AOIFE
IT WAS a little after eight when Ollie had somehow managed to coax Sean upstairs only to end up falling asleep beside him on Joey’s bed.
Downstairs in the kitchen, I washed the dishes from dinner earlier, while Tadhg played a game of Snake on my phone in his bedroom.
All in all, I was pretty damn proud of how well I had managed to handle today, but that didn’t stem the anxiety steadily rising in my chest at the lack of contact from Joey.
He hadn’t come home and he hadn’t called or text, either.
Something was wrong, I was sure of it, but aside from sending out a search party, which I clearly didn’t have the means to do, there was nothing I could do but sit and wait for him to return.
With my back to the kitchen door, and my arms up to the elbows in sudsy bubbles, I swayed my hips to the rhythm of The Cranberries Linger as it played on the radio, foot tapping to the beat, and I hummed along to the music.
A few moments later, when the sound of the front door opening and then closing filled my ears, I visibly sagged in relief.
“About damn time, guys,” I called over my shoulder, setting a plate on the draining board and shaking the water from my hands. “I thought you were dead or something.” I moved to turn around then, but his big body was on me, slamming me roughly against the sink. “Jesus, Joe,” I chuckled, with my back to him. “Miss me much?”
His hot mouth was on my neck then, but it didn’t feel right.
His sharp wet tongue trailing down the side of my neck felt all wrong.
Wrong, wrong, wrong, my body assured me.
It was at that moment I took sight of my reflection in the window over the sink and my blood ran cold.
‘Oh my god,” I screamed. “Get the fuck off me, Teddy!”
I moved to twist away, but he wrapped his beefy arms around my arms and chest, keeping me pinned to the sink.
Fear spiraled inside of me at a rapid pace.
“Let go,” I tried again, keeping my tone as hard and forceful as I could manage, when all I wanted to do was scream and cry. “Now, asshole.”
“I’ve wanted a taste of ya since I first saw ya,” Joey’s father slurred, and the smell of whiskey that wafted from his breath was stifling. “Look at the body on ya.” He hardened behind me and I felt like vomiting. “Wasted on my young fella.”
His hand moved to my breast and that’s when I flipped the fuck out.
“I said get your hands off me,” I snarled, trying and failing to break free of his hold. “I swear to god, if you so much as think about—”
My words were swept away when he clutched my throat with his hand and squeezed.
Paralyzed with fear, I dragged my feet against the tiles when he walked us over to the kitchen table.
“Here’s how this is going to go, ya little cunt,” he snarled, slamming the side of my face against the table. “You’re going to keep your mouth shut and take what I give ya.” Reaching for the waistband of my sweats, he roughly pushed them down my thighs. “Prancing around my house like you’re god’s fucking gift.”
“Fuck…you,” I strangled out, with my cheek pressed to the table, I clawed and tore at his hand, trying to inflict as much pain as I possibly could, while locking my legs together, desperate to protect myself while in this helpless position. “Don’t touch me!”
“I always wanted to touch this hair,” he slurred, releasing my neck, only to roughly twist my hair around his fist until the nape of my neck burned from the pain. “Smooth like silk. Mm. Fucking lovely.”
“Please.” My stomach heaved and I gagged and gawked in disgust. “Let me go!”
His hand moved to my knickers and he roughly dragged the fabric down, while keeping a death grip on my hair. “Open your legs.”
“Drop dead!”
Hooking an arm around my waist, he forced me back up. “Open your fucking legs, cunt!”
“No – no!” I choked out, repulsed by the feel of his hands on my body, as he pushed his knees between my legs, forcing them open, leaving me vulnerable and exposed to him. “D-don’t do this!”
I could feel the rough fabric of his jeans against my bare skin, and then the sound of a zip unfastening filled my ears.
“Don’t,” I cried, bucking to break free. “Don’t touch me —”
The sound of the front door slamming followed by a familiar voice roaring, “Get the fuck off her!” had me collapsing in a heap against the table.
His hands were gone not a second later, and I crumbled to the floor, shaking violently, as I scrambled to pull my underwear and sweats back into place.
Through my tears, I could see Joey and his father fighting, smashing and crashing into the counters, as they literally tore strips out of one another.
They were shouting, but I couldn’t hear a word of it.
The sound of ringing in my ears was deafening me, as I trembled violently, feeling violated.
“Aoife,” Mrs. Lynch sniffled, eyes wide in horror, as she hurried towards me. “Are you alright?”
No, I wasn’t alright.
How the fuck could I be alright?
Her husband had been seconds away from raping me.
“Don’t touch me!” I screamed when her hand landed on my shoulder. Scrambling to my feet, I backed up as far away from these people as I could physically get. “Stay the fuck away from me, all of you!”
