AN HOUR after my plane landed, my parents and I headed up to Whistler. Calder’s parents had rented a deluxe five-bedroom log cabin that came with two stone fireplaces, an outdoor hot tub, and antler chandeliers. Someone had gone to a lot of work, to decorate the place with three Christmas trees and a variety of other decorations.
The only thing I wanted to do was lie down but I forced myself to head downstairs, where Betty and Mom visited over a bottle of wine.
“Where are the guys?”
Mom’s lips twitched. “I think they headed to town to get last minute Christmas gifts.”
“Calder too?”
Betty smiled. “He hasn’t arrived yet. He said he’d drive up here himself. After dinner.”
That bastard. Why hadn’t I thought of doing that? “Okay.”
Betty studied me. “Are you dating anyone?”
Avoiding eye contact with Mom, I shook my head. “I’m way too busy for a relationship.”
Betty smiled at me with hearts in her eyes. “You know, Calder is single.”
God help me.
“You know, I have some lovely single girlfriends.”
Her expression fell. “I hoped that you and Calder would learn to enjoy each other’s company.”
I worked to not let my smile slip. “Calder isn’t interested in me. He’s made that clear.”
Mom hid her smile behind her wineglass.
“I had no idea.”
I gave her another smile. “It’s okay. I got over it.”
DECEMBER 24TH, Calder and I sat together on the couch. He was sipping a bottle of water. Our parents were singing Christmas carols in the kitchen while they prepared lunch.
“Thanks for telling my mom that I was the one not interested in you.” Calder narrowed his eyes on my face.
“You weren’t around.”
He sipped his water while his leg bounced up and down. “I’m heading into Vancouver after lunch.”
“Shut up.”
“Wanna come?”
My parents were in their own world. “What are you going to tell your parents?”
“Don’t worry, I have that covered.”
My eyes dropped to his water glass. “Is that why you’re drinking water?”
“You think I’d remain sober in this antler infested candy land for any reason other than to negotiate my escape?”
“What are you doing in Vancouver?”
“Kat’s all alone because her bastard prick of a boyfriend is spending Christmas with his family.”
“I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you care about anyone but yourself.”
He snorted.
“No, it’s a good look on you.”
“Whatever, Roar. Want a 24 hour escape from this horror house, or should I leave you with the raisins?”
I glanced back to my parents. Dad finished telling a funny story and Betty snorted red wine out of her nose. I could nap in peace without someone telling me to come help them decorate cookies or head out for yet another brisk and refreshing walk.
I turned back to Calder. “Count me in.”
CALDER WAS brilliant at not quite lying. He spun a masterful story about how a mutual friend had been left alone by her heartless boyfriend, and she had no family close. Calder had begged her to join our festivities, but she didn’t want to impose. So, now, in a short trip, Calder and I wanted to head back to Vancouver to spend time with her.
Betty had tears in her eyes. “I’m so proud of my baby boy. You’ve become so wonderful.”
I somehow managed to not roll my eyes.
“I get my heart from you, mama.”
With promises that we’d be back in time for Christmas dinner, we got in Calder’s racy black sports model and headed back to the city.
“What are you going to do?” Calder pulled into my driveway.
“I’m going to sleep my ass off and watch a lot of Netflix.”
“You should get out more. I’ll be back tomorrow to pick you up at 4 PM.”
“See you then.”
THE HOUSE WAS QUIET. I toyed with my phone. I wanted to text Max, but I still struggled knowing that this relationship could come at great risk to him. I really liked him, more than I should, but the outcome if we ever got caught terrified me. I wanted to see him so bad, it took all my effort to not get into a cab and head to his apartment. He had told me he was spending Christmas in Vancouver. What was he doing? Was he spending his time with friends?
I heated a frozen pizza and resisted turning on my laptop to work. This was my downtime. I would relax if it killed me.
I will not text him.
I. Will. Not. Text. Him.
My phone rang. A smile crossed over my face when I realized it was Max.
“Hello?”
His voice was low, reverberating in my ear. “Merry Christmas.”
“Same to you.”
“How is Whistler?”
“I’m in Vancouver.”
“What happened?”
“Calder and I headed to Vancouver.”
His voice changed. “You’re with Calder.”
“Calder is with Katrina.”
His voice relaxed. “So, what are you doing?”
“I’m hanging out with Netflix.”
“By yourself?”
“All by myself.”
“I don’t like it.”
I shut my eyes and smiled again, not wanting to admit how much I enjoyed talking to Max.
“It’s fine. We’re heading back to Whistler tomorrow for a big dinner.”
“I wish I was in town. I’d invite you over.”
Wait. What? Max wasn’t in town? I thought he had told me that he was staying in Vancouver over the holidays. “So, did you end up going home for Christmas after all?”
“Not exactly.”
“Oh.”
“I’m in Idaho.”
“Oh!”
I don’t know if it was his tone, or something in his voice, but it made me sit up straighter.
He cleared his throat. “Someone here needed my help.”
My questions burned in my chest. “I hope everything is okay.”
