The overlook in the daylight holds an entirely new quality than it did the last time we were here. For starters, it’s off limits. The cover of night hid the tall PRIVATE ROAD sign paired with a smaller, yet just as serious one saying KEEP OUT. Yeah, Coty didn’t even try to keep the smile from his face when we passed those ‘suggestions’ as he called them on the way up here.
Also, there are huge wind-turbines. Everywhere. The colossal white structures, a stark contrast to the olive green and muted brown terrain, essentially dominate the otherwise desolate rolling hills.
My stomach lurches, not only from the height—which is glaringly noticeable in the daylight—but also the added danger of trespassing. Like the turbines outside churning up unseen energy, unease begins to swell with each charged inhale I take.
Coty interrupts my very own anxiety tempest when he produces a large bag from the back.
“I brought extra this time.”
His wink gives me pause. Extra what exactly?
“Limes. For lunch.” With a face splitting grin, he jostles my tightly clenched hand. “Follow me.”
Loosening my grip on my seat helps unfurl the knot in my chest allowing me to trail after Coty breathing a bit easier.
Evidently, he planned an entire picnic, even picking up food and drinks from the best taco truck in town, Paco’s Tacos. And true to his word, he got me extra limes. And then some.
Blanket tucked under his arm, we wander over to spread it out closer to the ledge.
Once settled, we divide up the different containers and Coty happily digs in. Since I’m too hungry to nitpick about prices, I do, too.
I take in the town below as I chew. I’ve lived here my whole life and never saw it from this perspective. The ability to see further gives the illusion the city is bigger than it is, that it holds more opportunity than it actually does. Seeing buildings, roads—things that seem so large and imposing—appear so small and inferior, it makes me think about the issues in my life. They consume my thoughts and squash my hopes, piling up, making it hard to see past them. But if I change my perspective, maybe I’d be able to see around the problems more clearly.
“What are you thinking about?”
“How different it feels up here.”
“Crazy, huh? I love being here at night but my favorite time is during the day, when I can see everything that I drive right by without ever noticing.”
I glance over to watch as he takes in the scene below.
“Like what?”
He points his finger and I follow its path. “See that mountain? Years ago, when Mount St. Helens erupted, ash blew for miles and miles, even reaching over here. That mountain, standing directly in the debris’ path, took the biggest blast, making it very rich in silt. There was so much ash, of course, that it spread everywhere, but that mountain has more than the rest of this entire region. Nothing’s out there still, so it looks just like the others but it’s not. Not even close.”
Coty’s eyes round as he talks.
“Will they develop it at some point?”
He shrugs a little too nonchalantly. “Probably. This area is growing every day. It’d be stupid not to use that land. The bottom is safe from the harsh winds that are infamous for wreaking havoc here. Hence.” He gestures to the countless turbines spinning above our heads. “That soil’s rich with nutrients you can’t buy. It’s where I would plant crops.”
“Do you want to? Plant crops?”
He lies back and covers his face with an arm to block the sun. He pats his chest for me to join him with the other but I lie alongside him instead.
“Someday, I do. A nice piece of land where I can ride and grow things. Rugrats running around.” He peeks out from under his arm at me.
I drop my eyes. I’ve never put much thought into my future long-term, only able to see the obstacles right in front of me. Again, looking at things from a different perspective can reveal things I didn’t know were there. Hopes, dreams, goals I never realized I wanted. The way Coty describes his future makes it sound attainable, not like he just wants to get there but that he plans to. Knowing Coty’s persistent ass, he probably will.
“What about you?”
Voice coarse, I counter, “What about me?”
“Do you want a family?”
Shit.
I squint at the clouds overhead and blow out a breath. “I don’t know. I never really thought about it. Growing up with my mom’s revolving door of men, I spent so much time resenting the pressure she put on her relationships. You know? Like her happiness depended on a man. I learned to stand on my own instead of hinging my well-being on a guy, never considering what genuine love would look like. I’ve never seen a healthy relationship to even want one for myself. I’ve just been content to survive, never bothering to strive for more. If that makes sense.” A blush coats my face. “But your dream sounds nice. I hope you get it. You’d be a great dad.”
I try to blink back the vision that scenario generates but against my better judgement, I don’t. I imagine Coty with another woman—beautiful, happy, loved—standing on their porch together, watching their kids—laughing, ecstatic, loved—play in their expansive country yard.
