Spending the day at the gym and being able to do nothing but watch was torture. The team’s doctors and trainers poked and prodded at my knee while I sat my ass on a table and watched the team practice through a glass window.
Day one and I’m itching to be back out there. I’m not sure if I can handle four weeks of watching from the sidelines.
Ron and my coach gave me the option to stay home from road trips while I’m out, and I’ll probably take them up on the offer. Even at home games, I don’t know that I’ll be able to be on the bench. It’s too difficult, and honestly, my shitty attitude might be worse than my absence from the sidelines.
Stevie is waiting for me right out front of the practice facility in Zanders’ car. I can’t drive for a few more days, but the trainers were impressed with how well my swelling went down over the last twenty-four hours. I’ll thank Indy for that. She was doting and caring and concerned, pulling a typical Indy move by taking care of everyone else around her. But I’m not going to lie, I enjoyed being the center of her attention for the evening.
I got the okay to put a little weight on my knee by walking without the crutches, but I’m slow as fuck, lifting myself into Zee’s G-Wagon.
“Look at you! No crutches!” Stevie cheers from the driver’s seat.
“I’m not sure that’s much to cheer about, Vee.”
“Okay, cranky. I got you a coffee.” She gestures to the center console. “What did they say?”
“They were impressed by how much my swelling went down. They want me to walk on it a bit, but I won’t start any major movements until next week.”
“That’s exciting!” She puts the car in drive and starts us towards home.
“Is it?”
“Okay. Clearly, nothing is going to be good enough for you at the moment.” She shifts the subject. “What time do you need to be at team dinner? Do you need a ride or is Harold taking you?”
“I canceled it.”
“What? Why?”
Keeping my eyes towards the passenger window, I watch as Chicago zooms by. “Why do you think, Vee? I’m not in a good headspace. The last thing I want to do right now is take the boys to dinner and pretend like I didn’t let them all down.”
She stays silent, eyes on the road, mouth set in a hard line.
“See,” I continue. “Even my own twin is annoyed with me. Imagine how much worse I’ll be with other people.”
That puts a small smile on her lips. “I’m not annoyed with you, but your team still needs you. You’re still their captain.”
I brush her off. “Ethan is their captain. I just wear the title for the public.”
Stevie doesn’t elaborate or tell me how wrong I am, which is another sign that if my best friend can’t get through to me, no one can.
“So,” she shifts the subject. “Should we talk about last night?”
Stevie’s twin brain is synced with mine as I look out of the corner of my eye, finding my mirrored expression on her face, knowing smirk and all.
“What do you want to talk about?” I ask, feigning innocence.
She laughs. “You’re so full of shit. It’s obvious you asked me to drive you home instead of Harold so we can talk about this, so start talking, Superstar.”
Fuck, sometimes it’s scary how well we know each other.
“I might have a little thing for your best friend.”
“Ha!” she bursts out a laugh. “Good God, Ry. Want to try that again?”
I roll my eyes. “I might possibly be a little bit smitten by the blonde living in my house.”
Stevie laughs to herself. “You were holding her hand while finding out the biggest news of your career. If you said you were completely in love with her, I’d believe you more.”
“I told her about Marissa.”
Thank God we’re at a stoplight because my sister’s head snaps around to me, eyes entirely leaving the road. “You did?”
“Last night. It’s kind of what you walked in on.”
“Ryan.” Her eyes soften. “That’s a really big deal.”
I don’t expand on the rest—what the years after looked like. I love Stevie more than anyone else in the entire world, but even she wasn’t privileged to the dark days. Indy is the first person to know, and I want to get home so we can talk about the rest. She needs to know how much I want her to stay. How much I need her to stay.
“I want her, Vee. I don’t know where she’s at or what she’s even capable of feeling after everything she’s been through, but I’ll take whatever she can offer.” I look over to her as she continues driving, concentrating on the road. “Would you be okay with that?”
