I looked over at a sleeping Grey. He was such a handsome guy. His strong, razor-sharp jawline covered in scruff contrasted with how at peace he looked in his sleep.
I smoothed a finger over his eyebrow with the hole in it. He had such a tough exterior, but he was filled with compassion and love. I’d learned so much by the fact that he was here. Yes, we had broken up and it wasn’t either of our faults. But he didn’t have a child with someone else… I had. That did change things. My child would come before him. He had to know that.
But this. This kind of morning was a dream come true to me. Canyon sleeping comfortably in his room down the hall. And this man, with his arm draped over my stomach making me feel cherished and deserving. It brought tears to my eyes. It seemed he always wanted to be touching me these last few days, and that was alright with me. We had time to make up for. And I wanted to belong with him.
He had to leave my bed soon though. I didn’t want Canyon knowing he was sleeping over…
I wasn’t sure what Canyon thought was going on. I myself didn’t really know. We hadn’t talked about titles… it didn’t seem right to just call him my boyfriend at this point. He meant so much more to me. In my head I’d always called him the one, my soul mate. But I couldn’t come to say that to him in fear that it would scare him away. I wasn’t sure where his head was exactly. I knew he wanted to be with me… but would he want to be a family? I didn’t want to introduce him into Canyon’s life as something more than a coach or friend just to have that change potentially down the line. Canyon had already had so much interruption and adjustment in his little life so far, and I still wasn’t sure if I would be able to handle another adjustment of that kind either…
But Canyon had to notice that Grey had been spending a lot of time with us these past few days. He just didn’t know that Grey was staying the night.
The first night Grey had stayed over I whispered to him that he needed to leave and the bonehead just didn’t understand.
I pulled him away from the COD video game he’d been playing with Canyon and Smitty on the couch. Ashlie was mad at Smitty for some reason and he was apparently hiding out here. I could hear Max, and little Troy in the background, who they were playing against.
Grey had his video game headset on when I pulled him into the kitchen.
He looked down at me expectantly, “Babe, you’re gonna make me lose.”
I smirked at my large man-child. Some things didn’t change.
“I can’t talk seriously to you with that on,” I joked. “But you can’t stay tonight and it’s getting late,” I told him, cutting my eyes over to the living room where Canyon and Smitty were side-by-side engrossed in the game and chatting through the headset to the other man-child and Troy.
His face fell and he frowned down at me, “You don’t want me to?”
“No, I do,” I said quickly and touched his chest.
He gave an easy boy-ish smile and a wink, “Then I’m totally staying.”
I swatted at him, “I mean I don’t want Canyon seeing you sleeping over here, okay? It’s not really appropriate.”
His eyebrows drew together and he sucked on his top lip, thinking.
I popped a hip out and raised my eyebrows, waiting for him to challenge me. I was standing my ground on this. For one, I didn’t want Canyon getting hopeful about this, and two, I felt like it was inappropriate for him to see a guy that didn’t have a title sleeping over. If Canyon saw him staying, I wouldn’t know how to explain it to him, so it was obviously easiest to just avoid the situation for now.
He cocked an eyebrow at me, “lookin real sassy there, little mama.”
I shook my head at him, “laying down the law, bud.”
“My girl, calling me bud!” He whisper-yelled in amusement. “That’s it.” He eyes flashed and he tore his headset off. Before I knew it, he wrapped his good arm around my waist and hoisted me over his shoulder.
“Oh my God!” I yelled.
“Shhh!” he urged.
We both looked over to Canyon and Smitty again. Canyon was staring at the tv. Smitty wagged his eyebrows at us.
I spanked Grey, but he didn’t care.
“Ooh, feisty. You want a spanking too?” Grey whispered.
I gave up fighting. There’s no way I could win against his vice-like grip.
Next thing I knew Grey had taken me in the guest bedroom. He locked the door, turned quick and then dumped me onto the bed.
“Babe,” he grumbled in a husky voice. “When you get all mom bossy on me… I need you.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at his antics. I wanted him too.
He climbed over me quickly, making the antique bed creak under his weight.
“Shh,” I warned. It felt like we were stealing time like we did as teenagers.
We laid there cuddling until we heard Smitty and Canyon’s voices floating in from the kitchen.
“Your mom keep any good snacks here, kid?” Smitty asked.
“Ehhh… she’s on a diet… so only gross healthy stuff,” Canyon said.
“Jesus, does she even let you eat real cereal? I’m gonna have to buy you some real shit.”
I rolled my eyes and found Grey frowning at me. He lifted the sheets up and looked down at my body. I immediately grabbed them back and gave him a look.
He shook his head at me and whispered against my shoulder, “You’re beautiful.” His words tingled against my skin.
When he said it, I felt it. He made me feel cherished, he always had. It was such a change from Kevin who treated me with so much disinterest it stripped me of confidence for years after I’d had Canyon.
I stretched to kiss his jaw. This amazing man who made me feel so loved. We hadn’t said it since that first time, but he made me feel it so strongly.
“What you see is because I eat healthy, dummy,” I told him.
“As long as I’m your dummy,” he said against my lips and reached around my waist with his one hand, pulling me on top of him.
“Okay, so what’s the plan here?” I asked, looking down at his face.
He sucked on his top lip again, his thinking face. I smoothed a hand over his scruff. He had one splotch of blond-ish hair, which I was happy hadn’t changed. He was annoyed by it in college, but I always thought it gave his face more character.
“How about I pull a Romeo and just climb into this window here and then come up to your bedroom after?” He leaned back to look into my eyes as he proposed.
