“Sure you’re going to be okay?” Eva’s voice came over the phone. She was back in town, but we hadn’t had a chance to see each other yet.
“I’m sure I’ll be fine. It was going to happen sometime or another. Might as well get it over with.”
Mom called me and asked me to come over for lunch. Specifically not go out, but come to the house. We hadn’t spoken since dinner, so hopefully her inviting me over for lunch meant she actually wanted to talk about what happened and not have to have our public faces on the way she’d insist on at a restaurant.
Eva sighed. “I wish I could be there to run interference.”
“You can’t be a shield between me and Mom every time we have a disagreement, Va-va. I need to do it myself.”
“Yeah.” Her voice was quiet. “I just wish you didn’t have to.”
I was staring into the long mirror on my bedroom wall. On the floor in front of it actually, doing my make-up. My phone was propped against the wall, and I could see her on video. There was a silence, and I took the risk. “I went to see dad.”
“You did?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you… are you okay?”
“No, not really.”
She blew out a breath. “Yeah, I was going to say. That’s probably been a long time coming.”
“Maybe.”
“No maybe, Esme. I know dad’s death hit me hard, and I’m not going to apologize for it. But it hit you harder, and you wouldn’t admit it. Dad was your person, and Mom has always been mine. We both know it.”
I laughed. “I thought something similar while I was there. But it seems disrespectful to say they have favorites.”
“Parents always have favorites.” Eva rolled her eyes. “Unless there’s only one kid. Fair? No. Real? Yeah.”
“Don’t wear my pack out too much today, okay? I need them. This screen test has been distracting and I haven’t been getting nearly enough attention.”
She could hear both the truth and the exaggeration in the statement. “I won’t wear them out. It’s only a screen test, there’s nothing strenuous about it. And they’re your pack now?”
I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. “Yeah, they are.”
Luke and I hadn’t talked about it this morning, but I was planning on telling them all together tonight. I was one-hundred percent in love with them, and had been for a while. I didn’t ever want to leave, and now that I knew, I wished I’d told them sooner.
Eva shrieked and did a little dance. “I’m so happy for you!”
“Don’t say anything. I’m telling them later.”
“My lips are completely sealed.”
A text popped up on the screen—Wes telling me he was outside whenever I was ready.
I sighed. “I should probably go. Mom’s going to be annoyed if I’m late.”
“Tell me how it goes?”
“I will. What’s your schedule like?”
She grinned. “Now that I’m home I’m free as a bird. I would promise to steal you away for some twin time, but if tonight goes well I don’t think you’ll be leaving the house for a while.”
“Here’s hoping.”
“It’s going to be great. Now send those boys over. The faster everything gets going, the faster they can come home to you.”
I stuck out my tongue. “Talk to you later.”
“Bye.”
Quickly putting away my make-up, I checked myself. I looked nice. A cross between what my mother expected of me and what I was now wearing to please myself. The asymmetrical skirt was long, a blue green ombre, and the gray top I had on matched the tones but was a little more severe.
The guys were all in the kitchen when I came down, and they stopped talking when I walked in. “Am I interrupting something?”
“No,” Kade said quickly. “Just last minute talking points before we get in the car.”
“You know you’re supposed to be natural on camera, right?”
Avery stood and hugged me. “We know, baby girl. We’re just nervous.”
“You’re going to be great. And Eva says get over there so you can start.”
He chuckled. “Yes, ma’am. Say hello to your mom for us?”
“I’m not sure if that would help or hurt.”
They all touched me as they left, brushes on my shoulders or across my back. They were nervous if that was all they did. It made me smile.
One good thing about living your life in the public eye was you forgot about stage fright. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been nervous and not annoyed to have a camera pointed at me.
Luke kissed me on the cheek as he passed. “See you later.”
“Bye.”
The house was still with them gone, and I was tempted to bask in it instead of going into the lion’s den. That would only delay the inevitable. Plus, Wes was waiting for me.
He smiled when I came outside. “How are you?”
