AFTER CLASSES, I SPEND MOST OF THE AFTERNOON IN THE LIBRARY, alternating between doing research and updating Mr. Baxley about the chaos of yesterday. He’s horrified by Ben Tulley’s behavior and chastises me for going to the penthouse by myself, which adds another name to the long list of people I’ve been lectured by.
Later, I manage to escape the dreaded house meeting because Lee ends up going for dinner with Lord Eric. And since Jack has an evening match that finishes after nine, I also manage to avoid any awkward moments with him about the fact that I’m seeing Nate tonight. Which means I’m able to leave the house undetected when I slip out the door.
After we slept together for the first time back in November, I assured Nate we didn’t need to have “the talk.” That I’d check in after a few weeks to see where we stood. But now it’s been more than a few weeks, and I still don’t know where we stand.
I have a plan in mind when I show up at his flat. I’d spent all day forming the words in my head.
And it all goes to shit the moment he kisses me hello.
“Was worried you might try avoiding me,” he mumbles against my mouth. “After the Yvonne thing.”
“Not your fault,” I mumble back. “She’s got a good reason.”
He’s mind-altering. A quick drug that hits the bloodstream and seizes control of my senses. It doesn’t take much. The slightest taste. I’m barely through the door before his hands are climbing my ribs and we’re halfway to his bed.
“Sorry I couldn’t be there,” he says between kisses.
“I don’t think it would have helped.”
His tongue touches mine. The scent of his skin fogs my senses. I’ve got his belt loops between my fingers, grabbing for his zipper before my better judgment snaps me back to the mission at hand.
“Wait,” I say, breaking away from his kiss. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”
He dips his head to kiss me again. “Talk away.”
Laughing, I shrug out of his arms. “Yeah, not when you’re distracting me with kisses.”
Nate offers a cheeky grin. “All right. I won’t kiss you for two minutes. Your time starts now.”
“Where is this going?” I blurt out.
He blinks in surprise. “What?”
“Sorry. I should have segued into that better.” I shrug sheepishly. “Basically, I think it’s time we have the talk.”
His hands fall to his sides. “Where’s this coming from? What did Yvonne say to you?”
“Nothing. This has nothing to do with her. I’m asking for myself.” My breath comes out in a slow exhale. “What do you want from me, Nate?”
“I’m not asking anything of you.” He steps back to lean against the footboard of his bed, the top button of his jeans undone. “I like you the way you are.”
I nod slowly, my gaze taking in our surroundings. Nate’s apartment is sparse, with minimal furniture and the bare necessities. No more than four plates or forks. A single couch. Two chairs at his kitchen table. A bass guitar and amp in the corner. By the door, his leather jacket, helmet, keys, and backpack hang ready for an escape at a moment’s notice. If he took off for good, there’d be hardly anything here to attest he’d ever existed. He would go from a memory to a figment of my imagination in an instant.
“You know what I mean,” I say quietly. “I want to know where this is going.”
“You’re asking if I want to be your boyfriend,” he says with far less enthusiasm than someone who’s excited about the idea.
That stings a little. “Essentially, yes. Or if not now, is that stop coming up on this road?”
Nate lets out a sigh that never precedes a quick and decisive yes.
“I just got out of a relationship. And I’m sincerely sorry you’ve been dragged into the mess of it. But, Abbey, I can’t say right now what I want out of this. I’m not looking to jump right back into a commitment yet.”
Whatever disappointment he reads on my face, it prompts him to approach me, taking me by the waist.
“I’m enjoying our time together the way we are,” he says, his voice rough. “Why do we have to make these decisions right now? Summer will be here before we know it, and I don’t want to leave you with false promises before I hit the road. Can’t we feel it out? Let it happen organically?”
Under different circumstances, nothing he’s saying would be unreasonable. I mean, if we never met the right people at the wrong time, rom-coms wouldn’t exist. Nate’s not a bad guy for knowing himself and his own limitations.
But I also know mine.
“I’m sorry. No.” I step out of his grasp, hanging my head. “I like you. A lot. Honestly, it would only take a little nudge to make me fall for you,” I admit. “So yeah, I can’t let myself become any more attached to someone who might take off without warning one day and leave me behind. Not knowing when or if he’ll be back or if he’ll still want me.”
“Abbey— ” he tries to interject.
“I’m not built for that kind of uncertainty, Nate. My heart can’t take it.”
“So that’s it then? You’re done?” His expression becomes strained. Unhappy. “We’re done?”
I ignore the wild stinging behind my eyelids. “I think we have to be. I’m sorry.”
With a sad smile, I kiss him on the cheek and shake my head when he asks me to stay. I take one last look at his rugged exterior and intense dark eyes. Then I go to the door, pieces of me dropping like bread crumbs as I walk away from him.
It’s just past eleven when I walk through the front door, my heart bruised and battered, the unbearable weight of it making my feet drag. I didn’t think it would hurt so bad, saying goodbye to Nate. But at least now I have my answer.
It was never going anywhere.
Doomed from the start.
“Abbs? Is that you?”
I swallow a curse at the sound of Lee’s voice. Damn it. Why is he home? Why couldn’t he spend the night with Eric and give me a reprieve? After a morning from hell and a night of heartbreak, I want to be left alone.
But when I peer through the doorway, I find not only Lee but all three of my flatmates congregated in the living room, wearing matching grave expressions.
“I’m sorry, you guys, I can’t deal with a house meeting right now,” I say wearily. “This has been the longest day of my life.”
“Trust me, this is a critical chat.” Lee chews on his lip, appearing genuinely concerned.
Jack nods. “It’s not good, Abbs.”
“Don’t freak out,” Jamie warns.
“Are you kidding?” A sick feeling washes over me. “How can I not freak out? You all look like you just found out a meteor is headed for Earth. What the hell is going on now?”
Without a word, Lee places his phone in my hand.
I peer down at the screen and gasp at the headline.
GUNNER BLY’S TEENAGE DAUGHTER SPOTTED AT TULLEY’S LONDON LOVE NEST!
Photos from last night assault my eyes as I keep scrolling. Me on the curb arguing with my flatmates. A disheveled Ben, his chest bare beneath his open shirt, lunging toward me. He looks like he crawled out of an opium den. I look rough myself. Flushed and agitated.
“Are you okay?” Jack says. Softly. Like he’s afraid the slightest tremor might set off an explosion.
The breach of my privacy is the least of my worries. I’m staring down much bigger problems now.
My dad is going to freak when he sees this.
“This is not good,” I say weakly.
“Can you contact them to take the pictures down?” Lee frets.
Jamie laughs. “Yes, because that’s a thing tabloids do.”
“They’re paparazzi. I can’t stop them from taking photos of me on a public street.” I moan, handing back the phone. “Fuck. Fuck! He’s going to kill me. He’s legit going to kill me. With his bare hands.”
“Maybe— ”
The doorbell rings, and Lee shrieks in frustration.
“Make it stop! Can we not be left alone today!”
“This is getting rather ridiculous,” Jamie remarks as he wanders into the hall to answer the door.
Two seconds later, a familiar male voice fills the flat.
“Where is she? Where is my daughter?”
I freeze. Oh my God.
I’m done for.
Deceased.
Scatter my ashes.