“Ehh…” I thought it over, “I really don’t want to leave anything unlocked or open… it’s just me and Canyon here.”
“Babe,” he rolled his eyes at me, imitating me for sure. “You don’t have to worry about that. I’ll be here to protect you guys,” he pulled his good arm up and flexed it.
It was my turn to roll my eyes again. Although, he really had filled out nicely. While he was always strong in college, he was now manly strong. He was much thicker, like he really could take on anyone.
“How about you just give me a key then?” He asked hesitantly with raised eyebrows. “Too forward?”
I inwardly grimaced and hoped I didn’t show anything on the outside. I didn’t want to make him feel bad, but I couldn’t handle the possibility of him ever giving a key back to me… and I was still afraid of that. I still wasn’t sure if he knew what being with me now would mean. It wouldn’t just be me. He’d have to be a step-father as well. I wasn’t sure if he wanted to take on a family man role right away. He had always said he wanted to though… but he could have any girl out there in the world with zero strings attached… why would he settle for a mother in her thirties who would always have interference from her son’s father. Even if Kevin left us alone about our relationship, what if he did step into our family and decide it was too much for him? I was trying to enjoy this while it lasted. Our relationship reached the final buzzer before, and I felt lucky to have this little bit of overtime with him… but I wasn’t looking forward to the next buzzer.
He could tell I was hesitating, but I wasn’t sure what to say.
He smoothed a large hand over my hair and kissed my forehead.
I laid my head against his chest, listening to his steady, strong heartbeat.
“Baby, I am here to stay,” he said firmly, as though he could read my mind. “Unless you kick me out, I want to be with you, okay?”
I nodded against his chest. His words made me want to cry. I wanted to trust him completely, but I was still holding back.
Grey had a key to our house ever since that night though. He knew Canyon’s bedtime was 9pm, but the kid usually weaseled another half hour out of me, so Grey usually showed up around 10:30.
One night Canyon and I had fallen asleep while watching a movie in the living room.
I woke up completely panicked when Canyon wasn’t next to me, but after a quick scan, I found Grey carrying Canyon up to his room with an apologetic look on his face. My heart swelled at the sight. Canyon was too heavy for me now, and I missed those days of carrying him to his bed. I was happy I could witness my baby looking like a baby again. He was so wise for his little eight-year-old self that sometimes I forgot he was only a second grader. And to see Grey step into a dad-like role completely melted my heart. He was already acting like more of a father than Kevin ever did. But seeing it made me hope for things I had no business hoping for… like for Canyon to have siblings… and for Grey to be a father. I needed to ease those things out of mind. That was a dream I’d had for a long time, but I couldn’t allow myself to hope for it. If it didn’t work out, I couldn’t hide myself away from the world like I did as a 22-year-old girl.
In the back of my mind, I knew that I was afraid of feeling completely vulnerable with Grey again. I knew it wasn’t his fault, but for some reason I was still guarded.
…But this morning, I knew I’d let Grey stay too long, because I heard noise from out in the hallway, alerting me that Canyon had woken up earlier than usual.
As much as I hated to, I urgently tried to wake Grey up.
He was always the heaviest sleeper. One time in college I tried to wake him up to ask where his toilet paper was because it was missing from his bathroom, and I got babble for like five full minutes and almost peed myself.
I tried to shake his body, but he was heavy.
I patted his face a couple of times, but still nothing.
I could hear Canyon’s feet padding the floor coming towards us.
“Shit, shit, shit,” I winced as a shirtless and pajama pants clad Canyon flew open the door and ran towards my bed.
He quickly jumped up on it and stood looking down over Grey and I with a confused look on his little face.
Grey appeared still sleeping even though Canyon was bouncing the mattress under him. I looked from him to Canyon.
Grey’s eyes flew open and in an instant, he mock wrestled Canyon into a headlock and was ruffling his hair.
I gaped at him. What a scoundrel. He totally faked being asleep so he could stay here.
But Canyon was laughing, so I guess things were kind of okay.
God. I internally slapped myself in the face. I should’ve forced him out the door way earlier to avoid this.
“Alright, alright,” I told the boys to calm them a bit. “Watch your hand, Grey,” I warned. He had complete disregard for the fact that he had a cast on.
“Okay, Mom,” Grey’s voice was laced with annoyance, but he flashed me a genuine smile.
Canyon had him pinned down then.
“Ya got me, little man,” he grunted.
Canyon looked down at him, I could tell his little wheels were turning behind those playful eyes.
“Why are you here, Coach?” He asked curiously.
Grey cut his eyes over to me.
“Can I let you in on a secret?” He asked Canyon while still keeping eye contact with me. I gave me a warning look and shook my head.
Canyon nodded at him.
“I love your mom. I am completely and absolutely in love with Julianna Louise Hurley and I have been since I was 16,” he told him matter of factly.
I felt like the breath was punched out of me. I couldn’t believe he just told him that.
An awkward silence seemed to last for a full minute. Canyon just stared between Grey and I, and I held my breath, waiting for the worst.
But then laughter erupted from Canyon. Deep, full belly laughter, and he shrieked, “What?!”
I shrugged my shoulders at Grey and pulled a face. I guess that wasn’t so bad.
“Your mom’s a hottie, kid,” Grey said, throwing me a wink.
“Ohh too far, coach! That’s my mom!” Canyon yelled, fake gagging then.
I grabbed up my robe from the floor in my bathroom. I heard Canyon and Grey whispering to each other, and it made me smile that they got along so well.
“I’ll make some coffee and breakfast for you boys,” I told them.
“No, we got it!” Canyon called, and then the two of them were racing off down the hallway.
