We need to talk.
I stared at the text message from Jack for nearly twenty minutes before putting the phone down on my dresser and walking out of my room.
“Melis?” I asked, poking my head through her doorway.
She was sprawled out across her bed reading. “Yeeessssss?” she responded, dropping her electronic reader to her side.
“Jack just sent me a text.”
She adjusted her body to an upright position before crossing her legs Indian style. “Say what? What’d he say? Did you text him back?”
“It just said we need to talk. What do we need to talk about? And why now? Do you think he knows I’m leaving?” My eyes darted around the room, pausing at the various photos of us on the walls.
“It’s possible. I’m sure Dean told him. But why would he need to talk to you about that?” she asked, patting the spot next to her for me to sit down.
“I have no idea.”
“Are you gonna text him back?”
“Should I?”
“Hell yeah, you should. You should be like, ‘What do we need to talk about? I’m all talked out from spilling the entire contents of my heart to you the night before your wedding. I think we’re done talking,’” she finished with a sassy head gyration and my jaw dropped.
“I’m not saying that!” I leaned back into her mountain of fluffy pillows.
“I know. I’m just kidding. Just be super casual and ask him what’s up. Give me your phone, I’ll do it for you.” She reached for me and I fell backward onto the other side of the bed, typing quickly.
What’s up?
“There. Sent.” I pretended like my insides weren’t doing somersaults.
“Now we’ll just wait for his—” Melissa’s voice was drowned out by the sound of Jack’s ringtone. I’d forgotten to change it. I shot her a horrified look before she whispered, “Answer it! Just answer it.”
“Why are you whispering?”
“I don’t know! Answer it!” she screamed.
“Hello?” I answered, scooting my body from her mattress.
“Hey, Kitten.” His familiar voice sent chills racing up and down my spine.
“Hi.” I didn’t protest at the nickname. I was too busy being caught up in the sound of his voice. I never realized how much I’d missed it until it was beaming into my eardrums, the comfortable familiarity forcing nervous energy to ping throughout my insides.
“I have to tell you some stuff,” he started to say and my legs immediately gave out, the words a reminder of the heartache I’d experienced not that long ago.
“What do you possibly have to tell me now, Jack?” I snapped at him, hoping to mask the pain I still carried, as Melissa gave me a thumbs-up of support.
“Chrystle lost the baby.” His voice relayed the unfathomable information and I fell to the floor, my back sliding against the wall in Melissa’s room.
“What?” My breath hitched and a lone tear rolled down my cheek.
“I mean, she didn’t lose the baby. Well, that’s what she told me, but she was really never pregnant. She lied.” He paused to take a breath, then let out a sigh. “About everything.”
“Oh my God, Jack, I’m so sorry. That’s…insane. How’d you find out?”
“I overheard her on the phone telling her best friend how stupid and gullible I was. And that she’d try to get pregnant for real.” His voice lowered.
“That little bitch.” The words escaped my lips as my mind drifted back to the night in the parking lot.
“Cass, I left her. I’m annulling the marriage and I got called up tonight. I leave for Arizona in an hour.” His tone changed and I recognized the joy in his voice.
“Jack.” I smiled, my eyes meeting Melissa’s. “That’s incredible! Congratulations.”
“Thank you. But, Cassie?” He paused. “I’m really sorry. I should have listened to you. I never should have married her.”
“You didn’t know she was lying, Jack. And you were just trying to do the right thing…no matter how misguided. Your heart was in the right place. I was just devastated that it wasn’t with me.”
His breath whooshed over the phone line. “My heart has always been with you. Since the day you first rolled your gorgeous green eyes at me. You’ve always had my heart. I’m the one whose been lost without it.”
His words were everything I wanted to hear and didn’t. We’d come so far from where we once were. So much damage had been done and while I still loved him, I was scared to give my heart to him again…at least not easily. “I’ve had to learn how to live without you.”
“And how’s that working out for you?” he asked with a slight laugh.
“Not that great,” I reluctantly admitted.
“Yeah, it didn’t really work out for me either.”
“It sure seemed to.” I wondered if his words meant what I thought they did.
“I never stopped loving you. I know I hurt you…shit.” He stopped as a loudspeaker echoed in the background. “I have to go. I really want to finish this conversation, okay?”
“Sure,” I answered, knowing that eventually I’d need to tell him I was leaving.
*****
Left tickets for you and Melissa at Will Call. Please come. I really want to see you.
“Are you still staring at that text?” Melissa teased.
I rushed to look away from the screen and into Melissa’s eyes. “Not anymore.” I smiled.
“I feel like I’m having déja vu,” she announced with a sigh.
“Why’s that?” I rolled my eyes.
“Because I’m begging you to come to Jack’s baseball game and you won’t. Cassie, it’s his major league debut! At Dodger Stadium! You have to come to that!” She pleaded with me, her eyes wide.
“No, Melissa, I can’t go to that.” I answered quieter than I intended.
“Postpone your flight! How will you forgive yourself if you miss this?”
“If I go to that game and see him, it will change everything. I’ll want to wait after the game for him, and then we’ll go to dinner, and then I’ll spend the night…and it will never end!” I shouted.
“Our cycle will start back up and before you know it, I’ll have not only missed my flight to New York, but I’ll be turning down a a killer job so I can follow him to Arizona! And then eventually I’ll hate I’ll eventually hate him because I gave up the one opportunity I was given to follow my dreams, to follow his dreams, which have nothing to do with mine . I’ll leave him and it will be ugly and messy and then I’ll become turn into some old crazy lady with twenty dogs who talks about the days she used to be a good photographer and dated a professional baseball player!!!!!!”
“Holy shit, over-think things much?” Melissa’s laugh echoed throughout the apartment.
I started laughing too and when I couldn’t stop, I started crying. “Going to watch Jack play just reminds me of everything we used to have, the couple we used to be. I can’t watch him and pretend like I don’t want to be with him.”
“Then don’t pretend, Cassie. Be. With. Him.”
“I can’t, Melissa. I have to be with me,” I said, mimicking her tone. “This job is an incredible opportunity and I need to do something for myself. If I go to that game tonight, I won’t want to ever leave him again. And I have to be able to leave him. For me.”
Her eyebrows pinched together as she nodded. “That actually makes a lot of sense. Which sorta pisses me off because I really want you to come.”
“I know. Trust me, I want to be there. I really do. I just know I can’t handle it. That boy could talk me out of buying an umbrella during a hailstorm.”
“I know what you mean. He’s gonna freak out, though. You know this.”
“You don’t always get what you want,” I said matter-of-factly.
“At least Dean will be there so I won’t have to sit alone.”
