I should go after her, but I can’t. All my feet are willing to do is pace the length of the living room as I freak the fuck out.
I completely blacked out. I can’t recall half of what she said, but I know I fucked up.
I didn’t mean to react that way, but my God, the look on her face. She wasn’t even crying and that’s the scariest part of all. My emotional girl wasn’t emotional at all. She was hurt and I caused that.
This is what I’ve wanted. I just didn’t expect it so soon. I’m a planner, a preparer. I would meet her parents, ask her to marry me, then do everything in my power to make her a mom. I’m not accustomed to my plan going out of order. I don’t just dream and hope for the best.
At least, I didn’t dream before her.
For only a split second, I saw Marissa standing in front of me. I relived that day she told me she was pregnant. I went through every emotion I felt for those nine months I thought I was going to be a dad. I was thrown back into that evening at the hospital when I found out her daughter wasn’t mine. Every painful second of that day flashed in front of my eyes before the fog cleared and I saw Indy in front of me.
They’re not the same. They’ve never been the same, and I treated Indy as if they were.
God, what the fuck is wrong with me? I’m equal parts ecstatic now that the realization is settling in, and terrified that I ruined what should be one of the best days of our lives.
She must be so upset. This is everything she’s ever wanted, and I made her believe I didn’t.
Just as I’m heading out the door to chase after her, it busts open. But instead of my girlfriend, it’s my sister who is barreling into our home.
“Vee? What are you doing here?”
She doesn’t look up or answer me, she simply rushes through my apartment, lifting pillows and pulling out drawers. She jogs into my bathroom, and I follow to watch her comb through every inch. I finally put a stop to her when she begins frantically sifting through the bathroom’s trash can.
Bending down with her, I take the it from her grip. “Stevie, what the hell is going on?”
She stands with me, panic and worry covering her features. Her blue-greens gloss over as her chin begins to wobble.
“Ryan, I’m—” Her attention darts to my hand. “Where did you find that?”
Looking down, Indy’s pregnancy test is sticking out of my closed fist.
Fuck. This isn’t how she should find out. Indy should be here too, but I can’t exactly lie to my sister in the moment I feel my most vulnerable.
Studying my face, her eyes narrow. “Have you been crying?”
“Vee, Indy is pregnant.”
Stevie closes her eyes, exhaling a deep breath as tears stream down her freckled cheeks. “No, she’s not, Ryan.” Opening, her lashes brim with tears but at the same time, a smile pulls at her lips. “I am.”
“What?”
“That’s my test.” Her smile widens but holds an apologetic edge. “Zee was home yesterday, and Indy was out running errands. I knew the apartment was empty, so I came here to take a test. Well, six tests.” Chuckling, tears continue to stream down her face as she wipes them away with the sleeve of her shirt. “This morning I could only find five and I didn’t want Indy to be the one to find the sixth.”
An odd pit in my stomach forms as the realization settles in that this test isn’t Indy’s. Disappointment washes over me, but I shake it away, taking in the words that my sister just said.
“Stevie.” My voice cracks as tears prick my own eyes. “You’re pregnant?”
She nods with a laugh that quickly turns to a sobbing cry.
“Hey. Hey,” I soothe, wrapping her in a hug, cupping her head to hide in my chest. “Why are you crying?”
“I don’t know. Why are you?”
“Because my twin sister is going to be a mom, and you’re going to make me an uncle.”
“I’m scared.”
“Why?”
“Because I didn’t spend my entire life dreaming of this the way you did. I didn’t think about kids until I met Zee.”
“Stevie. You two are going to make the best parents. I mean, if they’re anything like their dad we might be in trouble, but…”
Finally, Stevie laughs into my chest. “I hope they’re just like him.”
“Does he know?”
She shakes her head against me. “Not yet. I’m going to tell him today.” Pulling away, she cleans up her face. “Do me a favor? Let me be the one to tell Indy. I’m… I don’t know. I want her to hear it from me. I’m happy, so happy, but I don’t want to rub it in her face. This is everything she’s ever wanted.”
A tsunami size wave of regret crashes over me as the blacked-out fog lifts, every single one of her words barreling back into my mind.
I’m not pregnant.
It’ll be a miracle if that ever happens.
Thank you for reminding me that the last thing you want in life is the thing I desire most.
We’ve never been on the same page, have we?
“Stevie.” Putting my hands on my head, I turn around and pace my bedroom, trying to take deep enough breaths to fill my lungs. “Stevie, I fucked up. Indy came home so excited to tell me something, and I thought it was hers. I didn’t handle it well. She thought I was going to ask if she did it on purpose. I don’t think I was going to ask that, but I’m not entirely sure I wasn’t.”
“No, Ryan.”
“Everything with Marissa came flooding back and I got scared. I freaked out. And she was so hurt. She didn’t even cry, Vee. She just looked at me as if I completely betrayed her. I did. I think I did betray her. This is everything she wants, and I made her feel like I didn’t.”
My sister’s hands hide her face. “Ryan, Indy probably can’t get pregnant on her own.”
“I know that! God, I’m an idiot. I wasn’t thinking.”
She closes her eyes, pained. “She must be so upset.”
“I made her feel like I don’t want the same future she does. She probably thinks I’ve been stringing her along this entire time with no plans to give her the life she wants.”
“Are you?” Stevie asks softly. “Ryan, I love you. You mean more to me than anyone in the world, but if there’s even an ounce of you that doesn’t want the same things she does, then you have to let her go. She’s wasted too much time with someone who strung her along, and I can’t let you do that to her again.”
As much as Stevie is my other half, there are things not even she knows. Steps I’ve taken to give Indy the future she wants. The future I want too. I’ve always wanted a family but knowing I could do it at the same time as my sister, coupled with that quick but fleeting belief Indy was pregnant, I want it now more than ever.
“I would never let us get to this point if I wasn’t on the same page. I saw what she went through, and I’d never do that to her.”
Stevie nods.
“I need to go find her. Talk to her. Apologize. Do you think she went to your place?”
“I doubt it. You know how smart she is. I’m sure she put it together that it was my test right away. I think I know where she could be, but Ryan, I need to talk to her first.”
Wrapping my sister up again, I kiss the top of her curly head of hair. “I really am so happy for you, Vee. You’re going to be an incredible mom, and Zanders will be one hell of a dad.”
“So will you, Ryan. When the time comes.” She holds on tighter. “And in the meantime, you’re going to be the greatest uncle. I know it.”
