In the morning, we both pretend like last night never happened. Emmett has to be at the gym early on Saturdays, so the coast is clear to wander around the loft. I pull on one of Gray’s T-shirts, and he puts on a pair of boxer briefs.
The smell of pancakes and sizzling bacon soon fills the apartment. Gray can cook—better than I can. He made the same breakfast our first morning together, back in my parents’ house after the disastrous dinner with his. The memory tugs at something in my chest.
I take a seat on the kitchen counter and drum my heels against the lower cabinets, watching him work.
“You could contribute, you know,” Gray teases me as he measures flour.
“I’m good here,” I reply. “Just enjoying the view.” I make a show of looking him over, my eyes lingering on the bulge between his legs. I’m sore from last night, but I’m also hoping for a final round before he has to leave.
Gray rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling. I grab the television remote and tap the power button, making myself right at home. Maybe there are cartoons on. Gray makes me feel like a kid again, so might as well embrace it. When the screen flickers to life, it’s displaying a video game screen. I hit the home button, but nothing happens. I shake the remote, then try hitting it against the counter.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“Your remote is broken.”
Gray abandons the stove and comes over to me. He peers at the remote, then hits one button once. A guide listing all the channels appears on the screen. “Beyond repair, obviously,” he drawls.
I hook my ankles behind his waist before he can move away. “Thanks.”
“Mmhmm.” Rather than break my hold, he moves closer. His hands drift under the T-shirt I’m wearing. His chest vibrates with an approving growl when he realizes it’s all I put on.
I’m lost in a heady haze of him. I don’t hear the door until it’s too late.
“Holy fucking shit.” Emmett’s voice.
Gray’s hands disappear. My knees close. It doesn’t matter. His voice is nearby, and anyone with eyes would know what they just walked in on. Emmett has two of them.
I pull in a deep breath before I turn around. Will he lie to Noah for us? But when I look over my shoulder, I realize that’s not a necessary question. Emmett isn’t the only one who just walked in. Harrison is behind him. Closely followed by my brother.
The only sound is the sizzle of our breakfast and the hum of the television. Following Emmett’s profanity-ridden reaction, no one speaks.
I have no idea what to say. It’s not what it looks like? It’s exactly what it looks like, and everyone here knows it.
“Can I talk to you, Evie?” Noah’s voice is even and calm, but I can hear the anger and betrayal lurking underneath. “Alone.”
I risk a glance at Gray. He’s stoic.
“Um, yeah. Sure.” I slide off the counter. Slowly, so I don’t flash anyone. Once I’m standing, I hesitate. “Where did you want to talk?”
“Outsi…” His voice trails when he fully registers what little I’m wearing. It’s barely appropriate to wear inside, let alone outside.
“You can use my room,” Emmett offers, shattering the increasingly awkward silence and solving our dilemma.
I shoot Emmett a grateful look. The only other option is Gray’s room, and I have a feeling that standing in the room where I’ve had sex with his best friend while we talk about me having sex with his best friend won’t exactly smooth over the moment.
There’s a long pause before Noah starts walking toward Emmett’s bedroom. I take a deep breath and follow him. I’ve never been in here before. The layout is identical to Gray’s room, but the space is cleaner and with more decorations.
We face each other in silence.
“I’m sorry you found out about it this way. You weren’t ever supposed to find out about it, honestly.”
It’s clearly the wrong thing to say because Noah’s expression turns furious.
“Are you kidding me, Evie? I find out you’re sleeping with one of my oldest friends, and all you have to say is sorry I found out? You missed most of my birthday to talk to your ex. How the hell did you get from there to here?”
“I don’t make judgments about your sex life, Noah. It’s none of your business. I’m an adult, and I can make my own decisions.”
“I’m not fucking your best friend.”
“I wouldn’t want to know if you were.”
Noah runs both hands over his face and into his hair. “What the hell are you doing with him, Evie?”
“I just told you, my sex life is—”
“None of my business. Yeah, I know. He’s my oldest—my closest friend.”
“I know.”
“You had a crush on him forever.”
My cheeks burn. “So?”
“So? You’re telling me you don’t care about him at all? That it’s just sex?”
I hold his gaze. “Right. I got over that crush a long time ago.”
Noah snorts, then crosses his arms. “How long has it been going on for?”
“A while. Ish.”
“A while-ish? Dates, Evie.”
I sigh. I can’t lie to his face. “Since Mom and Dad’s anniversary.”
“Almost two months?!”
“He’s been gone for one of them.”
Noah shakes his head. “What’s the point, Evie?”
“What?”
