Jean has been avoiding me since our fight a week ago, hiding in his room whenever I get home from work.
As the big brother and the one that can’t stand it when something’s wrong between us, it’s my job to make things right. I go upstairs, knocking on his door and waiting for permission to come in.
“Anyone but Gabriel may enter,” he calls out, and I laugh as I step into the room anyway. If he wants to be a dick, fine, but I’m going to figure out what his problem is. “I thought I was clear, jerk, get out. I don’t want to talk to you,” he says while I lean against the doorframe, crossing my arms in front of my chest.
“What is your problem?” I ask because I don’t understand how we went from brothers to enemies.
“You’re my problem. Now, leave, I have schoolwork to do,” he says, and I walk over to him, grab his folders, and storm out of the door.
If there’s one thing that will make him spend the day with me, it’s a threat to his homework. He takes it very seriously.
“Gabriel, give it back! I’m not playing around,” he yells at me from his room, and I smile to myself.
“Come with me, and you’ll get it back,” I say, and he groans so loudly, it vibrates through the whole house. “Don’t be like that. I want to show you something. You’ll like it,” I promise and move to where my Ferrari is.
I get in, throw his folder on the backseat, and wait for him to stop pouting. Moments pass, but, eventually, he rips my door open and drops down into the passenger seat.
“If you slam the door shut, I will tie you to the back of the car and make you walk,” I warn because it is the only materialistic thing besides my books that means anything to me.
“Yeah, yeah, Jesus, you don’t have to threaten me,” he says, but we both know he would have slammed the door if I hadn’t. “Where are you taking me?” he asks when I stay silent the whole drive.
“You’ll see,” I reply, pulling onto the street that leads to a secret path where Jean and I used to hike to a look-out point. We haven’t been here since Dad died, which is probably why he doesn’t remember it until we get out of the car.
“You think taking a walk is going to fix anything between us?” he spits as I shut my door.
“Fix what? You starting a fight with me about my intentions with Val? You walking in on us because you don’t know how to wait for permission to enter a room? You ignoring and avoiding me for reasons you don’t care to share with me? What the fuck, Jean?” I ask, but he storms down the path and toward the most beautiful view, besides Valentina, that I’ve ever seen, the view of my home country.
“We’re broken, Gabriel. We can’t love women like Valentina in the way they deserve. That’s why I got mad at you! You’re living in denial, and someone had to wake you up!” he yells as soon as I approach him.
Suddenly, everything makes sense to me.
“Who is she?” I ask, sitting down on the bench near the railing at the edge. Jean turns to me, surprise on his face.
“How did you—” He cuts off, closing his eyes and shaking his head. “I met her at university. Her name is Raegan, and I like her. I really like her, but, every time I get close to her, I panic. I run the other way, terrified of my feelings. I don’t want to fall in love, but I’m afraid that’s out of my hands whenever I’m with her. So, I mess it up, unwilling to let her get too close, even after she admitted how deeply she cares for me,” he rants, and I take a deep breath, nodding along to his words.
I pat the seat next to me, and Jean sits down, his head dropping between his arms.
“I’m scared,” he says, his words muffled because his mouth is turned away from me.
“You know, I only started dating Kira because I knew she’d never have the ability to break my heart. She was safe. Don’t get me wrong, I did care about her, but I didn’t love her just like she didn’t love me. We were using each other as distractions, and it didn’t end well.”
He raises his head, listening to every word and waiting to hear exactly what he needs to right now.
“I’ve been in love with Valentina for years, but I was scared of my feelings, just like you are now. Let me tell you something important, something I wish I’d known before: running away is useless. She’ll consume you either way, but you’ll hurt both of you if you try to fight it. Don’t do that, don’t be that stupid,” I say, and he lets out a harsh laugh.
“It doesn’t change the fact that we’re fucked up, Gabriel! How could we ever be the kind of men they deserve? How can we put them first if we’re terrified of getting hurt? I can’t feel any more pain, man. Is love really going to stop me from putting myself first when it comes down to it?” I can’t help but smile at his question.
“I think you underestimate how powerful it is.”
I stare at the ocean, searching for the right words to describe my feelings.
“It can swallow you whole until all you do is breathe for her. Valentina has consumed me, and I’d do anything for her, shield her from all the bad things in the world with my life. Yes, we’ve been hurt a lot, and I didn’t think I was good enough for her either, but I wanted to be, so I try my best every day. That’s how you become the right man, that’s what you need to do,” I explain, and Jean covers his face with his hands, groaning against them.
“I’m scared,” he repeats, and I slide my hand onto his shoulder.
“But that’s what makes you feel alive. You can’t hide from life, and I don’t want you to. Allow yourself to be a little vulnerable, not as recklessly as me, but, still, at least a little,” I say with a laugh that he returns.
“I’m sorry for being a dick to you. I guess I was struggling with all of this and let it out on you,” he replies, and I get up again, stretching on the spot.
“I’m not upset with you, Jean. I’m glad we’ve worked everything out and get to move on from this.”
He stands up too, wrapping his arms around me.
“Alright, let’s go home. Domi and Nicolette wanted to have a family dinner tonight,” I remind him, and we make our way back to the car, leaving our fight on the bench at our former favorite spot.