I can see a faint tilt of her lips. “You don’t need my permission to be together.”
“Well, I still want it. This is your best friend, and we both know it’s my fault that other friendships haven’t worked out for you.”
“Look, you could be talking about anyone, and I’d just be stoked to hear you’re opening yourself up again, but with Indy?” She peeks over at me. “There’s no one I trust more to protect you as much as you’ll protect her.”
I offer her a faint smile. “Thanks, Vee.”
“But you should lock it down. Have you seen that woman?” My sister teases. “The entire hockey team is in love with her.”
“Okay. Okay. I don’t need the reminder.”
“I’m just saying. Get a move on it, buddy. You already live together, and I want another sister-in-law.”
“Dear God,” I huff out a laugh. “I’m never telling you anything. You have no chill.”
Stevie parks in front of my building. “You don’t need to tell me anything.” She taps the side of her head. “Twin brain. I know it all already.”
I can hear Indy speaking before I’ve even stepped into the apartment. My house is chaos the second I open the door, folding chairs stacked against the wall, two long foldable tables in the middle of our living room. The couch is pushed to the wall. Empty cardboard boxes litter the ground.
There’s a phone propped up on the kitchen island as Indy speaks into it. She must not hear me because she doesn’t turn around, though, her mom catches my attention through the phone screen.
“Hi, Ryan!” She waves.
Indy turns around to find me inside the doorway.
“Hey, Abigale. What are you two doing?”
“I’m passing a recipe to Indigo.”
Indy motions towards the cutting board in front of her, my entire kitchen covered in food she’s prepped.
Radiantly beaming, she’s endlessly happier than we left things last night.
“How are you feeling?” her mom continues.
“I’m getting there. Hopefully I’ll be back on the court by the time you and Tim come to visit.”
“Well, we’ll be supporting you either way. I’ll let you two get to it. Talk to you soon, Ryan! Bye, honey.”
Indy hangs up the phone. “Why does my mother sound like your new bestie?”
I pop my shoulders. “Mothers love me.”
She eyes me suspiciously but doesn’t catch on to the fact her mom and I are as comfortable as we are because I’ve chatted with her parents more than a few times since I first met them over a video call in this very kitchen.
“I know the apartment is hectic, but I’ll clean it after tonight.” Indy takes in my body. “No crutches? That’s exciting!”
“Are you okay?” I ask with confusion. Last night she was overwhelmed and distant. Today it’s as if our conversation never happened.
“Of course, I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”
Maybe because you took what I said the wrong way yesterday and thought I wanted you to move out?
Looking around the crowded apartment, I ask, “What’s going on?”
“We’re hosting team dinner.”
“Um, no, we’re not.”
“Annie called and said you canceled the whole thing.”
“I did.”
“And I had Ethan un-cancel it and invite the team here instead.”
“Indy, why would you do that? You know how I feel about people being in my space. Not to mention, I let every single one of those guys down last night. I’m not ready to face them.”
She drops the knife she’s using to chop veggies as she tilts her head and softens her approach. “Ryan, you didn’t let anyone down, and we had a deal. I’m supposed to help you be a better leader.”
“No, you’re just supposed to help me convince Ron that I am.”
“Why not actually do it? You can’t play for a month. Why not take this as an opportunity to shift gears and contribute in other ways? You’re the smartest guy on the team. You can still use your brain from the sidelines.”
I can’t exactly argue the logic. It’s what a good leader would do.
“I don’t know about this, Ind. Having everyone over here.”
Not to mention, I thought I’d have her alone so I could convince her not to move out. All night long. With my tongue perhaps.
“Will you trust me with this?” she begs. “If they get here and it’s too much for you, I’ll kick them out, but I think this could be great. I bought you all new dishes and silverware, so we have enough for everyone. Well, you bought them. I used your credit card, obviously.”
A tiny smile spreads across my lips. “Obviously.”
