It’s six weeks since my foster brothers drove me to the hospital with my contractions five minutes apart. Only two of them could come with me, and when it was put to the vote, John and Gordon were chosen: John for his amazing empathy and Gordon because he’d spent the last four months of my pregnancy poring over baby books and learning everything he could about childbirth. That man definitely doesn’t like to be underprepared.
Baby Dale was born at 6.05 am and came into the world red-faced and screaming. It was only when they rested him onto my chest that he was quiet, gazing at me with his unfocused eyes that already remind me of his daddy.
John and Gordon both have tears in their eyes, my big, strong men overwhelmed with emotion as they witness my child coming into the world, the child they are going to raise as their own.
Gordon is the first to reach out a finger, gently stroking Dale’s wet hair and then touching his hand. On instinct, Dale wraps his tiny little fingers around Gordon’s huge digit, already holding on for dear life. A whoosh of breath leaves Gordon’s lips. “Look.”
I smile up at him, warmth spilling out of my heart with an intensity that I’ve never felt before. “He knows you’re special.”
John bends to kiss my lips gently. “No, you’re special. Look what you created.”
And I do. I can’t stop staring at the perfect being that has developed inside me, made by a physical act that was far from loving, but generating the fiercest welling of love in my heart. People always say that you don’t truly know love until you have a child, and in that moment, I agree. I would go to the ends of the earth to keep my little man safe. I’d risk everything if it meant he’d be okay.
In my arms, he starts to squirm. “You can put him to the breast,” the midwife says. “He’ll know what to do.”
“I’m glad one of us will,” I say, feeling very unconfident. It’s strange to pull up the old football jersey that I’ve given birth in, and getting the angle right is a struggle, but once my little man latches on, it seems okay.
“That’s my boy,” Gordon says.
John smiles and nods his head proudly. “It’s like he’s tucking into a burger meal,” he says. “Maggie’s breasts are just a buffet to him.”
“They’re a buffet to me too,” Gordon mumbles, and the midwife sniggers.
“So you’re the father?” she asks.
“We both are,” John says without a hint of embarrassment or uncertainty.
“And there are another nine daddies in the waiting room,” Gordon says, gazing down at me like I’m the most wondrous thing he’s ever seen.
“Speaking of the other nine, can we swap out so that they can come and meet little Dale?” John asks.
“Let’s just wait for Maggie to finish labor. Now she’s feeding, her womb will contract faster.” The nurse smiles at John’s eagerness, but Gordon shakes his head. “You see, if you’d read any of the books like I did, you’d have known that.”
“That’s great that you’re prepared,” the nurse says. I don’t miss the sparkle in her eye or the little wink she gives me later when all eleven of my amazing men have come to meet Dale and shower me with adoration.
It’s the most special day of my life.
Today Danna and the Jacksons are coming to meet Dale too. Her twin girls, Zoe and Zara, are gorgeous. I saw them when they were first born and then again when they were about three months old. When I spoke to her last week, she was proudly gushing about how well they’re sitting up by themselves and tackling solid food. She’s lucky that Jackie is there making them home-cooked baby food from their organic kitchen garden. Those girls are going to grow up healthy and strong in all the fresh air.
I’m sitting on the back porch, nursing Dale and watching my eleven men working as the perfect team that they are. Gordon is getting the grill ready; Harley and Hunter are working on preparing the meat. Sean and Logan have built a bar area and are stocking it with drinks and plastic cups. There’s going to be a lot of us today. John and Reggie are preparing salads. Dwayne, Daryl, and Donovan are gathering chairs from around the house and setting up a large rug in the shade for the babies to play on. Trey has headed down to Main Street to pick up some more ice to keep us cool on this warm day.
Someone has chosen a country station, and there’s gentle music lulling little Dale to sleep at my breast. I stroke over his soft, wispy hair, loving the content sounds he makes when he feeds. There’s a little bubble of milk at the corner of his mouth that fills me with fascination. He’s been growing so fast, fueled by my body. It’s such a strange thing to process. Nature is such a marvel.
“I can hear cars,” Sean calls from inside. It takes a good five minutes for Danna and her family to exit the vehicles, grab the baby girls, and all the bags of stuff that’s needed just to keep the babies clean, fed, and entertained. By that point, Dale is done feeding and is sitting on my lap with his little face cupped in my hand as I try to get him to burp. He holds onto burps so hard and then screams if I put him down with air in his little tummy.
