AOIFE
AFTER SEARCHING the hospital for Joey, and coming up empty, I had called up our friends to come get me, needing bodies on the ground to help sniff him out before he came to any harm.
Tell me that you’re okay. Please. I’m going out of my mind here.
ANSWER YOUR PHONE, ASSHOLE!!!
How could you just vanish on me? WTF Joe! Call me, dammit!
Where are you? Come on, Joey, please.
“We’ll find him,” Podge tried to appease me, as I sat in the passenger seat of his Ford Fiesta, with my entire body racking with shivers, on the way back to Ballylaggin. “It’s only been a couple of hours since he left the hospital, Aoif.”
“Exactly,” Alec and Casey agreed from the back seat. “He won’t have gone far.”
“You guys don’t get it,” I strangled out, knees bopping restlessly as I tried his phone for the millionth time, only to be sent to voicemail again. “He’s not in his right frame of mind.”
His sister was lying in a hospital bed with a collapsed lung. He was too injured to be out on the streets, but that was exactly what was happening. I knew in my heart of hearts that there was a ninety-nine percent chance that he had gone off the deep end. I hoped with everything I had inside of me that he hadn’t, but the fear still festered away inside of me.
“So? Lynchy’s never in his right mind,” Alec piped up. “He spends a solid eighty percent of his time off his trolley and it’s never stopped him from looking after himself.”
“Not helping, Al,” Casey grumbled.
“He has a concussion,” I hissed, brushing my hair off my face. “A really bad one, and his head is all smashed up. He shouldn’t be out of bed, let alone wandering around by himself.”
“Don’t do that in here,” Casey snapped, and I twisted around to see her smack an unlit cigarette out of Alec’s hand. “She’s pregnant, asshole.”
“Oh shit, yeah.” He rummaged around the floor of the car for his cigarette. “My bad, sexy-legs.”
“Can you drop me off at Elk’s Terrace?” I asked Podge. “I’ll check his house and ask around his neighbors.”
“No problem,” Podge replied. “I’ll take a spin over to the GAA grounds and search there.”
“Yeah, and I’ll check Biddies,” Casey offered.
“I’ll go with you,” Alec chimed in.
“No, Al, you need to go to Shane Holland’s gaff,” Podge interrupted. “See if he’s been there.”
“What? No fucking way,” Alec vehemently protested. “That prick’s a psycho. He’s as likely to stab me as he is to speak to me.”
“Come on, Al.”
“Why me?”
“Because you’re…well, you’re you,” Podge settled on. “Come on. You know Lynchy would do it for you.”
“Fine,” he huffed. “But if anything happens to me, it’s on you, ginger-pubes!”
Casey: He’s not at Biddies, babe.
Podge: No sign of him at the pavilion.
Alec: Nobody home @ pyscho’s house.
Anxious, I tapped out a two-word response and clicked send before sliding my phone back into my pocket.
Aoife: Keep looking.
The night air whipped at my face, as I stood at the Lynch’s front door, with my fist banging incessantly on the frosted panel of the door.
“What did you do?” I demanded when Darren finally swung the door inwards. “What did you say to him?”
“Maybe you should calm down—”
“Don’t bullshit me, Darren.”
Furious, I pushed past him and stalked into their house, unwilling to pander to anyone’s bullshit, not when he was teetering on the edge like I knew he was.
“You,” I spat when I stormed into the kitchen and was confronted by the woman who bore him. “It’s always you.”
“Aoife?” Marie’s eyes widened. “What are you talking about?”
“Your son is gone!”
“What do you mean he’s gone?” Darren demanded, joining us in the kitchen. “Gone from the hospital?”
“Yes, he’s gone from the hospital,” I snapped. “He discharged himself and I want to know what you fuckers said to him.”
“He wasn’t supposed to do that,” Marie sobbed, sinking down on her smoking chair at the table. “Oh, Darren.”
“What did you say to him this time, huh?” I sneered, hands on my hips, turning my attention on her. “And don’t even think about feeding me a line, because I know you’ve caused this. Your ‘poor me’ act might work on your sons, but I see through you, Marie.”
“Listen, he showed up at Shannon’s hospital room earlier.” Eyeing me warily, Darren added, “There was a conversation, we had words, and he stormed off. I presumed he went back to his bed.”
“You had words?” I seethed, feeling my temperature spike right along with my anxiety. “What kind of words?”
“He has a really bad attitude problem.”
“Of course he does!” I sneered, throwing my hands up. “How else is he supposed to be? You don’t know what he’s had to deal with these past six years.”
“You’re overstepping, Aoife.”
“What did you say to him?” I pressed. “Something pushed him over to edge and I want to know what that something was!”
“I know you mean well, but I don’t need to explain myself to you.”
“Yeah, well, explain yourself to your conscience,” I shot back, trembling. “Because if anything happens to him then it’s on you!”
“Let’s cut the bullshit here. If Joey signed himself out of hospital it’s for one reason and one reason only,” Darren was quick to counter. “He’s out chasing his next fix.”
