AOIFE
NEITHER ONE OF Joey’s parents had returned to the house by the following night.
Alone to bear the huge weight of responsibility they had unceremoniously dropped on his shoulders, I had tried to help as he, once again, parented his siblings with a proficiency a grown adult would envy.
Going from hauling them around to their extracurricular activities, to cooking and cleaning up after them, and then bath-time to bedtime; it was exhausting watching him go through the motions.
No wonder he would rather throw himself into traffic than have a child, I thought to myself, he already has four.
When Joey eventually did sit down, a little after eleven, looking bone-weary and close to breaking point, the very last thing I wanted to do was give him that push.
Slumped at the kitchen table, he let his head rest in his hands and exhaled a heavy sigh. “Pretty shit date night, huh, Molloy?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” Walking over to where he was sitting, I set two mugs of coffee down and wrapped my arms around him from behind. “I wouldn’t say it was that terrible,” I replied, pressing a kiss to the side of his neck. “I mean, the company’s pretty epic.”
Grunting in response, he reached a hand up and gave mine a squeeze.
“So.” Taking the seat next to his, I reached for my mug and blew the rim before taking a sip. “What’s the plan?”
“I don’t have one,” he admitted honestly, reaching for his mug. “I have no idea what I’m doing, or how long I’ll have to do it for.”
I thought about what he said for a long time before saying, “I think you’re quite possibly the most incredible human being I’ve ever known.”
He shook his head and chuckled. “Fuck off.”
“I’ve never meant anything more in my life,” I urged. “Who you are? What you do? The knocks you’ve taken? The blows you continue to receive? How hard you love those kids? How much you sacrifice so that they don’t have to?” I shook my head. “It’s mind-blowing, Joe. Your selflessness is staggering.”
“Don’t say shit like that, Molloy,” he muttered, taking a swig of his coffee.
“Why not?” I pressed. “Are you afraid someone might hear me and realize how amazing you are, too?”
“I’m far from amazing,” he replied quietly, brows furrowed. “Seriously. Don’t put me on a pedestal. I wasn’t built for one. I’ll only end up letting you down.”
“I’d say you’re doing a pretty good job of doing the opposite,” I offered. “I’m so proud of you, Joe.”
“Don’t be proud of me, Molloy,” he bit out. “Don’t be. Because I’m not better. I’m not cured.” He blew out an agitated breath. “I’m just…”
“Trying?”
“Yeah.” Shoulders slumping, he nodded slowly. “Trying.”
“That’s enough for me,” I told him, voice thick with emotion. “You’re enough for me.”
“I need to talk to you about something,” he said then, expelling another frustrated breath. “Something important that happened today at the GAA grounds.”
“Yeah,” I agreed shakily. “I need to talk to you about something important, too.”
“Hey guys.”
It was at that exact moment that Shannon walked into the kitchen, causing us both to turn away from the other in relief.
“How’s the face, Shan?” Joey asked, eyes trailing over the bruises. “Jesus.”
I looked at her, taking in the sight of her black eye and winced, feeling sick to my stomach.
“It’s okay Joe,” she told him, offering him a weary smile. “It looks worse than it feels.”
“I’m so fucking sorry, Shan.” He dropped his head in shame. “I should have been here.”
“It’s not your fault,” she told him before I could. “None of what happened last night was your fault. You’re entitled to have a life, Joey.”
Yeah, he was, but that didn’t make it any easier for him.
“Did you manage to get Sean to go back to sleep?” I asked, tone soft.
“Finally,” Shannon replied. “Tadhg and Ollie are out for the count, but Sean? God, he’s in an awful way over Mam. He was sobbing his heart out for hours. He ended up crying himself to sleep.”
“Fucking cunts,” Joey choked out, vibrating with tension again.
“Joe,” I whispered. “Don’t say that.”
“Say what?” he argued “The truth? Because that’s what they are; a pack of fucking cunts.”
