Mum begs me not to leave the apartment. Even Dad asks me to stay and talk to them—to not ruin everything good that has happened to me this season. I don’t listen to their pleas. I’m committed to fucking myself over in the worst way possible to save the best thing in my life.
Earlier, it took everything in me to lie to Elena and not confess the disastrous news I found out. To ask her to love me anyway, disease and all. But I can’t do that to her.
After everything with her grandma, I refuse to be another burden in her life. I can’t drag her down with me, hoping she’ll be okay with never having children of her own. I definitely can’t ask her to choose a relationship with someone who will wither away like a starved plant as he grows older. Bloody hell, I won’t fuck like I used to, let alone worship her like she deserves.
Every painful decision I make tonight is for her.
The fake partying in Milan’s most exclusive club.
The angry outburst I have, resulting in flipping a table and breaking bottles everywhere.
The bouncers escorting me out of the club and throwing me on my arse outside.
The paparazzi called by yours truly to be there at the same time, filming my demise. My fake drunkenness will be plastered across every social media platform by tomorrow morning.
I allow the rage to consume me as I mourn the life I wanted. I’m sober for every damn second of my downfall, wanting to remember the pain. I deserve it, knowing exactly how much it will hurt Elena when she wakes up to realize I betrayed her in the worst way.
She might not believe I love her after everything I did, but I feel it seeping out from every nerve in my body. Love isn’t about the mushy feelings someone gives you. Screw the butterflies and shit. Fuck movies promoting unrealistic endings where the guy gets the girl, no matter the drama and obstacles in their way.
Love is dangerous and lethal. It’s about sacrifices and a willingness to protect the people you care for at all costs. Elena may not see it that way, but I want to save her.
Elena’s nightmares have nothing on the one I’ll become one day. To save her, I fuck my relationship to hell, with me along with it.
