“You’ve been training for two years to get to this moment, little champion. How do you feel?” Grandfather asks as I settle down in my kart.
If I win today, I will become the champion of this year’s karting league.
“I’m very nervous,” I admit while he helps me get comfortable in my seat and readjusts my helmet to make sure the clasp is closed.
Adrian takes my hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze. Meanwhile, James is walking around my kart to check if everything is in order.
“I know, but you’ve got this, Valentina. There is no one like you, and you’ll show them that today,” Grandfather says before stepping back and nodding at my brother to let him know it’s time to go.
“Go kick those boys’ asses,” Adrian adds in English, earning himself a frown from our grandfather.
“Adrian, watch your foul mouth,” he warns, making my brother lift his hands in surrender. Grandpa leans down then so I’m the only one to hear his next words. “Go kick their asses,” he whispers, going against his strict rule of solely speaking French to us, and I let out a little laugh. It relieves some of the tension and pressure on my shoulders.
“Breathe, race, and win, as long as it doesn’t cost you a limb,” Adrian, James, and Grandpa say in unison.
They stand in front of me for a moment before offering me one last nod and, involuntarily, the sadness of my father not being here creeps into my chest. Then they walk away, leaving me to enter my high-concentration mode. I shut everything out, focusing entirely on the task at hand: proving everyone who is doubting me wrong and winning the championship.
The race starts soon, and I manage to stay ahead for most of it. By the time the last few laps come around, my rival Christian Crovetto is right beside me, almost pushing me off track to get past.
I hold my ground, only giving in and letting him pass by so he doesn’t force me to crash into the barriers. Then, at the next corner, I overtake him again, my kart touching his briefly before I’m ahead.
We race for one more lap, but I’m the one who makes it over the finish line first. Despite him playing dirty tricks, I win.
I drive my kart toward the little podium area where my family is waiting for me with big smiles. They clap and cheer the entire time while happiness fills my soul.
This is where I belong.
This feeling is what I long for every single day of my life.
It has taken a lot of disappointment to get here, but it was worth it.
I’m a karting league champion, and, one day, I will be one of Formula One.
The wind around me becomes colder with every minute I remain in front of Grandfather’s grave. My fingertips feel like ice, but I can’t bring myself to move yet. The thoughts in my head spiral, sometimes in a good way when I think about getting accepted into the Ferrari Driver Academy an hour ago. Other times, they fixate on the disaster between James and me. He said he was in love with me, and I begged him to touch me on my eighteenth birthday. We will never be able to take any of it back.
Embarrassment repeatedly settles on my cheeks when I recall what happened. I have no idea how we’re going to find our way back to each other, but the ball is in my court now. James left because I asked him to, and he won’t come to me unless I’m ready. He’d never put that kind of pressure on me.
Gabriel sneaks into my mind every so often too. I think about the way we danced that night, what he whispered into my ear… Yes, he should have told me the day after, but what would have been the point? All it would have done is allow me to overthink words I’ve always wanted to hear before he went back to Kira. My anger for him has long passed, even though I fear it will resurface the moment he steps in front of me. There is no way around it.
I have to speak to both of them.
For now, I revel in my success of getting what I’ve wanted since I was a little kid. My fingers brush over my grandfather’s name on the marble stone once more. Josue Beau Romana. I hope he would be proud of me, despite the chaos in my life. After all those years of teaching me about balance, I’ve never been further away from it than I am right now.
I wipe the dirt off the top of the stone and place the flowers in the holder next to it, whispering ‘I love you’ before standing up. My hands straighten out my clothes while I turn around to see my brother a few meters behind me.
A smile dances onto my lips at the sight of him, and he opens his arms for me. I run toward him, excitement acting like adrenalin in my veins.
“I made it, Adrian. The Ferrari Academy offered me a spot,” I say as soon as he envelops me in a hug.
He steps away, joy and surprise all over his face.
“Are you serious?” I nod with enthusiasm, and he jumps up and down. A few people around us glare at him for it, and he stops immediately. “Sorry,” he apologizes, guiding me out of the cemetery to continue his cheerful behavior. “When? How?” Adrian asks and takes my hand to squeeze it. I’ve never seen him this giddy before.
“Mr. Reiner called me a few hours ago and told me a spot has opened up. I took it. The first training camp starts the week after the third Grand Prix,” I explain, my cheeks burning from the smile I can’t keep off my lips.
“Fuck yeah! My sister has finally got her chance to become a world champion!” Adrian yells for everyone around us to hear. I try to shush him, but he’s too excited. “Oh man, I’m going to be the brother of the first female world champion. Now that’s a fucking honor, holy crap,” he says and wraps his arm around my shoulder to pull me close while we walk toward his car.
Tears sting my eyes at the thought, but I swallow them down. There has been enough crying for today.
“Thank you for never leaving my side during this difficult and frustrating process.” Adrian presses a kiss to the side of my head and opens the door of his Ferrari for me.
“I will never leave you, Val, no matter how hard times get.” My eyes shift to the ground as the thought of my fight with James resurfaces.
I sit down in the passenger seat, and Adrian settles down in the driver’s, letting the engine roar to life with a simple press of a button.
“What’s up? Why do you look upset?” he asks on our way to a restaurant where he wants to celebrate my news.
“There is something we should talk about,” I admit, and he cocks a curious eyebrow. “On my eighteenth birthday, when James and I went back to my hotel room, we kind of…” I trail off as my body cringes from embarrassment.
“You had sex?” His voice is loud, most likely from getting blindsided by my words, and he mumbles a quick apology. “Please, tell me I don’t have to kill him.” This makes me let out an awkward laugh.
“No, it was as much my decision as it was his. It wasn’t anything big either… just his fingers.” Adrian nods, but I can tell he’s trying to figure out how mad he has to be at his best friend. “I remember wanting him at that moment, desperate to forget about Gabriel and what he’d said to me,” I explain, covering my face as if I could hide from the memories.
I’ve never been so uncomfortable retelling a story. Then again, I’ve never done anything so stupid before.
“Gabriel?” His confusion grows, scrunching his eyebrows together.
“I was grinding my ass against him, and he said I turn him on,” I say, and Adrian’s mouth falls open as his eyes widen.
“As your big brother, I strongly advise you to never go near alcohol again,” he says, and I give him an agreeing nod.
“Trust me, I don’t have any intention to touch another drop,” I promise, and he rubs his temple. “I’m sorry for this emotional bomb, but I have no idea how to fix any of it. How do I start forgiving James after he lied to me?” I ask, my eyes shifting to the Casino de Monte-Carlo as we drive by it.
“James is our best friend. He’s been there since we were kids, and, no matter what, we will never be able to let go of him. Deep down, you know you’d do anything to save your friendship because he’s family. A little bit more complicated family now, but still. He’s been there for us for every important event in our lives. Yes, he screwed up, and I will most likely kill him for it, but he’s James. There is no one more loyal than him. He’s one of a kind,” Adrian says, once again reminding me of the admiration I hold for my brother.
His willingness to speak about emotional things with me is why he’s my favorite person in the whole world. Well, it’s one of the reasons.
“I’ll talk to him,” I reply, but the words are so quiet, it makes me realize they are meant for myself and no one else. “For tonight, I just want to celebrate.” Adrian briefly looks at me to reveal his smile.
“Anything for a future Formula One world champion,” he tells me with a wink before focusing on the road in front of us again.