“She’s still your mother,” I said, not because I didn’t feel the same way as he did. I simply knew that his words, no matter how true or sincere, would haunt him later, because his mother held power over him in a way that I could never understand.
“She’s worse than him,” he snapped, running a hand through his hair. “Leaving those kids here on their own. She could pick up the phone and talk to the boys, but no, like always, she runs and buries her head in the sand.”
Yes, she was worse than him, but Joey didn’t really feel that way.
He was anxious and frightened, and feeling cornered.
He was reacting to his trauma by using his words as bullets.
Same as always.
But those bullets were made of buckshot that splintered and ricocheted through him, too.
“Let’s see what we’re dealing with,” he said then, emptying his pockets on the kitchen table. ‘I don’t get paid again until next week. Which leaves us with exactly…” His voice trailed off as he counted his cash and stacked a few rogue coins. “Eighty-seven euro and thirty cents for the next six days.”
“That’s good, right?”
“It should work.”
“You know I’d help if I could,” Shannon blurted out, looking guilty. “But he won’t let me get a job.”
“Stop. Don’t even think about taking on blame for this, Shan,” Joey warned, holding a hand up. And then, with a wince, he added, “Check the fridge for me, will ya?” When she obliged, showing us that it was completely bare, I watched as my boyfriend balled his hands into fists and growled. “Fucking cunts.”
“The cupboards are the same,” Shannon said quietly. “Mam usually does the shopping on Saturday.’
‘Usually,’ Joey sneered, hands in his hair as he slumped over the table, staring down at the stacked coins.
“She wouldn’t leave like this, Joe,” Shannon offered quietly, worrying on her lip. “She’d never leave us without the shopping.”
“Well, she did,” Joey shot back, tone hot and full of resentment. “Fuck it; it’s grand. We’ll manage.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay,” his sister replied, looking upset and sounding unconvinced.
“I’ll give Mark a buzz in the morning,” Joey offered then. “He has a conservatory job lined up in the city next week. I’ll ask if he needs a laborer.”
“No way,” I argued. Mark was one of Dad’s clients that used the garage. Every time he came in for a service, he tried to poach Joey to work construction for him. It drove my father crazy. “You can’t miss school. It’s the leaving cert.”
“No,” he replied, tone hard and unyielding. “I can’t let the kids go hungry. And God only knows when that bitch will come back.”
“Joe, I can help with—”
“I am not taking your money, Aoife,” he all but spat, looking mortally offended at the very thought. “So, please don’t offer.”
“Joey.” I shook my head, feeling at a loss. “I want to help you.”
“And I love you for that, but I’m not taking handouts from my girlfriend.”
The look on his face assured me that the topic of conversation, for him, was over and done with.
“Do you know where she is?” I asked instead. “Your mam, I mean?”
“I presume she’s gone to find him,” Shannon replied, looking so small and lost.
“Okay, don’t bite my head off for this,” I said, choosing my words carefully, fully aware that I was poking a bear. “But should you maybe think about calling in the authorities?”
Joey glared at me.
Shannon gaped in horror.
“They can’t keep doing this to you,” I tried to persuade, feeling sick to my stomach, and hating the look of betrayal in their eyes as they looked at me. “And you’re both here alone looking after three small children.” I shook my head. “It’s not right or fair on any of you.”
“No, it’s not right or fair on us, but Shannon and I have been down that road before and there’s no fucking way that we’re going back there,” Joey blurted out, stunning me.
Back there?
Back where?
“Joey!” Shannon hissed, horrified that he spoke so freely around me.
“Look at us, Shan,” he replied wearily. “She can already see how fucked up we are!”
“What do you mean?” I asked, giving my boyfriend my full attention. “Back where? What are you saying, Joe?”
“When we were small, before the boys were born, when it was just Darren, Shannon, and myself, the three of us were put into care for six months,” he blew my mind by revealing.
“Oh my god.” My heart seized in my chest. “You never told me that.”
