I WENT for a long and hard run, trying to come to terms with the fact that I was getting married at noon today, but every step I took, my thoughts repeated.
I don’t want to get married.
I don’t want to get married.
I tried to organize my thoughts, lose the emotion and see the big picture.
It’s a fake marriage.
So why did this feel so damn real? Why did I feel like I was signing away my goddamn freedom, my happiness, and everything good for the rest of my life? I felt like there was a noose being tied around my neck, and the tighter it got, the more panic I felt.
I knew, on some level, my reaction was over the top. Why couldn’t I be rational about this situation?
Because you’ve seen what marriage can do to two people.
I didn’t want to think about my parents. My entire life had been about avoiding their fate. I had never met two people who made each other more miserable than my parents made each other. When I was a kid, every wish I made was that they would free themselves from the pain and suffering they caused each other. But they never divorced. They never even considered it. I had asked my mom once why she had never divorced my father. She looked at me with blue eyes that matched my own and said, “Because we married for life.”
It made no sense to me at the time, and it still didn’t. But I swore when I was a kid that I would never marry, and the older I got, the harder I held onto that promise to myself.
This marriage wasn’t even a guarantee that I could help my career. It was a long shot, and I was starting to believe it was an over-the-top move that would accomplish nothing. Krista believed Mark would change his mind about me. I failed to see how something as stupid as marriage would make that happen.
All I knew is that I didn’t want to get married.
Still breathing hard, and without taking off my runners, I walked into the kitchen. Charlie sat at the island, eating a bowl of yogurt.
“I can’t marry you,” I said, my breath heavy from exertion.
She blinked up at me, and for a second I thought I saw hurt. Then nothing. She put her spoon down. “Okay.”
Hands on my hips, I tried to calm my breath as I spoke. “Yazimoto is taken care of. He won’t hurt you or your brother. I’ll get you set up in an apartment. You can keep the clothes and the ring. I just can’t marry you.”
Her wide eyes clung to my face, but understanding and care infused her voice. “That’s fine, Mica.”
She said it was fine, so why did I feel like such a dick? “You okay?”
She looked conflicted by my question. “Yes.”
She didn’t speak, but her eyes held all her questions.
I worked to explain my change of heart. For some reason, it was important to let Charlie know that this wasn’t about her. It was about me. “Krista said this would be a fake marriage. Just a piece of paper. But that’s bullshit. This would be a real, legal marriage. Husband and wife. If we go down to city hall, that’s real. A judge will marry us. That is not pretend.”
I couldn’t even put in words how much aversion I felt towards marriage.
“I understand.”
I added for good measure, “This is me, not you.”
Her expression became thoughtful, even concerned. “What will happen with your career?”
“I don’t know.” I ran my hand through my wet hair. “I’m not even sure if this would’ve helped.”
On the island between us, my phone started to ring. I had zero intention of answering it, but her eyes dropped to the screen.
“It’s Mark Ashford.”
I swore under my breath.
She gave me a look that reminded me of Krista. “You should talk to him. Try to figure out your next move.”
I knew she was right. With reluctance, I reached forward and swiped the phone on, not caring that I put him on speakerphone.
“Petrov speaking.”
“Mica.” His voice boomed. “Am I catching you at a bad time?”
“No, sir.”
“Good. Good. I’ll keep this short because I know you have a big day ahead of you. Krista told me your news. I couldn’t be happier to hear that you’re marrying Charlie Watt.”
I looked at Charlie. She was sitting there, wide-eyed, staring at the granite in front of her.
I should tell him the truth. “Uh, thank you.”
“You know, I was worried we wouldn’t be able to extend your contract. I was having issues trying to overlook this recent event, Mica. It was too much.”
My heart dropped as he sealed my fate.
“But Krista has really gone to bat for you. She said that you’ve been so determined to not let your past define you. And when she told me you were willing to settle down and get married, that you wanted to make some serious lifestyle changes, I went to bat for you too. I talked to the board and convinced them we need you back. How would you like to suit up for tomorrow’s game?”
I could feel my heart pounding in my throat. “I’ve only served two games of my six-game suspension.”
“Well, that suspension was a directive of our team, not of the league, so we can do whatever the hell we want.”
I wanted to play so bad. My time away from the Wolves had felt like torture. Now he was offering to forgive and forget. But that wouldn’t last if I didn’t marry Charlie. As soon as he figured that out, I would be as good as gone. “I don’t know what to say.”
