddammit, I’m not reliving that day and especially with you,” he said. “Move the fuck on. How hard is that to understand? I’m not the man you want or need.” He turned back to me. “They refer to relationships like this—where people like you try to fix a man like me—as toxic.”
“No shit?” I mocked him. “But I was never trying to fix you.” I rose, pissed and heartbroken. “I was trying to be there for you.”
“I don’t need anyone in this hellish world of mine to be there for me,” he said. “I’m sorry I pulled you in like this. I’m sorry I wasn’t smart enough to end it before it began, but maybe that’s the bastard in me I tried to warn you about. I selfishly let us run on for almost a year in a pointless relationship.”
“You’re not him, you know? If that’s what this is about—childhood memories of a hateful father, and a mother who sent you away. You’re not that man’s creation. I saw the good in you, and you have a huge heart. It’s what I fell for when you used your crazy ways to try and help fix my financial burdens.”
“Speaking of which,” Alex said, “I made a promise to your father, and I believe I kept my end of that deal. Your finances are fixed, and the business is growing nicely with you, running our creative departments.”
“You failed to mention that I would remain happy,” I said in anger.
“I don’t believe he requested that Jim and I keep you happy.”
“All right,” I practically shouted. “I get it. It’s over. You’re right. A month apart could do both of us some good. Hopefully, the morale in this place can be restored as well since you’ve turned into a miserable dick.”
“Just don’t let the place go to hell while I’m gone.”
I looked at him in disbelief, and then suddenly, through this mask of anger he hid behind, I saw his eyes showing an intense amount of fear and sadness. His stern expression faded that second, and I saw how worn and exhausted Alex looked.
I had to leave. I couldn’t stand here and look at a man who was fighting battles outside of what we had in a relationship and on his own. I couldn’t help him. He wouldn’t let me, and I would only become exhausted by trying.
“Bree,” he said with an exhale. It was the first time he’d said Bree in far too long.
“What?” I turned back, my hand already on the door, ready to leave.
“I’m sorry it came to this. I don’t know any other way of preventing…” he paused and ran his hands over his face. He dropped his hands and slid them into his pockets. “You made me feel love again,” he said, cocking his head to the side, “and made me believe that the emotion was not just a word but an essence and the core to being happy. I only wish I could’ve cared for you as I wanted. Fuck, I don’t even know what I’m saying, but I did feel love with you, and I’m sorry that I couldn’t hold up on my end in this relationship.”
“I have no idea what went wrong with you,” I said softly. “Obviously, something cracked, and it was after you had to face your family. That’s when you changed, and we’ve hardly talked or have seen each other since. You’re right. Being in a relationship with you in this state is not healthy for either of us. If you’re struggling with something deeper that you don’t trust telling me, then maybe it’s time you lose the pride instead of me.” I recalled when Alex busted his ass to involve himself in my financial problems, and he called me out for being too prideful. He was right. I was prideful, and I’d learned a harsh lesson from that.
“The tables have turned in such a bizarre way,” he half-smiled. “I miss you.”
“Talk to Elena, Alex,” I offered, knowing his best friend’s wife was a psychiatrist. “I’m sure she could direct you somewhere to get some help. I guess you have to want the help, though, and I don’t know how you feel anymore. You’ve not given me much after hearing what your family had to say.”
“Do you believe them? Or did you?”
“Would it matter at this point?”
“I think it would.”
“Well, I would’ve believed you if you answered me in the first place. Now, I’m only left to wonder while looking at a man I don’t recognize anymore.”
“Right.” He nodded. “I’ll be gone for a month,” he reminded me. “Try not to let the Titanic sink while I’m gone, eh?”
Titanic jokes again? I had no idea how he could attempt to be cute at this point. I’d opened the door for him to defend himself against his drunken family’s accusations, and nothing. Maybe he was what they called him. If he wasn’t, why wouldn’t he put up a fight? Instead, he made it seem like it would be easier to push away and go on living separate lives. This would be so much easier if I didn’t love the man.
It took me remaining friends with the wives of Alex’s best friends to learn that he’d talked to Elena, and he was headed off to London. He wasn’t going to check on that office, though. He was going to get help. No one knew what was truly up with him, but Jim. From what Jim had said, Alex had some severe childhood trauma, and he was getting help for it.
None of us wanted to gossip about him, but no one knew what was going on either. I’d finally accepted that Alex and I were over and that if he could at least get some therapy for whatever happened in that household, maybe he’d find peace.
Elena said Alex was pretty vague with her, saying that he didn’t know the truth of why his father hated him, nor why his grandfather took him in. He was overflowing with horrible emotions, and I was hoping that in the two weeks he’d been gone out of the month he was scheduled to be away, he would get help and maybe find peace.