That freeloader Gale, the one who showed up unannounced the second we arrived, upgrades from a forceful wind to a full-blown fucking cyclone knocking around my chest until the rest of me is rattling in confusion.
Knowing Coty will live out his fantasy, alongside someone that deserves to share it with him, fills me with such agony I rub small circles against my sternum. On the other hand, the thought that he might not get the package deal he so desperately yearns for somehow hurts even worse.
I force myself to breathe normally even though breathing is the last thing I feel like doing.
“Hey.” I turn to find him propped on his elbow gazing down at me, eyebrows pinched. “The wounds our parents make can leave the ugliest scars. But they can also teach us what not to do. If you burn your hand on the stove, do you just give up ever using it again?” The circular motion stops and I give him a blank stare. He does know cooking is not my thing, right? Luckily, he doesn’t expect an answer. “No. You learn not to put your bare hand on a hot stove the next time you cook. You’re more careful, more thoughtful, more prepared. Our parents influence who we are, but we choose who we become. Their mistakes don’t have to be ours.”
“God, I hope so.”
“I know so. Look at my parents. The damage my dad’s done can never be erased but that won’t stop me from working my ass off being a better man, and one day husband, than him. I choose that. Watching him hurt my mom, I don’t ever want to cause that kind of pain to someone I love. So, I won’t.” He shrugs like it’s the easiest thing in the world. Like his father’s ghost won’t haunt him for years to come even if he’s already dead to Coty.
Although, the conviction in his voice makes me believe him. He’ll make an amazing husband to someone, not because he was shown how, but because he wasn’t. Coty’s strong enough to carve his own path, taking the road that’s been hidden from him by his parents’ troubled marriage and I’ll bet he makes it there without incident.
With a glance down below, I can’t help but wonder what alternate routes lie ahead for me. Whatever awaits me I know I have to be open to try.
A rumble in the distance has us sitting up.
“Looks like a storm’s coming in.” Coty gestures to the darkened horizon.
Thunderstorms don’t happen often around here but when they do, they’re a welcome reprieve from the constant dry heat of summer.
“Should we pack up?”
“Are you asking me to go back to your place?”
I bump his shoulder with mine.
We work together to get things cleaned up and returned to the trunk.
Before I can grab my door handle, Coty catches me by the waist and presses me against the passenger side. Gently, he brushes my hair back with one hand while I drape mine around the back of his neck, looking him in the eye.
“Thank you. You think about the little things.” I’ve never had anyone make me feel special and Coty acts like it’s his own personal mission. I hedge, “Why are you so good to me?” then hold my breath. One day he’ll realize I’m just a distraction, a roadside attraction, along the carefully paved path to his highly anticipated future and he’ll move on. The only thing remaining will be the footprints he left on my recklessly constructed, stationary heart.
“Because I want to.” He presses a chaste kiss to my lips. “Because you’re worth it.” Another kiss, this one just under my ear. “Someone made you believe you’re not. I’m going to show you that you are.” The last being whispered against my ear melts the worry away along with the last of my resolve.
On a gasp, I draw my head back in line with his and seal my lips to his impatiently. Coty’s hands drop to my ass, lifting me and I happily wrap my legs around his lean torso. I notice his hand reach behind my back just before he pushes me against the side of his car. Pinned by his waist, Coty pulls back from my mouth. My lips part, ready to beg, when his other hand grips my chin, tilting my head back against the roof of the car. He proceeds to make a meal out of my neck and chest like he didn’t just fill up on lunch. I grip his hair, keeping him in place and hang on for the erotic ride he’s taking me on, panting and moaning along the way.
Desperate to ease the ache his tongue on my throat is creating, I push upright using the hot metal at my back to press my waist forward, rubbing against his straining cock. Coty hisses, pulling back from my neck and catches my mouth with his before grinding into me mercilessly.
“Coty,” I beg.
“I know, babe.”
Both hands on my ass, he walks us to the front of his car, never once breaking our connection. As soon as I feel my back hit the unforgiving metal of the Camaro’s hood though, my lips rip from his. “I’ll dent your car.”
“Then you better stop moving.”
He elicits another moan by nipping my lips before lowering to my chest, kissing as he goes.
“I want to taste you.”
