Our bedroom door closes behind me and Elena turns to look at me, her arms crossed in a defensive position.
“Are you okay?” I ask, concerned about everything the PI just told us. “I promise, Buttercup, we’ll get to the bottom of this.”
Elena smiles, but her smile is forced. “Yes, I hope so. Thank you for providing me with the resources I need. If not for you, if not for this marriage, I’d still be living in ignorance.”
She’s overly polite, her tone clipped. The way she looks at me unsettles me.
“You saw the photos.”
She grits her teeth and nods. “Explain yourself, Alexander,” she snaps, her voice raised.
She looks furious, but goddamn it, she looks beautiful. She’d murder me if I told her just how stunning I find her right now. I can just imagine the fire in her eyes if I dared tell her how hot she looks. I suppress a smile, but I clearly don’t do a well enough job, because Elena’s anger rises.
“Do you think this is funny? Did you have fun making a fool of me? You keep talking about portraying the perfect relationship for the press and your grandfather, yet here you are, embarrassing me for everyone to see. After everything you put me through with Lucian, this is how you behave?”
“Baby,” I say, “it’s not like that at all. I just ran into her, that’s all.”
Her eyes flash with anger as she points her index finger at me. “Don’t you call me baby. I’m not your baby,” she yells, and she’s got me enthralled. Why the fuck does she need to be so beautiful when she’s mad?
“Okay, Buttercup.”
She groans and puts her hands in her hair. “Don’t you dare call me Buttercup, either. Don’t call me anything!”
She glares at me and then tries to storm past me, but I grab her and pull her against me. Elena pushes against me, but there’s no way I’m letting her walk out in anger.
I push her up against the wall, trapping her in with my arms. I smirk at her, which only makes her angrier.
“I swear, Elena. I ran into her when I went to pick something up at Francesco’s. I congratulated her on her engagement and then I came home. To you.”
She looks at me through narrowed eyes, and though she’s radiating anger, I see the insecurity underneath it. “Elena,” I murmur. “You’re my wife. You. No one else. You will always be the only one for me.”
Her anger drains away, leaving only sadness in its wake. “But will I?” she asks, her voice barely above a whisper. “You say that, but it’ll never be me that owns your heart. It’s still her. It’s always been her. If I hadn’t dropped the photo you kept on your nightstand, she’d still be in our bedroom. I saw the way you looked at her in that photo, Alec. And you know what? You’ve never once looked at me that way.”
I see the pain in her eyes, and it kills me. I drop my forehead to hers and inhale deeply. “Elena,” I whisper. “When I proposed, I told you I wasn’t after a love marriage.”
She inhales shakily and tightens her grip on me. “I know,” she murmurs. “I know.”
I pull away a little to look at her. “I’m not going to lie to you, Elena. I never want to do that. I don’t know if I’ll ever love you. I don’t know if that’s even what I want. I certainly don’t want you to expect it, or to wait for it. Love… even if you and I find it together, it won’t last. My marriage with you is forever, Elena. And love? Love doesn’t last forever. I much prefer what we have right now. A partnership. Mutual trust. Amazing sex.”
Elena looks so sad, so hurt, that all I want to do is promise her the world. But I can’t. I can’t give her false promises.
“What I can promise you, Elena, is this. I don’t love Jennifer. There are no lingering feelings there—whatever I thought was there is gone. I didn’t feel a thing when I saw her. All I could think about was you and wanting to come home to you.”
She looks into my eyes as though she wants to believe me, but can’t. Elena cups my cheek, looking lost. “It’s okay,” she says. “I knew what I was getting into when I married you. You’ve been very clear on what not to expect, and I’m fine with that, I am. It’s just that when I saw those photos… Alec, it hurts. It hurts to know you gave her everything that you don’t even want with me.”
I hold her closer and drop my forehead to her shoulder. If anyone deserves to be loved, it’s Elena. I hate that I can’t give her what she needs, and part of me worries that one day she’ll go looking elsewhere for it.
“I’m giving you all I can, Elena. All I am. All that’s left of me.”
I carry her to our bed and lay her down gently before joining her in bed. She looks up at me, looking so damn vulnerable, and I hate that I put that look in her eyes.
“I hate myself for being so upset about that photo when I just received such devastating news about my mother’s car accident, but I can’t help myself, Alec. Both events feel equally painful to me. I’m trying so hard not to be affected, but I can’t. I can’t do it. I can’t pretend not to care.”
I press a kiss to her forehead and sigh. “You don’t have to pretend, Elena. I’m your husband, and I’m not always the best communicator, so I need you to tell me these things. I need you to tell me when I hurt you, when I do something stupid. I will always listen, Elena, and I will always work on the things that are within my power. That goes for the photo you saw today, and for the news you received today.”
She looks at me in question, and I lean in, kissing the tip of her nose. “I’ll be sure to keep my distance from her, okay? If you don’t want to see me with her, then I’ll make sure I stay away from her.”
I see hope bloom in her eyes, and it kills me. It kills me that this is all I can give her. That I can’t promise her the one thing she wants most. It kills me that she wants it at all. Love won’t last. When it all fades, we’ll still be tied together. I don’t want her to resent me in the end, and if we ever fall for each other, she will.
“As for your mother, I’ll use every connection at my disposal to help you unravel what really happened. Elliot is probably already on it, if it’s Lucian that asked him for a favor,” I say, a smile on my face.
Elena nods and threads her hand through my hair. “Thank you,” she whispers, and I lean in to press a chaste kiss on her lips.
“If it’s your father that did this, I’ll take him down. I’m already working on putting a hostile takeover in place, but it’s taking some time. Not everyone wants to sell their shares, and I need to do this slowly, undetected. I can’t hit him until I have enough shares.”
She nods, looking far more relaxed than she did earlier.
“This… this is enough, Alec. I’ll take every bit you’ll give me, and if this is all I’ll ever have of you, it’s enough. You are enough.”
I fucking hope so, because I can’t even imagine my life without Elena anymore.