“Oh my goodness!” Danna squeals. She is the first into the yard and had her hands out for Dale before I can blink. “He’s adorable and so tiny. I can’t believe how much the twins have grown compared to him. She kneels on the ground in front of me, beaming at Dale. “I’m your Auntie Danna, you cutie pie. I could just eat you up.”
Dale chooses that moment to let out a really loud burp, and Zack, Samuel, and York burst out laughing. Zack and Samuel are carrying Zoe and Zara, who seem to have doubled in size in the last three months. They both have dark hair tied up in a topknot with yellow ribbons and the cutest yellow dresses. Danna isn’t a lover of pink and I respect that.
The garden erupts with bro-hugs and man-shakes. Beers are handed out, and Gordon tosses the first of the meat onto the grill. Danna sits next to me on the porch, cradling Dale while he slips into a milk-induced sleep. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I miss them being this small. I mean, I couldn’t love them more, but there’s something about having them fit into your arms like this and smelling so sweet of milk and baby that is just so adorable.”
“I know. I’m so tired, but every time I hold him, I’m just overwhelmed. I can’t believe I made him inside me. I can’t believe that he’s come out so perfect.”
“And how are the boys getting on with being daddies?”
“I haven’t done a single night feed since I got back from the hospital. They have a damned schedule. I don’t think they could love him more if he were their own.”
“It’s amazing.” Danna looks around at all the men chatting in the yard and snorts with laughter. “Look at them… I mean, how the hell did we get so lucky?”
I snort too. “All I can think is that I must have been a saint in a previous life.”
“Or a martyr.”
“Exactly. But they have a sweet deal too,” I say, and for the first time, I truly believe in my heart what my eleven men have been trying to tell me for months. They all look so happy and content. There is so much friendship and love between them that only adds to the relationship we all have together. And they love me. They really love me. I can feel it in the way they treat me every day.
“The sweetest,” Danna says.
“But we are the luckiest. I mean, I know we’re great, and they’re lucky to have us but, this is a dream life.”
“It’s more than a dream life,” Danna says as York brings her a chilled glass of wine. She smiles up at him, and he leans in to kiss her. When he returns to the rest of his brothers, she turns to me with wide eyes and a cheeky smile. “He knows he’s next in on the baby-making schedule. We’re going in reverse order alphabetically! I can tell he’s eager to get started, and I don’t blame him. There’s something so hot about having sex without condoms.”
“Yeah, there is.” It suddenly dawns on me that if I don’t want to get pregnant, we’re going to have to start using contraception. Tonight is the first night I’m able to have sex since Dale arrived, and I’m both nervous and excited.
“Do you think you’ll have more?” Dale stirs in Danna’s arms as Gordon booms with laughter at something Samuel has said, and Danna instinctively jiggles him up and down soothingly.
“I’d love more, but not for a while. I want to finish school. The boys have insisted that I enroll here and complete my course.”
“That’s good. You should. You have the support.”
“Exactly. And then, who knows?”
“Have you spoken about how it could work? I’ve joined a polyamory group online, and some just leave it open to chance. Others, like us, try to structure it. I mean, I’m up for trying to give each of them a child, but some of it is out of my hands.”
“I know what you mean. It seems crazy to think about going through pregnancy so many times, but I get why people do. Now Dale is here, if it’s this amazing each time, it could become an addiction.”
Danna laughs, her eyes sparkling in a way that tells me she’s already there. “There are worse things to be addicted to than having kids.”
“True.”
“Although my belly still hasn’t gone back to how it was before… to be honest, I don’t think it ever will. Add a few more pregnancies, and I think my body will be disagreeing.”
“I was worried about the stretch marks, but now I kind of look at them like an achievement. My body has done this amazing thing, and now Dale is out in the world, the little marks he left behind are kind of precious.”
Danna reaches out and takes my hand, giving it a squeeze. “You know, that is a beautiful way of looking at it.”
“Trey has a crazy positive outlook on life. He always manages to turn a negative into a positive. I’ve been learning from him.”
