I sat in my Comm Law class as my professor droned on about the legal regulations of mass communication as it applied to freedom of speech and the press. Instead of taking notes, my mind drifted to thoughts of Jack and our night together. I absentmindedly placed my pen near my mouth and started chewing on the cap, my eyes blurring over.
Maryse, the gorgeous brunette next to me, nudged me with her elbow, breaking my trance. I turned to look at her and she lifted her chin toward the front of the class where our teacher was writing down topics for our next test.
“Thanks,” I whispered with a sideways glance.
“No problem.” She smiled. “You’re dating Jack Carter, right?” I nodded. “Screw this class, I’d be thinking about him too.” She giggled quietly.
I stifled a laugh and let out a long, drawn-out breath, knowing I’d been caught. Our professor ended his lecture and Maryse stood up when I did, following behind me as the class dispersed. Once outside, she appeared next to me, her full hair bouncing with each step. “So how did you get the elusive Jack Carter to fall for you?”
“I really don’t know. I guess you’d have to ask him that.” I smiled and dropped my sunglasses over my eyes.
“Every girl at this school has been chasing him for years,” she said, acting as though this was new information to me.
“Maybe that’s just it. I didn’t chase him.”
Her eyes widened. “Ahhh, so he chased you? That probably would be a first for him.” She applied a shiny gloss to her lips and puckered before pushing the tube back into her pocket. “Guys love the chase. It’s once you’re caught that you have to be careful.”
I glimpsed at her. “What do you mean?”
“I’m just saying a guy like Jack Carter isn’t fit to be tied down. I can see him enjoying a challenge, which is what you were. But you’re not anymore ’cause he has you. Where’s the fun in that?”
I didn’t respond, unsure of what to say in my defense. What if she was right? What if it was all a game to him? At first he couldn’t have me, then he got me. Then I wouldn’t give it up, but I just did. There were no more challenges.
The pathway split and Maryse peeled away to head in the other direction. “I have another class right now. Media Ethics. Snore.” She rolled her eyes. “I’ll see you Monday. Don’t forget to study!”
“See you Monday,” I answered with half a smile as my mind raced.
I wandered toward the student union, noticing the lack of activity that normally bustled around it. It was weird to admit that a sports team had that much of a presence on campus, but they really did. The lack of energy when they were gone was noticeable.
When I opened the door, the usual obnoxious sound of girlish chatter was absent. I glanced around the almost empty space and laughed to myself as I headed toward Melissa and Dean. If the team wasn’t here, then the fan-girls weren’t either. That revelation was almost as weird as it was disturbing.
I hadn’t taken two steps before an overly friendly blonde reached out a tanned arm to stop me.
“Hi. It’s Cassie, right? I’m Mollie, and I was just wondering if you and Jack were still dating?” She made sure her voice was loud enough for her three eavesdropping friends to hear.
I pinched my eyebrows together, my body tensing. “Why?”
“Well, it’s just that my friend from Texas sent me this photo last night from her cell. That is Jack, right?” she asked, holding her phone out where I could see it and giggling while her friends anxiously waited for my reaction.
I leaned toward the phone and squinted at the grainy photo on its screen. It was definitely Jack holding open a hotel room door as a skinny, dark-haired girl walked through it.
“And this one too.” She scrolled to another photo of Jack smiling while closing the door behind his new friend.
I fought off the heat rising in my body. “It looks like him.” I sniffed in dismissal and forced myself to hold it together while I walked away with my head held high.
The sound of giggling echoed in my ears as I forced back the tears that burned in my eyes. I refused to let the mean girls see me crumble.
I strode toward Dean, my gaze burning holes through him. “What was that?” he asked when I got close enough to hear.
I dropped into a seat at their table. “That was a picture of some chick walking into Jack’s hotel room.” My eyes began blurring from the tears that threatened to fall. “And then another one of him closing the door behind her. Did I mention the smile plastered all over his face?”
“No way.” Dean shook his head.
“Yes, way.” Unease quickly spread throughout my body, making itself at home. “ Fuck. I’m such an idiot.”
Dean put his hands on top of mine and squeezed. “Maybe they’re old?”
