Jax surpassed my expectations. I predicted for him to test my limits since Monaco is known for its crazy parties during the Grand Prix weekend. Besides the mandatory events Jax needs to attend for McCoy, he stays in his suite at night, minus the alcohol. I welcome how calm it’s been without him stirring up trouble. It gives me hope that he learned from his Barcelona slipup and plans on controlling himself better.
To pass the time, Elías hangs out with me in the suite.
“Let’s play a game.” Elías dangles a black box above my head.
I somehow muster up my most bored expression.
He shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “Tough crowd tonight. Seriously, I won’t survive another episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I’m sorry, but you need to get your head checked if you’re Team Spike. Angel is irresistible and caring while Spike has no soul.”
“I’ll pretend you didn’t say that. Spike sacrifices everything for her in the end. Even his own life! Angel runs away once things get hard. Way to be a hero.”
Elías whispers psychopath under his breath. “Anyway…I invited a few people over to play because we need to make more friends.”
“Why do your ideas always make me suspicious?”
“Probably because I’m going to ask you to go knock on Jax’s door, seeing as his buddies are coming over.”
“No! Why do you want to interfere?”
“Because playing Cupid is fun. Your sexual tension is hot. Like hotter than Spike screwing Buffy despite being enemies hot.” He smiles.
“No.” I stick my tongue out at him.
“We can do this the easy way or the hard way.”
I shake my head and cross my arms, refusing to move from the couch.
“Hard way it is. You asked for it.” With little effort, Elías pulls me up and pushes me toward Jax’s bedroom. He knocks his fist against the door and passes me the box before running into my room.
“Lovely. He doesn’t even bother to help me out,” I huff under my breath.
Jax’s bedroom door creaks open. His eyes scan me from head to toe, making my skin feel hot underneath my leggings and T-shirt. “What do you want?”
“So… Elías has this crazy idea.”
“All his ideas are crazy.”
I swallow back the lump in my throat. “I agree. But seeing as it’s already a plan in progress, do you want to play a game with us?”
“I’m not a kid. I don’t play games.” His jaw clenches.
“Okay…” I stare down at the Cards Against Humanity box. “Well, I think Elías invited some of your friends, so we’ll be out in the living room if you want to join us.”
“I won’t. I was in the middle of a phone call when you interrupted. If you’re done now, I’ve got to go call my dad back.” His eyes close, but not soon enough.
I catch the redness in them, the sheen he attempted to hide with his bad attitude.
I can’t believe I’m considering this but has Jax been crying? I’d almost think I made it up, except when he opens his eyes again, they have a puffiness to them I’ve never seen before.
Holy shit.
Guilt consumes me for interrupting him when he is clearly having a rough time. “I’m sorry if I bothered you during something important. I was trying to see if you wanted to hang with us, but I can tell it’s not a good time for you.”
“Even if my friends are coming over, I want to be left alone right now.”
His avoidance of his friends tells me everything. A year ago, Jax was all smiles and known for being most likely to close a club down. The male in front of me is a ghost of that person. He’s become a man who seals himself off from the world instead of sharing his burden. And a small voice in my head wants to be the person for him. The same insane voice finding him attractive in the first place.
“Okay then. If you need to talk later, you know where I live.” I point a thumb over my shoulder toward my bedroom.
He offers me a tight smile before closing his door. I turn on my heel. The image of Jax, upset and sad, pulls at my heartstrings from all different directions.
I step into my room to find Elías lying on top of my bed.
He offers me a weak smile. “I’m guessing that didn’t go as planned based on your frown.”
“I don’t understand him.”
“Did he have a reason for his mood this time?”
“Something about me disrupting a call with his dad.”
Elías gazes at the ceiling and lets out a grunt. “I don’t know why something feels off.”
“Probably because he is off.”
“Well, sucks for him. His friends are going to have fun with us while he pouts in his bedroom.”
An hour later, our living room is filled with laughter. Liam, Noah, Maya, Sophie, Elías, Santi, and I sit around a coffee table centered in the living room.
Everyone seems like they are having a good time, even without Jax. Besides Liam asking about him thirty minutes ago, no one mentions his absence. Maya and Sophie spent the better part of the hour including Elías and me in every conversation, never making us feel like outsiders.
“‘This is the prime of my life. I’m hot, young, and full of poor life choices,’ Damn, who knew I was such a catch.” Santiago reads off his winning card set.
“When you describe yourself as a catch, that’s usually a bad sign.” Noah takes a swig of his beer.
