It feels strange to stand with all the drivers, listening to the English hymn without seeing Valentina’s nervous face somewhere in the crowd around us. I miss the stupid smile that spreads over my face when she tries to give me a reassuring one, pretending like she isn’t almost peeing her pants from nervosity.
Adrian gives me a nudge in the ribs, reminding me to pay attention and be respectful after my shoulders fell. I straighten out my back and place my hands behind me, listening to the young woman in front of us sing her heart out.
“What the hell is going on with you? Where is your head?” my teammate asks as we make our way back to our cars on the grid.
I got pole yesterday, but he’s in third place behind Kyle Hughes. After what happened two races ago, the Mercedes driver being responsible for Adrian’s DNF, I can tell this will be a tense battle for second place. I hope it will give me space to create a gap.
I need this win today.
“Hello? Jesus, it’s like talking to a wall,” Adrian says with a slight laugh, and I force my attention to him.
“Sorry, mate, I’m just in my head.” I’ve been distracted today, but I can’t drive like this. My mind needs to be with me in the car, not with Valentina at the academy.
“Get out of it then. I don’t want you to drive into me,” he says and winks at me, but I don’t find that funny at all.
Maxime was distracted, he was in his head that day, and it cost him his life. It’s the reason why I shut everything off when I get into the car. It’s also the reason why I’m so glad Val works tirelessly to always be in balance when she races. If she ever got distracted for any reason, it would put her in great danger. The thought makes me shudder. I wish she was here right now. I need a hug after going to the dark place in my mind. Fuck, I miss her so much…
I’m about to walk away when Adrian grabs me by the shoulders and spins me back around to him.
“Hey, I miss her too. It’s okay to,” he assures me, and I sigh.
“It’s annoying how you always see through me,” I say because Adrian has this way of sensing whatever is wrong, even though I hardly ever share intimate details about my life with him.
“Well, it annoys me how in love you are with my sister, but here we are,” he says, and I raise both my eyebrows.
“What, why?” Adrian drops his hands from my shoulders to cross his arms in front of his chest.
“You’re my teammate, Gabriel, but you’re also my biggest competition. The fact that my sister and you are dating isn’t exactly ideal.” It isn’t ideal for either of us, but this wasn’t a choice I made deliberately to mess with his head or mine for that matter. If anything, it’s Val’s fault for being so damn perfect for me.
“I know, but whether or not I’m dating her doesn’t influence the inevitable. I’m going to win the championship this year,” I say with a smile, which he returns.
“At least you’ll have Val’s shoulder to cry on when I wipe the floor with you,” he replies, and we shake hands, both of us chuckling. “Fair race,” he says, and I give him a slight nod.
“Always.”
We’re the last ones to get into our cars. Hector hands me my helmet before making sure I have everything I need. My team works to get the car ready for the race, running last-minute diagnostics and checking the tires. I try to get comfortable in the car and force myself into my zone, ready for battle when it comes to it.
Soon, we’re given the green light to take our formation lap, and I do my best to calm my nerves. This is my job, I’m used to them, but that doesn’t mean I don’t get nervous. If I would be able to turn that part off, I’d start questioning my sanity.
“Okay, Gabriel, remember: strategy A. Strategy A,” my strategist’s voice fills my ears, and I take another deep breath.
Strategy A means staying ahead, creating a gap, and playing off what the others are doing when it comes to pitstops. The last thing we need is an undercut if Mercedes pits earlier than us.
“Are we expecting rain?” I ask when the clouds above me turn a dark shade of grey.
“Negative. No rain on our radar,” Tomasso assures me as I drive back to my place on the grid.
Adrian is behind me while Kyle moves next to me, staying slightly back. I watch the lights, taking a long, deep breath and letting it out as they go on. Then, they turn off, and I slam my foot on the gas, pressing the right buttons at the same time.
I manage to stay ahead, but Adrian is in second place already, fighting me for first. I have no idea how he managed to start this well, but I can’t linger on it. I have to focus on keeping my place, which is exactly what I do.