“What are you talking about?” I yanked my hands away.
“There are a lot of pictures of Jack and other girls out there, Cass. Maybe they’re old?” He shrugged.
I winced, suddenly feeling vulnerable in my surroundings as the mean girls watched me greedily like coyotes from several tables away.
“Jack wouldn’t do that to you.” Melissa attempted to reassure my splintering ego.
“I wouldn’t go that far.” I choked out the words, my tone cold.
Melissa frowned at me with annoyance. “Why would you say that?”
“Because she knows my brother.” Dean glanced at Melissa before looking back at me. “And she’s waiting for him to screw up because he keeps telling her he’s going to.”
“Well, for the record, I want it noted that I don’t believe it. Not for one second,” Melissa said with confidence.
“I don’t either.” Dean gave me a soft smile.
“Well, it was definitely Jack in those pictures. And the shirt he was wearing was packed in his bag. I saw it the other night.” I could no longer hold back the tears as they rolled slowly down my cheeks. Refusing to allow my tears to be fodder for the mean girls’ gossip, I rose from the table and darted into the bathroom.
Once I was safely behind the locked stall door, I let the teardrops fall. My heart ached inside my battered chest. I felt stupid and embarrassed for letting Jack Carter ever get close to me.
A knock on the stall door caused my breath to catch. “Cass?” Melissa asked in a soft voice. Without a word, I unlocked the latch and she pushed the door open. She took one look at my tear-stained face before grabbing me in her arms.
Hugging my best friend only made the tears fall harder. “Why would he do this? I don’t understand.”
“Cassie, I’m not trying to be a bitch, but you’re really jumping to conclusions here.”
“You’d do the same thing if you were suddenly dating the one guy who’d never dated anyone before.” I winced, my head pounding in time with my heartbeat.
“I know it looks bad, but didn’t he call you last night?”
“So what? He calls and texts me all the time. Doesn’t mean he can’t hook up with some girl after we get off the phone. Doesn’t mean he can’t send me a text while some random chick is in his room.” The logic made perfect sense to me.
“That’s true, Cass, but I just think you should give him a chance to explain.”
“Explain that I’ve been a complete idiot? That I got played by the biggest player on campus? You even warned me about him.” I buried my head in my hands, my chest literally aching with each breath I took.
“But I was wrong. I mean, I wasn’t wrong that he was a jerk to all those other girls. But he’s not that way with you. You know that, Cassie. There has to be some sort of explanation.”
“Why are you defending him?” I glared at her through my sobs.
“Because I see the way he looks at you. And I hear the way he talks about you.” Melissa’s forehead creased in sympathy.
“I don’t want to look like a fool in front of everyone! Those girls with those pictures…” I paused to gasp a sob. “I’m mortified. Do you know how embarrassing that was?”
“Those girls got exactly what they wanted. They don’t care about you. They’re so freaking fucking bitter that you’re the one with Jack that they’ll do and say anything to tear you two apart. Can’t you see that?” Melissa tried to reason with me, her voice tinged with disappointment.
But nothing she said made me feel any better. I couldn’t get the image of Jack’s smiling face as he ushered the girl inside that hotel room out of my head. It was simply that easy to make me question everything and assume the worst.
“I have to go.” I pushed past Melissa and stormed out the bathroom door.
My mind didn’t stop racing until I got to our apartment and crashed on top of my bed. I begged my brain to shut off and pleaded for my body to find some peace in sleep. The sound of my cell phone beeping startled me. I glanced at the screen, which read One new text message from Jack. My stomach dropped as I read his name. I pressed the Read button. Heading off to the field. Call you after the game. Miss you like crazy.
I didn’t respond.
I couldn’t.
My stomach twisted into pretzel-like knots as my heart yearned for the truth. I curled my body into a ball, clutching a pillow tightly as the pounding in my head resumed. Closing my eyes, I reached for an escape.
The sound of my ringtone blared loudly from the floor, waking me from a dream-free slumber some time later. I glanced at the clock on my nightstand, its red numbers alerting me that almost four hours had passed.