“I think you got a pretty good sample already,” I mutter, causing him to look up when he reaches my waistband.
One-handed, he pops the button. “I told you I had a big appetite, babe. And I’m just getting started.”
My eyes go wide then both my shorts and panties are yanked down. I fist my hands by my hips, trying not to sink any lower from the movement. Now exposed, I glance around, checking that we’re still alone.
Creaks under my body the only noise as Coty pulls my pathetic coverings the rest of the way down. The icy apprehension skirting across my skin quickly melts away as white hot anticipation takes over. Using my heels, I push up to help remove the material but then the metal dips, causing Coty to look at my feet. His eyes bounce back to mine and he tsks, “I told you not to move.”
“You’re making it kind of hard here.” I resist the urge to roll my eyes. Barely.
Garments forgotten, Coty leans up to kiss me roughly. His scratchy jeans, stretched from his erection, scrape against my bare pussy as he grinds into me. My hands abandon their station at my sides to grab him. Anywhere. Everywhere. I just want more. Of him. Of whatever I can hold, if only for a moment.
“Just returning the favor,” he rasps.
Once my lower half is completely naked, Coty throws my legs over his shoulders. The second I feel his lips touch my hip bone, I arch my back clear off the hood. Lips, tongue, teeth, they’re all there in a tantalizing dance that I crave in a spot a little further south—a spot that’s full on throbbing, awaiting Coty’s touch. Swirling his tongue lower, he kisses my inner thigh and pauses. So incredibly patient at such an incredibly bad time. I’m too far gone in lust to speak, so I moan greedily instead. That’s all the encouragement Coty needs before he licks up my slit then sucks my swollen clit into his mouth. I dig my heels into his back, earning myself an eager groan. The vibration rolls through my aching flesh and suddenly I’m gasping for air. Where Coty was hungry starting out, the man is downright starved now. My fists clench and unclench in his hair. Keeping my body still proves more difficult when Coty begins fucking me with his tongue. His hands wrap around the tops of my thighs as he holds me to his face. The thread holding me to Earth, to reality, to my sanity, starts to unravel, slowly at first then picking up speed with each thrust. The pressure builds until it feels like I’m riding a moving train. My lower half shakes and I know I’m close.
“Coty,” I say, begging him to send me over the edge. “Fuck,” I say, just because.
He returns his attention to my clit and I almost weep. Licking and sucking and stealing almost all of my breath, Coty’s mouth plays me like I’m his greatest symphony.
It’s not until he growls, “come for me,” that I realize I still haven’t. This. This is the ecstasy. The climax is just the icing on the sexual favor cake. But with one last thrust of his wicked tongue, I oblige. With my toes curled, almost painfully, and my legs frozen against his back, I’m thrown into an earth-shattering orgasm. The shaking in my waist momentarily suspended as I ride the wave of bliss Coty just coaxed from me. Coty’s hunger still apparent in his groans as he guides me back to shore.
Bringing his face up to mine, he wipes his lips quickly. “That was,” he kisses me deeply before breaking to finish his thought, “fucking hot.”
Only able to moan my agreement, I savor the fact that I can taste myself on him.
Coty must disagree though because at that exact moment he pulls back with creased eyebrows.
“What?”
Coty doesn’t answer me; however, the loud crack of thunder directly above our heads does. Before we can even react, the fast-moving cloud above us opens up, dumping rain on us.
“Shit!”
We scramble off the hood, scooping up my discarded items, then meet inside the car. The doors shut at the same time and we both break into incredulous laughter.
“I’m soaked,” I declare, pulling on my shorts over my skewed underwear.
“I know. And it was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.” Why is this the awkward part when I was just spread eagle in front of the guy? “Thank you.”
“For what?” I may not be a pro but I do know only one of us reached orgasm—and by one of us, I do mean me.
His eyes drift down my body before returning to my flushed face. “Thanks for coming up here with me. And for trusting me.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” I mutter under my breath. I mean…right?
He grabs my hand, placing it on his thigh while he turns the key, saying, “I would.” The Camaro roars to life and we leave our own little slice of heaven, riding the high of our new familiarity.