I didn’t know what to think anymore. I was just happy that it was girls’ night at my place, and the only male in the room—Zeus, the cat—wasn’t concerned about anything but napping on the foot of my bed.
Knock! Knock! Knock!
“Who knocks these days?” Nat asked with a laugh. “Seriously. We’re at your place, Bree.”
“It’s most likely Jake or Collin,” Cass said while she swiped polish over her toenail. “I swear, I don’t know how you girls deal with your husbands’ pranks.”
I left the girls with their margaritas and bounded up the steps to answer my door. I also figured that Ash and Elena’s husbands most likely came over to give us grief because they rarely missed an opportunity to do so.
To my utter shock, when I swung open my front door, I saw my Aunt Blaire. I had to take a step back, wondering if Max were standing behind her, showing up to laugh in my face about my newly failed relationship.
“Blaire?” I questioned as the laughter of the girls died down behind me.
“You used to call me aunt,” she said with an arch of her perfectly shaped eyebrow. “I still haven’t figured out why you stopped.”
“Family members are referred to by family names. Family members don’t take the side of the man who cheated on you, so if you ask me, you lost the familial title all on your own.”
“May I come in?” she responded.
“Why are you here?” I questioned her. “Max has already laughed in my face after he found out I split with Alex. Let me guess; you’re here to do the same?”
“Why would I do something so childish?” she eyed me.
“Because Alex made sure that you or that dick didn’t get this place from me.”
“Breanne,” she said more sternly, “I understand that we have some rocky ground in our past since you embarrassed yourself on your wedding day, but that’s in the past. I need to tell you that Alex is the main reason that I’m here. I just returned from my former friend’s grave—Alex’s mother’s. I found out that Sarah passed, and I’ve been worried about Alex since I ran into that son of a bitch, Paul O’Connor. I listened to what he had to say about you and Alex being at her funeral.”
“What?” I said in a tone of disbelief. “If you’re here—wait, you were friends with his mother?” My brain was scrambling to make heads or tails of why this woman was here in the first place, and now, I think she just said she was friends with Alex’s mother.
Why the fuck would she be worried about him? Did she want his money? Who knew, but I had a psychiatrist sitting in my living room, and if my aunt were here for anything other than what she said, Elena would see right through her.
“Come in,” I said, shaking my head and not sure if I wanted to hear this woman speak about Alex without him present to defend himself.
“I’d rather we speak in private,” she said as more of an order than a request.
“Whatever you have to say about Alex, you can say here. You’re surrounded by people who love him. If you’re here to talk shit behind his back, then you might as well leave now.”
She looked at me. “Has Alex said anything about his life as a child to you? About Albert?”
“No,” I said, wanting her to talk to see if anything would add up. “All I know is that his father and sister told me to stay away from him.”
She sighed. “Paul O’Connor is a dangerous and extremely vile human being,” she stated. “I hated him from the second my beautiful friend started to date him, and then married him because he got her pregnant.” She had the same sadness on her face that I remembered her having at my father’s funeral. “I thought that drunken abuser would kill her. I begged her not to marry simply because he got her pregnant.”
“Jesus Christ,” Avery said. “You’re serious?”
My heart was racing in my chest. “If you knew Alex’s mom, did my mother know her too?”
“Your mother married your father when I was in college, and that’s where I met Sarah. Sarah and I were close, and that’s when she got pregnant. She dropped out soon after, and then she got married to Paul. I was always worried about her well-being, and I was extremely grateful that she worked so hard to stay in contact with me. I didn’t trust Paul at all. He was a violent, raging drunk even then, and I watched my best friend marry him because she thought it was the right thing to do. I need to make sure your Alex is okay,” she insisted, looking around the room.
“He’s not mine anymore,” I said. “We ended things.”
“A shame. I knew that bastard would ruin the boy’s happiness somehow, and after everything that Sarah’s father did to protect Alex too. He seemed to be doing rather well when I saw him here. He’s very handsome—he gets his genetics from his mother. She was such a rare beauty, and she fell for that scumbag’s charms. All he wanted was her family money, you know?”
Sort of like you with every man you’ve ever met? I thought.
“Alex is grieving his mother’s death,” I said, not knowing if I should mention his father and sister’s bullshit and what made him snap at the funeral.
“Does young Alex remember his past in that home and why his grandfather and mother insisted on him leaving?”
“Young Alex is a grown-ass man now who’s determined not to speak a word of his past,” I said.
“That makes sense,” she nodded. “Mr. Grayson and Sarah knew he was going to end up damaged and as horrible of a man as his father was if they didn’t rescue him from that home.”