Unfortunately for me, the way out of this hellhole was on the other side of the kitchen, and while I was desperate to get out, I couldn’t make my legs move, because moving forward meant passing him.
“Molloy.” That was Joey. He was standing in front of me, with his hands on my cheeks, green eyes wild and frantic, and I was having none of it. “Aoife, baby—”
“Don’t touch me,” I choked out, yanking my face free from his touch. “Just get me out of here.”
“Aoife.” He moved for me again, and over his shoulder I could see the crumbled heap that was his father, twisting and groaning on the floor. “Please, just…don’t…I’m so fucking sorry.”
“I said get me out of here, Joey!” I screamed, dragging my hands through my hair, as I tore my eyes off him and forced myself to look at his son. “I want to leave now!”
My gaze once again flicked to the monster, who was now sitting up, while his wife held a damp tea towel to his cheek.
Was she serious?
Did she not see what he just tried to do to me?
“Get me the fuck away from these people, Joey,” I spat, glaring at my boyfriend. “Now.”
Heaving out a shuddering breath, Joey nodded and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, blocking my view of his father, as he led me out of the house.
The minute I was outside, I shrugged out of his hold and rushed for my car, gasping in mouthfuls of the cool night air, as I tried to make sense of what the hell had just happened.
“Aoife.”
“Don’t!” I strangled out, pushing away from him. “Don’t talk. Just…just take me home.”
I was reeling.
My mind was blank.
My body was coiled tight with tension.
Joey opened the passenger door and I collapsed into the seat, breathing hard and fast, as my entire framed rattled and shook.
Coming around to the driver’s side, he climbed in and looked at me with anguished eyes. “Molloy, I’m so—”
“No.” Trying and failing to fasten my seatbelt, I gave up and bit back the urge to scream, pressing my fingers to my temples. “Just drive.”
Wordlessly, Joey reached over and fastened my seatbelt for me before starting the engine.
With his hands rigid on the steering wheel, he bowed his head and sucked in several deep breaths before returning his focus to the road ahead and pulling off.
Biting down on my fist to stop myself from screaming, I tucked my hair behind my ear and then shuddered when I remembered the feel of his hand knotted roughly in it.
Striving for calm and coming up empty, my entire body buzzed with this strange, anxious energy, and I wasn’t sure if it was my fear, my anger, or sheer adrenalin causing the upset.
Either way, I couldn’t seem to control my limbs.
They had a mind of their own.
When Joey took a left at the end of the road, instead of the usual right turn that led to my estate, I started to get panicky.
When he pulled up outside the Ballylaggin Garda Station a few minutes later, the panic I’d been feeling quickly shifted into a full-blown anxiety attack. “What are you doing?”
He killed the engine and stared out the windscreen ahead of him, hands still wrapped tightly around the wheel.
“What are you doing?” I repeated when he didn’t respond. My heart raced wildly in my chest. “Joey?” My eyes were wild with panic. “Take me home.”
“I can’t take you home, Molloy,” he finally said, and his voice was barely audible. Keeping his eyes trained on the building that we were parked in front of, he slowly shook his head. “I need to make this right.”
“What do you mean?” I demanded, voice cracking. “I’m not going in there, Joey. I won’t, okay! I just want to go home and take a shower.”
“We have to go in there,” he replied, unfastening his seatbelt, and reaching for his car door. “He’s not getting away with putting his hands on you.”
“Don’t!” Reaching across him, I grabbed the door and slammed it shut. “No. I don’t want that. I just want to go home, okay? Just home. That’s it.”
“Molloy.” Joey exhaled a pained groan and turned to look at me. The pain in his eyes, the absolute fucking devastation, seemed to mirror exactly how I felt. “He tried to rape…” his voice broke, and he shook his head before quickly looking away. He dragged in a pained breath, hand slamming against the steering wheel. “He tried to do that to you.”
“I am not going in there,” I warned, eyes filling with tears. “I am not.”
“You have to tell them what he—”
“No, all I have to do is go home,” I cut him off and screamed, skin crawling with unease and shame. “That’s all I want you to do for me. That’s it. Just take me the fuck home.”
“Aoife, please.”
“This is not your call to make!” I screamed, pulling on my hair in sheer frustration. “You don’t get to make this decision, Joey. I do. This is my choice, my decision, and I choose not to go in there, okay? I choose to forget about it. That’s what I fucking choose. All I want to do is go home. I don’t want anyone to know about it, okay? I just want to go home, erase it from my mind, and forget that I ever stepped foot inside of that house!”
