O ctober 5th, Sunday, 2:38 p.m.
HAYES: You feeling better today?
AERIS: I am, thank you. You ever thought about becoming a life coach or a motivational speaker?
HAYES: Can’t say it’s ever really crossed my mind. I didn’t realize you liked listening to me talk so much. *smirking face emoji*
AERIS: Ugh, and that’s what I get for complimenting you.
HAYES: Hey, I love it when you compliment me. And stroke my ego.
AERIS: I’m pretty sure you like it when I stroke a lot of things.
HAYES: Gasp. Aeris, you naughty vixen. Are you sexting with me right now?
AERIS: Nope, just stating a hard fact.
HAYES: Hard. Ha.
AERIS: You’re a child, you know that?
HAYES: Come on. Lighten up. Play with me.
AERIS: Play with yourself.
HAYES: Only if you watch.
AERIS: I hate you.
HAYES: I’d hope so. Don’t need you falling in love with me. *kissy face emoji*
AERIS: Oh, don’t worry. That won’t be a problem.
HAYES: Confident, are we?
AERIS: Very.
HAYES: And why’s that?
AERIS: Because you’ll be the one falling for me.
OCTOBER 10TH, Friday, 5:55 p.m.
AERIS: Does underwear go bad? Like, is it bad if I still wear the underwear I had in high school? I wash them and everything. Underwear’s just so expensive.
HAYES: If you wanted me to buy you panties, you should’ve just asked.
AERIS: THAT WAS FOR LILA. Please erase that message right now.
HAYES: Hmm, I think I’ll keep it. I mean, it’s a solid question. I can ask the guys if they know the answer?
AERIS: YOU WOULDN’T DARE.
HAYES: I won’t if you tell me what color lace you want.
AERIS: I prefer granny panties.
HAYES: You joke, but you wouldn’t look half bad in those.
AERIS: Do you have some granny kink I don’t know about?
HAYES: So what if I did? Don’t kink shame me.
AERIS: You’re not buying me underwear.
HAYES: Oh, good thinking. Don’t want to waste money when they’re just gonna come off anyways.
AERIS: HAYES!
OCTOBER 15TH, Wednesday, 11:05 a.m.
HAYES: I miss you.
AERIS: I miss you too.
HAYES: Do you realize we’re three thousand miles away from each other?
AERIS: It’s an away game. You’ll live.
HAYES: Why must you hurt me, Stacks?
AERIS: Aw, do you need me to kiss it better?
HAYES: Wait, I didn’t know that was on the table. Yes, please.
AERIS:
AERIS:
HAYES: Hello?
AERIS: Sorry, I was trying to get a feather out of Crunch’s mouth.
HAYES: I told you to stop buying her feather toys.
AERIS: But she loves them!
HAYES: Yeah, and that must’ve been why she barfed in my shoes.
AERIS: LMAO. Yeah, that was…sorry.
HAYES: I know one way you can make it up to me.
AERIS: If you say phone sex, I’ll castrate you.
HAYES: Zoom sex?
AERIS:
HAYES: Just over the clothes stuff?
AERIS: Gooodbyeee, Hayes. Good luck on your game. *winky face emoji*
OCTOBER 20TH, Monday, 9:46 a.m.
HAYES: I’m here to cash in on my prize.
AERIS: What prize?
HAYES: *screenshot attached*
AERIS: I was very drunk when I said that.
HAYES: And I won that game of darts fair and square.
AERIS: You almost hit me in the eye.
HAYES: You were standing in my way!
AERIS: I WAS NEXT TO YOU?
HAYES: My depth perception isn’t that great.
AERIS: You play hockey for a living.
HAYES: Just give me my prize, woman.
AERIS: I’m not getting your jersey number tattooed on my ass.
HAYES: It would be so hot, though.
AERIS: Maybe for you. Not when I’m old and wrinkly.
HAYES: On the contrary, you’ll look even more beautiful when you’re old and wrinkly.
AERIS: Kiss ass, much?
HAYES: I do love kissing your ass.
AERIS: You’re disgusting.
HAYES: And you’re incorrigible.
AERIS: What can I say? It’s a part of my charm.
HAYES: Your charm is distracting me, and I’m at practice.
AERIS: Oh, I’m sorry. Afraid you’ll ruin your boxers?
HAYES: Actually, yes.
AERIS: You’re the one who brought up my ass in the first place.
HAYES: Can you blame me? You have a great ass-et.
AERIS: You’re a pun away from being blocked.
HAYES: Jokes on you, that was the only pun I had.
AERIS: You’re lucky you’re cute.
HAYES: I am, aren’t I?