“I’d be better if we weren’t going to see Mom.”
Opening the door, he let me slide inside. “Your mom loves you, you know.”
“I do know that. Doesn’t mean it’s easy.”
“Very true.”
He sat up front with Henry, and I realized he’d been doing that for a while. As soon as it looked like I might stay, he didn’t feel like it was appropriate. It was sweet.
The sky was overcast with dark, brewing storm clouds, just like it had been for the last few days. It was going to rain later, no question.
A couple of cars I didn’t recognize were in Mom’s driveway, but that wasn’t entirely unusual. One of the meetings for her foundation could be running late. They were held here since she couldn’t bear to go to the headquarters downtown. It reminded her too much of dad.
I let myself in without ringing the bell. “Mom?”
She appeared a second later from the sitting room, completely polished. Clothes, hair, and make-up. Definitely having meetings today then. “You’re here. Good. I’m glad.”
She hugged me quickly. “How have you been?”
“Good. Really good, actually.” While I spoke, she led the way to the living room. “I was actually hoping we could talk about some things since we’re home and not out at—”
I walked into the living room and it was full of people.
Katarina stood near the far wall, looking every bit a bitch as the last time I’d seen her. And on the couches, there was a cluster of men. One of whom I hoped I would never see again.
“Mom, what is going on?”
“Come, sit down.”
I held my voice steady. “I will not sit down until you tell me what the fuck is going on.”
Mom glared at me. “Language, Esme. This is the Solery pack. They’ve come to interview with you. They were gracious enough to come on short notice, and of course, you already know Aaron.”
For the first time in my life, I understood what people meant when they said they saw red. My voice was deadly calm, and every head in the room turned to look at me when I spoke. “How dare you.”
“Excuse me?”
“Not even a week ago I was here with the pack I am courting. It’s unclear to me why you would set this up, knowing I’m in the middle of that process. Wait, scratch that, I’m at the end of the process.”
“What?” My mother gasped. “What do you mean?”
“I mean tonight I’m telling them I’ve chosen.”
My mother’s voice turned to fury. “You can’t do that, Esme. I will not allow it.”
“Good thing it’s not your fucking decision, is it?”
“You can’t bond to a pack of tattoo artists for god’s sake. Do you know where some of them are from? Places I wouldn’t let you go in my wildest dreams. Covered in ink like it means something. ‘World-renowned’ art that will never be in a museum. Tattoos are bad decisions that get blurry with time. They won’t be able to give you the life you want and deserve. The Solery pack will, and you already know one of them.”
I scoffed and looked at the Alpha now smirking at me. “Ah, yes. Aaron Gardelli, the Alpha who took me on a date and told me I was nothing in comparison to Eva and I should own being the slutty, knock-off twin before trying to feel me up under the table.” My gaze snapped back to my mother’s. “Is that what you mean by knowing one of them?”
To her credit, shock and horror showed on her face. Of course I hadn’t told her. What difference would it have made?
Then her face changed, and my stomach dropped. The woman looking at me wasn’t my mother. It was someone filled with rage and pain, and she was no longer interested in what I had to say.
“The pack courting you is the same, Esme. They’re artists trying to get to the top. You don’t think they’re courting you because they want the connection to Eva? You told me yourself she’s helping them get on television.”
“That’s not true.” I glanced at the others in the room. Everyone except Aaron looked embarrassed. Even Katarina, though it wasn’t nearly enough to make me like her.
“Isn’t it?” She asked. “Go ahead. Tell them you want to spend your life with them and see what they say. They won’t bond you. They’ll make excuses and string you along until all the contracts are signed and then leave you.”
Panic built up under my skin. She knew it was the thing I feared most, and I never thought she would use it against me, but she was, and it was working.
The room blurred, and I blinked quickly to push the tears away. “What happened to you?” I asked her.
“Nothing happened,” she said. “This is who I’ve always been, and whether or not you believe it, I want what’s best for you.”