My phone continued blaring the music I’d picked out for Jack’s calls.
“Are you gonna answer that?” Melissa yelled from the other room.
I pressed the Ignore button, stopping the music from playing. After a minute, my cell phone beeped, alerting me to a new voice mail. I didn’t listen, afraid that if I heard the sound of his voice, my resolve would weaken completely. Another beep followed and One new text message from Jack flashed across the screen.
I tried to resist reading it, but my heart wanted to know what he had to say. I clicked Read. Everything okay, Kitten? We won today. I pitch tomorrow. Call me as soon as you get this. Miss you.
I turned off the display, tossed my phone back onto the floor, and headed into the living room where Melissa sat watching TV.
“Did you really ignore his call?” she asked without looking at me.
“I can’t talk to him right now.”
She turned to face me. “You need to talk to him right now.”
I shook my head. “I can’t have that conversation with him over the phone. I need to be able to look him in the eyes when I ask him about those pictures.”
“He’s not your dad, Cassie.” Melissa’s face softened as she placed her hand on my knee.
I dropped my gaze. “I know that.”
“Do you?”
“Of course I do.”
I knew my tone sounded defensive, because she asked again. “Are you sure?”
“What the hell is your point, Melissa?”
“My point is, Jack’s not going to promise the school a popular band for grad night and then disappear, leaving you to clean up the mess and answer all the questions. He’s not going to make a bunch of promises to people he can’t keep.”
I cringed at the memory I’d tried so hard to block out over the past few years. But the truth was, the embarrassment my father caused me was etched deep inside and was never far from my mind. And whether I wanted to admit it or not, I was affected by his lies and inability to follow through on the smallest of promises.
I didn’t say anything. I continued to glare at Melissa, angry at her for pointing out the flaws I felt I couldn’t change.
“Cass, I just don’t want you to punish Jack for the mistakes your dad made.” Her voice was soft as she leaned in to touch her forehead to mine.
“How can you even say that? You know what I saw today. Those pictures have nothing to do with my dad.” I jerked back, my jaw clenched.
“No, the pictures don’t. But the fact that you refuse to speak to Jack unless it’s in person, does. I know what you’re doing,” she stated, her expression solemn.
“Why don’t you inform me then?”
“You want to test him. Judge his body language. Watch his eyes, his mouth.”
“You’re damn right I do. Please tell me what’s so wrong with that?”
“Nothing, I guess.” Melissa shrugged her shoulders in defeat. “I just thought that maybe you wouldn’t need to talk to Jack in person to decide if he was lying or not.”
“But I do. Don’t you see?” I took a long breath. “I don’t trust myself when it comes to him.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ll want to believe anything he tells me over the phone. I’ll hear his voice and turn into a stupid girly ball of mush.”
“This is about protecting yourself, isn’t it?” Melissa rested her chin against her hand and sighed.
I nodded.
“You think someday you’ll be able to trust the way a normal person does?”
“You mean blindly?” I laughed harshly before continuing. “Probably not.”
The sound of Jack’s ringtone blasted from my bedroom again, grinding our conversation to a halt. “Please go answer that, Cassie.”
“I can’t. I’m sorry.” I winced before walking into my room and pressing Ignore once more.
My phone beeped with another voice mail alert, followed quickly by the sound of an arriving text message. This was going to be a long weekend.
Kitten, I’m getting worried. Please let me know you’re okay before I lose my fucking mind over here. I love you.
Part of me thought, Good. Lose your mind. Be worried. You deserve it. The other part of me breathed in with relief that he actually cared. I shook my head, disgusted at my conflicted emotions, and turned my phone off. I couldn’t deal with any more text messages or missed calls tonight. Not to mention the fact that I couldn’t stop wondering if Miss Thin Brunette would be making another appearance inside Jack’s hotel room later. The very thought made my stomach churn.
I heard Melissa’s cell phone ring, followed by the sound of her voice. “Cassie, get out here!”
I reluctantly walked back into the living room where Melissa held out her phone in my direction. “Who is it?” I whispered, afraid of the answer.
“It’s Dean. Get on the phone.”
“Hello,” I said, my tone irritated.