“You and Gray. What’s the point? You’ve seen how he is with girls. You could get with any guy you want. You could probably be engaged to Logan right now. Mom and Dad might have bought that mutual breakup bullshit, but I saw how he looked at you. Then. Last night. He’s a good guy who wanted to settle down, and you ended it. For what? To have sex with a guy who’s slept with half of Charleston?”
I wince at the blatant scorn. “They’re my choices, Noah.”
“And you’re my sister. You seriously think I’ll be able to stay friends with the guy who broke your heart?”
“He’s not going to break my heart. I knew exactly what this was when it started.”
“You think having sex with the only guy I’ve ever seen you go starry-eyed over is going to end any other way?”
I stare at him, defiant.
Noah shakes his head and scoffs. “Dammit, Evie.” He turns to leave the room.
“Wait.” I take a step closer to him. “Just…don’t be mad at Gray, okay? Please. I wanted this. I instigated it. You mean a lot to him. Don’t let this change anything between you two.”
Noah studies me for a minute. Something akin to a smile ghosts across his lips. “Yeah, you clearly couldn’t give a shit about him.”
I open my mouth, then shut it again.
Noah walks out of the room. I stay behind until I hear the murmur of voices, followed by the front door closing. When I walk back into the common space, Noah, Emmett, and Harrison are all gone. Gray is standing at the counter, eating bacon.
I approach him hesitantly, unsure of what to expect. Wordlessly, he moves a plate of pancakes and bacon toward me.
We eat in silence until I muster the courage to speak. “Did Noah say anything to you?”
“Told me to fly safe.”
“Oh. That was…nice?”
“The tone was more hope you crash.”
“Right. I think he’ll come around. He was just shocked.”
Gray makes a sound that could be an agreement or a disagreement before he continues eating. I glance at the clock on the stove. My stomach sinks when I see it’s already almost eleven thirty. What little food I’ve eaten sours.
“I’ve got to get some stuff together.” Gray disappears into his bedroom.
I continue to pick at my breakfast. This part would have sucked no matter what, but it feels especially fraught now. Did he hear my conversation with Noah?
When his bedroom door closes, I know it’s time. My steps from the kitchen to the front door are hesitant, weighted with dread.
“Got everything?” I paste a smile on.
“Yeah.” He’s gotten dressed in a T-shirt the same color as his name and a pair of black basketball shorts. A small duffel bag is slung over one shoulder.
“That’s good.” I fidget with the hem of his shirt until he makes a small sound. My cheeks burn as I let the material drop. “Sorry. I, um, forgot.”
For the first time since Noah’s surprise visit, he smiles. “Sure.”
“Fly safe—for real.”
The smile stays. “Thanks. I’ll call you.”
“You don’t have to keep calling. If—if you don’t want to.”
“I wouldn’t be calling if I didn’t want to, Evie.”
“Okay.” I sniff, starting to lose the battle with my emotions. “It’s, uh, nice hearing from you. I…worry.”
He sighs. I think he’s going to reassure me that planes are safe and chances are high he’ll return to Charleston perfectly fine. “There’s a list. Of people who get notified—if something happens. I added you to it when I left for this deployment. If anything ever does happen, someone will let you know.”
Tears start to slide down my cheeks. I swipe at them angrily. I’ve watched lots of people lose loved ones. Husbands. Wives. Children. Grandparents. Friends. It always hurts. Some hit harder than others, but I always keep my emotions under control. Except around Gray, I can’t seem to keep a damn thing contained.
“Okay.”
His thumbs brush my cheeks, catching the tears that are still falling. “Evie.”
“It’s fine. I’m fine.”
“I didn’t mean to make you cry. I just hated the idea of you waiting for me to call if I couldn’t. And not knowing why.”
“Yep. Great. Thanks.” I hiccup.
He stares at me.
I blink rapidly, trying to keep more tears at bay. “It’s getting close to noon. You’d better go.” The other airman he flew back with is supposed to be picking him up.
He nods. “Right.” Then, he steps forward.
This is it. I pull in a deep breath as I feel his lips brush my hair.
“Bye, Evie.”
“Bye,” I whisper.
“No one else has ever measured up for me either.” He pulls back, face sober and serious. “Just for the record.”
He turns and walks out. And then he’s just…gone. Again. For another month, at least.
I make it to his room before I collapse, curling on my side and shoving my face against a pillow to muffle my sobs. They rack my body like the tremors of an earthquake. It takes a long time for me to become aware of anything else. A male voice is talking somewhere, but I can’t summon it in me to care about who it is or what he’s saying.
It’s not the voice I want to hear. The one saying, “No one else has ever measured up for me either,” over and over in my head.
I hate him a little for saying that to me.
More time passes before I hear a voice that cuts through some of the pain and confusion. “Evie.”