“Yeah, well, it’s not something I go around talking about. Besides, I was only six at the time,” he muttered, dragging a hand through his hair. “Shan was three. Mam placed us in voluntary care – said she was too sick to care for us at the time.” His tone was dripping with disgust as he spoke. “Dropped us off and walked the fuck away. Shannon and I got lucky. We were placed together with a nice family. Darren was eleven at the time and wasn’t so lucky.”
“Joe, please don’t,” I heard his sister say, pleading with him to block me out of their world.
“He was sent to a care home where things happened to him,” Joey continued, giving me his truth. “Things that aren’t supposed to happen to children.”
“Are you saying he was…”
He nodded.
I felt my hand shoot up to cover my mouth; a knee-jerk reaction to hearing something so incomprehensible. “Oh—”
“Don’t,” he warned, holding a shaky hand up. “It didn’t happen to me.”
“I know,” I choked out, reaching for his hand. “I just…it’s awful.”
“Anyway, when Mam’s health improved, she went to court and managed to get us back,” he explained, brushing my sympathy aside. “It all came out in court about what had happened in that care home to my brother, and because she’d voluntarily given us up, because of health problems, she was somehow re-awarded custody.”
“Oh my god.”
Joey shrugged. “Darren was never the same again, and neither was our father.” Brows furrowing, he scratched his chin before adding, “He actually wasn’t too bad of a guy before that. But after it all came out about Darren; the old man lost his fucking mind. He couldn’t get over it and turned to the drink worse than ever. Got this ridiculous fucking notion into his head that what happened to Darren had somehow turned him.” Joey shook his head. “Had he paid an ounce of attention to us growing up then he would have known better.”
Reeling.
I was completely reeling.
It all made sense now.
Jesus.
“I don’t know what to say,” I confessed.
“It’s not right what happens in this house,” he said, clearing his throat and drumming his fingers on the table. “But it’s better than what’s out there in some of those care homes. There’s no fucking way I’m letting my sister and brothers go into care. No goddamn way. At least when they’re here, they’re all in one place, and I can keep them somewhat safe.”
The irrational fear he had about the authorities finding out the truth wasn’t so irrational after all.
It was totally justified in his mind.
In all of their minds.
Because the Lynch children had been let down by both the state and their parents in all of the worst possible ways.
“Do you guys have someone you can call?” I heard myself ask. “A relative or family member?”
“Nanny is eighty-one,” Shannon explained. “She’s too old and fragile to—”
“Myself and Shannon have each other,” Joey cut her off, tone flat. “That’s it.”
“Not anymore,” I replied, squeezing his hand. “You have me.” I looked at his baby sister and smiled sadly. “All of you.”
They were both quiet for a long moment before Joey snatched my hand up. “Christ,” he muttered, pressing a kiss to my knuckles. “I love you.”
This was the first time that Joey had ever openly admitted his feelings in front of another person, and I felt the gravity of his admission in the deepest part of my heart.
“Okay.” Standing up before I collapsed in a heap and cried in sadness for them, I clapped my hands together and smiled brightly. “I am starving, and I know you both must be, too. So, I’m going to make a food run to the chipper and it will be my treat.”
“Aoife,” Joey began to say. “I told you—”
“My treat,” I warned, cutting him off, and casting him a warning glare. He could fight with me about everything else, but not this. “Now, are you coming with me?”
“Yeah, I’ll come,” he muttered, rising to his feet. “You’re not driving around town in the middle of the night by yourself.”
“Well, at least you’re finally eating again,” Joey noted, half an hour later, as we sat in one of the empty booths at the local chipper, scarfing down a monster-sized bag of chips. “You had me worried for a while there.”
“Believe me, Joe, taking into account the amount of crap going on in your life right now, my appetite is the least of your worries,” I assured him, dabbing a chip in mayonnaise before popping it into my mouth.
“Kev’s right,” he mused, eyeing me curiously. “This new-found love of mayonnaise is weird as fuck, baby.”
