Mate?
My jaw drops as I stare down at Kerym in stunned silence. What is he thinking? Truly, he must have lost his mind because this has to be insanity.
So, why did my heart leap when he asked?
I shove the thought away, knowing how irrational it is for me to feel that way. It’s been years since we’ve seen each other; do we even know the other any more after all this time? Most likely not.
And yet… I can’t muster the ‘no’ that should have flown out of my mouth. I know that it is wrong, and it seems that Kerym senses how little of a push I need.
“Layla, please. I want you as my wife.”
His violet eyes are so bright and open that I want to believe him. But he didn’t ask me to marry him until I confessed that Jasper was, in fact, his and I would not be leaving the picture any time soon.
I can’t marry him for the wrong reasons, and it seems that Kerym just thinks he has to be with his son. I won’t question his loyalty to Jasper after seeing them all afternoon, but he had all the opportunity to make me his mate before. And he didn’t.
That shouldn’t hurt the way it does.
“Kerym, I can’t.”
His face falls and it plucks at my heart strings. It’s too bad that I think he does it purposefully. I’ve never known his true intentions with me, and now that Jasper is at stake, I’m not willing to find out with a gamble.
I’m not sure what he sees in marrying me. Maybe he wants to take my son away or maybe we are just something to entertain him until he grows bored, but I can’t let that happen to us. I used to be happy being Kerym’s distraction, but with Jasper, I had to be more.
He doesn’t get up, though. He sinks forward, catching himself on his bent knee with his head hung. His shoulders curve, and I wear it looks like a heavy weight is pressing down on him. Does it really bother him that much that I denied him?
I sigh softly. “Kerym, we haven’t seen each other in years. This all feels a bit rushed, don’t you think? I know you didn’t know about Jasper, but you don’t have to marry me because of him. I promise you shouldn’t feel such an obligation.”
I chew on my bottom lip nervously, Kerym still folded forward like a broken doll. “He was an accident – a very happy one – but I don’t want you to ruin your life over us. We weren’t careful, and this isn’t a burden I’m asking you to bear.”
Slowly, his head raises, and when he looks up at me, hurt swirling so intensely in those violet eyes, my breath catches in my throat. “It wouldn’t ruin my life,” he rasps, and it sounds like he’s holding back tears.
My heart pounds painfully as I take him in. Could he genuinely want us? I know what I felt for him, but it was irrational in a world like Protheka. I should have never developed feelings for a dark elf…but it seems I wasn’t the only one who has been broken hearted these past years.
“Layla, having you in my life is the single greatest thing that has ever happened to me. When I lost you…” He looks away, his jaw working as he fights for control of himself. With a shuddering breath, he drags his eyes back to me, though they are still shining. “I didn’t know what to do without you.
“And now?” A broken laugh and a sad smile emerge from his lips. “Now, I have you back. Not just that, but I learn you are alive and well and you have blessed me with the most beautiful son on the whole planet. How could you say this is rushed when you are all I’ve thought about for years.”
“Y-years?” I breathe.
The tremble in his voice echoes through my chest. “Years, Layla.”
“Then why not tell me before?” Hysteria rises in my throat, grippin hard at my windpipe and making it difficult to speak. “Why only ask me once you learn about Jasper.”
Kerym shakes his head, his lips curling as he looks down at the floor. There’s no mirth in his expression as he murmurs, “I didn’t know about Jasper when I came here. I didn’t know you were pregnant when I searched for you relentlessly.” He lifts his head, his emotions written plainly on his face. “And I didn’t know about him when I came to your aunt’s house to tell you how I never wanted to lose you…just to find that you were gone.”
“My aunt’s house? But that was…”
He nods solemnly. “At Camp Horizon. I wanted to tell you, Layla. I wanted to ask you back then, but I wanted to be in a better station, to be able to provide for you. And by the time that I worked up the courage and saw that all that mattered was being with you, you were already gone.”
All of my old feelings stir in my chest, and I want to collapse on the floor in front of him and cradle his face between his hands. How many nights did I cry because of the love I had that I never thought could be reciprocated? How long have I thought of Kerym just to have him here?
But could all that he says be true? I’m still not sure, and if it isn’t, I can’t risk breaking my heart again. I can’t put Jasper on the line like that…
“What about your family,” I bite out, holding on to my rationale. “Aren’t they the reason you wanted to grow in your station? Wasn’t it expected of you?”
He blinks, staring up at me, and it only confirms that there is some truth to my words. After some hesitation, he softly insists, “I just want to give Jasper the family he deserves.”
A frown pulls at my lips at the insult. “Jasper is happy where he is. He doesn’t need you.”
Kerym winces from the sharpness of my retaliation. “That’s not what I meant. I just…I want to be a part of my son’s life. I want to help you. I know it can’t be easy to be a single parent.”
“I’ve managed.”
He sighs, shaking his head. Under his breath, I hear him mutter, “You’ve never made it easy on me, have you?”
“Have you considered that it is because I don’t need you to provide for us? I’ve done just fine. All on my own.”
“And is that all you want? To be fine?” Kerym leans forward, shifting up onto his feet until we are nearly face to face. He leans over me, making my breath catch in my throat as I take in his striking eyes up close and breathe in his incredible scent. “Or do you want more out of life, Layla?”
The way he says my name in that low voice sends a thrill down my spine. Heat stirs in my stomach and I almost lose control of myself for a second. Maybe it’s because there is something about him that is so familiar and yet different – this all-consuming confidence that he used to only show to me. Or maybe it’s because I know that Kerym laid claim to my heart and soul so long ago that it’s a waste to fight it.
But I do.
I let my stubbornness win out against my better judgment, against my heart that’s raging to be his, to test to see if his words are true. I don’t give him the chance, unwilling to see Jasper get hurt the way I was when the realities of this world inevitably wrench us apart once again.
A human woman and a dark elf are not meant to be. Especially a dark elf of Kerym’s stature, one with a family like his. We will never be welcomed, and here, at least, I don’t feel the need to be anything but myself.
“I am happy here,” I snarl, and his eyes flash. Kerym doesn’t believe it, and I know if I give him the opportunity, he’ll get the truth out of me. So I tell him in a rush. “I have what I want out of life, so don’t come here and assume that you were what’s missing.”
“I don’t have to assume what your body so plainly tells me,” He breathes, and the darkness in his tone makes me want to arch into him.
Damn this elf for knowing me so well. I want him to claim me, to pull out the desires I bury beneath like he used to. No matter what I say, Kerym can always see the truth in it. It’s unfair how securely he holds my heart.
“You are only seeing what you want to,” I lie. “I won’t marry you. Not now. Not ever.”
He clucks his tongue, lifting his hand to touch my cheek in a tender gesture I forget to pull away from. “I’ve never lied to you, Layla. I wish you’d stop doing so to me.”
And then he stands, leaving me trembling and wanting as he spins on his heel. Without Jasper, I see him as the elf he’s become: powerful, commanding, and unyielding. My Kerym is still underneath, but I can’t say I don’t like this hardened exterior, either.
He pauses at the door, his hand on the knob. He doesn’t even turn to look at me as he drawls, just loud enough for me to hear, “You don’t have to marry me now. But make no mistake. I have won you over before, and I will do so again. You are mine, Layla, and I won’t lose you twice.”
The door closes behind him, the soft hum of his words still vibrating in the air, and I melt into my chair. I can’t believe how Kerym reduces me into a puddle with only a glance and a few words.
And it takes everything in me not to dash out after him.