“What happened, Aunt Blaire?”
“His drunken father came back from a fishing trip.” She closed her eyes and held her chest. “Alex was alive, and a search and rescue team was scouring the lake for his twin brother’s body.”
“What?” I said, and I could’ve sworn the other women in the room said the same thing at the same time.
“Paul blamed Alex for the death of Albert, but we knew Alex did not kill his brother,” she said. “We kept tight-lipped about it, and it was filed away as a drowning accident. But as time went on and Alex grew older, I would meet Sarah for clandestine lunches and beg her to leave that man. I pleaded with her to take her kids away before he ruined all of them. It seemed as though Paul only had it out for Alex, you know?” she said as if I could answer any of this with the current shock I was in at the moment. “Paul blamed that boy for everything, but there was no way that happy child would kill his twin. Those boys adored each other.”
She remained serious, and then she smiled, her eyes looking at the carpet while I trembled, listening to what she was saying. “Before Albert drowned, Sarah and I would meet. My God, did Paul ever hate that she had friends. He was insanely jealous, but the man was drunk morning, noon, and night. She was pregnant the last time we met. I saw her oldest daughter and the twins—she would have to sneak out the children, of course. Alex and Albert were feisty, and I found it so adorable how Alex would grab Albert and kiss him, giggling when Albert became annoyed. So happy,” she said as a tear slipped from her eye. She sniffed and looked at me. “When I saw him with you, the way he came so protectively and lovingly to your side validated that Mr. Grayson did the right thing. He got that boy the help he needed, and Alex never turned into Paul O’Connor’s victim. Your father would’ve certainly approved.”
“I honestly don’t know what to do with any of this information,” I said, looking back at the stoic expressions on my friend’s faces. “Alex should probably find out about this from you. Maybe it’s something he’ll need to hear when he gets home.”
I looked at Elena, who was studying my aunt. “You’re sure that Alex was blamed for his brother’s death?” Elena asked, most likely because I was looking at only her for help.
“I know Sarah didn’t believe it, but Sarah was stuck in that abuse and so contaminated by Paul that I don’t think she could leave him. All she could do was remove Alexander before any more damage could be done. He was a troubled child for many years, and even I didn’t believe Mr. Grayson had enough money to save him from his ways, especially after hearing from Sarah that Alex nearly killed his father after he caught him beating her.”
“Alex was raised to believe that he murdered his twin brother,” Elena repeated. “He mentioned something about terrifying dreams,” she looked at me with apologetic eyes, “and he believed he didn’t deserve the happiness he felt with Breanne. He couldn’t accept that he was anything more than the monster his father always said he was.”
“I’m sorry, young lady, but who are you?”
“It doesn’t matter,” Elena said, looking at me. “This is a classic case of childhood trauma and thoughts being stirred because of association. Was it in the presence of his father that Alex mentally shut down on you?”
“It was after the funeral. I mean, before that and after he saw his sister, he was distant.”
“Jake said Alex came into the ER thinking he was having a heart attack,” Ash added. “He had that panic attack soon after they got back from the funeral that he didn’t tell anyone about.”
“Why all the secrets?” I asked.
“It was most likely because of the threats Paul made,” Aunt Blaire answered. “Mr. Grayson was a tough man, but if he feared for his daughter’s life, he would silence all of it.”
“All while Alex repressed the truth of the traumatic situation,” Elena said, standing up. “Holy shit, I need to call him. He needs to do another type of therapy, or he’ll never uncover what his cognitive brain buried when his brother passed away.” Elena began to pace. “It would make sense.” She spoke as we watched her tick her fingernail to her lips. “Alex was made to believe by an abuser that he was a monster. He ruined the family, and it was all his fault. In our brains,” she looked at us, “there’s a defense mechanism that will bury a traumatic situation that is too hard for us to process. It’s why Alex is struggling to remember any of it. His terrors seem to be memories to him, but they’re based on what his father has told him about what happened with his brother. I don’t believe for a second Alex had anything to do with it.” She looked at me and sighed. “He said feeling love started all of this. It would’ve had to be a love that he felt was associated with Albert—the one taken from him tragically. Unconditional love. Those sorts of things combined can suddenly start jarring buried emotions. Alex said he buried all this in the past. Jim didn’t even know his birth surname before. He never brought any of it up, most likely because he may have believed he was a monster but was somehow redeemed. Who knows?”
“He said he’d moved on from it all. He always said he never wanted to hurt me,” I said. “I don’t think this was what he was talking about, though?”
This was like solving some murder mystery, cold case that just became hot right here in my living room.
“That poor young man,” my aunt added. “I can’t imagine what was said to have him disturbed. I’m sorry for him.”
