JOEY
“WHERE IS HE?” I asked the moment my girlfriend was gone, as a million thoughts were rushing around in my mind. While my heart was demanding answers to even more questions, only one question stood out in my hazy thoughts. “Where’s Dad?”
“The Gards haven’t been able to find him.”
Of course they hadn’t.
The old man wouldn’t resurface until the time was right.
He was as sharp as a tack.
He knew how to play the system better than anyone.
I didn’t want Molloy to have to hear any of this. I didn’t want that man tainting her life any more than he already had.
“They’ll find him, Joey,” Darren continued to say. To fucking lie. “The Gards are scouring the countryside looking for him. He won’t get away with it. Not this time.”
“Not this time,” I repeated his words slowly, gaze flicking from Darren to Mam. “What makes you think this time is different?”
All along they had been in contact with each other.
Never once in the past five and a half years had he attempted to reach out to me.
When I thought about Shannon and how my disappearing for five years would affect her, I physically recoiled.
I could never do it.
I could never leave them like that.
Knowing that he could and did made me so fucking resentful that I was practically choking on my hatred.
I knew he had to get out, we all did, but it didn’t change how it all rolled out.
Now he was here, acting like the fucking savior of all things Lynch, and I despised him for it.
“Because Mam is ready to leave him.” Darren’s tone was laced with sincerity, which assured me that he truly believed the shit he was spurting. “This time she’s really ready, Joe.”
“She’s not ready,” I replied flatly, ignoring the way my mother nodded eagerly like a loyal dog. “She won’t leave him until she’s in a box and you’re a fool if you believe otherwise.”
“That’s not true, Joey,” she tried to coax, closing the space between us and taking the spot my girlfriend had vacated. “I’ve been to the court. There was an emergency hearing. I’ve been granted a safety order.”
Words.
They were just words.
I’d heard them all a million times before.
They meant as little now as any other time.
Promises made, promises broken.
It was bullshit.
“And you?” I turned my attention to the turncoat bastard I hadn’t laid eyes on since puberty hit me. “What’s your angle?”
Darren’s brows furrowed. “My angle?”
“What do you want?” I asked, tone void of all emotion. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m back to help,” he said, roughly clearing his throat. “I came home for my family, Joe.”
“Your family.”
“Yeah, my family.” Tears filled his eyes. “I missed you so much, kid.”
There was so much resentment built up inside of me that I was honestly afraid to open my mouth out of fear of what might slip out.
It was a good thing that I was heavily medicated in this moment or I might have lunged for the prick.
“Have you spoken to the Gards?” Mam asked, pulling a tissue from the sleeve of her cardigan and wiping her nose.
“Why?”
“Because I think we need to get our stories aligned,” Darren answered for her. Another man answering for her. Another fucking boss. “We need to figure out how we swing this to the Gards.”
“There’s no story to align,” I deadpanned. “I won’t lie for either one of them. Never again. As far as I’m concerned, she’s as responsible for what happened to Shannon as our old man is. So you two can swing whatever the fuck you want, but leave me out of any bullshit fabrications.”
“Come on, Joey, I know you’re hurting right now, but you’re not the only victim here. Mam is a victim, too.”
“Did I say I was a victim?”
“No, I’m saying that you’re a victim—”
“You don’t know the first thing about me,” I spat, cutting him off. “You don’t know what the fuck I’ve been through, so don’t swan in here trying to feed me a line and slap a label on my forehead. I’m done with it.” I turned to my mother and doubled down. “I am done with you.”
I was.
I meant it.
I fucking meant it.
Never again would I give her the opportunity to let me down.
“I know you’ve been going down a bad path for a long time now,” Darren had the gall to say. “I also know that you’ve got yourself a little Joey on the way.”
“Good news travels fast,” I replied coolly. “Get all that from one of your mommy and son phone calls?”
“She’s the girl from the wall, right? The one you had your eye on back in first year?”
“The fuck would you know about it?” I seethed, jaw clenching. “You weren’t around when I was in first year. You bailed, asshole.”
“I remember your reaction to her that day.”
“Good for you.”
“You got the girl pregnant while you’re still in school, Joe? Really?” His tone was dripping with condescension when he said, “Talk about following in the old man’s footsteps and repeating the goddamn cycle!”
“Don’t even think about lecturing me, asshole,” I snapped, refusing to show him how deeply he cut me with his words. “I am not our old man, and she is none of your fucking business!”
“And Shane Holland?” he continued to challenge, giving me a hard look. “Is he none of my business either? Goddammit, Joey, what did I tell you about messing around with that guy?”
“Shit, Dar, I can’t remember.” I shrugged. “How long’s it been since we spoke? Five, six years?”
“Joey.” He sighed wearily. “You know why I had to leave.”
“Don’t Joey me,” I sneered. “You don’t get to stroll back in here and call the shots. You’re not the patriarch of the family, asshole.”
“And you are?”
“I did the best I could with the hand I was given,” I shot back. “So, don’t look down your goddamn nose at my choices. At least I stuck around.”
“Please don’t fight with each other,” Mam pleaded, placing her hand on Darren’s shoulder. “We’re all family here.”
“No. you two are family,” I bit out, tone hoarse. “My family just left.”
“Wh-what do you mean?”
“That girl isn’t your family, Joe. We are.”