I raise my head from the wet pillow to meet Noah’s gaze. He’s standing in the open doorway.
“Fuck,” he swears. “I’m going to fucking kill him.”
“No. He didn’t do anything.”
Noah takes a seat on the end of the bed. I scramble to sit up, trying to appear a little less pathetic. I never wanted my brother to see me like this. Emmett must have come home and called him. I should have held it together until I got home. Or at least until I made it to the car. He left me his Jeep—again.
“I don’t want to ruin your friendship.”
“You just produced ten gallons’ worth of tears, and you think that’s what I’m worried about?”
I bite my bottom lip. “It’s his job. He had to go. I just…miss him.”
“Just sex, huh?” Noah’s voice is wry.
I sigh. Something clatters in the kitchen.
“All good out here!” Emmett’s voice calls.
It’s weird, being in Gray’s bedroom with Noah and Emmett nearby. A collision of two worlds that were held separate.
More tears fall.
“Oh, Leigh-Leigh.”
“I’m sorry, Noah. I never wanted…I’m sorry.”
“He won’t commit?” The sympathy in his voice is shifting toward anger.
“It’s complicated.”
“It’s not, Evie. Either he loves you or he doesn’t.”
“If he does, I don’t want him to say it just because I asked him. And if he doesn’t…well, I’d rather have that conversation over the phone than in person.”
“On the phone?”
“Yeah. He calls me from the base. Don’t you guys talk?”
“While he’s deployed? No, never.”
“Oh. I just assumed…” I let my voice trail off.
Knowing Gray, I’m not totally shocked. I thought he’d at least call other people occasionally. I know he doesn’t call his parents, but I assumed I wasn’t the only one. It adds more weight to the fact that he does, and I almost wish it didn’t.
“Um, I should go.” I stand and start picking my clothes up off the floor, hiding the blue lace under the pink material of my dress from last night. “Do you mind…”
“Oh. Yeah. Sure.” Noah rises and heads into the hallway, closing the door behind him.
I change back into my clothes. I debate on tossing the T-shirt I was wearing in the hamper, but I carry it with me instead.
“Hey, Emmett,” I greet.
He’s sprawled on the couch, holding a video game controller.
“Hey, Evie.” For the first time ever, Emmett appears somber. I must look really terrible.
“Sorry about, uh, earlier.” I wave my arm vaguely in the direction of the kitchen.
“No worries. The kitchen counter has seen worse.”
I hope he’s kidding. “Okay. Great. I’m going to go.”
“Do you need a ride?” Noah asks.
“No. Thanks. I have Gray’s Jeep, remember?”
“Oh. Right.” Noah’s brow creases, like he’s just now putting that together.
I’m surprised no one else asked questions when I started driving it. Maybe we’re that unlikely of a couple.
“Okay. Bye.” I head out the door and drive home.
One look in the mirror of the Jeep confirms I do, in fact, look terrible. The omnipresent circles under my eyes are exacerbated by my puffy eyes and tearstained cheeks. I rub at my face with a napkin I found in the center console, then head inside.
Sloane is sitting at the kitchen counter, sipping from a mug of what smells like coffee. She takes in my appearance silently. “No Logan?”
I shake my head, almost tempted to laugh. Last night’s drama feels like a lifetime ago after this morning.
“You never showed up last night. And Gray left without flirting with a single girl on his one night back.”
I lift one shoulder, then finally drop it. I’m too drained to deny it or share details.
Sloane smirks. “I knew you were full of shit when you said you were over him.”
I laugh, then sigh. “He’s…he makes me forget there are other people walking around in the world, you know?”
She shakes her head. “No, I don’t. I’ve never been in love.”
“He’s going to break my heart.” I sound confident—because I am. Things between me and Gray have a high percentage of not working out the way I want them to.
Sloane gives me a small, knowing smile, recognizing the same truth. “I’ll help you pick up the pieces.”
I hug her. “Thank you.”
“Is he huge?” she asks. “I mean, he seems like he would be huge.”
I chuckle before I pull away. “I don’t have anything to compare it to.”
Sloane’s eyes widen. “You and Logan never…”
I shake my head.
“Wow. I just assumed…”
“I know. But, no, we didn’t. I just didn’t—”
“You didn’t forget there were other people on the planet.”
“I didn’t forget about anything.”
“He left?”
“Yeah.” My voice is quiet. “I’m sorry about not telling you.”
“It’s okay. I get it. Frankly, I’m shocked. And proud.”
I offer a small smile. “Yeah, I kind of figured you would be. I’ll tell you everything later, I promise.”
Sloane nods. “I’m holding you to that.”
I fill a glass with water to rehydrate after my crying jag and then I head to shower and sleep.