His voice softened. “You and I have had our differences. I know how it feels to be young with nonstop women and money at your disposal, but I think our team is better than that. When we have a strong family foundation, both at home and in the locker room, that is how we win championships.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Do you think your wife will forgive me if I ask you to come back tomorrow night?”
I couldn’t bring myself to look at Charlie. “I think she’d be more than okay.”
“Good, good. And I might have slipped your happy news to the team. There will be some players happy to see you back on the bench.” He chuckled. “Give Charlie a heads up: they might be planning a little celebration for you both after tomorrow night’s game.”
“Thank you.”
“No need to thank me, Mica. This is all your doing. You’re showing me you’re capable of commitment. You’re stepping up.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Now don’t let me keep you. Go enjoy your day.”
“Thank you.”
I pressed the off button and could barely bring myself to look at Charlie. She sat with her sleeves pulled down over her hands, which were fisted over her mouth.
Her eyes were downcast, focused on the countertop.
“Say something.”
Her big brown eyes lifted to me, but she didn’t speak.
I pinched the bridge of my nose and squeezed my eyes shut. “We need to get married.”
“But you just said this would be a real marriage.” She sounded breathless.
“I know what I said.”
“But…”
I felt like the most selfish asshole in the world. I swallowed and looked at her. “I’m sorry. I’m screwing this up.”
She took a big breath. “It will save your career.”
“It will.”
Out of all the things I thought she would feel, the sadness that crossed her face was the last emotion I expected to see. It hit me like a hard, left-hook to my gut, making me feel queasy.
She slid off her stool. “I’ll go get ready.”
I STOOD beside Charlie in front of the judge as he went through the motions of marrying us. The judge cleared his throat, looking pointedly at me.
“You can now face your bride and repeat after me.”
I turned to face Charlie. She was staring directly at my chest, not looking up at me. This whole thing felt wrong. I felt terrible about this morning, and I had said things that I already regretted.
“Look at me,” I said under my breath to Charlie. Her reluctant eyes lifted to mine. I was committing to her. It might be the last choice I wanted to make, but my commitment was real.
The judge nodded at me and said, “Please repeat after me.”
There was so much trepidation in her eyes. I mentally willed her to keep looking at me as I spoke my vows of marriage to her while simultaneously and silently communicating my own version of that vow to her.
“I, Mica Petrov, take you, Charlie Watt, to be my wife and to live together in marriage.”
I don’t want this, and you know that, and for that I am sorry.
“I promise to love you, comfort you, honor, and keep you.”
I will never love you, but I will comfort, honor, and keep you as mine.
“For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.”
I am rich and you are poor, but I will look after you. No matter what.
“And forsaking all others, I will be faithful only to you.”
I will never cheat on you, and I expect the same damn commitment of celibacy from you.
“So long as we both shall live.”
I won’t make the same mistake my parents made. We will divorce, but I will try my hardest not to make this year suck too bad for you. No matter what it costs me.
Her eyes dropped as soon as I finished speaking. I slid her wedding band on her finger.
“You may kiss the bride.”
She gave me a rueful smile as I bent my mouth towards her. Our lips met so tentatively. I could feel her mouth trembling against mine. Not knowing what possessed me, instead of lifting my head, I pushed further against her mouth, deepening the kiss. Her eyes went wide, opening her gaze to mine.
She tasted fucking delicious.
That thought made me pull back. She flushed a pretty pink and as she pressed her lips together, she looked anywhere but at me.
“Congratulations,” the judge said. “You’re now husband and wife.”
AFTER THE CEREMONY, Krista organized us in a series of poses for photos in front of city hall, which she deemed perfect to release on social media.
“This is the start of your happily-married campaign,” she assured me, when I grumbled over the number of pictures she insisted on taking. Charlie didn’t speak a word. She did what Krista asked her to do and smiled for all the photos, but she barely looked at me.
Krista pulled me aside when Charlie went inside to freshen up. She did not look happy. “What the hell is going on?”
“What do you mean?”
“Charlie’s house burned down?”
I pressed my lips together. “Yeah.”
“So, she’s moved in with you?”
“Yup.”
“What’s going on between you two?”
“Nothing,” I insisted.
She raised her eyebrows and poked me hard in the chest. “You two are acting like polite strangers. Did you fight?”
“No.”
“Are you giving her a hard time?”
“You’d have to ask her that.”