Not bothering answering either one of them, I pulled at the wires and leads attached to my body and climbed unsteadily to my feet.
“Joey, what are you doing?”
“Shannon,” I bit out, searching the small area for my clothes. “Aoife said she’s upstairs. Which ward is she on?”
“Joey, stop,” Mam cried, when I ripped the needle out of my arm and moved for my jeans that were hanging on the back of the chair next to my bed. “Lie down and rest. You’re not supposed to be out of bed.”
Ripping off the hospital gown, I stood shivering in my jocks, feeling like my head was about to explode, but needing to move because the prospect of staying here was unthinkable.
“Jesus Christ,” I heard Darren choke out when I turned my back to them. “What did Dad do to him, Mam?”
Darren.
Fucking Darren.
“Shannon,” was all I managed to get out, as my head spun and my mind struggled to focus. It wasn’t too bad when I was lying down, but standing up made my head swim. “I need to see my sister.”
“Joey, you can’t leave.”
“Fuck you.”
“You have to be discharged by a doctor and you’re in no fit state to go anywhere.”
“I said fuck you.”
“Joey, please!”
“Where is my sister?” Mind reeling, I clumsily stepped into the legs of my jeans, and dragged them up my hips before snatching up the blood-stained hoodie. “Where’s Shannon?”
Fuck if I knew where my t-shirt was, and in this moment, I didn’t care.
The only thing I cared about was getting out of this place and far away from these people.
“You’re not leaving.” Two hands came down on my shoulders and I all but took leave of my senses. “Just lie down and rest, okay?”
“Get your fucking hands off me,” I snarled, stumbling away from the ghost of my past. “Don’t you ever put your hands on me again!”
“It’s me.” Holding his hands up in retreat, Darren watched me warily. “I would never hurt you, Joe. You know that.”
“I don’t know you,” I spat, ripping off the bandage from my eye that was preventing me from seeing clearly. From protecting myself. “I don’t know who the fuck you are anymore!”
“Joe.” Emotion filled his eyes. “I’m your brother.”
“You’re no brother of mine,” I sneered and then winced when pain rocketed through my eyes. Fuck, the lights hurt so damn bad. “So, keep your goddamn hands to yourself. Because I don’t care whose body you came out of, I will…” Staggering sideways, I gripped the wall for balance. “Just leave me the fuck alone!”
“What’s going on here?” the nurse who’d been looking after me all day asked, pushing the curtain open. “Joseph, sweetheart, you need to get back into bed.”
“No, you need to get whatever paperwork I need to sign, because I’m out of here,” I replied, leaning heavily against the wall, as I toed on my runners. “Fuck, where are my socks?”
“Joey, you can’t just leave!”
“I told you to fuck off!” Wincing in pain, I clutched my head and tried to stop my head from spinning. “I need to see my sister. Make sure she’s okay.”
“That’s not a good idea,“ the nurse said in a coaxing tone, moving to my side. “Why don’t we send your family home and sit down for a little chat? Just the two of us?”
“I’m leaving,” I bit out, shuddering in revulsion when her small hand cupped my elbow. “Do I need to sign a discharge form or something?”
“Why don’t we give your girlfriend a call?” she suggested, trying to steer me back to the bed. “Hm? What’s her name again?”
“Aoife.”
“That’s right. How about you get back into bed and I’ll go and call Aoife? She left her phone number back at the nurses station. You just rest up here and I’ll go and call her for you. Hm?”
“No, no, no,” I groaned, shaking my head when a wave of confusion hit me. “Don’t call her. She needs to rest. Just help me get out of here.”
“Joey, please just lie back down and rest.”
“How about we all give Joey some space,” I heard the nurse instruct. “Good lad yourself. Just hold onto my hand and you’re nice and safe.”
“Joey, baby, are you okay?”
“My eyes,” I groaned, blinking rapidly when my vision blurred in and out of focus. “There’s something wrong with my eyes.”
“You’re going to feel disorientated for a few days,” the nurse coaxed as she walked me back to my prison. “Which is why you need to rest up and let us take care of you, okay?”
“Is he going to be okay?”
“Out,” I heard the nurse command. “Now please.”
“Tell him that we’ll come back later.”
“Leave now, please. Or I will call security.”
“Fuck,” I groaned, feeling faint. “I don’t want to see them.”
“You don’t have to,” I heard the nurse say. “Now, I’ve spoken to the ward manager on floor 3, and there’s a bed after coming available upstairs for you. The porter will be around shortly to take you up.”
“I don’t want to go upstairs,” I croaked out, feeling myself sink down on the bed. “I want to go home.”
“Good lad,” she coaxed, fluffing the pillows at my back. “What have you done to your poor arm, hm?”
Groaning, I slapped a hand over my eyes and winced. “Fuck knows.”
“I’ll put a fresh line in for you.”
“I don’t want a line,” I mumbled, clenching my eyes shut when the room started spinning. “I just… I want something for the pain.”
“Okay, I’ll get you something for pain, Joseph,” I heard her reply. “Where is the pain worse? In your head?”
“No, it’s here,” I whispered, rubbing my chest. “Here’s the worst.”
“Your heart?”
I nodded stiffly.
“Okay, sweetheart,” the nurse replied softly. “Just close your eyes and get some rest. I’ll go and fetch you something for the pain.”