He didn’t respond.
I felt hurt that he didn’t want to talk about it, but damn if I would force the issue. “So, what else is new?”
“I’m almost done with my book.”
“Harry Potter?”
“Yup.”
“Well, what do you think?”
“If you tell anyone, I will deny it…”
“You like it.”
I could hear the smile in his voice. “I like it. In fact, I can’t stop reading it.”
My toes curled as I remember the rest of the series that I had individually wrapped up and packaged up into a gift bag, along with a box of chocolates. Now that gift didn’t seem that stupid. “I knew it.”
“So, do I still get my bonus?”
My stomach pitched. I knew what I wanted to give him for his bonus. “Oh yeah.”
“What is it?”
“Finish your book and I’ll tell you.”
“Is it good?”
“I think you’ll like it.”
His voice dropped a level. “I know I will.”
“You don’t even know what it is.”
“I can fantasize, can’t I?”
I liked the idea of him fantasizing about me. I heard a woman’s voice in his background. I strained my ears to listen.
“Max, dinner’s ready and my parents have arrived.”
Max answered her. “Okay. I’ll be right out.”
Something cold and terrible washed over me. Who was that? He never mentioned that the friend who needed help was a woman! Did he even call them a friend? He just said someone. Which wasn’t the most reassuring thing in the world.
Trying not to jump to conclusions, I worked to even my breath.
An awkward pause settled between us before he spoke. “I should go.”
I would not be that girl. The one that came across as clingy and insecure. Was it any of my business? It wasn’t. And I needed to keep my mouth shut.
“Who was that?” The question came out of me, burning hot and edgy.
“Lolita.”
No explanation from him. Just one word. One name.
“Enjoy your dinner.”
“Rory.”
Hot tears stung my eyes. I had wrapped up a fucking Christmas gift for him and meanwhile, he left to spend the holidays with someone named Lolita and her parents.
I was the fool.
I felt vulnerable which I covered with indifference. “You don’t have to explain.”
“I want to.”
“I don’t need you to.”
“Can you let me explain?”
“Fine.”
Silence creaked between us.
My tone sounded brittle. “Thanks for clearing that up.”
“Lolita is only a friend. Who needs my support.”
What did that even mean? A friend. Is that how Max would describe me? As just a friend?
“That’s nice for her.”
“It’s not what you think.”
“You don’t know what I think.”
“I have a good idea.”
“And what is that?”
“Nothing good.”
This conversation was destroying me. “Enjoy your dinner.”
“Rory.”
“Good night, Max.”
I hung up and threw my phone down. I pressed the palms of my hands into my eyes, willing myself not to cry. I didn’t even know what to think. Max had told me that he wanted to date me, but the guy was a notorious player. Should I be shocked that he left to spend time with the mysterious Lolita? What did she need help with? And why wasn’t he more open about it with me?
If this situation was as innocent as he professed why hadn’t he shared with me who Lolita was? If she was an old friend, like he said she was, why did it feel like he was keeping her a secret?
I forced myself to finish watching the movie and then climbed into bed. I felt exhausted, but sleep refused to claim me.
My phone vibrated on the nightstand. It was Max calling again.
“Hello?”
“How are you doing?”
I sighed. “Fine.”
“You don’t seem fine.”
“You don’t have to explain anything to me.”
“Rory. Can you trust me?”
“About what?”
“There’s nothing between Lolita and me, nothing more than a friendship, but I can’t tell you more than that. I can’t talk about her and what’s going on with her.”
In a very nice way, he was telling me it wasn’t any of my business. “Okay.”
“This has nothing to do with us.”
“What is us?”
“What do you mean?”
I tried to formulate my answer. “I don’t know what is happening between us.”
“Do you want to have this conversation on the phone?”
No, I wanted to talk to him in person. This was an intimate conversation and it would benefit me to look into his eyes and watch his body language while we talked. On the other hand, it killed me to not know what was going on between us. I vacillated between wildly fantasizing about dating him and reminding myself that he was off limits. Somehow, it felt like if I knew where he was coming from and what he wanted, it would help prevent me from going off course.
“We probably should.”
“I suck at this.”
“What?”
“This.”
“Max, I have no hold over you, or what you do.”
“First of all, you have a huge hold over me. And secondly, I should have told you.”
My stomach was zooming all over the place. “You didn’t need to.”
“I wanted to. I still want to. But I can’t. And I’m trying to protect Lolita’s privacy and it was easier to not even bring it up.”
“Oh.” I took an uneven breath. “Max?”
“Yeah.”
“I feel better.”
“Yeah?”
“Totally.”
“What did I say? Tell me so the next time I fuck up, I can say it again.”
My laugh was breathless. “You said all the right things.”
“You’re not going to enlighten me?”
“Nope.”
“I hate that you’re alone.”
“I’m good.”
“I don’t get back until late Friday night. Saturday morning we head out of town for our next game.”
“I know.”
“Promise me we’ll find time to talk.”
“I promise.”
“I’ll see you on Saturday.”
That seemed like a lifetime away. “See you then.”