Her eyes squeeze shut with regret, as if she caught herself in the act. “I’ll pay you back for them.”
“Please don’t do that. Please don’t walk around here on eggshells. You’re not paying me back for my own team dinner.”
“And I rented a couple tables and chairs.” She offers me a playfully cautious smile. “You need to stop treating this place like a personal prison and start living again. Tonight is a good start.”
Of course, I should’ve known the second Indy learned everything about my past she would attempt to help me begin healing from it all. She’s good like that, caring like that.
The house is prepped and she’s clearly excited. Whatever is cooking in the oven smells phenomenal and knowing that girl’s pure intentions, she believes tonight will be good for me.
I’ll most likely be a ball of anxiety, having so many people in my safe space, but for her, I’ll try.
I remove the magnets holding all our agreements to the fridge. I don’t need my teammates finding out I have a bucket list in order to learn how to be a passable boyfriend, or that the woman who is supposed to be my live-in girlfriend has a lease agreement.
“I’ll hide these.” I hold them up, showing the random scratches of paper that make up our entire relationship.
She chuckles, but before she goes back to chopping vegetables, I catch the sad smile fall on her lips.
I want to kiss it off her and tell her she’s not allowed to go anywhere. Not when she fits so right here, when she makes it feel like home, but the knock at my door keeps me from doing so.
Dom’s mid-chew of the most incredible chicken parmesan I’ve ever had. His eyes roll to the back of his head as another loud moan escapes him. “Holy shit, Shay. She’s only your girlfriend and you get all this? This is wifey material.” Indy pours him another glass of wine, trying not to laugh. “Indy, if he won’t marry you, I’ll do it. Right now.” He begins to stand from his seat as if he were to go down on one knee in front of her.
“Get your ass back in your seat,” I command from the head of the table.
He ignores me, focusing back on the stunning blonde. He gestures between the two of them before silently mouthing, “You and me. Call me.”
She giggles and it’s my favorite sound.
Indy has barely sat down, constantly running from the kitchen to the makeshift dining room with more food and drinks for the team. I haven’t seen these guys so relaxed since dinners back at Ethan’s house. The food is phenomenal, but I wish Indy would take the open seat next to me and eat with us. She made herself a single serving of eggplant parmesan but has yet to enjoy it.
“Shay, your place is incredible,” Leon says, much more outspoken than the last team dinner.
I was hoping to start working with him one on one, but now with my injury, that’s off the table.
“Thanks, man.”
“Why haven’t you had us over yet? This food…” He shakes his head in appreciation. “Holy shit.”
“I’m not sure. I guess it didn’t feel right until recently.”
My eyes wander back to the kitchen to find the reason why I’m so relaxed. Surprisingly, I haven’t felt too much anxiety since the guys began showing up. They’ve been talking about upcoming games and girls they’re seeing. No one attempts to snoop around my space. Instead, they just enjoy being together outside of work.
Both my room and Indy’s are locked shut, keeping everyone confined to the kitchen and living room, and entirely unaware that we have separate bedrooms.
“How long have you lived here?” Leon continues.
“Four and a half years.”
“Wow.” He shakes his head. “I’d love to have a place like this one day.”
A place like this makes sense for a guy like him. Single. Young. I guess I’m single and young too, but there’s not much about my life that works in an apartment like this anymore. More and more I’m itching for a bigger place. Somewhere with land to be outdoors and unbothered. Somewhere that feels less like a reminder of the life I thought I’d once have.
“You get us through the next month and I’m sure there’s a nice little raise coming for your next contract,” I reassure.
He laughs it off. “Yeah, that’s not going to happen. I’m not exactly ready to fill in for Ryan Shay of all people.”
Ethan overhears our conversation, our eyes meeting.
I put my fork and knife down, leaning back in my chair. “You are. You have to be.”
Leon looks down the table of our teammates before directing his attention back to me, his voice quieting. “I can’t do it. I’m a bench guy.”