“Well, you pretending to be in love is about as convincing as one of those after-school specials. That’s how shitty your acting is. You’re like two strangers who aren’t comfortable with each other, and you need to figure this out before the entire world figures this out.”
I didn’t know how to figure this out. “I’ve got this under control.”
“Mark said you’re playing tomorrow.”
“He called.”
She gave me a critical look beneath her fake eyelashes. “What the hell is going on with you, Mica?”
“We’ve had a tough weekend with Charlie’s place and getting ready for today.”
“Tomorrow they are having a celebration for you. The whole team and the WAGs. You’d better have your game face on.”
“We will.”
She nodded, satisfied. “Is Charlie okay?”
I completely freaked her out.
“Like I said, we had a tough weekend.”
“You treat her right, okay?”
“I am.”
“Go. Both of you. Take the day off. Get your stories straight, because everything is riding on tomorrow night, and you’d both better be more convincing than you were today.”
BACK AT HOME, I watched Charlie disappear into her bedroom. She didn’t come out. Krista’s words rang in my head. Charlie and I were two strangers who didn’t know each other. That was mostly my fault. I couldn’t seem to accept this situation and as a result, I was pushing her away.
My phone was blowing up with congratulations from teammates and dozens of pissed-off messages from bunnies. I ignored them all as I looked towards Charlie’s bedroom.
How uncomfortable was I making her feel through all of this?
Intending to talk to her, I made my way to her room. The door was partway open. She lay on her bed, still wearing the dress she wore to our wedding. She stared out the balcony doors, her fingers twisting her rings on her finger. She looked lonely.
Feeling like a coward, I backed away from her door.
THAT NIGHT, I couldn’t sleep. Charlie and I had silently eaten dinner together before she had again retreated to her room. I felt edgy and restless and horny as hell. I took off my shirt, and I sat on the edge of the bed and debated my options. I rarely liked to jerk off. I preferred to save my sexual energy for my partner, but for the first time in as long as I could remember, I found myself without a partner, without access to bunnies and without sex. I would have to get used to taking care of business myself.
With reluctance, I lay back on the bed and pulled my hard cock out. I shut my eyes and envisioned a faceless woman, riding me reverse cowgirl. Her long, black hair hung down her narrow back.
I started to stroke myself.
“Oh yeah, baby, give it to me,” she gasped.
My hand began to move faster.
The image faded and then Charlie’s face swam before my eyes. She was on her knees, looking up at me. Those lips were wrapped tight around my hard cock as she sucked me off. Her eyes looked at me with lust as I pumped into her mouth. I twisted my hands into her long, strawberry-blonde hair, helping her with her motions by tangling my fingers in her curly hair, guiding her head as she sucked on my cock.
Breathing hard, I paused my movements.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I tried to clear my head of Charlie. Think of anyone but her. I reset my mental vision.
I slowly started to stroke my cock again. I lifted my head, looking down at my right hand, noticing the wedding ring on my finger. It looked strange on my hand. The fact that I was jerking off alone on my wedding night was more than depressing; it was a fucking mood killer. Mentally, I was ready to give up, but my body hummed with frustration.
I dropped my head back on the bed. I shut my eyes, willing myself to relax. I started to stroke myself again. Charlie appeared in my mind. This time she wore that little white, lacy number. I watched her back up until she was lying back in her bed. Those brown eyes watched my face as she slowly undid one of those pink ribbons on her shoulder.
That’s it. Take it off.
She undid the other ribbon and then smiled at me, beckoning me. I stood there, staring at her, and she slowly spread her legs open to me. Between her legs, there was a scrap of lace that barely covered her. I mentally willed her to show me more. She reached a hand down between her legs and pulled the fabric aside, showing me her pink, glistening pussy.
I groaned hard as I spurted hot streams of cum over my hand and abs. Shocked that I had come as fast as a fourteen-year-old, I grabbed a T-shirt and wiped myself off. I lay back on the bed as guilt washed over me for jerking off to dirty thoughts of Charlie.
She’s my wife.
Doesn’t matter.
I thought a physical release would make me feel better, but it didn’t. I still felt hot and horny as hell. I stood up and walked onto the huge deck into the cool air to stare, unseeing, at the view. I had fantasized about many women in my life, but now I fantasized about the woman I had married, and I felt like a total asshole.
The irony wasn’t lost on me. I didn’t know my wife. And from what I knew of her, we didn’t seem compatible. I was pretty sure she didn’t like me. But I knew one thing for sure.
I wanted to fuck her.