“Shut up,” I warned, holding a hand up. “Shut your goddamn mouth.”
“He’s an addict, Aoife, and that’s not on me.”
“It’s not that cut and dry, Darren,” I heard myself choke out. “He wasn’t born an addict. That’s not who he is. His issues with addiction are a direct result of spending eighteen years in this hellhole house, with those godawful people you both have the misfortune of calling your parents.”
“Aoife, stop it!”
“Don’t get even get me started on you, Marie. You don’t deserve to call him your son,” I snarled, swinging around to glare at his mother. “You have never deserved his love and you never will!” Blinking back my tears, I spat my pain out at the woman who had created so much turmoil in my boyfriend. “Everyone thinks your husband is the abusive parent, but I see what you do to your son.” I tapped my temple, beyond livid. “I know what you are, Marie. I see right fucking through you.”
“Don’t speak to my mother like that,” Darren warned, taking a defensive stance in front of her. “You can speak civilly or you can leave.”
“You’re a fucking joke,” I continued, pointing my finger at her. “You’ve spent years getting into Joey’s mind, twisting his thought process and fucking with his confidence. Convincing him that he’s the second coming of his father. That he’s dangerous, and a liability, and a disappointment!”
“How dare you!”
“Yeah, I know what you’ve done to him,” I sneered unapologetically. “And you can bury your head in the sand all you want, but you’re the mental abuser in this instance. You broke him, Marie. You have damaged Joey deeper with your words than his father ever has with his fists. You’re a gaslighting bitch!”
“Like you can talk.”
“All I have ever done is love your son.”
“A little too much,” she erupted on me, hands clutching her head as she screamed, “You want to throw blame on who fucked up my son’s life then you need look no further than the person staring back at you in the mirror! Because you’re the one destroying his future, Aoife. You’re the one saddling him with a baby he doesn’t even want!”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I choked out, feeling like she rammed a red-hot poker through my chest with her words. “He wants the baby.”
“He wants to make you happy,” she roared in my face. “That’s not the same thing as him wanting to be a father.”
“Tell me something,” Darren decided to interject. “If you knew my brother was in such a bad way, why didn’t you do something to protect him?”
“Fuck you, Darren,” I spat. “You don’t know a damn thing about either one of us.”
“I know my brother isn’t well,” he countered evenly. “And so do you. So, why the hell would you trap him into fatherhood?”
“I didn’t trap him.” I stiffened, feeling my hackles rise and my heart crack all in one breath. “I hardly got pregnant on purpose, did I?”
“Didn’t you?”
My blood ran cold. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Oh, come off it, Aoife.” He gave me a hard look when he asked, “He’s a handsome lad. How many times was he off his head when you let him inside your body?”
“Excuse me?”
“Hey.” He held his hands up. “If you want to storm into this house, all guns blazing, laying blame at our feet for Joey’s downfall, then I’m more than happy to hold the mirror up to you.”
“I would never hurt Joey,” I heard myself defend, refusing to back down to this emotional manipulation. This shit might float on his siblings, but not me. “I love your brother.”
“No, I love my brother, Aoife,” he argued hotly. “So, make no mistake about it when I tell you that I’m willing to do whatever it takes to protect him.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that if you love my brother as much as you say you do, then you’ll do the right thing for him and make this go away.”
“This being your niece or nephew?”
“Let’s not be overly dramatic here and start labeling a fetus,” he replied evenly. “Listen, my mother already told me that you don’t come from money. If it’s a matter of not being able to afford the trip to England, then I am more than willing to take care of the financial side of things.”
“Think about it, Aoife,” Marie joined the fray, tone desperate, as she pleaded with me. “If you won’t put your own future first, then think of my son’s.”
“I can’t fucking believe this.” Choking out a humorless laugh, I roughly batted away a tear. “Every time I think you can’t stoop any lower, you just keep on hitting it out of the park.”
“Aoife, be rational here.”
“I am being rational,” I snapped, glaring at Darren. “You do realize if Joey knew what you just offered me, it would kill him? You do get that, don’t you? This is just another in a long list of betrayals.”
“I’m not betraying my brother,” he argued. “I’m trying to protect him. And the way I see it, the only way he gets hurt is if you go running your mouth off, which in that instance, then you would be the one crushing him, Aoife, not me.”
He had me over a barrel and he knew it.
Bastard.
“Yeah, well, we’re keeping the baby,” I spat, feeling my hand drop to the small swell of my stomach, as a wave of maternal instinct washed over me. “It’s a done deal, asshole. We’ve already decided.”
“You mean you’ve decided.”
“No, I mean we both decided,” I countered, unwilling to back down or be bribed by this asshole. “And there’s absolutely nothing either of you can say to change that. You can’t pay me off or bribe me because I’m not going away.”
“Then you’re going to ruin his life.”
“Then at least he’ll be ruined with love and not pain.”