“Cassie, Jesus Christ, what the hell is going on? Jack’s calling me like a lunatic. He’s flipping the fuck completely flipping out. Says you won’t answer any of his phone calls or texts!”
“So what.” I pretended not to care.
“You gotta talk to him, Cass. You can’t ignore him like this when he’s on a road trip, it’s not fair.”
“Yes I can!” I screamed back into the phone. “He’s the one who had a fucking girl up in his hotel room, not me! So don’t tell me I have to talk to him, Dean. Don’t talk to me about what’s fair!”
The tears reluctantly escaped my eyes once more as Jack’s betrayal settled into my damaged heart.
“You’re so goddammed stubborn! He’s going fucking apeshit and you’re just going to let him?”
“I just can’t call him, okay? I can’t talk to him right now.” I pleaded with Dean for some sort of understanding. “Just tell him I’m busy with a project for school or something. He’ll believe that.”
Dean breathed heavily into the phone. “Fine. I’ll tell him. But, Cassie, he’s not stupid. He’ll figure out something’s wrong and then I don’t know what he’ll do.”
“What does that mean?”
“It just means that I’ve never heard him sound as crazy as I did tonight. He was literally flipping the fuck out because he couldn’t get a hold of you.”
“I guess he should have thought about that before he invited some whore up to his hotel room,” I snapped.
“You’re completely unreasonable, you know that?” Dean asked, his voice harsh.
“How am I unreasonable?!”
“Because you’d rather ignore this entire situation instead of put an end to it,” he snapped.
“I’m not ignoring it! I simply refuse to discuss it over the phone. So what?”
“See? Unreasonable and selfish.”
“Now I’m selfish too?” I shouted with a laugh.
“Sort of. You’re only thinking about yourself and your feelings. You’re not thinking about Jack at all. This isn’t just a game to him. This is his future. This is his career. He can’t fuck mess up. Don’t you care about that at all ?” Dean’s voice was pained.
“ None of that matters Not if he cheated on me,” I responded, my tone cold.
“But you don’t even know what happened. You don’t even know who that girl was. She could be an old friend of his…you have no clue because you won’t ask!” He sighed loudly.
“Nope. I won’t. Not until he gets home. And don’t you dare say a thing to him either, Dean! I don’t want you tipping him off so he has an entire weekend to think up the perfect response.”
“I’m not saying a word to him. But, Cassie, can you please at least send him a text message? Just give him something so he can focus on the game? Please do that for him.”
The phone fell silent between us. Of course I cared about Jack and wanted him to pitch well. No matter how badly I hurt, I didn’t want to distract him from the one thing that truly owned his heart. “Fine. I’ll text him as soon as you let me get off the phone.”
Dean huffed out a small laugh. “Talk to you later then.”
“Wait! Dean?”
“Yeah?”
“You know I’m not picking him up on Sunday.”
There was a slight pause before Dean sighed. “I’ll come get his car.”
“Thanks. Bye.” I pressed End and handed Melissa back her phone before walking into my bedroom and powering my cell back on.
I quickly typed out a text that read: Sorry, Jack, been busy with a photography project. I’ll probably be pretty swamped until you get home. Good luck tomorrow. You’ll be great! xo
Less than a minute passed before my phone beeped, signaling I had a response. It makes me crazy to be this far away from you and not know what’s going on. I just completely lost my shit on Dean. What have you done to me? LOL Call me if you have a chance. If not, I understand. Good luck with your project. Can’t stop thinking about the other night…
I tried so hard to be strong when it came to him, but even his text messages challenged me. I knew I’d jumped to conclusions about the pictures, but I refused to look like a fool. And in my opinion, only a fool would carry on like nothing had happened. Simply put, I didn’t want to be that kind of girl. The kind of girl that needed Jack in her life so badly, she’d overlook potential relationship-ruining material.
But in trying so hard to be unlike all the other girls, I made myself irrational, declaring Jack guilty before viewing the facts of the case. I clung to my principles with both hands so tightly it was the only way I got through the next day and a half Jack-free.
That, and the fact that I’d turned my phone off.
