DARIUS POV
The party has barely started and I’m already struggling to control myself. Constantine and Lazarus have been keeping me company and keeping me away from the human. They have been watchful, and careful that no humans will be hurt tonight. I think they got their orders from their mates.
Persephone. I watch her talking to him. Her mate. Those words echo in my head. Twisting like a knife in my heart and my gut.
He’s weak. He’s not good enough for her. I’m not good enough for her. I should’ve let her go a long time ago, but I couldn’t.
She’s looking breathtakingly gorgeous tonight, as she always does. The way she’s looking at him is the same way that she sometimes looks at me. The lycan in me is getting harder to control. I know I would go on a rampage if I watch them together for longer. I would crush that puny human’s skull and drag her into my arms and mark and claim her.
The human places his hand on the small of her back like he owns her and I clutch the back of the chair in front of me as my vision starts to tinge red. I will crush him!
The top wooden part of the chair crumbles beneath my crushing grip and Lazarus clasps my hand.
Hard.
“Go,” says Constantine. He knows I’ve reached my limit.
I run out and keep running until I couldn’t breathe in her scent anymore. I can’t bring myself to go too far…because she’s with him. My lycan wants to go back there to guard and claim what’s mine.
She’s mine. She belonged to me the first time I saw her over three years ago. The moment I set my eyes on her I wanted to claim her and mark her right away, but I am what I am and she is what she is.
I am one of the elite warriors of the Royal army intelligence. Threats of violence and death come to me and the ones who I love, especially now.
Ten years ago, my comrade, Roman was in charge of a special unit responsible for uncovering a conspiracy to overthrow the king and to take over the Palace. We managed to capture one of the enemy’s top men who spilled and exposed a lot more than we expected. The web of treachery was bigger than what we primarily believed. The threat was from the trusted and higher up in the government. The enemy had more than just infiltrated the castle. The sensitivity of the matter makes it a classified mission that only the involved few knew about it. Not even a mate is allowed to know about the operation. One word out, and we’re screwed.
Apparently, we were getting too close. Five days after the discovery, Roman’s mate disappeared.
Solange, Roman’s mate was a sweet woman. Innocent and trusting. Within hours of missing, we received her body parts in small boxes.
Roman lost it the moment they killed her. He lost control even before the boxes arrived.
The look of pure devastation in his eyes haunts me to this day. The emptiness before his eyes turned black and the rage took over as he felt the connection severed. He knew the exact moment his mate was killed.
He went on a rampage. Twenty-five innocent werewolves from a nearby village died. We lost another comrade who tried to stop him. A few others were badly injured. There was no other way, we had to take him down before he could do any more damage.
In the end, I was the one who had to take him out. I had to kill a comrade who fought with me side by side for over a century.
I was glad he didn’t get to see those bloody boxes and their contents. Ten boxes in all. The first box contained her head. Her spine was in the last box.
Killing the enemies was something that I’m used to. Killing a comrade nearly killed my soul.
Everything in me rebelled against it. It haunted me. I had nightmares that wouldn’t go away. In my nightmares, I relived that moment I took his life over and over again.
Another warrior, Louis took over the mission after Roman. The whole team was revamped. His mate was put under tight security, but that didn’t stop them. She was blown to bits along with her guards.
It was done to serve as a warning and intimidation technique. It worked.
After Louis, I was put in charge. Not only because I was the obvious choice as I was involved right from the very beginning, but also because I was unmated. A big target would be put on anyone I love. Luckily, I had no one. I was determined to find justice for my fallen comrades. I had hoped my nightmares would stop.
Fate was cruel. I found Persephone three months after I was given the position.
The night after I first met Persephone, my nightmare changed. It got worse. It turned into my own personal hell I can’t escape from.
In my nightmare, I was opening those boxes again. Only, it wasn’t Solange’s face that I saw when I opened that first box still dripping with blood. Persephone’s dark cold lifeless eyes were staring back at me.
I woke up screaming. The fear was paralyzing. I was dying to see her again but I left a couple of days later without saying a word to her.
I threw myself into the investigation after I got back to Russia. I wanted nothing else than to bring those bastards to justice, or killed. I wanted my erasthai safe. She’s mine and I take care of what’s mine. I’ll keep her safe no matter what.
Just the thought of something bad happening to Persephone nearly drove me insane and we’re not even mated yet. Our connection was strong. I know I would lose it if anything happened to her. I am one of the best fighters in the strongest army force. If I lost control, I could cause a lot of damage. I would take so many innocent lives. I would take a few of my comrades to the grave with me before they can put an end to me.
That nightmare kept me away from her, but I could feel myself breaking every time I saw her. She became my obsession. I could have easily stayed away from the palace when she visited, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I craved her with an obsession bordering insanity. I wanted her so badly I was losing any rational thoughts. I wanted to take her and ravage and mark her and claim her as mine forever. The only thing that’s stopping me was knowing that in doing so I would also mark the end of her.
So I watched her. Watching her was the only pleasure I allowed myself to have from this beautiful creature that I couldn’t have but couldn’t stand to lose.