“I think he’s been learning a thing or two about cockiness from Noah. Save him from a life of eternal damnation, Maya. Don’t let him fall into the same trap as your boyfriend.” Liam dumps the unchosen cards in the box.
“I’ve tried. My mother has tried. Even our local priest gave him a speech about being humble.” Maya jokingly grimaces at me.
Noah tugs Maya into his side. “I even talked to him. No one likes a cocky asshole unless you’re Maya. She loves me despite all my assholery.”
Santi presses a palm against his chest and flutters his lashes exaggeratedly. “There’s hope for us all.”
The door to Jax’s bedroom opens. He makes his way toward the couch, nearly tripping over his feet. “So, everyone’s out here having a good time.” Jax slurs his words. He drops onto the couch and shuts his eyes.
Liam narrows his eyes at his friend. “Why don’t we get you to bed? You don’t look too good.”
“I’m tired of being in my room. You all get to be out here, having fun and laughing. I hate hearing it.”
Liam rises from the floor. “You were invited, but you decided to act like an asshole instead. Don’t be mad at us.”
“I’m always mad lately.” Jax sighs. His dilated eyes find mine across the small space, and my breath hitches. I thought he was improving and laying off the Xanax.
“And whose fault is that? You can talk to us if you want.” Noah’s eyes reflect the concern I feel.
“There’s no point. You will all move on, and I’ll be alone.”
“You’ll never be by yourself because you’re stuck with us.” Sophie shoots Jax a genuine smile.
“And what about them?” Jax points a shaky finger at Elías and me. “You’re going to ditch me to hang with this new couple?”
“It’s not like that and you know it.” I somehow find my voice despite my throat clogging up.
Jax’s eyes slide from Elías to me. “If Elías fucks her, I’m going to get angry.”
Elías sighs. “Focus on yourself. Seriously, you have nothing to worry about.”
“I’m not worrying. She might be with you, but based on the way she looks at me, she’d rather be with me. You must be a sucky lay if your girlfriend is lusting after another bloke.” Jax attempts to swat Liam’s helping hands away, but Liam doesn’t let up.
“That’s it. You’re done for the night.” Liam grabs onto Jax and helps him back into his room. Everyone remains wide-eyed and silent as Liam shuts the door to the bedroom after pushing Jax inside.
The joking mood from earlier is gone, replaced with worry and unease. No one protests when we end up calling it a night. Everyone leaves, including Sophie and Maya, claiming they need some girl time.
Minutes pass without any sign of Liam. Growing anxious, I pace the small living room. Why is Liam taking this long? My head snaps toward Jax’s door once it opens.
Liam puts a finger toward his lips. He tilts his head toward the main hotel door, and I follow him.
“I don’t know what’s happening to him this season. He won’t open up, and fuck, I’ve tried my hardest.”
“Of all people I would’ve expected to know about what’s going on with him, it would’ve been you.”
“We’re best friends, but I can’t even get him to admit what’s been eating away at him for the past few months. I feel like I’m failing him in some way. He always had these random bouts of sadness and anxiety, but it’s increased ever since winter break last year. Keep an eye on him and these.” Liam passes me an orange bottle of pills. “I don’t think he’s abusing them or anything because they wouldn’t let him drive if that were the case. But I’m worried he might start, especially after tonight. Xanax is clearly not helping him cope with whatever the hell is bothering him. He should consider better options.”
“Options?”
“Xanax is known to be highly addictive, to the point that the UK avoids prescribing it. I’m going to have a talk with him and offer to help find a better alternative. Pills aren’t bad, but those aren’t the best for an athlete like him.”
Shit. I stare at the bottle, wishing I could help more than just with Jax’s image. Maybe the therapy sessions aren’t enough for whatever is happening inside of his head. Our help can only go so far if he continues down this road of numbing his pain.
“I better get going. Maybe you can get through to him. He acts differently around you, both in a good and bad way.” Liam leaves with a goodbye.
My heart settles down after a few minutes of eyeing Jax’s pill bottle. An idea hits me, and I scramble to my room for some paper and a pen.
I sneak into Jax’s room an hour later to place the pill bottle on his nightstand. Hopefully, my idea has some impact, however small.
I take a moment to peek at him. He looks peaceful as he sleeps, clutching onto a pillow. Something stirs within me. I want to help Jax get out of his dark place. Not for a contract and definitely not for money. He acts lost and defeated, hiding behind pills and secrets.
Instead of following my intuition warning me to give up and run away, I give in to the devil on my shoulder telling me to help him at any expense.
But that’s the thing about costs. None of us knows the price we’re willing to pay to be someone’s redemption.
