AOIFE
“THAT HOUSE PARTY we went to back in the new year?” I whispered in my best friend’s ear, as we huddled together at lunch, heads bent over the table, food untouched. “The one the boys of Tommen threw before Christmas break ended?” Feeling a frantic flurry of panic attack my insides, I added, “I had way too much to drink and spent that entire night and following day spewing my guts up. That’s the only thing that I can think of.”
“And Joey?” she asked, leaning in close. “You were with him that night?”
“Yeah.” Flushed, I blew out a breath. “We had epic makeup sex that night, and we were together a lot that weekend.”
“Did he wear a condom?”
I shook my head.
“Shit,” Casey expelled a breath. “That’s not good, Aoif.”
“But I didn’t miss my pill,” I tried to defend. “I took it at the same time on both days.”
“That wouldn’t matter.”
“Don’t say that, Case,” I strangled out, clutching her hand. “Please don’t say that.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, squeezing my hand. “I don’t want to upset you, but I can’t lie to you either.” She gave me a worrying look. “It’s not looking good, babe.”
“Oh Jesus.” My lungs heaved and I bit down on my lip before asking, “The vomiting? Do you think that might be what happened here?”
The way she winced in response assured me that she did.
“I can’t be pregnant.” My eyes welled up with tears, and I shook my head, feeling utterly blindsided. “I can’t be.”
“It’s going to be okay.”
“How?” I choked out, feeling my windpipe tighten. “How is it going to be okay?”
“Because it just will be,” she assured me, looking as uncertain as I felt. “We’ll go to the pharmacy after school and get a test, and at least then you’ll know for sure.”
“I don’t want to know.”
“You kind of have to, Aoif.”
“No.” Dropping my head in my hands, I clenched my eyes shut, feeling the tears dampening my lashes. “No.”
“Don’t panic,” she instructed, placing her hand on my back. “We’ll figure this out.”
“Case,” I strangled out, chest heaving. “Tomorrow is the first of March. If that wasn’t a period I had last month, then I’m…”
“Eleven weeks tomorrow?” She sighed heavily and rubbed soothing circular patterns on my back. “Yeah, Aoif, I’ve already done the maths.”
“This can’t be happening,” I groaned, feeling sick to my stomach, as I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes. “This isn’t happening.”
“What’s wrong, Molloy?” an achingly familiar voice asked, and I clamped up with tension when Joey sank down on the table in front of me. “Were they out of Rolos in the tuck shop?”
Forcing myself to steady my nerves and look at him, I leaned back in my seat and smiled weakly. “How’d you guess?”
He tossed a packet onto my lap and winked.
My heart flipped in my chest as I stared down at the packet.
“Joe.” My throat felt like sawdust. “That’s so sweet.”
He rolled his eyes at my overly dramatic reaction to his kindness and turned his attention to his friends, who were all joining us at the table.
“Fuck no, he didn’t,” Alec announced, laughing at something Podge had said. “Not a hope in hell does he have a chance of making the under 20’s.”
“I’m telling ya, lad, he’s a shoe-in for the summer tour,” Podge pushed, wolfing down a sandwich, as they discussed some rugby player. “Maybe even the senior team.”
“Bullshit,” Alec argued, tossing his crisp packet on the table. “He’s younger than us.” Turning to Joey, he asked, “What do you reckon?”
“You know my view on Kavanagh,” my boyfriend said with a shrug. “He’s going to make a fortune.”
“Thank you,” Podge said before turning back to Alec with a smug expression etched on his face. “I rest my case.”
Reaching over, Casey gave my hand a reassuring squeeze, and mouthed, “it’s going to be okay.”
I couldn’t return her reassuring smile.
I couldn’t even breathe.
As my gaze flicked between my best friend and my boyfriend, I felt the walls of the canteen close in around me.
This isn’t happening.
This can’t be happening.
And yet, here I was on the verge the unspeakable, and the brink of a mental breakdown.
“Hey.” Joey’s voice broke through my frantic thoughts, and I felt his fingers on my chin, tilting my face up to look at him. “You good, queen?”
“Yeah.” Releasing a shaky breath, I leaned my cheek against his hand, reeling in my panic and the warm feel of his touch on my skin. “It’s all good, stud.”
His green eyes were clear, focused and full of unconcealed affection.
The way he looked at me now was worlds apart from the way he used to.
I could see the trust he had for me. He didn’t try to hide his feelings from me anymore and seeing all of this in his eyes only made my stomach knot up tighter.
He turned back to his friends, chatting and laughing, but he kept his hand on my cheek, as his thumb traced the curve of my jaw, and I was grateful for the contact.
Shifting closer, I leaned my other cheek against his side, and clenched my eyes shut, inhaling his scent and taking comfort in the sheer strength of his body.
In the moment.
Because I knew that once I told Joey, the moment I conveyed to him his biggest fear, then everything we had worked so hard to build would go clean out the window.
His trust.
His communication.
His sobriety.
No.
Clenching my eyes shut tighter, I repressed the urge to sob.
I couldn’t let this happen.