Joey watched me for the longest time before releasing his hold on the door handle.
“Fuck!” he finally roared, slamming his hand against the steering wheel, and then sagged forward, wrapping his arms around the wheel and burying his face in them. “Fuck!”
“Where were you?” I heard myself croak out, delirious with pain and upset. “I had work! I wasn’t supposed to be there, but you…“ I stopped short of blaming him, knowing that it was my hurt talking and not the reality of the situation, and released a pained cry. “I was supposed to be at work.” Tears blurred my vision, and I quickly pushed my hair back, not wanting to feel it touching my neck. “I wasn’t supposed to be there.”
“I know,” he strangled out, looking like he was physically dying inside, as he banged his forehead repeatedly against the wheel. “Fuck, I know! It’s just…something came up, okay? And I forgot to call —”
“Something came up?” My voice rose with my incredulity. “Oh, that’s fine then, isn’t it? If something came up!”
“I’m sorry, okay.” A distressed sob followed by an anguished roar tore from his chest and he pulled back to look at me. “Let me go in there.” Tears were flowing freely down his cheeks, as he implored me with his eyes to give in. “Let me do this for you.”
“No.” I shook my head, refuting his plea, and roughly batted my tears – and then his hand away. “Just take me home, Joe. Please.”
“I don’t know what to do here, Aoif,” he strangled out, chest heaving. “I hear you, I do, but it’s not the right thing here.”
“If you give one iota of a shit about me, then you will take me home,” I warned, holding a shaky finger up. “I mean it. If you don’t move this car, I’m getting out and walking.”
When he made no move to respect my wishes, I pushed open my door and reached for my seatbelt.
“Okay, okay!” Joey quickly turned the key in the ignition and the old engine roared to life. “I’ll take you home.”
Sniffling, I closed the door, keeping my tear-filled eyes locked on the road ahead of us.
Releasing a heavy sigh, he pulled away from the Garda Station, taking me straight home without any more detours.
“Shannon,” he finally said, when we were pulled up outside my house. He pinched the bridge of his nose before saying, “I left her at Johnny Kavanagh’s house. I need to go back for her. I, ah, I can’t leave her there. If they find out she’s with him—”
“It’s fine.” Unfastening my seat belt, I threw the door open and scrambled out of the car. “You can take the car.”
Closing the car door behind me, I hurried across the road and swung my garden gate inwards, desperate to get inside the safety of my home.
“You could come with me?” he called after me, as he climbed out of the car and hurried across the road to reach me. “It won’t take—”
“No, I’m going home,” I repeated, slipping inside and closing the gate, effectively keeping him out.
“I’ll bring the car straight back afterwards.”
“It’s fine, I don’t need it.”
“Fine. I’ll come straight back afterwards,” he offered, opening the gate and following me inside.
“No.” I shook my head. “You don’t have to.”
“Aoife.” His hand shot out and grabbed mine, and the pain in his voice was too much. “Please don’t do this.”
“I need to be alone right now, Joe,” I just about managed to choke out, trying and failing to break free of his hold. “I can’t be with—”
“I know what you want to say, but don’t just…please keep it inside you,” he begged, imploring me with his eyes to hear him. “Don’t say it out loud. Not tonight, okay? Just…not tonight. Because if you say it out loud, then it becomes real, and I can’t let it be real, Molloy, okay? I can’t lose you.”
I looked away and then I looked back at him.
He was rigid, watching me with fearful eyes.
I tried to say the words that would make him feel better, but I couldn’t.
I couldn’t comfort him right now.
I felt too damn broken.
“I need time,” I finally whispered. “Some space to clear my head.”
“I’m so fucking sorry.“
“I know you are, Joe,” I croaked out, feeling devastated. “I know, okay. I just…” Sniffling, I shrugged helplessly. “I need to not be near you right now, okay?”
“Aoife.”
“Because every time I look at you, all I can see is—”
“Him,” he deadpanned, immediately releasing his hold on me. “Got it.” Nodding stiffly, he backed up to the gate, looking more crushed and broken than I’d ever seen him. “I hear ya, Molloy.”
And then he turned around and walked away.
Unable to watch him leave, I hurried into my house.
Slamming the door shut behind me, I heaved out a huge, gut-wrenching sob, and collapsed in a heap on the floor.
“Aoife?” Mam’s head popped around the living room door, and then she was there, on her knees with her arms around my body. “Did you tell him?”
Breath catching in my throat, I heaved out another pained sob and shook my head. “I c-couldn’t.”
“It’s okay, pet,” Mam soothed, wrapping me up in her arms just like she did when I was small. “Everything is going to be just fine. We’ll figure it all out.”