Cheeks flushing, I averted my eyes from his, both unwilling and unable to delve deeper into the origins of my new-found cravings.
That was a conversation for another day.
A day when your boyfriend’s life isn’t unraveling around him.
“Should we head back?” I asked, changing the subject. “To the kids?”
He shrugged. “Probably.”
“What?” I asked, eyeing him warily when he continued to stare at me, making no move to leave. “Have I got something on my face?”
He shook his head slowly. “I’m just thinking.”
Oh shit.
“About what?”
“How different you look.”
Oh, double shit.
“Different how?”
“I’m not sure,” he mused, tilting his head to one side, studying me with razor-sharp eyes. “But you do.”
“Is that a bad thing?” I chuckled nervously.
“Nothing about the way you look is ever bad, Molloy,” he replied, tone thoughtful. “You just look sort of shiny.”
I swallowed deeply. “Shiny?”
“Yeah.” He nodded. “Kind of like you’re glowing.”
That would be your baby.
“That would be my halo,” I joked, as I quickly stood up and grabbed all of our empty food wrappings. Walking over to the bin, I tossed our rubbish inside and quickly wiped my hands together. “It’s shinier than yours, remember?”
“It’s a good look,” he assured me, pulling me close to give my ass a squeeze, before leading us out the door. “Very sexy.”
“Joe.” I couldn’t repress the illicit shiver that rolled through me if I tried. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?” he purred, pushing me up against the wall outside. “Don’t tell my girlfriend that I think she’s sexy as fuck?” Pinning me with his hips, he cupped my face in his hands and kissed me hard. “You drive me crazy,” he growled against my lips. “You twist me up in knots, queen.”
“Right back at you, stud,” I breathed, relinquishing all power over to him, as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer.
“How do you feel about getting naked tonight?” he said against my lips.
“Joe, I’m…“ I exhaled a ragged breath. “I’m—”
“Whatever it is, I don’t care,” he cut me off by saying. “I need in you so fucking bad, Molloy.”
“I don’t know who you bleeding are!” A nearby voice boomed, and we both turned our heads in unison to see an absolute giant of a boy slumped against the glass front of the chipper, talking at his phone, while he inhaled an abnormal number of burgers. “I don’t know any bleeding King Clit!”
“Well shit,” Joey mused, stepping back. “That’s him.”
“Who?”
“That’s the lad Shannon has her eye on.”
“The one you said beat up Ciara Maloney’s boyfriend?”
“That’s the one.”
“Well, go Shannon,” I said, taking in the sight of the ridiculously attractive boy, who was making a ridiculously unattractive attempt at swallowing a quarter pounder in two bites. “He’s a little ridey, isn’t he?”
Joey snorted in disgust.
“Don’t worry,” I teased, patting his chest. “The steroid-head look doesn’t appeal to me.”
“No?”
“Nope.” Grinning up at him, I added, “I’m more into the lean, mean, cocaine snorting machine type.”
He smirked. “Funny.”
“Let’s go say hi.”
“What?” Joey gaped at me like I’d grown three heads. “Why would we say hi?”
“Because he could be your future brother-in-law.”
His brows furrowed. “Like fuck.”
“Come on,” I laughed, catching ahold of his hand. “Live a little – but be nice about it. Don’t even think about scaring him off your sister.”
“She could do better.”
“She could do a lot worse,” I laughed. “Go on, Joe. Go and say hi to him.”
He gaped at me. “Why me?”
I shrugged. “Because she’s your sister, not mine.”
“So?”
“So, shut up and do it already!”
“Why am I constantly being ruled by the women in my life?” Joey muttered, trailing after me. ”Johnny Kavanagh?”
“No pictures tonight, kids,” the boy replied, shoulders slumped. “Johnny’s on a time-out.”
Joey gave me a look that said what a dickhead.
I gave him an encouraging nod.
“I spoke to you on the phone the other week,” Joey offered then, giving me a pointed look. “You know my sister, Shannon. You dropped her home.”