* * *
I remember sitting in the back seat of one of the nicer cars my mom had finagled her way into—I was seven, maybe eight—and there was this song playing softly, the words too low for me to catch as I studied my fingers, wondering if they looked like my dad’s. They were never painted, always chipped, and one curled around my fingertip if I let it grow out too long, and I thought maybe, just maybe, his were the same way. All of a sudden, the music cut off, I don’t know if it actually did or if it just felt like it, but there was this moment of pure silence—utter peace, almost eerily so—just before everything erupted into total chaos. Someone had blown through a red light, nailing the front end of our car at forty-five miles an hour, causing me to slam my head into the window and shatter the glass.
Looking back, I recognize that hiccup in time as being the calm before the storm. Nature’s way of preparing your senses for the bombardment of overstimulation they’re about to experience.
So when Coty pulls into Creekwood and everything turns static—the song whispering into my ears, the crunch of the tires rolling across the asphalt, the swish of Coty’s jeans under my palm—that’s how I know, that even though there’s not a cloud in sight, the storm beat us home.
In that moment suspended in time, I look over at Coty, soaking in his relaxed posture before everything speeds back up. Before the chaos descends. A hand confidently draped over the steering wheel, a smile playing at his lips, blissfully unaware. Blinded by the afterglow from the lookout, his natural magnetism threatens to pull me in as well. To shield my eyes from the impending danger.
Reluctant to tear my gaze away, I close my eyes and turn my head. A glance out my window brings reality back into focus. A red Honda—new, judging by the plates—fills the space my Jeep usually sits. When I spot familiar shag hair occupying it, my stomach clenches.
I remove my hand from Coty’s thigh to shoot off a quick text to Drew, asking if he’s seen my mom lately. He did spill the beans to Coty after all. Well, some of them. He wouldn’t tell her where I live though.
But then, how else did she find me?
Coty’s eyebrows dip as he parks. Through the mirror, I watch in horror as my mother gets out and leans against the driver’s door, inspecting my new residence with an interest that makes my skin prickle.
Shit.
“Hey, is everything okay?” Coty reaches a hand out that I promptly dodge.
She shouldn’t be here. She can’t see him.
My phone pings with notification after notification. Drew. He’s worried but I brush off his offers to help. I need to stand on my own or not at all. Plus, him showing up will only add to the circus currently camped at Creekwood.
On an exhale, I turn to Coty who’s watching his rearview mirror closely. “Is that your mom?”
I scoff. “Kind of.” Only in the literal sense. “Can we leave? I don’t care where we go. Will you just drive me away right now?”
I look back to see Rianne zeroed in on the black sports car with a sick smirk. I know that look—well.
Beckett’s Tahoe pulls up next to Coty then, the loud bass shaking our seats as we glance over at his roommates wearing matching frowns.
“Shit, shit, shit,” I grit and jump out like the Camaro caught fire. Or maybe I’m the one burning up.
A breeze picks up, blowing rain-infused strands across my face, and the reminder of the earlier downpour makes me regret ever leaving the lookout. So much for fresh starts after rainstorms.
“Hey, Ang.” I flinch at her preferred pet name. “Nice place you got here.”
She straightens from the car and I pick up the pace, meeting her away from the others.
“What are you doing here?”
“I can’t visit my daughter?” She holds her hands out feigning innocence and I’m guessing that’s not all her hand is out for. She wouldn’t risk a public scene unless she was desperate. I just need to get her inside, away from…everything.
I vaguely hear car doors slamming shut over the blood rushing to my ears.
“Are we playing the loving mother now? And I’m supposed to be the gracious hostess? Fine.” I start forward. “Let’s go.”
“I don’t know, I’m liking the view much better now.”
Spinning on my heel, I watch as she locks eyes with Coty. He stands tall, his friends joining him between their cars.
No.
“You’re more like me than I thought,” she muses as her greedy gaze devours everyone in sight.
No.
“Angela?”
I snap my eyes shut, willing him to leave.
“Who are your friends?”
They fly open to find Coty standing at my back, too close. His gaze meets mine and he frowns. Coming up behind him are the rest of his trio.
I’m out of time.
With as much venom as I can muster, I say, “Nobody. Just nosey neighbors.”
Coty’s nostrils flare. I ignore him and the tightness in my chest to face my mother again.
“Hmmm. I’m not sure I believe that.”
“I don’t care what you believe. Let’s go upstairs. I’ll get you what you came for.” The sooner she’s paid, the sooner she leaves. All of us.
