Approximately Two Years Ago…
Today is one of the most important days of my life, and my nerves prove it. Adrian used his connections to get me a special test drive for some of the driver academies. Usually, they recruit drivers based on their karting results and points they have collected, but since my case is quite different, they made an exception. I get to set a time to see if I can compete with the drivers who are already part of the academy. Adrian flew me out to Barcelona for this because a lot of testing for Formula One is done here. James and Gabriel decided to come with us and are impatiently waiting at the sidelines. My oldest friend being here isn’t a surprise, but Gabriel coming to support me was a big shock. We’re good friends, but I didn’t think he would travel to Spain for me. I can’t help but like him more for it.
My eyes scan all three men, and I can tell how nerve-wracking this is for them, especially Adrian and James. Since I was kicked out of Formula Three, all they’ve done is help me make it back into the racing world. It all seemed hopeless until today.
“Ready?” my brother asks me once I’m seated in the familiar F3 car. It’s been a while since I’ve sat in one, but I’ve been training, studying every single track and footage I can to prepare myself for an opportunity like this.
“I’m ready,” I assure him, but my heart is racing in my chest, and my palms are sweating under the gloves. The helmet is snug on my head, and the racing suit is tight, making it difficult to breathe properly.
“You’ve got this,” Adrian assures me, and I nod. I can barely hear him, and my mind is preoccupied with calming my body. I love this sport more than anything, and this is important. My lap time has to be outstanding for me to get a spot in the driver academy. I’ve waited two years for another opportunity, and today is the day of my second chance.
I’m given the green light and make my way out of the pit box. After I familiarize myself with the track for a couple of laps, I’m ready to set a time and grab my opportunity by the horns. Once the start and finish line is in my sight, I speed up and race down the track as quickly as possible. The force of the turns is strong, but I lean into them as I have done countless times. Adrenalin runs through my veins, and suddenly, I feel completely calm. This is where I’m meant to be, and I will do anything to prove it to the people watching me. With every bumpy turn and curb I take, my smile gets bigger. I calculate the different angles I have to take to speed down the perfect racing line, something I could never do in my day-to-day life but is second nature to me in the race car.
By the time I reach the start and finish line, I feel sweat dripping down my back. That was exhilarating, and my time was better than any I’ve ever set before. I’m told to do a slow, cool-down lap and then return to the pit box. James, Gabriel, and Adrian each give me a thumbs up, and pride replaces anxiety inside of me. Once I’m out of the car, I remove my helmet and balaclava. My hair clings to my scalp, but I don’t mind it one bit. It takes me back to the races, and so does the exhaustion my body experiences post-driving.
“That was bloody fantastic,” James congratulates me before picking me up from the ground to spin me around. I feel like crying out of happiness.
“I’m sweaty,” I remind him, but he hugs me tighter.
“Good, that’s how you’re supposed to be,” he assures me, and I laugh.
“That was phenomenal,” Adrian says next, but when I go to hug him, he holds me back. “Just because James is okay with your sweat doesn’t mean I am,” he states, and when my mouth falls open, he pulls me into a hug and chuckles. “Have you lost your sense of humor today?” he asks before I push him back and smack his stomach, making him lean forward and cough dramatically. “She has wounded me, mortally wounded me,” Adrian almost screams, and I shush him. I’m smiling so brightly, my face hurts. Gabriel is the last one to come up to me.
“Did I make your trip worthwhile?” I ask to make him smile, which he does.
“Seeing you already made it worth it. Watching that lap was the cherry on top,” he says so calmly, it knocks the breath out of me. Gabriel hugs me as well, and I grin against his shoulder.
Then comes a long wait. Adrian, James, Gabriel, and I are led to a room while the people from the driver academies decide my fate. Adrian hands me electrolytes and something to eat to keep my energy from dropping drastically. I thank him with a smile, and Gabriel and James sit down at a table with me. James repeatedly informs me how proud he is, but my leg bounces up and down anyway. This was all a test, and there are people now judging me. I feel nauseous.
“I compared your times to the other drivers in the academies, and you were second fastest. If they don’t take you, then I don’t know what their problem is,” Adrian states, and I’m not sure who he’s addressing. It could be me, but it could also very much be himself. Gabriel takes my hand in his, grabbing my full attention.
“There is no driver out there like you, Val. Your determination is priceless, and if they can’t see it, they are fools,” he says so sincerely, a warmth spreads through my chest.
The moment is soon over when the door opens, and the recruiters from the three different academies walk into the room. They all have serious expressions on their faces, and I know whatever they have to tell me will not be pretty.
“After analyzing every category, we’ve all concluded that Ms. Romana would not make a good fit in our academies.” My heart sinks into my stomach as tears shoot into my eyes. I didn’t need all of them to take me. One would have been more than enough. I only needed one.
“What, why?” Adrian blurts out, and as much as I’d love to talk, I’m devastated and speechless. “She’s one of the fastest drivers you’ve ever had!” My brother is angry then, maybe too angry to have a rational conversation with the people who are denying me the opportunity to live my dream. I’m about to get up to hold Adrian back when Gabriel places his hand on my brother’s shoulder to calm him.
“We have to consider more than her lap time,” says a man with grey hair and blue eyes. Gabriel tenses visibly.
“Okay, then consider the other categories. Talent: she has more than just talent. Money: it is not an issue. Time: this is her dream; she’ll do anything to make it happen. Fitness: Valentina works out every single day and is in the best shape she could possibly be. There are your categories, and she is perfect in every one of them. Tell us, how do you justify turning her away?” Gabriel’s words surprise all of us, especially me. He came here to support me, but I would have never expected him to fight while I try to compose myself.
“We don’t have to justify ourselves. We simply don’t think she’d be a good fit for any of our academies.” Those three men can really stand there and say those words without hearing the problem behind them. Well, not on my watch. I’m so sick and tired of getting turned down because of who I am.
“So, your justification for not giving me a chance is because I’m a girl, correct?” Everyone turns to me. Gabriel and Adrian move out of the way to let me speak to the three men whose eyes have widened.
“Now, young lady, how dare you accuse us of-” I have to interrupt the middle-aged man with a beard then.
“I’m not accusing you of anything. If you take offense from my question, it only proves me right. You have not given me a single reason why I don’t belong in your academies, simply that I am not a ‘good fit’. If you cannot come up with any other reason despite my gender, how can I see it differently?” For a moment, there is absolute silence. They look at each other, but none of them seem to have an answer that will make them look less sexist.
“You were already kicked from a team once. Doesn’t that speak for itself?” The other man, who hasn’t addressed me before, points out, and I nod in agreement.
“I was kicked out probably for the same reason you are refusing me now.” My tears have long dried, and I’m starting to feel numb.
“We cannot take a risk on you. I’m sorry, Ms. Romana. We did this as a favor to Mr. Romana, but it didn’t work out.” They are about to leave when I stop them dead in their tracks.
“Then tell me what I can improve on!” I demand, and the man with blue eyes turns to me one last time.
“Improve your ability to let it go. You’ll never reach Formula One.” They all leave, and Adrian wraps his arms around me to hold me up.
I’ll never score enough points in a junior league like Formula Three or Two. I’ll never get the Super License every Formula One driver is required to have. I will never meet all of the criteria to fulfill my dream. Everything my grandfather and I have worked toward is moving further away with each step I take forward. ‘You’ll never reach Formula One’. Well, it sure is starting to feel that way…