The boy’s attention quickly sparked to life at the sound of Shannon’s name, and I watched the fog dissipate from his steel blue eyes.
“You’re the hurler.” Johnny straightened his brick shit-house shoulders. “Joey.” Smiling proudly to himself, he added, “Shannon like the river, and Joey the hurler.”
Joey gave me a what the fuck look.
I choked out a laugh in response. “Like the river?” I grinned. “God, how much have you had to drink?”
“A river load by the looks of it,” Joey said dryly, nudging my shoulder with his. “Do you think you should head home? You look fairly well oiled, lad.”
“Would if I could,” Johnny grumbled, looking a little lost. “No taxi.”
I opened my mouth to speak when Joey shook his head, giving me a warning look that said don’t do it.
“Sure we could give you a lift home, couldn’t we, babe?” I said, doing it anyway, and reveling in the fuck you expression on his face. “We’re only parked down the road.”
“That would be great,” Johnny replied, voice slurred, but eyes full of relief. “Thanks.”
“Yeah, sure,” Joey said flatly. “No problem.”
I snickered.
Joey glared at me.
I beamed back at him.
This would be fun.
“I’m Aoife Molloy, by the way,” I said, amused at how this giant of a boy tried and failed to walk a straight line down the footpath towards the car. Rounding the car, I yanked the door open and snickered, “Joey the hurler’s girlfriend,” before climbing inside.
“Nice to meet you,” Johnny replied, manners impeccable, even though he was having a hard time keeping himself upright.
“Three-door,” Joey explained, gesturing for our passenger to maneuver over his seat to get into the back. “You’re going to have to climb into the back.”
“It’s fine, lad,” Johnny replied ever so politely.
And then I watched as, quite possibly, the biggest boy I’d ever seen in my life tried and failed to wedge himself into the backseat of my poor Opel Corsa.
Rolling his eyes, Joey shoved him into the back seat with an impatient, “for fuck’s sake,” growl.
“Christ,” Johnny muttered when he was inside, taking up the entire back row of my car with his shoulders alone.
Climbing into the driver’s seat, Joey shoved his seat back as far as it would go, causing the big lad in the back to wheeze out a breath. “You good?”
“All good,” Johnny strangled out, clearly crushed. “Thanks again for the lift.”
“No problem.” Joey leaned in close and mouthed the words you’re dead before brushing a quick peck to my lips. “Where are we heading?”
“About four miles the other side of Tommen College,” Johnny slurred. “Head out the main road for the city. I’ll call the turn offs when we get to them.”
Joey had just pulled onto the road when he had to slam on the brakes when a big, blond bastard all but threw himself on the bonnet of my car.
“What the fuck?” we both roared in unison, gaping at the lunatic hugging my car like he was superman.
“Get off the car, asshole!” Joey roared, rolling down his window.
“You’re stealing my center! Give him back,” the boy called out, coming around to the side of the car to poke his head through the driver’s window. “Hey, Cap, how’s it going?” he said then, smiling into the backseat at Johnny. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
Joey and I looked at each other, instantly recognizing the mad bastard as none other than Gibsie Gibberson or whatever his name was from the Tommen party.
“And this clown is?” my boyfriend asked, knowing full well who he was. The look he gave me told me to go with it.
“He’s my flanker,” Johnny replied with a groan, as he leaned between the seats and hissed, “Gibs, what the fuck are you doing, lad? You’re supposed to be gone home with Hughie.”
Joey and I looked at each other again, and I knew he was thinking the same thing I was when we mouthed the word champagne in unison.
Aw, crap.
“The Gards pulled him over for tax and insurance,” Gibsie declared, clearly intoxicated, as he staggered and swayed on his feet.
“So?” Johnny hissed. “Hughie’s above board.”
“He looked at me, Johnny! He shone his big fucking torch right in my eyes,” Gibsie slurred, wide-eyed. “I panicked and jumped out of the car. I’ve been running around town ever since. I tried to call you but you kept cutting me off.
