Time passes. I’m not sure how much, but my phone rings after a while, pulling me from my panic-filled trance. My brother’s name flashes on my screen, and I hit the decline button. I don’t want to speak to him. Doubts have taken over my mind, and he will drag them out of me if I talk to him.
No part of me is ready to deal with the answers to my questions, but someone steps into the room moments later.
“What happened, ma chérie?” Gabriel asks as he kneels down in front of me.
“Nothing,” I lie, but my eyes shift from his face, and the tears I’ve been suppressing threaten to roll down my cheeks. “Did you have something to do with me getting accepted into the FDA?” I say, although it is the last question I want to be asking right now. Gabriel furrows his brows, confused about where this is coming from all of a sudden.
“What do you mean?” That’s not a ‘no’.
“Did you do anything that could have tipped the scales in my favor?” I clarify, and he shakes his head.
“I didn’t do anything, it was all you, mon tournesol.” Relief washes over me, and I take his hand to squeeze it. “The only thing I did was tell Colin Reiner you’d make a great addition to the team, but it was during a casual conversation we were having.”
My heart stops for a brief moment before I drop his hand again and lean away from him.
“You did what?” I stand up to put more distance between us.
Panic washes over his face, settling in his eyes.
“I did nothing! He was already considering you, and I merely advocated. I promise all I did was tell him how talented you are,” Gabriel assures me, but pain stings my chest now.
“Oh my God, Christian was right. You helped me get a spot.”
Nausea bubbles up in my throat. I raise my hands when he tries to approach me, signaling for him not to get closer.
“Christian? Christian Crovetto? You’re letting the royal with a walnut-sized brain get to you?” he asks, and the laugh that escapes me is out of my control. “Come on, chérie. Telling Colin you deserve a spot doesn’t change the fact that you’ve earned this all by yourself. Unfortunately, this sport is all about connections, and I know everyone you’ll be working with because I have worked with them before.”
Grandfather used to tell me the same thing.
“I tell everybody you deserve a chance, even the lady at the coffee shop yesterday. She looked at me like I was crazy,” he explains, making me laugh even more.
The tears finally drop while I close the distance between us.
“Please, don’t let His Royal Disgustingness influence you. Adrian and I had nothing to do with your success. Christian wants to believe we did because he has a tiny, misogynistic brain. It can’t process the fact that a woman is better than him,” Gabriel explains, and I fling my arms around his neck.
“I’m sorry for getting so upset,” I mumble, leaning my head against his chest, but he steps away quickly.
“You’re apologizing now?” he asks before swearing in French and grabbing my face. “You’re not the one who has to apologize. His Nothingness has to,” my boyfriend tells me, and I chuckle at his name-calling.
“You’re going to come up with all sorts of names for him, aren’t you?” Gabriel gives me an easy smile, revealing his dimples.
“It comes naturally with a guy like him,” he replies, and I nod.
“Agreed. After I told him to choke on my dust this season he told me he’d rather have me choke on his penis.” A wave of disgust makes me shudder while Gabriel’s eyes fill with fury.
“He said what?!” My brother’s familiar voice fills my ears, and I turn around to find him in the doorframe, anger all over his face. “Okay, I’ve had it. I’ve hated that weasel from the day he became your rival, but this just took it too far. Give me a second while I go crush him like the bug he is,” Adrian says, but my words stop him dead in his tracks.
“And deny me the pleasure of doing it myself through racing? Come on now, Adrian.” He hesitates but then pushes his protective big brother side away to let his best friend one take charge.
“Fine, but if he says something along those lines again, I will kick him in his royal jewels,” he replies, and I grab his arm to squeeze it reassuringly.
He’s never doubted my ability to handle situations like these, but, when it comes to protecting me, there is hardly a line he won’t cross. I know because it’s exactly how I feel about him.
Cameron, James, Adrian, Gabriel and I decide to go to a restaurant. Leonard is the last to show, but, for some reason, he takes the empty seat beside mine. I give him a smile as he sits down, and, for the first time since I’ve met him, he somewhat returns it.
I can’t linger on the moment too long when Cameron and my brother get into a heated discussion about who would be able to convince James to pierce his ears. I’m not sure how they even got here, but by the time dessert comes around, they finally settle on Cameron being the only one in our friendship group that can get us to do anything. Gabriel settles the debate when he tells them about his tattoo.
James almost chokes on his beer and Adrian’s eyes are close to popping out of his head. I chuckle as they start bombarding him with more questions, but a soft touch on my arm shifts my attention to the owner of it.
“I know we haven’t gotten along well, and that’s mostly my fault, but I wanted to tell you how happy I am for you. I’ve been watching your career and your struggle for a while, and it’s about damn time you got your shot,” Leonard says, his brown eyes staring into mine.
“Thank you,” I reply because I’m not quite sure what else to say. He’s never been this open toward me, but I have a feeling this is the case for most people.
“But I also want to warn you. A lot of people will hate you for pursuing this dream, no matter what you do. They don’t care how hard you work or about your talent. They will hate you because of who you are, and then add the fact that you are faster and stronger than most, it will make them furious. You’re going to need an even thicker skin if you want to succeed,” he says, and I nod, finally understanding him for the first time.
Leonard was the first black man to join a Formula One team. He’s experienced discrimination and racism for the entirety of his career, and he’s worried about me, a woman, joining a competitive driver academy.
“If you need anything, just know, I’m always here,” he promises and takes my hand. “I make a pretty good mentor if I do say so myself.” I bring a real smile to my face, my uneven heartbeat calming now.
“I couldn’t ask for a better one, Leonard.” He gives my hand one last squeeze before turning to my brother and starting a conversation.
My eyes drift to each of my friends, a sad feeling creeping into my chest as I think about how much I will miss traveling with them. Gabriel lifts his thumb to my face, running it over my bottom lip and leaning toward me.
“Soon, you’ll travel around the world for your own races, ma chérie,” he says, accurately reading why my mood has changed. “Until then, each and every one of us will do whatever we can to make you proud, especially me and that elephant-footed brother of yours.” A small chuckle leaves me while he traces the shape of my mouth. “Mon tournesol,” he mumbles more to himself than to me, and I lift my finger to push one of his curls backward.
“Mon soleil,” I reply, and his face lights up.
He is my sun, the one that brightens up my life and helps me grow, and I can’t believe he’s mine.