I nodded slowly. “Then, despite being my mother for twenty-eight years, you haven’t known or understood me for a single day. It doesn’t take much to look and see that what I want and what you want are different, mom. And I do love you. But I’m done.”
She took a step toward me and I took one back. “Esme, be reasonable.”
“You know what’s fucking reasonable? Talking to people. Not ambushing them with Alphas who tried to assault them.” My heart cracked into pieces, but I had to do this. Otherwise it wouldn’t stop. “Don’t text me. Don’t call me. Until you realize what it is you’ve done and are ready to apologize, I’m not speaking to you.”
Her whole body went slack with shock, and I turned to the pack and Katarina. “I assume you already signed the NDAs?”
“They did,” Katarina answered for them.
“Good. If I hear a single breath of this outside this room, I have all of my inheritance and access to very good lawyers, do you understand?” Despite everything, I wasn’t going to embarrass Mom in the media. That was her worst nightmare, and I wasn’t that cruel.
I turned to leave the room and stopped, looking back at my mother one last time. Eva’s sentiment echoed in my head, and I couldn’t stop myself from saying it. “I’m so disappointed in you.”
Before I completely lost it, I left the house. My breath was coming in short gasps, and I was barely keeping myself from crying. This morning they’d stopped talking when I entered the room, and then barely touched me when they left. On the way to the screen test.
My mind swirled, finding every moment of the past week when they’d been distracted or busy, focusing on this instead of me. Which wasn’t fair. This was an amazing opportunity and I wanted them to have it.
But Mom had hit the target she aimed at. Every other pack—every other Alpha—was more interested in Eva than me. Why would this be any different?
Luke told me he loved me last night. Was it something I could trust? Did he love me? Or the paths I opened for him?
Stop it.
I needed to see them. Now.
The screen test wouldn’t last long. I could just wait in their office in the back until they were done. Lifting my bracelet to my nose, I inhaled their scents in order to calm down.
They were mine. I knew they were mine, and I’d known it far longer than I’d been willing to admit it. If something went wrong now, I wasn’t sure I would survive it. Just the thought—
I choked back the sob and wiped away the tears.
Wes did a double take at my appearance. “Miss Williams?”
“Take me to the Nautilus studio, Wes. Right now, please.”
“Of course.”
I didn’t even wait for him to open the door for me, and I slammed it behind me.
Fuck. I used my phone to check my make-up. I’d been blissfully free from the press, but Eva was there. Where she went, cameras followed. Wouldn’t they love that, me showing up in streaked make-up?
I fixed the streaks and tried to control my thoughts. It wasn’t working well. I knew they loved me. I knew it. And I suspected the only reason they hadn’t said it yet was because they were waiting for me to choose. As if I could choose anyone but them. As if I wasn’t hurting them now by not telling them I wanted all of their marks on me.
Sure enough, paps were outside the studio. Inside there were bright lights, and that was about all I could see. Again, I didn’t wait for Wes. I didn’t want him to ask me if I was okay.
The first few drops of rain hit me on the way inside.
Esme, what are you doing here at the studio? Can’t trust your pack with your sister? Enjoying finding a pack willing to go all the way in public? Will we finally see the ice queen on fire? We want more sexy shots.
The questions burrowed under my skin.
Can’t trust your pack with your sister?
Can’t trust your pack?
Can’t trust?
I pushed past them and through the door, heaving in a breath. The atmosphere was hushed but lively. The lights were facing away from the windows, and things were illuminated, but none of the pack were in sight. They were in one of the private tattooing rooms. I saw them on a small monitor where they were talking and laughing.
Jasmine stood there. I hadn’t seen Eva’s manager since the night of the party, but she grinned when she saw me. “Hey, Esme. We weren’t expecting you.”
“Is it a problem? I wasn’t expecting to come, but my plans changed.”
“Not a problem at all.”
The small image showed the five guys standing and leaning casually in the room, but Eva wasn’t there. “Where’s Eva?”
“In the office,” Jasmine said. “She got a call from Brian.”