“You’re King Clit?”
“Oh yeah. I forgot about that.”
“What’s Hughie down as?”
“Ginger pubes.”
“He’s blond.”
“His girlfriend isn’t.”
“Jesus Christ, Gibs.”
“What do you want me to do with him?” Joey asked, sounding bored, while I was thoroughly amused by their antics.
“I should probably bring him back to my place,” Johnny muttered, rubbing his jaw. “Or to a secured hospital.”
“See what bullshit you got us into?” Joey told me under his breath, before throwing the door open and climbing out to move his seat forward.
With none of the grace or consideration his friend had shown for the shocks of my car, Gibsie threw himself into the backseat, sprawling out on top of his friend’s lap.
“Fuck!”
“Shit, man, did I get your dick? I’ll get ice for your balls when we get home.”
“Get. Off. Me.”
“Christ, this is the tightest hole I’ve been inside for months.”
“I hope there’s no more of ye,” Joey muttered, climbing back into the driver’s seat and pulling off. “The car’s weighing down in the back.”
“Sorry,” Johnny replied, clearly embarrassed.
“It’s his fault; the fat bastard,” Gibsie declared and then turned his attention back to his buddy and asked, “Hey, is your dick okay, man? I’m really sorry about that. I hope I didn’t squash your balls.”
“Go fuck yourself, Gerard.”
“I was being sincere, Jonathan. For that, you can get your own ice tonight…hold up! You traitor! You went to the chipper!”
“Yeah, I did, and it was fucking delicious, and I have no regrets.”
“What did you have?”
“A few cheeseburgers and a curry-chips.”
“How did it taste?”
“Better than sex.”
Joey snorted and muttered, “Clearly, he doesn’t have a clue about sex, if he’s willing to trade pussy for a burger,” under his breath.
“Be nice,” I scolded, slapping his shoulder.
“I wouldn’t trade you for all the steak in Ireland.”
I grinned. “Flattery will get you everywhere.”
Winking, Joey turned his attention back to road.
“We’re supposed to be on a diet,” Gibsie accused, dragging my attention back to their banter. “Did you get me something?”
“Yeah, I got you a burger.”
“Thanks, Johnny.”
“And then I got hungry, so I ate it.”
“You’re a monster!”
“You two are so weird,” I laughed, shaking my head, as I turned back to my boyfriend. “Aren’t they funny, Joe?”
“They’re something alright,” he muttered, shaking his head, letting me know that he was entirely unimpressed with his future-bro-in-law’s antics.
“Hey.” Gibsie sprang forward between the seats to gape at us. “Who the fuck are you guys?” he asked, though the expression on his face assured me that he knew exactly who we were.
‘Not a word about the weed,’ he mouthed, begging me with his eyes to keep schtum. ‘He’s the captain I tried to drug. He’ll kill me!’
“Johnny’s friends with my boyfriend’s sister,” I threw him a lifeline by offering.
“Sister?” Now, Gibsie really did frown in confusion. “What sister?”
“Shannon,” Johnny chimed in.
Gibsie’s eyes widened to saucers. “Shannon?” He gaped at the back of Joey’s head and mouthed, ‘oh, Jesus, that’s his sister? Cap’s obsessed with his sister!’
Snickering, I nodded.
“Yes, Shannon,” Johnny bit out.
‘Oh shit,’ Gibsie mouthed before turning back to his buddy.
They fell into a blatantly obvious double-meaning conversation then, where the only people in the car that they were fooling were themselves.
“Oh, yeah,” I leaned close and whispered in Joey’s ear. “That big gorilla of a boy definitely wants in your baby sister.”
“Jesus Christ, do you want me to crash the car?” Joey choked out with a shudder. “That is a hideous thing to say to me, baby!”
“It’s true, though,” I mused. “Maybe they’ve already done the deed.”
“Molloy.”
“She’s so tiny, and he’s so big –”
“Aoife!”