“Neighbor girl? What’s going on here?”
Just enjoying a family reunion, can’t you tell? “None of your business.” I clench my fists, then cross my arms over my chest to hide the shaking.
“Oh, let me guess, she plays the pitiful, neglected card and you think you can save her?” She’s staring at Coty but lets her gaze drift to the others. “It won’t work. I should know, some things aren’t worth the effort.” Her eyes land on mine, making her point clear.
“The fuck?” I hear behind me but I don’t dare look their way.
“Just like I thought.” She laughs maliciously. “Seems like they’re more than just neighbors to me, Ang.” I grind my teeth as she makes a show of scanning the lot. “Where’s that Jeep of yours? Don’t tell me you had to sell it to make rent already? Or are they helping with that?” She jerks her head at the boys now forming a circle at my back.
I step forward, away from the safety they’re trying to provide. “I don’t need a man to pay my way actually. I have something called a job. A foreign concept to someone like you, but a necessity for people like me.”
“Sure,” she scoffs. “Tell me, how’s that corrupt boss treating you these days?” When my eyes widen, she laughs. Lips curled, her eyes run the length of me, sneering, “Like I said, no better than me.”
“Yeah, well, a mistake born from a mistake, right?”
“If the shoe fits.” She smirks, a cruel reminder of the day I came home in tears from being teased.
Coty’s hand reaches out but I shrug it off, shuffling forward.
“Bravo, Mother. I see you’ve been working on your insults.” If only her accuracy hadn’t improved as well. “How did you even find me?”
Rianne waves a hand. “I followed you after school, it wasn’t that hard. I had no idea you were shacking up with three grown men though. I see you’ve managed to learn something under my care after all.”
“I don’t live with them! They mean nothing to me!” She’s picking at the frayed edges of my sanity, the fibers unraveling the more she tugs.
I hear a murmured “what the hell?” through the pounding in my head.
“I didn’t want you to know where I moved because of you. And nothing else. I refuse to be near your toxic bullshit anymore. Look at you.” I gesture at her. “You think I want to be around this?”
“Oh, please. Like I’m the problem here.” She steps closer, getting in my face and I hear three pairs of feet surge forward as she hisses, “Do they know what you are?”
“Leave them out of it. They’re off-limits,” I grit out.
The moment her eyes flash with victory I know I fucked up. I just revealed the card I’d been holding close to my chest and her triumphant smirk tells me she knows it.
“What are you doing here, Rianne?”
Both our heads jerk at Drew’s voice but, she moves first, pretending to examine her hand.
“Ooh, Andrew. What a surprise. You always were jumping to be the hero,” she says to her nails, then raises her eyes. “Tell me, when will you ever stop pining for Ang? From the looks of things,” her gaze flicks over my shoulder, “you’ve been replaced.”
With a growl, I lunge forward. Unfortunately, someone catches me from behind before I can make contact. I push out of Coty’s arms, fighting to stay rooted.
“You shouldn’t be here. Or are you all out of victims to scam so you came back for the low hanging fruit?”
“Drew,” I warn, but he keeps going as he walks over to stand next to me.
“Aren’t Angela’s checks enough?”
“Andrew! Stop.”
A peek past my shoulder reveals three sets of eyes glued to the scene, all varying degrees of interest. Coty’s hard gaze flits between Drew and Rianne, then lands on mine softening significantly. Beckett’s curious stare touches everyone, never staying too long before moving onto the next. And Marc’s full on glaring daggers, not giving a damn who gets cut.
Beckett steps forward, asking quietly, “You okay, Angie?”
The sympathy in his voice clogs mine. They were never supposed to see this. I shake my head at him, turning to Drew.
“Can you get me out of here? Please.”
“Angela, don’t.” Coty’s touch burns my elbow and I twist from his hold.
Unable to meet anyone’s eyes, I keep mine lowered. “I have to go.”
Drew on my heels, we start toward his car.
“You owe me! Don’t you forget it. That debt will never be cleared.”
Bright red coats my vision as I spin to face my mother again. “I already told you, you want it? Come and fucking get it! Nobody regrets you having me more than me.”
A collective grumble catches my notice just before I duck into Drew’s Acura. Without looking back, we speed off. Away from the only place that’s ever felt safe. Away from the people that were starting to feel like family. Away from him. Away from home.
