I clench my jaw as I listen to the sound of my wife’s sobs through the bathroom door. She’s trying her hardest to be quiet, and it kills me. I have no doubt I’m one of the sources of her pain, and I don’t know how to make it better.
The shower turns off, and I take a step away, making my way to our bed instead. I get in and grab my phone, unsure how to act. For a moment, I consider texting my sister and asking her to come over, but then I think better of it. If it’s Sierra she needed, she would’ve just gone there herself, wouldn’t she?
Raven walks out wearing an oversized t-shirt instead of one of the sexy nightgowns I’ve gotten used to, yet she somehow looks even more irresistible than usual. She pauses when she sees me sitting up in bed and averts her gaze instantly, no doubt hoping I won’t notice how red her beautiful eyes are.
I force myself to look away and pretend to be engrossed in my phone instead. I don’t know how to face her. I want to be there for her, but I don’t want to push or intrude if that’s not what she needs.
Raven is quiet as she gets into bed with me. I expected her to say something, anything at all, but she just turns her back to me and curls up in a ball, her breathing still uneven.
I watch her for a moment, taking in the way her small hands are wrapped around the covers, the sound of her shallow breathing. She sounds as though she could burst into tears at any moment, all over again, but she’s trying her hardest not to. Tonight, more than ever, I wish I could be the person she’d rely on. I’d give the world to be the person she turns to when her heart aches, when it’s comfort she seeks.
I take a deep breath before pulling up the app that controls everything in the house. I’m unsure if I should dim the lights or turn them off altogether. What is it that she wants? Considering the way she just hid in the shower, I suspect it’s darkness she wants.
The lights turn off, and I lie down next to her, at a loss. It’s only been a few days since we got married, yet I’ve seen so many facets of her that I never realized existed. She’s always acted so sweet and carefree around me, but I’m now seeing both strength and weakness that I didn’t realize she carries. It only makes her more beautiful. She’s unlike any other woman I know. Those small shoulders of hers carry dozens of burdens, few of them her own.
I turn toward her and mimic her position, keeping a bit of distance between us. “Rave,” I whisper. She tenses but doesn’t reply. Instead, she tightens her grip on our covers. Fucking hell. It kills me to know she’s hurting and that I can’t make it right. The things she just told her mother… fuck. I had no idea I’d made her feel so unwanted. I may not be able to fix her relationship with her mother, but I don’t want her to feel insecure in our marriage. The fact that she does means that I failed her as her husband.
I reach for her hesitantly and place my hand on her arm. She sniffs, and for a moment I think she’ll pull away from me, but then she turns around to face me. “Ares,” she says, her voice breaking as fresh tears fill her eyes. “I… Can I have a hug?”
Fuck. The pain in her voice fucking guts me. My heart wrenches as I pull her into my arms with more force than I intended, one hand wrapping underneath her, while the other curls around her. I hug her tightly, her body flush against mine.
Raven nestles her nose against my neck and inhales shakily as her arm wraps around me. Her touch is cautious, hesitant, as though she’s scared she’s asking for too much. She’s my wife, yet she hesitates to ask for a hug. Just how uncomfortable have I made her?
“You never even need to ask,” I whisper as my hand threads through her hair, my grip tight. She holds onto me so tightly that I find myself holding her a little tighter too. She fits against me so perfectly, it’s unreal. Her breathing is uneven, as though she’s still holding back tears, and I let my fingers trail over her back, slowly, soothingly.
“Are you okay, Cupcake?”
She shakes her head and balls the back of my shirt in her hand. “I don’t think so.” She sounds so fucking hurt that I’m blinded by rage for a moment. Listening to that conversation with her mother and not interfering was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I’m so tempted to destroy every single thing that hurts her, but I can’t do that when it’s her mother.
“Talk to me, baby. Tell me what’s going on in that beautiful mind of yours.”
She drags her nose up my throat and shifts in my embrace, pressing her breasts against me harder. It takes all of me to keep my attention away from how she feels against me.
“It’s just too much, Ares. I feel… I feel so unwanted. So unloved. I just… I feel like a failure, like no matter what I do, I won’t ever be what anyone wants me to be. Even work was a nightmare today, and I just… how could I fail so miserably? It’s one thing to fail at everything else in life, but my career is my escape. I just… today I just really needed one single win. Just one.”
She inhales shakily, as though she’s holding back tears all over again. I don’t know which photographer she worked with today, but she’ll never work with him again. Matter of fact, he’ll never work again. Not in this industry. For his sake, I hope he enjoys wildlife photography, because that’s the only avenue I’ll leave open to him.
“And then there’s my mother and you. You both want me to be something I’m not, someone I’m not, and it hurts. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming you at all. I get it. I really do, but—”
“—no,” I cut her off, “you don’t get it, Raven.” I grab her tightly and turn us over so she’s on her back, my body on top of hers. Her eyes widen as I hold myself up on my forearms so I can look at her. For a moment, I see something flash in her eyes that I recognize. Loneliness. Longing. Those are feelings I know all too well, and I never want her to feel them around me.