Eva’s agent. When he called, it was important, even more than a screen test like this one. Hell, it was probably about this.
Jasmin looked at me. “Do you want to listen in? They were just asked about you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, here.” She took the earpiece out of her ear and held it out to me. I put it in. It took a second for me to focus on what they were saying. Ben was the one talking right now.
“Oh, that was totally by chance. We keep her around cause she gets the job done, but…” He shrugged and the rest of them laughed.
The interviewer cleared his throat. “So there was never any chance of making that situation permanent?”
Kade snorted with laughter. “No. Absolutely not.”
The earth fell ten feet beneath me, and there was nothing I could do to stop the rest of it from crumbling.
“No,” Avery smiled with a shrug. “She’s a friend, nothing more than that. We’re definitely going to reward her though. She did a lot to make all of this happen.” He gestured at the lights and the cameras. “We at least owe her one for that.”
“Too bad,” the interviewer said. “Audiences go nuts over a love story.”
“The audience will have to go without,” Luke said. “This has been, and always will be, only about the tattoos.”
I ripped the piece out of my ear and handed it back to Jasmine, hands shaking. “I’m sorry, I just realized I have to be somewhere.”
“Oh. Everything okay?”
“Yeah.” My voice squeaked, high-pitched and scrambled. “Sure. I’ll see you later.”
Bile was rising in my throat. I was going to throw up, and I had to be away from everyone when it happened. The rest of me was numb. Like I’d been struck so hard I couldn’t feel anything.
Mom was right. All they wanted was her. Eva and her connections so they could make it bigger.
I ignored the paparazzi as I moved away from the studio. One of them went to follow me, and someone else pulled them back. The warning had stuck, and they weren’t going to follow. Thank god.
Speeding up, I power-walked around the corner and bent over, vomiting onto the sidewalk. There wasn’t much for me to lose, but it was all gone.
I needed to get the hell out of here. And somewhere they weren’t going to come find me. There was nowhere. They were in everything in my life and I let it happen. I let them in and believed them.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
A cab was coming down the street, and I hailed it. It stopped, and I hoped it wasn’t someone who recognized me. I realized my face was wet. I was crying and couldn’t even feel it because I was trying to hold my soul together with both hands.
“Townsend park,” I told the driver.
I hadn’t been to the place where I ran since I met the pack. First because of the press attention and then because… I didn’t know. I’d been busy. Where Kade took me hadn’t been the park. But it was the one place in my life they hadn’t touched. They’d even found me at my father’s grave, and I’d believed everything they told me.
Stupid, naïve, hopeful Omega.
Turning my face away from the driver, I tried to keep myself calm. It wasn’t working. This was everything, everything, I’d been afraid of. The fact that Mom and the press were both right on top of it only made the knife twist deeper.
Can’t trust your pack?
They’ll make excuses and string you along until all the contracts are signed and then leave you.
Maybe Aaron was right. Maybe I was only as good as being Eva’s knock-off, but he would still never have me. I would simply be alone. For one brief, shining moment I thought I had a future, and everything I’d ever wanted.
But like everything, it was too good to be true.
It felt like forever to get out of the city. The sprawling park which went for miles was the one place I had left. On the whole it wasn’t that far, and when I was ready I could walk home. Right now I needed to be as far from everyone as humanly possible so I could shatter.
I already knew I wouldn’t be able to pick up the pieces.
“Here you go,” the driver pulled up to the entrance of the park.
“Thanks.” I quickly paid the fare, and opened the car door, grabbing my phone.
Wes could track my phone—he had permission as my security. It would lead them right to me, and I knew what I wanted. I would buy another one later. It’s not like my disappearance would make a difference.
They got what they wanted.
I slipped the phone onto the floor of the cab and got out, shutting the door behind me.
Thunder clapped overhead, and the rain was starting to get harder. There were shelters throughout the park. I would be fine.
So I waited until the cab was out of sight, and I did the only thing which had never failed me.
I ran.
