Ican’t take my eyes off Elena, smiling despite her wet hair clinging to her face. She shouldn’t be attractive to me at that moment since she resembles more of a drowned cat than a human. Caleb and Elena dance in the rain, laughing despite the thunder rattling the window next to me.
Her smile snatches away my oxygen. I want to steal her for myself while owning her lips, her smiles, and everything in between.
Elena laughs into the dark sky as Caleb twirls her in a circle. They ignore everything around them as they both dance terribly together in the middle of the storm.
Something in me snaps. I want more time with Elena. More stolen moments and intense kisses. More of her struggling to finish puzzles and me silently helping her.
Staying away from her is impossible, no matter how hard I try. Not only because of our undeniable chemistry. It’s stupid to deny the pull I have toward her, this endless tug of war between my sanity and my desire. I want to be different—to change my life path for her.
Most of all, I want to be normal with her.
It’s not about our attraction to one another, but rather something deeper. Something I can no longer turn a blind eye to.
I want Elena and I’m done pretending otherwise.
After an hour of tossing and turning in bed, I make my way toward the kitchen, wanting a glass of water.
The light sound of the piano playing steers me toward the living room. Mum rarely plays the piano nowadays, and I’d love to catch her tinkering away next to Dad like when I was a kid. Instead, I’m surprised to find Elena in the dimly lit living room.
Elena sits at the piano bench by herself with her back facing me. I recognize Yiruma’s “River Flows in You,” but the sound is off.
Elena swipes her sleeve across her face, sniffling over the music.
I take a hesitant step toward her. “I didn’t know you played the piano.”
She jolts. I close the gap between us, finding her phone resting on the music rack, playing the melody from YouTube.
“Why sit at a piano and not play?” I wave my hand for her to scoot over.
She offers me a weak smile. “I don’t know how to.”
I’m tempted to find out the reason for her tears, but I choose against it after she looks away to wipe her face with the sleeve of her jumper. “Why this song?”
“My mom loved it. She played but couldn’t convince me to try because I wanted to focus on ballet instead of her afternoon lessons. I wish I had, though.”
I don’t miss her usage of past tense. Instead of pulling more information from her, I pause the video. I run my fingers across the keys before starting the song over again.
Her eyes expand. “You play the piano?”
I nod. “You’re lucky I know this one. It’s a classic.”
Elena adjusts her body enough to get a view of me playing. I take a moment to gaze over her tear-stricken face. Her sadness makes me scowl. When a few tears fall down her cheeks, I turn back toward the keys, offering her privacy.
The melody wraps around us as I play the song for her again. When I get to the second chorus, I amp it up, adding more notes. My fingers dance across the keys as Elena watches me.
I only ever perform in front of Mum, but playing for Elena is invigorating. A moment I want to keep, unwilling to part ways with cheering her up. To erase the pain in her face even if it’s only for a few minutes.
When the song ends, she moves to get up, but I grip her wrist. “Wait. One more.”
She sits down again, looking stunned. A thrill shoots through me as I begin playing the first notes of a song that I think is perfect for her.
Her face brightens once she recognizes Ed Sheeran’s “Photograph.”
“I’m honestly not sure if I’m dreaming right now. Pinch me?”
I pause the song and tug on her hair instead. “Do I usually appear in your dreams?”
“Nope. Not dreaming.” Her back shakes as she attempts to hide her laughter.
I focus on the keys, playing her a song reminding me of the hope she gives me. The crazy drive she stirs up in me to be better—to be more.
More for her. More for me.
The combination of us is deadly yet unstoppable. My self-restraint has hit its maximum, like a rubber band about to snap.
Elena places her hand over mine after I finish playing the song. “Thank you.” A new tear trickles down her cheek.
I hate them. Before she has a chance to leave, I brush the droplets away with my other hand. “Why are you crying, and how do I get you to stop?”
Elena looks at me with misty eyes. “Hearing you play the song she loved, it stirs up a lot inside of me. The second one was an added bonus.”
“Like what?” my voice rasps.
“Everything. Happiness, pain, appreciation. So much is happening in my head I can’t make sense of it. But most of all, I miss her.”
“I reckon you lost your mum?”
She sniffles. “Yes. When I was twelve.”
“Shit. I’m sorry to hear that.” The thought of going through life without my mum now makes me anxious. I can’t imagine growing up without one, to begin with.
“I lost her and my dad on the same day.” She pauses, staring down at the keys. “They were murdered.” She exhales a shaky breath.
I grip her trembling hand, clutching onto her fingers like the lifeline she needs. “Fuck.”
“I was there. When it happened.”
Holy shit. I don’t know what to say. Everything in me hurts at the thought of a child having to experience that type of trauma.
“It was the worst night of my life. I was reading in my closet, hiding in case my parents checked on me before bed. But then my parents were screaming, and the gunshots happened. And then there was silence.”
“You don’t have to say any more.”
“No. I need to.” She takes a deep breath. “The men tried to find me, but I was hidden behind clothes and boxes. Once I was sure they left, I went downstairs, and I found them.” She pulls her hand away from mine and covers her face to hide her distress. The sob she lets out wrecks my heart, with me helpless as she falls apart. Nothing I will say can take away that kind of pain.
“That’s why I don’t sleep in the dark. I get nightmares. In some, the men find me and kill me after my parents die. In others, my parents are shot in front of my eyes, with me not being able to stop the men.”
I stand and pull Elena up with me, holding her to my chest, needing to keep her close. “We’ll eliminate those nightmares one at a time. Fuck it all and fuck anyone who tries to mess with you again.”
Elena deserves someone in her corner, willing to protect her. The way she looks at me tempts me to be that for her. Except I’m no hero.
And that’s what makes me devastating.