“I don’t need you to be anything or anyone else. Not ever. You’re my wife, Raven. You. No one else. You don’t need to compare yourself to anyone else, and you don’t need to measure up to anyone else either — because whether you realize it or not, you’ve already surpassed every standard anyone has ever set for you. Just because they won’t or can’t acknowledge it doesn’t mean you’re anything short of amazing. You’re perfect the way you are. And no, I’m not saying that to placate you. I’m telling you that because it’s true. You have a sense of loyalty so strong that you married me and sacrificed the future you envisioned for yourself. You’re fucking beautiful, and you’re smart, real smart. How many women do you know that have a full-time modeling career and a thriving business? Fuck anyone who can’t see your worth, Rave. Fuck them all.”
“Including you?”
I blink in surprise and smirk at her, my cock involuntarily stirring at her words. “Yeah,” I whisper, a wicked smile on my face. “Fuck me too.”
She bites down on her lip, her sorrow making way for something that looks a lot like lust. Fuck. I drop my forehead to hers in an attempt to steer the conversation back to where it was, but having my lips so close to hers isn’t helping. This chemistry between us… it’s always been there, but it’s inescapable now.
“In all seriousness, Rave… I’m sorry I was one of the reasons you were upset today. I’m so fucking sorry, you have no idea.” I pause and inhale deeply, her signature cupcake scent sending my heart into overdrive. “I want you here, Raven. There is no one I’d rather have in my bed than you. No one. You may not believe that, but it’s true. From the moment I married you, you’ve had my loyalty right down to my every thought. There’s no one on my mind but you. When I look at you, all I see is my wife. Nothing else. No one else. There’s no space for anyone but you — not in my mind, and not in my heart. This may all sound like pretty lies and a poor attempt to console you, and I get that, but baby, over time you’ll realize that it’s the truth.”
I shift on top of her, my lips brushing over her forehead as I press a chaste kiss to her skin. “I never meant to make you feel like you’re unwanted, because you aren’t. Do you have any idea how much it means to me that you chose to marry me? You could’ve walked away from everything and left me to deal with the consequences, but you didn’t. You were there for me when I needed you most, Rave, and I’ve done a really shitty job of thanking you for it. I’ll do better, okay? I just… it was hard for me too, and I was foolish to assume I knew what you needed. I’m learning the hard way that I only ever knew a small part of you, and it’ll take me a little bit of time to discover the rest. Will you give me that, Rave? Will you give me some grace? Will you forgive me for fucking up?”
She buries her hands into my hair, and I swallow hard. The way she looks at me… yeah, she’s got my heart racing in a way it never has before. There’s so much trust and hope in her expression, and it fills me with a deep need to give her the fucking world. I never want to let her down, and from now on, I won’t. I’ve never felt something so… intense. I want her desperately, but my entire fucking heart is in it, too. My need for her transcends the physical, and it’s something I’ve never experienced before.
“I’ll give you some grace,” she murmurs. “On one condition. Honor my request, Ares. No assumptions, no overthinking. Please, Ares. Please communicate with me. Do you know how hard it was for me to admit how I’ve been feeling? I just… all week I’ve felt like I was losing you, and I… I just don’t want to be kept guessing. Please don’t do that to me.”
I tilt my head and press a soft kiss to her cheek, just on the edge of her lip. “I’m sorry,” I tell her as I hold myself up on my forearms so I can look her in the eye. “I promise to communicate from now on, no matter how hard it is. It’s just… I’m so used to all these fucking mind games that this is… it’s new to me, Rave.”
She reaches for me and cups the side of my face. “You give me honesty, and I’ll give you grace. How about that?”
I nod, my heart racing. I don’t think I’ve ever had a moment that felt this real. Not with anyone. But then again, for years now, the only one that’s ever been able to make me lose my endless patience is the woman lying underneath me, my wife. “Yeah,” I whisper. “I promise.”
She smiles at me so sweetly that my heart clenches. “Then give me a moment of honesty, Ares. Tell me one thing no one else knows? Give me a part of you no one else has.”
The edges of my lips turn up into a small smile. “You already have my last name, Raven. It’s the one thing I’ll never give to anyone else.”
“Never?”
I shake my head and grab her tightly, taking her with me as I roll onto my back. She shifts in my embrace, until she’s got her head on my chest and her leg hooked over my hip, her inner thigh brushing against my cock teasingly. Does she realize how hard she makes me?
“Never,” I promise her. The moment I married her, I knew Hannah and I were over. I never should’ve entertained the idea of divorcing Raven in three years — not unless she asks it of me. That isn’t me, and she deserves better.
She looks up at me and smiles, and it fucking does something to me. I can’t quite explain it, but I’m certain I’ll always remember the way she’s looking at me right now.
“Feel better, Cupcake?”
She nods, and I hold her tightly, my hand stroking her back until her breathing evens out. I stare up at the ceiling as she falls asleep in my arms, my thoughts whirling. I can’t believe I’ve been staying away from her when I could’ve had this all along. One night with her, and I think I’m already addicted.
