My head is still spinning, but I push all the thoughts of Gabriel aside. I finish baking the muffins, pack some of them in a bag, and start walking. Evangelin is waiting for me to help out at the store. The walk to Rush helps me clear my mind of anything that pains it, and I focus entirely on seeing my new friend. When Evangelin spots me, a huge smile breaks out on her face. Her small, short arms wrap around me, and she places a kiss on each cheek.
“It’s so good to see you,” she says in French, and I smile.
“It’s good to see you! I brought you something,” I reply before handing her the muffins.
“Oh, you shouldn’t have,” she opens the bag and gasps. “Blueberry muffins are my favorite! Thank you.” She squeezes my hand and puts the bag behind the counter.
There is hardly anyone in the store, allowing Evangelin and me to catch up. She tells me about the surprise trip that Carlos took her on over the weekend, and it sounds like the sweetest gesture. They went on a road trip and drove to Elba, an island in Italy. Our conversation drifts to the race and how disappointed Adrian was when Gabriel won.
“Do you maybe want to come over for dinner this week? I would love to meet your brother, and I’m sure he would enjoy meeting Carlos,” she offers, and my mouth drops.
“That would be great, but I should warn you, my brother is a Carlos Klein superfan.” We both laugh a little. Evangelin waves her hand in front of me as if to dismiss my worry.
“It will be fun.” Her eyes study my face for a moment, and I can see the smile slowly fading from her lips. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” Her question brings tears to my eyes. I swallow them back down and tell her about what happened this weekend. Something inside me is mad that I’m sharing this story with so many people, but Evangelin is my guiding compass. She usually has the right answers for me, and she’s more of a mother than my actual one ever was. Considering I’ve only known her for a couple of weeks, it amazes me how comfortable I am around her. “That’s a lot,” she simply states, and I let out a small laugh.
“I know, I’m sorry.” I fumble with my ring and bite down on my bottom lip.
“Have you decided what to do?” This back and forth between Gabriel and me isn’t healthy. We go from friends to more to not speaking at all, and despite how we feel, I can’t do this right now, not while I’m trying to focus on my career. He’s messing with my emotions, and therefore with my mental and physical health too. Grandfather taught me about the connection amongst them, but he would be disappointed to see how imbalanced I am because of Gabriel.
“I think Eduardo is good for me. He’s open and incredibly nice,” I say more to myself than to Evangelin.
“You know, you can decide to date neither. You shouldn’t commit to one right now, especially when you’re so confused,” she assures me, and I smile.
“I know, but it’s not about needing a boyfriend or about getting into a serious relationship, commit, and then have lots of babies. I don’t want that. I’m young, and I’m free, but I just can’t get Gabriel out of my head. There needs to be a different way.” Evangelin studies me for a second, then says something I would have never expected her to say.
“Why don’t you try being friends with benefits with that Eduardo guy. This way, you get to enjoy yourself without committing. If you ever do like him as more than just a friend, you can talk to him, or if you realize your feelings for Gabriel are too strong, you can talk to Eduardo about that, too.” Maybe I’m going insane, but her plan sounds genius. Instead of going through the trouble of having an actual relationship with Eduardo, who lives in Spain anyway, I could just have fun with him. All I need for this plan to work is distance from Gabriel and Eduardo’s corporation.
“You’re quite brilliant,” I tell Evangelin, and she smiles at me.
“Yes, so I’ve been told.” She whips her hair back, and I laugh. My whole life, I’ve been missing a person like her: a female role model who helps me through difficult times and finds solutions with me. Mrs. Beaumont and I are close, but I can’t imagine her talking to me about having friends with benefits with a guy I’m interested in.
After a couple more hours of working and laughing together, I decide to head home. I need to do laundry and make dinner unless Adrian made some, which in my experience, is highly unlikely. It’s been a long day, and I am ready to fall into bed and sleep. When I get home, there is another package on the doorstep.
“Have you opened my first package?” His voice appears behind me, and I jump.
“God!” My hand lifts to my chest, and I try to calm my heart. Gabriel is wearing blue sweatpants, which hang perfectly from his hips, and his black t-shirt is loose. His hair is messy as usual, and my body is drawn toward him. Luckily, my mind is stronger.
“Did you read my letter?” he asks, his voice hopeful. His hand runs through his hair, and I melt.
“Yes, I read it. I read it a hundred times,” I admit without shame. “But we don’t work, Gabriel.” There are so many emotions that flash over Gabriel’s face, and I only notice a few: panic, anger, pain, and fear.
“You’re throwing everything away because of one mistake?” he asks and stares at me in disbelief. “What can I do to make you forgive me? I’ll do anything,” he begs, but I’ve made up my mind.
“I’m not throwing everything away over one mistake. All you’ve done is push me away, and I have to protect myself instead of your feelings for once. We’re too complicated, Gabriel, and I see no way that we can make this work,” I lie because I’ve fantasized enough about us to see many ways. However, none of them are easy, and I need that right now, not chaos.
“Then why won’t you let me show you? Val, I only need you, nothing else,” he replies, his voice cracking and a tear falling down his cheek. I walk through the door and hear him follow me up the stairs. “At least take this and read the other letter.” He’s begging, and I take the box from him. I don’t plan on reading the letter or even looking inside. I close the door because I can’t listen to his words anymore. They’ll only convince me to discard all of my plans.
Gabriel screams outside, a scream of frustration and pain, and I want to let one out myself, but I can’t. No sound leaves my lips. I’ve never seen Gabriel shed a tear because of me, not until today. My heart aches, my stomach turns upside down, and I don’t know how to make any of it stop.