All those women I brought over to the palace were just for show. A necessity to distract anybody who’s watching as to why I was there in the first place. Most of them, I didn’t even remember or bother to know their names. Mostly spoiled, entitled, and ambitious lycan women I didn’t give two cents about. I bundled them into the car, promised them a nice dinner at the palace, and they were happy. They thought they had a chance with me. Almost all of them had catty, mean, nasty things to say about a she-wolf who dared to sit among the lycans at the royal dinner table. They’re talking about Persephone. My Persephone. I couldn’t drop them home fast enough.
Every time I felt myself weakening and started to hope for a future with her, my nightmare would come back in full force. The nightmare reminded me of what I could stand to lose even before I could get to have her.
Three years was a long time to keep playing this game with her. I worked hard and kept hoping that we would solve the case and I would be free to claim her the way I wanted to.
Deep down I knew I was being selfish. I should let her go and let her find her mate. There would be no one else for me, but she should have her happiness. Three years was too long to keep stringing her along, but I craved her more than anything in the world. I lived for the sound of her voice and her laughter. Every movement, every flip of her hair, every look she spared my way…everything about her was fascinating.She’s so beautiful my heart ached.
Finally, the threat was too great to finally give me the strength to end it. So, I asked Polina to be my mate. I knew Polina had feelings for me for a long time. I didn’t have any interest in her beyond that of an old acquaintance. I know I was just using her. I pushed away any feelings of guilt I felt for using her like that. I would do anything to protect what’s mine. For my erasthai, I would do anything.
Polina was the daughter of Robert Vitsin. A powerful man we had long suspected of involvement with the rebels. He’s involved in selling and supplying weapons illegally to the rebels and their allies.
We suspected him to be one of the men behind the killing of our comrades’ mates. Unfortunately, he’s also a very influential man and had the support of the powerful lycans in our society. We couldn’t bring him down without strong proof.
As a major player, his own daughter would be safe. Her mating to one of the top commanders in the Royal Force would cement Vitsin’s place in the society and keep his front of innocence as he keeps up with his illegal activities. Little did he know that I intend to crack down and destroy his organization.
Polina was as innocent as they come. Completely sheltered from the real world. The only thing Polina had to deal with was her own father. Robert had a volatile temper. If things didn’t go his way, he would take it out on his mate or his daughter.
When I first decided to do it. I resigned to the fact that it will be a loveless mating, at least on my part because my heart already belonged to another. Polina wouldn’t be loved the way she deserved, but at least she’ll be safe from her father’s abusive hands.
Then I kissed Persephone in that hallway. It shouldn’t have happened. The kiss was more than I imagined it to be. That kiss was just a glimpse of what I couldn’t have. I knew then that I’ll never feel that way again. I had a taste and I wanted more.
Polina saw that kiss and I knew it will be just a matter of days if not hours before Robert’s men figured out what Persephone was to me. I sought Polina out right after I kissed my erasthai. I hate leaving Persephone standing there looking dazed and confused, but I had to do damage control.
Fast.
I told Polina that Persephone was just a she-wolf who enjoyed seducing lycans for fun.
Minutes later I received news from my men what I was afraid of. There were enemies in the castle who were watching Persephone closely as they suspected that she was important to the royalty or someone of importance. It wouldn’t take long for them to connect the dots. The castle was not safe for her to be in. I had to do something quickly to make sure she went home and never set foot in Russia again and ended all the speculation.
So I instructed one of my men to get Persephone to my room within fifteen minutes.
I called Polina to my room and attempted to mark her with the taste of my erasthai still on my tongue. I felt sick to my stomach at what I was about to do. That was it. Hurting my erasthai and cutting all hopes and destroying any chances of ever making her mine. I felt my world was crumbling around me, but I had to do it. She had to be safe.
Only I really couldn’t do it. I was too selfish to go through with it. The taste of another woman felt like acid on my tongue. I wanted what I shouldn’t have. Persephone. I wanted her so desperately it hurt.
I never wanted anything or anyone that badly before. She’s a beautiful dream I shouldn’t even dare dream of.
The hurt I saw in her eyes when she opened that door gutted me. I was never very good at dealing with anyone who hurt her feelings. I was always feeling very protective of her, and in the end, I was the one who hurt her the most.
I pushed Polina off very roughly as soon as she closed the door and couldn’t get rid of the memory of Persephone’s eyes as they pierced through me, full of shock and devastation.
I realized then that I couldn’t do it. Mating to someone else for life. I just couldn’t do it. I apologized to Polina and explained that I didn’t love her. She didn’t care. She said she loved me enough for the both of us and begged me to take her anyway.
She didn’t know what she’s talking about. She hadn’t met her erasthai yet. She didn’t know what love was.
What I felt for Persephone wasn’t just an erasthai pull which was already strong. During those three years, I came to know her. I fell in love with her so irrevocably, there’s no turning back.
I felt like there was a gaping bleeding wound in my chest. I struggled with myself from going to Persephone. I knew she was hurt. I felt sick just by the thought of it.
Morning came and I lost the battle with myself. I went seeking her out only to find her gone. Just the way I had wanted. I should feel happy. She was away from the palace. Away from danger. Away from me. I didn’t feel happy. Driving her away felt hollow. There’s a big gaping hole of emptiness that swallowed me whole. The loneliness that followed me my whole life never felt so suffocating before and I thought I knew loneliness very well.