“That’s awesome, and that’s part of why living with so many partners is great. Each one brings something new to the relationship. If I’m down, I know who to go to. If I need advice, I might choose someone else to confide in. If I need cuddles and no questions, it’ll be someone else. And if I need a challenge, I’ll choose another.”
“It’s true. They are all so different, and that’s what makes being together so amazing.”
I smile over at my boys, who fill this house and my heart with so much joy.
Later in the afternoon, Mom shows up with an oversized elephant for Dale and a bunch of flowers for me. It’s not the first time she’s visited since he was born, but it is the first time her arrival hasn’t filled me with trepidation. We seem to have reached a plateau in our relationship. She might not truly understand the lifestyle that I’ve chosen, but she can at least see that it isn’t a negative thing. My boys are true gentlemen, fixing her a plate of food and her favorite drink. She laughs and jokes with Danna and me, not about our relationships (we’re not quite there yet) but about babies. She tells me things about my childhood that she’s never shared before, and by the end of the afternoon, I feel closer to her. She squeezes me in a tight hug on the front porch. “You’re doing great,” she says. “Dale is adorable.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
She puts her hands on my cheeks and beams. “You know, I’m really proud of you.”
My heart skitters in my chest. Those few words mean more to me than anything she’s ever said to me before. I blink, tears burning in my throat.
“Dale’s lucky to have such a strong momma. A momma who fought for him and found a place for him in the world.”
“We’re not so different,” I say, and then it’s Mom’s turn to blink back tears.
None of us is perfect. I know I’m going to make mistakes with Dale, but in the end, all we can do is our best.
“I saw Justin at the store yesterday,” Mom says, taking a step back. “We didn’t speak, though. Has he been in touch?”
“He was here last week. He spent two hours with Dale. It’s not much, but it’s better than nothing. He was good with him too. I think things will be okay.”
“How was he with the boys?” Mom tips her head back to the house where my eleven men are currently taking care of everything.
“They were all very reserved, but that’s fine too. As long as there is respect, however grudging, things will be okay for Dale.”
“Well, he needs to treat your boys with respect. They’re taking care of his son, physically and financially.”
“And they’re happy to do it. I’m sure that Justin will step up when he’s settled into his career. And our overheads here are just food and utilities.”
“I’m glad I don’t have to deal with your food bill.”
We both chuckle, but she’s right. Our trips to the store require military precision and strength.
“So, I’ll try and come on my next day off,” she says.
“That’ll be great. I’ll keep sending pictures.”
Mom nods and pulls me into another hug, and I stand on the front porch and wave her goodbye. It’s funny how we used to struggle to live together so much, but now I wish she lived closer. Maybe she’ll move back this way. That’s a conversation for another day. Dale will love getting spoiled by his Gammy, and I’ll be happier knowing she’s in the same town.
That evening, I settle Dale into his crib and take a well-needed bath. Afterward, I find my men gathered in the den watching sports. The doors are open to the yard, a soft evening breeze bringing with it the scent of the outdoors. I flop onto the sofa next to Donovan, and he instinctively throws his arm around me and drags me against his body.
“You smell of peaches,” he says, kissing my forehead and breathing me in deeply.
His mouth finds my lips, and we settle into a slow and deep kiss, completely oblivious to the ten men surrounding us. Oblivious until I feel hands moving over my body and kisses pressed to my neck. They encircle me like worshipers, the game playing out on the television forgotten. In minutes, I’m lifted and carried upstairs, Donovan heading to his room, John carrying the baby monitor, and the rest following behind. There’s a hush over the group, the quietness of anticipation. I guess they’ve been as eager for this as I have.
There is nothing like the feeling of being laid on a bed and surrounded by my boys. Eleven men watch as I strip my clothes. Eleven men view my swollen breasts and rounded stomach more hungrily than I’ve ever seen them, and when they each make love to me, the deep connection that I feel with them all is renewed. They take precautions without me having to ask, showing me how much they support me in taking some time to finish my education and how much they respect my dreams.
And as I fall asleep, cradled in their arms, with no worries that our son will be taken care of in the night, I know with all my heart that this is my team. They’ve shown me that I can be a team player. They’ve shown me that I don’t have to fear being alone or worry that expressing my opinion will end our love. More importantly, they’ve proven that love can come in all shapes and sizes, and I look forward to increasing the size of our team in the days to come.