Leon is my backup, only playing in the fourth quarters if a game is a blowout. I lean forward so only he and Ethan can hear. “Yes, you can. I’ll help you.”
“You’d do that?”
“We’re a team and you need to be the leader on the court now. You and I, we’re still gonna stay late after practice like we planned. I’ll go through everything with you. I’ll be on the sidelines during games to help. You can do this.”
I hadn’t realized I decided all that until it was coming out of my mouth, but I know it’s the right thing to do. It’s what a good leader would do. It’s what the leader I was while in college who brought home two national championships would’ve done.
“You’re going to get us to the playoffs and I’m going to help you.”
Leon takes a self-assured breath, nodding his head.
“Then,” I continue. “In a month, I’m stealing my spot back.”
An easy laugh spreads through the three of us. I catch Ethan looking at me, nodding his head, his eyes soft with pride.
Offering a knowing pat on the shoulder, I walk past him and the rest of the guys having a good time at the table. I find Indy in the kitchen, plating more food for the endlessly hungry fourteen basketball players in our home.
From behind, I trap her body with mine, bracing my hands on the counter in front of us.
“Are you doing okay?” she whispers.
“I’m doing great.”
Tilting her head to look at me, her lips almost brush mine. Her eyes dart to my mouth but before I can say “fuck it” and kiss her, she turns back to the food, giving it her full attention.
“I told you that you could trust me.”
I place a kiss on her shoulder, not having much more to say other than being eternally grateful for her pulling me out of my shell tonight. In an odd way it feels liberating to have company over. I thought I’d feel out of control, paranoid, but I don’t. I feel oddly…calm.
Covering her hand with mine, I still her movements. “Come eat with me.”
“I can’t yet. I need to get more food and drinks out.”
“Everyone is happy. Take a break and come eat dinner with me.”
Reluctantly, she sets her serving utensils down and follows me to the table where I pull the chair out for her between mine and Ethan’s. I place more plated food on the table, family-style followed by a couple open bottles of red. They’re big boys. They can serve themselves.
Sitting next to Indy feels good as it always does, but tonight as she chats with my team, there’s a sense of pride flowing through me that they believe she’s mine. She could be. I want her to be. Need her to be the more I watch how effortlessly she goes through life unguarded.
She’s not just a happy-go-lucky girl with no perception of the terrible parts of life. She doesn’t shit rainbows or believe in unicorns, but she feels everything. Every emotion good or bad and for that reason alone she’s a breath of fresh air in my life. She’s living and I both admire her for it and am envious beyond belief.
There was a shift last night as she sat in my lap, listening to me spill the worst part of my past that I realized I wanted her as my future.
“Indy,” Dom calls from down the table. “You’re convincing me that I need a girlfriend.”
“You have plenty of girlfriends,” she quips back.
I’ve only mentioned Dom once or twice in passing, but I’ve quickly learned that Indy remembers almost everything I say, the same way I do with her.
“No, I mean a real girlfriend.”
A fit of laughter breaks out from the team because well…Dom is not a one-woman kind of guy.
“Fuck you guys. I can change. Shay changed.” He motions towards me. “Look at that love-sick motherfucker. Now he has an absolute smoke show living in his house. I want an Indy walking around my house.”
“Watch it,” I bite out. “The girl’s got her MBA and she’s funny as hell.”
Indy’s cheeks flush, embarrassment washing over her from being praised for her mind and not just the way she looks.
Dom holds up his bite of food with a mischievous smile. “And she’s an amazing cook.”
“Damn right I am,” she agrees.
“My house is much bigger than Shay’s. You’re more than welcome.”
Fucking shit-disturber.
“She’s not going anywhere.” I say the words to Dom, but keep my eyes on Indy as they come out.
She won’t look at me.
It’s too right, having her here. This is where she belongs, with me, in this apartment. And if she thinks for a second she’s moving out, she’s out of her goddamn mind.