“He’s getting help,” I told her. “If only his mother were more reassuring back then.”
“She was terrified of Paul,” Aunt Blaire defended Sarah.
“Makes sense as to why his oldest sister hated Sarah and Paul,” I said, trying to dig more out of my aunt. “What kind of mother abandons her son?”
“One who wants to protect him,” my aunt snapped at me. “You have no idea about that family’s tragic history, and Alex was brainwashed to keep his mouth shut. All to keep Sarah safe, the girl’s safe, and Alex safe.”
“Do you think Paul killed Alex’s twin and blamed him for it?”
“I wouldn’t put it past that sick, evil man,” she said. “I hope I didn’t make all of it worse. I just wanted to see him, hug him, and tell him she always loved him whether he believed that or not.”
“Let’s hope he comes through all of this, then,” I said, feeling my heart racing. “Let’s hope he gets the right care. My heart is broken for him.”
“We’ll get him through this,” Elena smiled at me. “This was an excellent bit of information. I’ve heard of things happening to trigger a traumatic past, and it seems in Alex’s case, he recalls what his dad led him to believe. He doesn’t remember what really happened. He started to feel love again, he said, and that was when?”
“He said the night terrors started coming more frequently the week before he met his sister, and after we started getting a little more serious. It got worse, I think, after we got more connected in San Diego.”
“That’s it. Damn it, Alex,” Elena said, her eyes deep in thought as if she were putting together a puzzle. “He has to undergo regression therapy. He needs hypnosis, and I need to speak with some doctors in London, or he’s doing this with our staff at Saint John’s. He does not remember the truth; I know that much.”
“I agree. London wakes up soon, so can you call him? I mean, how would you tell him?”
She looked at my aunt. “Secrets are out, and the only way we heal my friend is by telling him everything that happened when you came over tonight. I need him to want to get this hypnotherapy. I need him to remember, and then the doctor treating him will help him cope. He does need to remember what his young mind went through when they were with their father.”
“Don’t you think that will go a bit nuclear?” I questioned Elena. “I mean, seriously. Can’t he seek therapy in acceptance and moving forward?”
“No,” Elena said. “These are deeply buried emotions. He’ll never find peace or happiness unless he knows what happened beyond what his wretched father led him to believe. His reality is based on a lie, rooted in him being worthless and unworthy of love.”
My lips were suddenly dry. I had to trust Elena. I was scared to death for Alex because this was heavy shit. Though, knowing what she dealt with daily with brain injuries and traumas, we had to know that if Elena made this call, it was the right one. It would help the torn and terrorized Alex Grayson find the truth he needed to end his misery once and for all.
“Let’s get him the help he needs,” I said.
“I’m heading home. Coll and the guys are at our place tonight, and the men need to know about this. Jim needs to confirm some stuff too.”
I looked at my aunt. “I have to thank you for telling us this. I know we look like a bunch of girls just drinking margaritas and being irresponsible, but you came on a night when we tend to separate the guys from the girls, and the husbands get to babysit.”
She unexpectedly smiled. “It’s always a fun night when it’s just the ladies.” She looked around the room. “I hope you can help him. I only wish that Jane and Jenny had the same support, but the torture that Alex endured was unbearable in comparison.” She walked over and hugged me. “You know what?” She stepped back and smiled at me for the first time in forever. “I think it was pretty nasty, but you were so much like your mother to play that video at your wedding. I was just mortified for your guests and their opinions of you after you played that.”
“I didn’t give two fucks about what they thought of me,” I half-smiled.
“And your mother would’ve felt the same way.” She chuckled and reached for my face. “If Alex wants more information, and you think he’ll want to speak to me when all of this is hopefully over, and he is well, please let him know I will tell him everything I know. He can also rest assured that you ladies are the only ones I’ve spoken these truths to. I did it out of concern for Sarah’s son, and I knew my niece was in a relationship with him. There is no malice, and no one else will know about this. I trust you ladies will respect your friend and keep this to yourselves as well.”
“I’m relieved to hear you say that instead of me having to beg you to stay quiet out of respect for Alex having already gone through enough shit,” I spoke.
“I love you, sweet niece.” She grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “I hope you’ll forgive my absence after all this time.”
“I’m just glad it was Alex who somehow made it possible for us to have a conversation again.”
“Me too, dear.”
The room filtered out, leaving me with Cass, Sammy, and Nat. I hugged Ash, Avery, and Elena goodbye, and now, all we could hope was that Elena could work this out because I had a feeling it would be Alex’s best friends who would convince him to go along with this.
The worse part now was waiting and hoping that, with any luck, he’d come back to me.
